Ramblings

Ok, ok, ok. It's been awhile since I posted. The reason is stated below. That reason has led to me writing little snippets over the past two weeks while at work. For those wanting pictures of my apartment, it's a studio apartment. What is there to photograph? I might have a solution though.

So I'm all moved in. I still have a bookcase, console table, and a couple lamps to buy, but other than that I'm all set. Oh and there's the DSL problem. It seems my order has been pushed back till the 27th of November. How can they expect someone to survive a month without DSL? This means no internet, I can't play my 360, and I have to use the phone line for my Tivo. It's like living back in 2002. Ridiculous. This has lead to me calling every day to see if the company has bumped up the date. I hate that I'm using annoyance to try to get what I want. Other than that the apartment is fantastic. Twice as much room as before, my own parking space, my cable company actually offers the MLB package, I actually have a nice view outside my window, and I can do laundry after 10 pm. This weekend I will make my rounds to all the restaurants in town to pick up their take out menus. I'm rating that as a 4 on the "sad scale." I did have some decent garlic pepper squid last night. I could see me being here for awhile.

One thing about the movers I hired to move my stuff. I highly recommend it. One problem is the sweat factor. I was impressed that one of the movers could lift my TV by himself. Then I realized he dripped sweat all over it. While setting everything up I kept getting a strong scent of sweat. After checking myself, I realized the smell emanated from the TV. I proceeded to clean the TV like no TV has ever been cleaned. It still another day for the scent to leave. Thank goodness for remotes.

I'm going to put my support behind the struggling new show "Friday Night Lights." It's better than half of the shows out there and is getting no viewership. Of course perhaps NBC shouldn't have given it a trial run time slot against CSI: Miami and MNF. No wonder you suck NBC. I'm amazed you haven't screwed up Heroes somehow.

I had dream last night that my wife and I adopted two little girls. The weird thing was that they were 3 year old versions of the girl from Mean Creek and Zooey Deschanel.












This also makes the fourth or fifth dream where I dreamt I was married yet never see actually see her in my dreams. One thing I learned in this dream is that if I ever have little girls my wife is going to have to be the disciplinarian. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be the pushover parent if I have little girls.

It really pained me to congratulate my father on his Cardinals being handed them the World Series. Man, I can't stand the Cardinals. It's nice to see that baseball's replacement for its resident "I'm so good I can treat people like crap" jackass currently held by Barry Bonds is coming along nicely in the form of Albert Pujols. What was up with him just appearing at the trophy presentation? He wasn't even the MVP of the series, and suddenly he just appears. Dude, a scrawny white kid beat you out for MVP. Go hang with the rest of your players.

Dear Cubs,
When you promise to spend big bucks this season to make a push in the talent starved NL, your first job should be keeping your All-Star 3B and not letting other teams have the opportunity to outbid you. Hendry's a moron. The Cubs can afford it so stop penny pinching and get the deal done.

One of my current D (maybe F) list celebrity crush is this young lady from CNET. She's cute and she works with gadgets. This is how short my list has been reduced.

I just want to take this time to reiterate how fantastic my new apartment is. Location, location, location.

I admit I am somewhat intrigued by Nintendo's Wii. I'm still not sold on the wiimote, but I might be beginning to come around to it. I just can't see it being something I would play alone. It feels like a party game. Not that that is a bad thing. I just don't know enough people that would feel comfortable in looking like an idiot while playing a video game.

This weekend (Nov. 4th-5th) I watched one of the best soccer matches I've seen in my short time as a fan. Spurs beat top flight club Chelsea for the first time in 16 years. No matter who won it was one those matches that makes someone a fan of soccer. It quickly received the green button of "Till I delete" status on my Tivo.

I can always watch Ghostbusters no matter at what point I catch it on cable. It easily fits into that top five along with The Natural, Road House, Hoosiers, and The Rookie.

Happy Birthday Ben!

Has it really been 28 years? It seems not too long ago you were the pudgy cheeked kid who always got stuck playing the baby in our home movies or the baby horse to Jennie's momma horse. How you actually survived being our little brother I don't know, but somehow you survived it all only slightly scathed. Now you have little girl, an Irish wife, and a great house. I would like to remind you that none of this would've been possible if I hadn't saved you from accidentally hanging yourself in the old farm house. I'm still expecting your first born son.

Good For What Ails You

Twilight Singers show was last night. I was tempted to skip it because I still have moving things to do, and I didn't feel that great. We had quick cold front come through a couple days ago and every time any kind of front comes through I get headaches. I took some Advil and then felt sick to my stomach for the rest of the day, but my head felt better. Anyway, I had already will called the ticket and figured I would have to eventually feel better by the time the concert started. It worked kind of...about five songs in I was fairly painless. I attribute it to Dulli and company.

I'm not going to go through a whole review, because I've already done it too many times. I will say that last night's crowd wasn't as good as the crowd at the Avalon. The crowd at the Avalon is probably the best I've seen with the Twilight Singers. One of these days I'd like to see them some place else than LA, because on a whole LA crowds blow. Why go to a concert if you are just going to stand there like you're a five year old waiting to see the dentist? On the other hand I had a trio of near fifty year old guys playing air guitar (which is fine) and bumping fists after every other song (not fine). It was clearly a case of the Twilight Singer fan that invited his two drinking/working buddies. One buddy was there because he didn't have anything better to do except sit at home drinking Zima and working out. Besides his friend said they were better than Creed and Creed is pretty good. The other buddy was there for one reason: college age girls. So we had one guy bumping fists because he wanted to show how much the Twilight Singers rock. The other guy bumping fists because that's what men do and he can't express himself any other way except for high fives and flexing. Finally, the other guy was fist pumping because he finally found some girls who aren't completely disgusted by his leering. He knew buying that black shirt would do the trick.

Anyway, the highlights of the concert was Dulli singing the first verse of "Amazing Grace" before launching into "King Only." Clearly Dulli feels blessed to still be alive after his battle with addiction. Mark Lanegan was featured more in this show than previous ones. He was brought out mid-show and then for the encore where they blazed through the song "Boogie Boogie." I don't think I've ever seen them rock that hard.

Great show overall, and again I suggest you give them a shot when they come to a town near you.

Now back to packing.

October 25th, 2006
Twilight Singers: Los Angeles, CA - House of Blues

Teenage Wristband
Im Ready
Bonnie Brae
Too Tough To Die
Live With Me
Ill Take Care Of You
Sideways in Reverse
Amazing Grace
King Only
Esta Noche
Theres Been an Accident
Shine On You Crazy Diamond/Candy Cane Crawl
Papillon
Sublime
Thats Just How That Bird Sings
Martin Eden
Fat City

Encore:
Lovestoned/I Think She Knows/The Killer/Wolf Like Me
Boogie Boogie
Flashback
Underneath the Waves

Ramblings

5 Days and counting till I move in to the new abode. The one thing I always realize when I move: I have too much crap. I have tried to eliminate some of it, but I have the irrational fear of throwing things away. It's a battle I've fought all my life. Take the other night when I attempted to clean out a box of stuff. It resulted in two things thrown away and the rest reorganized so I can put more junk into it. I still have gift wrap that Jiff put on a DVD he gave me. But it was handmade and you can't throw stuff like that away right? Why do I still have those computer disks when I don't even have computer with a disk reader? That I can't answer.

Anyway, everything is set up. I've ordered my bed, phone, cable, internet, and movers. For the first time in my life I'm hiring movers. Why? I hate moving so much that I feel guilty asking friends to help. I realize it might be a little overkill to ask movers to move a closet size studio of stuff, but I won't have to lift a finger. Except for my 360 and other gadgets. I moving that stuff myself. I like movers but I don't trust them. The odds on what will be broken first are drinking glass: 2-1, plate: 4-1, TV 15-1.

I went to Ikea for the second time last weekend. It went a little better than last time. The wierd thing was that the lady behind me was one of those weight lifting ladies with arms literally thicker than my legs. Like many weight lifting women these days she had the breast implants as well. I realize they do this because they want to still have some feminine aspect to their body, but it just makes things creepier. Did I mention she started flirting with me? Why should she be attracted to someone who can't even spot her when she's weight lifting? She could use me as a weight when she's doing arm curls. Not that asking her on a date just so she could help move my TV didn't cross my mind.

Speaking of women, I realized what I'm going to contribute when I find that significant other. I'm pretty sure I'm going to have the spouse that my family feels they have to tolerate. You see my sibling's spouse's are all wonderful, kind, and generous people. Even the guys my younger sisters date have been great guys. So where is the significant other that annoys the family? The one that the family talks about behind their back. The one that causes family members to second guess their holiday plans. Isn't every family required to have that one person? I think that's where I come in. I figure she will be one of those never shuts up and always says the wrong thing at the wrong time kind of person. She will always chew bubble gum loudly, and be kind of a ditz. She will often have the dear in headlights look when my family discusses politics and theology. I apologize to my family now.

I'm disheartend that I am excited about gas being $2.30 a gallon. When did it get to the point that you start thinking about buying gas in bulk?

I lost my fantasy football match up this week by .15. .15! A few weeks ago I scored the second most points in the league but lost because I was matched up against the guy with the most points. This fantasy football is kicking my ass. I feel like the Arizona Cardinals.

Twilight Singers concert tomorrow at the HOB: Sunset. Mark Lanegan is touring with them for the whole tour this time. The concert is worth it just to seem them cover Primal Scream's Deep Hit of Morning Sun. Dulli actually called in to my friend Bob's radio show in Norfolk. Turns out he also gets to have Dulli come in when they play Norfolk, and he gets to introduce them for the concert. If I had the money I would absolutely fly out to see that concert. Stupid TV job.

I would like to also take this time to thank Heroes for turning the corner and becoming a highly enjoyable TV show. I can now overlook the spots of bad dialoge and writing because the show has a prefect sense of fun. It feels like a bunch of geeks having fun coming up with this comic book TV show.

Just Because...

I don't think it's till right now that I realize how much Bill Cosby has shaped my childhood.

In a Lame Attempt to Inspire Bob's Mets to Pull it Together and Beat the Cardinals I Offer This Video. I Hope It Helps.

You Tube: The Cure For Blogging Block

Once a Week I Get This Stuck in My Head.

I Give You The Next Cubs Manager: Lou Pinella

I have no idea exactly what to think of this except that he'll be much more entertaining than Dusty Baker.

International Improver

If this writing thing doesn't work out, I think my next job will be International Improver. There is no such actual job, but that doesn't mean I can't create it. I will be the person that companies bring in to make things perfect. Let's say your company have a new car in the works that will the next hot thing. The problem is you know there is something missing, and you just can't figure out what it is. That's where I come in. Bring me in and I'll figure out that there needs to be a cover over the GPS display in your new BMW. Can't find the one thing that will make your movie a masterpiece? I can for a nominal fee. I can improve on everything any one can make from albums (The answer is usually always: cowbell), to pharmaceuticals, to your company's infrastructure. It's what I'm good at. Screw making things and coming up with original ideas. I'll be the guy that makes them better. I will be honest and say there is a chance I will completely discard your whole product. Even then you will have to trust me, because I'm right and in the long run I will be saving you a shit load of money. Pepsi should have come to me back during the "clear" days. I would've saved them millions in production costs by throwing that out immediately. There are somethings you just don't mess with. The other 99% of things out there need help though, and I'm that person that can help.

Why Do I Have So Much Joy When The Yankees Lose?

Isn't it time to stop hating them because they buy all the best players? Since they started stocking their roster with potential Hall of Famers they haven't won a single thing. Am I saying we should stop hating the Yankees? Hell no! I still fume with Jeter's smirk. Giambi's constant sweating (or does he just oil up like a professional wrestler?) annoys me. The arrogant fans drive me up the wall. I think Yankee Stadium is a pit. So please keep detesting the Yankees, just remember you can't really use their payroll as an excuse. You can just use it as another dagger to jab the Yankee fans with. Congratulations Detroit on a big first step. Also, how many fans are out there hoping your team isn't the one that takes A-Rod off the Yankees hands?

Long Live the Power Chords and the Licks!

One of my big fears is that one of my favorite bands will eventually put out a crappy album. It's happened numerous times where I've come to really like a group or singer, and then they pull the rug out from under me by sucking big time. It often happens after their breakthrough album. I'm happy to report that it hasn't happened concerning a band rising up my own personal favorite band charts.

Through two albums I've come to love The Hold Steady. With their debut album Almost Killed Me I saw promise. Then they stole my heart last year with Separation Sunday their breakthrough album. It will be the album that all other Hold Steady albums will be compared to. It's one of the best albums of this decade. Anyway, The Hold Steady released their follow up album this week called Boys and Girls in America. Yes, the title is taken from Kerouac's On the Road. Upon first listen I realized that the boys hadn't let me down.

The best way to describe the music is if Springsteen and the E Street Band grew up in the suburbs of the Twin Cities during the 80's and 90's. Lead singer and writer Finn speaks more than sings, but he has the story telling skills of Springsteen. With the Twin Cities as the backdrop he's tells the story of the lost and confused and their search for anything to keep them going, to make them feel alive. Whereas Separation Sunday was a concept album, B&GA is thematic. A few of the characters from Separation Sunday show up including my personal favorite Hallelujah "the kids all called her Holly."

Side note: If I had met someone like Holly during my teenage years I would have fallen in love with her. There's nothing like a lost and damaged lapsed Catholic girl to bring the need to rescue someone being confused with love. I would certainly think I could save Holly from herself. In fact there were a few girls I met like Holly, and I wanted to save and love them all.

In comparison, B&GA has the band playing more like a band. They sound more cohesive than on Separation Sunday. The power chords and the licks (Yes, this band actually has guitar licks) are all still there, they just sound tighter. Just as important Finn's stories are still there. There's the story of a girl who's gift for picking horses leads to getting high in "Chips Ahoy." The remembrance of some "Massive Nights" where " we kissed in your car and we drank from your purse/i had my mouth on her nose when the chaperon said we were dancing too close." The two overdosed lovers who meet in the "Chill Out Tent" make out and never see each other again. In "First Night" Holly is "inconsolable/Unhinged and uncontrollable/'Cause we can't get as high as we got on that first night" "First Night" comes the closest to the pure emotional build of "How a Resurrection Really Feels" on Separation Sunday. In "You Can Make Him Like You," Finns sings about a girl who always gets involved with the boys who get her high. "You don't have to go to the right kind of schools / Let your boyfriend come from the right kind of schools / You can wear his old sweatshirt / You can cover yourself like a bruise."

There is a sadness to the stories, but that's because the details of Finn's writing paints characters you've probably met in your own life. Hell I identify with the bar regular in "Citrus" who keeps coming to the same bar and says he's "lost in fog and love and faith was fear/ and I've had kisses that make Judas seem sincere." I was that guy years ago. Will this album break them into the mainstream? Who knows and who cares? It is more accessible I think simply because Finn sings a few more times than in the previous albums. Separation Sunday is still better in my opinion. What I do know is that I'm three great albums into The Hold Steady, and they have risen to the top five of bands that are still putting out music. I will still be worried about their next album, but probably not as much as before.

The band has put the album up for streaming Listen Here

iTunes for some reason has two extra songs ("Girls Like Status" and "Arms and Hearts") for download. Both are solid songs but why encourage downloading an album over buying the actual album?

New TV Season Round-up

As of today most shows are back up and running. Last night was probably the most anticipated with the season premiere of Lost and the series premiere of the highly touted show, The Nine. I'm not going to go much into those too because with the arrival of Tivo nobody actually watches the shows the night it airs anymore. Isn't this making the Nielsen ratings more and more obsolete? Once Tivo becomes an institution won't we just be able to see what shows are recorded the most? Anyway lets look at what this new season is offering.

Jericho-In support of former writer and friend Mike O. I started watching this post-apocalyptic show. In case you have noticed the hot trend this season is once again serial dramas. Thank you Lost! Jericho is about a small town caught in the middle of what seems to be a nuclear war. Which is nice to see these days. It's been awhile since a nuclear holocaust has been given it's airtime. Used be this was the number one fear, now it's all terrorist activities. This show has turned out much better than I thought. The acting is pretty solid. There are also some nice reveals. We still don't know what our prodigal son and hero has been up to before he returned home. We don't know which girl he's going to try to hook up with either. I'm guessing it's the cute nurse and not the hot blond ex. There have been enough nice moments like the reveal of what cities have been hit that keep the viewer intrigued. My main concern is that they are going to hold back reveals too long. They've teased us for three straight episodes with the new guy in town who knows way too much about what's going on. He won't let his family hang out with the other townspeople. He has a gun cache. He got a morse code signal giving him all the cities that have been hit. The audience is going to need a little more information soon, or that character is going to become a gag more than a point of interest.

Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip-This show proves one thing: If Sorkin actually was in charge of Saturday Night Live it would be worse than the 1980 SNL. Has a single one of the sketches been funny at all? I know I should be focusing more on the stuff happening behind the scenes, but how can I buy them as writers and actors of great comedy when all the skits are awful. It would be better if they never showed the skits. I find the show to be enjoyable but frustrating. The dialog keeps you around but the actual substance of the show will make you feel like you should've left hours ago.

Smith-Cancelled, so whatever I was going to write doesn't matter.

Heroes-I want to like this X-men in street clothes, but it needs some help. The idea is great, but the dialog and acting often brings the whole show to a halt. The only characters I really care about are the telepathic cop and the Japanese cubicle slave who can teleport. Actually, Oka is the only one I really care about. He brings a great joy you expect from someone who's always wanted to be super and discovers he actually is. Everyone else becomes grating in a morose way. The show also misses on some great drama. Take the younger brother of a politician who believes he can fly. He jumps from a building to prove it only to be rescued by his older brother who can actually fly. They could've left it at this. You have the dreamer who treats everyone well and does good things that thinks he's destined for great things. What happens we he finds out it's his crueler politician of a brother that actually has the super powers? How does he react? Does he rebel from his good ways? There's a lot of potential in that. What does the show actually do? They reveal that both brothers can actually fly. Way to shoot yourselves in the foot. I'm giving this show three more episodes to either turn things around or give the Japanese kid his own show.

Friday Night Lights-This is probably my favorite new show so far. It's either this or The Nine. It's too early to tell. There are cliches like every sports movie or television show, but the acting is solid. The little moments are really what makes this show. For example the day before the game the high school team hangs out with some pee wee football kids. You see how much these little kids idolize these football players, and how much their success reflects back on how the town feels. There are nice moments like this that make the show. The football scenes aren't too bad either.

I Apologize Crazy Science People

Apparently, you are in fact working on teleportation. I thank you for your efforts, and wish you much success. I only ask that you get it done before I have to leave this planet.

The CSI: Miami Curse Strikes Again

In case you didn't know there is a CSI: Miami curse. When we write something it usually happens in real life.

In season one we wrote a sniper episode and days later the Beltway Sniper attacks began. We went ahead and shot it and everything, realizing that if the attacks kept happening we would have to pull the show. Days before we were to air the episode they caught the men. I'm sure people thought we were capitalizing on a tragedy but we actually had that episode half shot when the events happened.

Also, in season one we did a story in which a family is found murdered when someone finds the only survivor a toddler walking the street. Sure enough, an eerily similar murder took place in real life.

Season three we did an hour and a half episode about a tsunami hitting Miami. Less than two months later the deadliest tsunami in recorded history occurred in the Indian Ocean.

There are other instances through out the show's history that could lead people to say that CSI: Miami is cursed in some way. Well, it's happened again. Last week our writer's broke a story involving the Amish. Yes, I know Caruso and the Amish in Miami. Anyway, what happens but the Amish tragedy in Lancaster, PA. How wierd is that? We do an AMISH episode and this happens. This time we aren't going through with this episode. All Wed. the writers holed up in the writer's room and broke a new story. They then all worked together to write the episode. In fact at this moment bobby is probably staring at the computer putting the script together. This is television. This is chaos.

Happy Birthday Jennie!

Happy birthday to my only older sibling (by three months). I don't know how you do all you do and still have a that smile and joy. Can you bottle it or something because I'm sure you could make a fortune.
Jennie's the blonde in the middle

That Lever I Pulled Apparently Operates the Guillotine Above My Head

I just screwed up big time. It's so big that I might not have a job by the end of week. Stay tuned!

[Update: It seems I was able to remove my head in the nick of time. All I lost was half an ear. My only concern is that they won't forget.]

CSI: Miami, 100 Episodes

Tonight. CSI: Miami celebrates its 100th episode. 100 episodes is quite a lot in the TV world, particularly for an hour drama that is a spinoff. Since I've been here for all 100 episodes I thought I'd take you down the inner workings and offer up some memories.

First, I thought you might find this interesting. Making a quick scan of the show bible, I counted that Horatio Caine has shot and killed 15 people in 4 seasons. Fifteen! He's never been reprimanded or gone into counseling...nothing. I just find it suspect that a character who plays the head of a CSI lab has killed 15 people in four years.

1. Looks Like I Made It! - During the chaos of season 1, I had the opportunity to contribute to the show by suggesting a "button" for the teaser of episode 10. A button is a line of dialogue that neatly ends a scene. If you've seen the show, you know how corny these lines can be. Well, my suggestion made the cut, and the big wigs even liked it. So the line became the first thing I've written that was aired on national television. The real highlight wouldn't come till a couple days later when Television Without Pity had a sidebar about my line in their review of the episode: '"So where does this leave us now?' Bernstein asks. Skirting the edges of necrophiliac bondage porn, if you ask me. He's not asking me, though, so he'll have to settle for Horatio's retort: 'Up a tree.' Shut up, Horatio!" I thought I could die a happy man now. "Up a tree!" How did I come up with that brilliant line. Pure genius.

The funny thing is that through the years, there are little instances that the assistants have shown up. Bobby's hands are used for an insert shot of typing at a keyboard. Krystal's photo was used in a counterfeit driver's license. All out names have been used for characters. I wrote notes for props that contained friends and family members names. My blog is used in a shot.

2. Her Kiss, Her Kiss Is On My Lips. Does Anyone Have Some Disinfectant? - You try to be a gentleman, and this is what happens. Like all wrap parties, there end up being a lot of people getting hammered. Sometimes, celebrities like Vince Vaughn show up hammered. The wrap party for season one was no exception. One of the people that partook of a bit too much was one of our story editors. Late into the night, the party people were relocating to The House of Blues. The story editor was completely wasted out of her gourd, and was in no shape to drive. Being the gentleman that I am, I offered to drive her home, with gentleman bobby following in his car. She, though, wanted to go to the House of Blues. So, I drove her there with the hopes that someone else could take her home. There's nothing like driving a drunk co-worker who wants to get into a deep discussion about religion. Arriving there, I dropped her off and told her to make sure someone there can give her a ride home. I went to hug her goodbye and do the LA kiss on the cheek thing, but she didn't go for my cheek she went for my lips. I quickly backed away. Her eyes were kind of glazed, and she kind of looked like a new born kitten looking for its mother's teet. She then moved in again. I pushed her back, and said "This is Brad." I think that helped her regain some sense.

Realizing there was no way she was going to find someone by herself to take her home, I went in to make sure she got home. This led to a very awkward dancing moment in which she kept imitating moves from MTV's The Grind. Eventually, she got home safely, but not without the rest of the writer's office thinking I scored. It's still brought up at least twice a year.

3. Vince Vaughn Crashes the Party (literally): At the same party that the above took place, our party was joined by Vince Vaughn. To say he was hammered would be an understatement. He didn't talk to anyone except for Speedle, who brought him. He accidentally knocked over a stack of glasses. Later I saw him standing, alone smoking a cigarette, and just staring off at the people partying. I kept thinking, "Not so money, baby. Not so money."

4. Making the Cut: Year one was chaotic. In the writer's department alone we went through 2 show runners, 7 writers, and one David Savage. Yet, all the assistants survived. The show on a whole you can count how many have been here all 100 episodes on two hands.

This post is clearly going no where. I've been trying to write it since the 17th of August. Let's just end this early with some pictures. Because the job's great, but it's the people below that keep me here.

Please Leave Mr. Hendry.

As of today, Dusty Baker and team president Andy McPhail are no longer Chicago Cubs. That's two of the top three orchestrators of this Cubs debacle. The only one left is GM Jim Hendry. Apparently, he's staying.

Even though he left Baker hanging for over a month in the infamous Chicago wind, while trying to decide to fire Baker or not. Hendry eventually decided to let Baker stay through the rest of the year. I'm sure Baker is so thankful right now. I'm sure these last few months have been blissful for Baker. Baker has taken the brunt of the fan and media criticism. He does deserve some of it. He can handle players egos, but he can't count pitches. He thinks walks are overrated. Walks overrated? In this day and age? He loves giving washed up veterans like Nefi Perez everyday jobs. There are numerous other things he does wrong. Still, it's not all his fault.

Hendry's the one that has given multi-year contracts to these mediocre veterans with the hope of catching lightning in a bottle. He's the one that kept assuming Wood and Prior would be back. 10 year old Cub fans knew better than that. He's the one involved with stocking our farm season. So, who should get the blame that there was not a single first basemen to call up when Derek Lee went down with an injury? Hendry. The Cubs were left with putting a 2nd basemen at first, then a pinch hitter, and finally our second string catcher. Hendry is the one that keeps rolling the dice to try to when one year, rather than plan out an extensive plan in which the Cubs could contend for years. Hendry is the one that has given Baker the players. Andy McPhail fell on his sword after twelve years with the organization. Baker is going to go somewhere and probably win. Mr. Hendry please follow suit, and stop screwing up this organization while you try to save your job. Please leave.

I'd also like to point out that the new team president is the former head of marketing. Marketing! Here's one of the quotes from his introduction:

"Realistically, you want to go into every season thinking you're going to win the World Series," McDonough said. "Our goal is to win the World Series next year and the year after that."

Sigh. How about a five year plan to build from the ground up? How about we build a team rather than the bunch of forced together puzzle pieces? Here's to another 98 years.

Can I say how awful I feel as a Cubs fan right now? I would say I feel even worse now than after Gamer 6. Sure, the 2003 NL Championship series tore my heart out, but it still gave you hope for next year. Now? We just lost 96 games to have the worst record in the National League. Our only reliable pitcher is Zambrano, who's been worked so hard it's only a matter of time till he breaks down. When Pierre leaves, we will once again have no lead-off man. We have no closer. We have a third basemen who only plays well once the games don't matter anymore. Now it seems the Cubs are looking at Lou Pinella for our new manager. Lou Pinella?! Finally, Wrigley Field showcased the wave this year. Ugh. I think I'm going to call in sick.

Dear Crazy Science People,

I mean this only as constructive criticism, but you guys have dropped the ball. (This is a sports reference for not coming through or failing in case you didn't know.) It seems you are focusing on inventing the wrong things. You are using your own mind to come up with ideas that will benefit society, when the blueprint has already been laid out. That blueprint is Star Trek. I'm not Trekkie but I've seen my share of episodes. Can I say I think their technology rules. Who needs stupid flying cars, when teleportation could be the gold standard? Why are you even wasting time with Segways? Segways? How much closer to teleportation could we be if you didn't waste your time on the Segway? Teleportation could solve such problems as pollution, mail system, and holiday traffic. No more worrying if taking that new job would mean moving away from family. Friends will always be a teleport away. Did you forget your toothbrush? Just teleport back and grab it.

Also, can we get started on the healing lasers already? It's bad enough we still don't have a device the size of battery to wave around and find out what ailments we have. Where's the laser that can heal burns and broken bones in seconds? Do you for some reason think we don't need this? Are you scared to put surgeons out of business? It's called progress. I don't trust my doctor but I'll trust some magic wand.

Finally I want to bring up the food replicator. I'm truly surprised you inventors haven't concocted this device yet. Seems to me a machine that creates any food you want would solve a lot of the world's hunger issues. Personally, I would like to never have to leave the house, yet still have great food whenever I want it. I would also like it programmed to create foods exactly like restaurants. For example, I should have the ability to order Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles. Formulas should also be available. The Mexico version of Pepsi should be available. Not that I'd order it but if I wanted to I should be able to. I realize this would put a cramp on the farming business. The answer to this is that no replicated food would be such an exotic delicacy that celebs would pay top dollar to eat "real" rice or corn. This way farmer's would need less land and less work to make a fortune. This would also raise the popularity on anyone who could cook even the slightest bit.

There are plenty more things you inventors could be wracking your brain over, but I put these as the top three. Now get inventing. I don't want to die without ordering from a food replicator.

Sincerely,

Brad

Because It's Understood

As of 5:54pm today, it was confirmed that I will be moving in a months time to the wonderful town of El Segundo. No more hour long searches for a parking space. No more fire hazard by plugging twenty plugs into a two prong outlet. No more having my computer desk in the kitchen. No more driving on the freeway to get to work. No more street people. No more pipe bombs across the street.

I will miss you dirty pretty girl who keeps offering me weed. I will miss quiet French girl. You accent hypnotized me. I will miss you Dave Baldwin look alike. At some point I hope you can come in sober. I will miss you Pizza Place across the street. You made my unwillingness to give up my parking spot mean I didn't have to go hungry. Your house specialty sandwich is one of the greatest sandwiches ever. Ditto to you Thai eatery that I still can't remember your name. I will miss you Gong's Market. But I will not miss you that much. (Except maybe the House Special sandwich. It's fantastic!)

You see I'm moving on to a better place. Not only is it better area, but I will once again be neighbor's with this guy. To make things even better, I will also have Megan and her husband Eric as neighbors. Which means one great thing...brownies, brownies, brownies!

Ramblings

First things first, I got back from seeing the Black Dahlia. Please avoid this movie. De Palma should be blamed for most of it, but I think some of the blame for this crapfest falls on the guy who adapted a great book into an incoherent mess of a movie. Twice a friend called during the movie and both times I considered walking out and taking the call.

For the last two weeks work has kicked my ass to the curb. I'm exhausted and all I've done is sit at a computer and make phone calls. Usually, it averages out to a few questions a day. Some days will be a little heavy on the research, and some days I won't have a single question. These two weeks it's been research question after research question. It's been so constant I've actually had to delegate some of it out to others. It's been not only pain in the ass hypothetical research, but the kind that gets you entered into the FBI watch list. When I cold call five companies asking how you would siphon jet fuel from a pipeline, I wouldn't be surprised if I was reported to some FBI database. I don't even know why I thought I could sweet talk one of them into giving me an answer. Do the FBI offer bail?

I also had to do a little research on lowriders. After the "Esez!" script, I thought I was finished with lowriders. I was embarrassed I knew most of the answers off the top of my head. That information is taking up some valuable real estate in my memory banks.

Mr. Petty was right. The waiting is the hardest part. Like waiting to see if you get the apartment that is only five minutes from work.

One of the things that irks me about the whole getting kicked out of the Garden of Eden is that we have to wear clothes. Because if I didn't have to wear clothes than I wouldn't have to always do laundry.

There is a report that the Florida Marlins are going to fire their manager, Joe Girardi, after this season is up. I don't know why since he took a bunch of rookies, and had them playing above their heads the last half of the season. I don't want to go into why the Marlins would fire a Manager of the Year candidate. I want to talk about Girardi possibly being hired by the Cubs for next season. Baker's gone on Oct. 2nd, and there's going to be ton of pressure by Chicagoans for the Cubs to hire Girardi. He's a Chicagoan himself and had two stints playing for the Cubs. I have no doubt that Girardi is a fine manager. My point is the players coming up in the Marlins system are clearly better players and better prepared to make the jump to the big leagues than the Cubs young players. Girardi deserves some of that credit, but doesn't the scouts and those who develop the players in the minor leagues deserve a lot of the credit. I think the Cubs problems is deeper than the manager and a couple pitchers who can't stay healthy. The Cubs have drafted top tier talent. They apparently can't develop them like the Marlins can.

It's taken awhile but there are more and more hacks becoming available for the Blogger Beta. One of them is employed above as I've moved my labels up to the top in the form of tabs. You can find the hack here. I suggest using the tweak at the end of the post too if you have a lot of labels. The tweak allows you to select which labels you want to show. Unfortunately, this requires going back and adding a period after every label you don't want to use. My first time through I thought the period was for the ones you wanted to include, so I had to go back and redo everything. Those with a site tracker might have noticed that every time you post you get two to three people trying to put spam in your comments. That's what the word verification is for. Well, reposting all 395 posts twice has rocketed my visit count. I apparently now average 48 visits a day rather than the previous 18.

I've also tried to find a decent "recent comments" hack that doesn't require me going through another blog and a second e-mail address. So I'm stuck just using the consistently inconsistent blogger comments feed. That's why the first comment is from a post back in August. If anyone finds a decent hack let me know.

Self Revelation #573

I don't like the word succulent.

Don't Anger the Board!

1. Dominic (Dodger Fan) puts a Cubs cursed picture on the board - The Dodgers lose after the Cubs give them a seven run cushion.

2. Dominic removes picture - Dodgers win

3. Dominic puts the 1969 picture of the black cat at Shea Stadium - Dodgers lose again in late innings.

4. Dominic puts a picture of his Miami Dolphins on the board - My Bills shut out his Dolphins at Miami.

5. Dominic removes picture - Dodgers beat Padres by hitting back to back to back to back home runs in the ninth.

Don't Anger the Board.

Speaking of Phone Calls

I have an issue with calling people. If I need to coordinate something or I have a question, there's no problem. I just have a difficult time being the person that calls just to talk. The thing is hate to be that person that interrupts. That's why I stand there listening to people to talk at parties never interjecting anything. It has been ingrained in me somehow to never interrupt...ever. The only time I usually interrupt is if I'm drunk and I don't drink anymore. This is also applied to phone conversations. I don't want to be the guy that calls and interrupts the meeting, or a phone call with your mom, or a romantic dinner with the wife. That's why I wait for people to call me. I'll be honest, I'm usually never doing anything that exciting or important enough that I can't take a phone call. I don't have kids. I'm not married. I have no commitments. Besides, the best time to talk is when you want to talk. So, don't think I don't care. Perhaps, I care too much...about how people perceive me.

I'm Back!

After a disappointing season last year in the office football pool, I'm back. I dominated this week with a 14-2 record. I was actually kicking myself for the two games I missed, because those were the two I changed when I reviewed my picks. Not only does this fatten my wallet a little, but puts me in the running for the year end pool. This is the year. Unless I let this all go to my head and tank the rest of the year.

Please People!

I know it's early but can we strike the phrase "bringing sexy back" from our pop culture vernacular? I see where this is going, and I would like to end it now. Nobody and nothing is bringing sexy back.

Ramblings

This is what happens when I read: nothing. I don't play video games. I don't blog. Nothing. A book tends to take over my life when I read it. I honestly considered calling in sick today so I could finish the book. This is one of the reasons I don't read books often. The other is that I read so much during work that I get a little exhausted putting letters together to form words which then form sentences. Anyway, I highly recommend The Boy Detective Fails by Joe Meno. It's a little mix of Encyclopedia Brown, Royal Tenenbaums, and Eternal Sunshine. It even has a cutout decoder so you can help the boy detective.

I wish some people at work would realize there is a difference between fear and respect when it comes to how you treat someone.

Speaking of work, I'm often asked what my educational background is that prepared me to be a researcher for TV. Here's what you need to do: Barely pass high school chemistry, study up to Algebra II in high school and no higher, get a D in Biology at the college of your choice, and take basic Algebra at the same college. If you can somehow manage all that, you too can research such things as atomic absorption spectrology of tannins in leather. Clearly, I've been bluffing my way through three years on this job.

My fantasy baseball team's lead has dropped from 20 to 6.5. I hope I pull a '05 White Sox and not a '69 Cubs.

On the other hand, the Cubs are currently 58-88. They have to lose 12 of the last 16 games to reach 100 losses. It's completely possible the Cubs could pull that off. I'm almost hoping they do. The Cubs committed 6 errors last night and were down 7 runs and still won the game. That clearly wasted any good karma the Cubs had left this season.

I have been slightly tempted by the 8GB Nano.

I'm very hesitantly excited about the movie "The Black Dahlia." It's adapted from a James Ellroy novel that is definitely in my Top Ten all time favorite books. Ellroy is also in my Top Five of authors. It has a solid cast. I don't even mind Josh Hartnett because he kind of fits the character he plays. Visually it looks good. Then you get to the director, De Palma. When the commercials advertise that this movie is from the director that brought you "Scarface," that's not a good sign. That movie is 23 years old, and you haven't done anything else of note? Please don't suck. Please don't suck.

Who knew Star Wars and Legos would make such an enjoyable video game?

Is it completely absurd that I've seriously considered hiring a maid to clean my studio apartment once a month? Yes, I believe it is.

It turns out the HBO documentary on the Cubs woes is going to be narrated by Dennis Farina. That is so much better than the Red Sox doc being narrated by Ben Affleck, isn't it? Come on! Crime Story, Midnight Run, Out of Sight, etc. The guy was even a real Chicago cop before he became an actor.

It's recently come to my attention that I have cornered the market on slightly inebriated and desperate women in their mid-thirties. One other stipulation is that it must be the first time we've met. From college on the women the meet that criteria have been drawn to me much like a moth to a flame. Unfortunately, they are usually sober the second time I meet them.

A little over fifteen years ago, I once sneezed, belched, and passed gas at the exact same time. It's the most harrowing experience in my life. I'm amazed to this day that I'm still alive.

This seems like a good time to stop.

If It Wasn't For the Buckeyes I Would Have No Idea What Winning Feels Like.

The only thing that would've made tonight's win better was if some player clocked this guy while he was jumping around on the sidelines.I like that he moved from the sky box to the field when Texas was down like he was going to inspire the team. I imagine what they were really thinking is: "I should move. I could test postive just from being near this guy."

A Slight Change in Plans

It seems that I will not be attending lucha VA VOOOOOOM this October. Yes, I was excited, and some might say giddy. It seems something else has arisen to take its place. Oct. 25 the Twilight Singers will be at the House of Blues. For the second time this year the Twilight Singers have performed at the same time as Lucha Va Voom. Anyway, Dulli will always beat out Masked Mexican Wrestling. I'm just hoping they perhaps play one of the new Afghan Whigs songs they will be recording for the retrospective. I can't believe they are getting back together to record new songs. Even though it's only two, it's awesome! If you are in town and want to go to the concert let me know.

Please Don't Call Me at the Following Times on Saturday:

9:00-10:50am* - My Tottenham Hotspurs will be playing league leader Manchester United. Spurs are currently 1-2, and were shutout in their two losses by teams they shouldn't have lost to. Now they are playing one of the powerhouses who are 3-0. Not good. Also, not good is that Spurs will be playing without there recently signed striker, Berbatov, who is out with a groin injury. The good is that team captain, Ledley King, will be in action after missing the first three games of the season. There is more to be happy about though, as the Spurs brought back striker Mido, and added fullback Chimbonda at the transfer deadline. It's been two weeks with no Spurs matches, and I've been going through withdrawal. I also get to wear my new shirt, since King is coming back.









5:00-9:00pm* - My The Ohio State Buckeyes (currently ranked #1) go to Austin to play the Texas Longhorns (currently ranked #2). To say I'm absolutely confident that the Buckeyes will walk out with a win, would be a lie. In fact, I'm so nervous about this game I'm not saying anything else.

Feel free to call me anytime between then. Just don't call my home phone because I never answer that.

*-PST

Does This Look Like Someone Who Would Sell You Crystal Meth?

Apparently, the guy who just rode by my apartment thinks so. Did I mention how much I love my neighborhood? The best was when he was honestly shocked that I didn't sell crystal meth, and sped off as quick as he could on his bike. Wheeee!

Bits O' Music

That's right kids! I dusted off the old Bits O' Music segment. Fortunately, the American Single segments will stay buried.

You might be asking why I would dust off such an old segment. First off, thank you for asking. Secondly, the reason is I received a package today from Sweden. You might have remembered me posting a video almost four weeks ago showing a group of Swedes singing about bringing us love. Well, that Monday I placed an order to Sweden for I'm From Barcelona's "Let Me Introduce My Friends." Twenty-four days later I found the CD in my mailbox. I put the CD in my player around 9 and I've been listening to it since.

I'm From Barcelona is more than just a collective of art school Swedes goofing around. Ok it kind of is, but they've also written 11 brilliant indie pop songs. Actually, they've written twelve because even the hidden track is great. Using every instrument they could get their hands on, IFB have created orchestral pop songs for everyone to sing along to. This is the kind of album that is made to brighten those Monday mornings or to celebrate those lazy weekends with your close friends. With only one song truly exceeding the three minute pop song curfew, the sweetness never overstays it welcome.

I was debating what song to post because they are all worthy. Do I go with the joys of stamp collecting or "Oversleeping?" Maybe the hand clap and piano bounce of "Rec & Play" is the way to go? Well, I decided on "Chicken Pox." Why? Because associating the childhood illness of chickenpox with being in love is pretty genius. I also like the sad little clarinet in the song and the whistling. I also linked to their myspace page that has other songs and their videos. I also linked to a store on this continent that sells the album. Enjoy and smile.

I'm From Barcelona-Chicken Pox-let me introduce my friends

I'm From Barcelona's myspace page.

Buy the album here, and not have to wait nearly a month to get it.

They Will All Soon Be Under My Control

Look who's joined the blog family now. Mandy, has officially joined the rest of us. That leaves one sister and one brother left. Soon though they will be like the rest of us...the rest of us...the rest of us.

It's That Time Again Kids!

The one thing you should take from this poster (other than the bats with luchador masks) is "All Mini Battle Royale!"

My reaction:

Allow Me To Be An Ass

Things that were confirmed or a little more realized during Labor Day weekend.

If you don't have a "quiet voice," I already don't like you.

If you wear those dark reflective sunglasses, I have already assumed we aren't going to get along.

If you also have one of those goofy strings so you can dangle the sunglasses from your neck...I really...I just don't have the words.

If you have all of the above, please don't talk to me...ever.

Just because there is a musical instrument (guitar, piano) at some one's party, it does not mean you have the right to play it. Nobody cares that you can play. The music you are trying to play over is there for a reason.

When someone says you can invite someone they do not mean ten someones.

Please make sure you understand the conversation that is taking place before interjecting with what you consider is a valid point. Actually, don't interject until you are brought into the conversation. Please. I beg you. I'm old. I get tired of rolling my eyes.

Arguments against colorization and "formatted for your TV" should never ever take place. We as a society are past that. Those that still don't understand will never understand. We just need to accept that.

Just because someone likes the Cubs it doesn't mean we are going to be best buds. In fact I'm pretty sure I dislike half of the Cubs fans out there.

Really, do you not hear how loud you are? Do you have a hearing problem? Have you actually gone through life never having to whisper or lower your voice? Have you never been to a library? You completely baffle me.

OK, I feel better now.

Ramblings

You may have noticed I changed the template...again. I don't know how long this will last. It will probably change once Blogger has it so you can alter the html on the new Blogger beta. I'm intrigued by the tags you can add, and other things that won't fit in this template. Till Blogger makes html editing available there's this.

This blog has recently passed the 7,000 hit mark. I want to do something for all you regular readers out there, but don't know what. I'm taking any suggestions.

The next book I'm going to read: The Boy Detective Fails.

Why hasn't Rhymefest's debut album "Blue Collar" become a hit? There are at least 4 radio hits on that record. It's received solid reviews. It has Kanye West collaborations. Yet, I still haven't seen a video. The album isn't in the Billboard Top 100. There's been absolutely no radio play. I'm completely baffled by this. Has it simply not been promoted well? It's the second best hip-hop album of the year behind Ghostface Killah's "Fishscale."

Rhymefest - "Devil's Pie"

This past Saturday I woke up at 7:00 am to watch my Tottenham Hotspurs take on Everton. 7:00 am! On a Saturday! Spurs lost 2-0, and yet it still seemed worth it. It's scary how well I've taken to this whole soccer thing. I'm actually bummed that I have to wait two weeks till the next match. I also got my official jersey in the mail today. It's just sheer enough to show off my nipples. Begin your taunts...now.

When I was kid, I once went to a petting zoo or something in South Carolina. It might have been simply a farm that let you pet dirty animals. The point is that there was a goat who clearly didn't like me. Every time I turned my back on him he tried to ram me (mark it). Twice he got me. Once he actually sent me to the ground. I kept trying to avoid him but he'd always find me. I'd go to the other side of the lake thinking I'd lost him, and then "baaaa!" I'd turn around to see that stupid goat charging straight toward me. I've never wanted to kill an animal more in my life, well except for the dog that attacked Anne Marie.

Have you experienced The Sound and The Fury yet? I highly suggest you look, listen, and read.

I was easily persuaded to join some friends for a little fantasy football. I of course missed the draft because of work. It's one of the problems you have when everyone else lives on the east coast. The fantasy football gods shined down on me though. For missing the draft my team isn't that bad...as long as nobody gets hurt.

I saw Invincible, and enjoyed it. It's another solid sports movie. I thinks it's more of an accomplishment to screw up a sports movie. You hear me Oliver Stone?

Apparently, the Afghan Whigs are getting together for four songs that will be on their upcoming retrospective released by Rhino records. I normally would be very hesitant any time a band gets back together to record songs for a "best of." Yet, I'm pretty certain it will work out this time. Why shouldn' t it? It's still Dulli writing songs in the same vein he always has. Maybe they are just reworking some old songs. I guess this means the Sept. release date has been pushed back.

In the debate (?) between loft or house, I've always voted loft. After seeing some of the writer's houses though, I've maybe changed my mind. Naah. Loft.

I saw a promo on HBO for a special about the cursed history of the Cubs. I'm so excited! Soon everyone will as sick of hearing about the Cubs woes as they were about the Red Sox. Ben Affleck narrated HBO's Red Sox special. I've been trying to think who could be Chicago's Ben Affleck. I'll watch this special, but I will feel dirty afterwards.

So Many Questions

12,179 and Counting.

That's the current number of zombies that I have sent back to the hell that they came from. Last night I completed Dead Rising, and thought I'd give those who care (PLW and um...PLW) the low down.
In Dead Rising you play a photo journalist who flies into a small town that has been quarantined by the military. Your job is to find out why the town has gone zombie in 72 hrs because that is when your helicopter ride arrives. You must also do this all while trapped inside a very large mall. It's a Mall of America type mall. Yes, it even has a roller coaster.

The clock in the game keeps ticking. Every five minutes of gameplay equals an hour in game time. This is a little bit of a problem. To figure out why there are zombies you have to be at certain places at certain times to activate the next chapter or as they are called in the game, cases. This puts a damper on actually exploring everything in the mall. You'd like to stop and see what weapons are in that store but you have to be back at the store room at 6:00 pm. I realize this adds some suspense to the game. Do you try pushing it and go rescue that lady in the jewelry store, or do you let her become zombie chow to make sure you are back in time to trigger the next case?

This brings up another couple of problems. For completest like me, I find it frustrating that you can't save everyone. You just can't. But really after ushering 25 people through a maze of zombies you begin to not really care. Why? Because the people you are saving end up really getting on your nerves. They are either crying the whole time, stopping at stupid times to try to kill zombies, or simply don't pay much attention to you. I really wish they had programmed them to be a little smarter. Those you can give a solid weapon to seem to do ok, and some you can carry , but at times it takes a lot of self control to not take a chainsaw to their melon.
Another problem with the survivors is how you are made aware of them. Before you head out into the mall, a security guard named Otis hands you a transceiver. He's the one that calls you and lets you know where they are. Can I just say. Otis is a moron. He calls at the most ridiculous times. Are you in the middle of a boss fight? Ring. ring. Are you ushering five people through a mass of zombies? ring. ring. You see, you can't fight while talking to Otis. Also, if you get chomped and hang up on him, he gets all snippy because you hung up on him. You will so want to put a fire axe in Otis' skull.
Unfortunately, you need to save people to earn points that raise your level so you can get different fighting moves, and carry more weapons, and have a longer life bar. You can also earn points though by taking photos of certain events and the carnage surrounding you. Did you just do doughnuts in your car over 200 zombies? Take a picture! Are zombies an inch from eating your brains? Take a picture! Did someone you are trying to save get chomped in the family jewels? Take a picture! The better the picture the more points you earn. One things about the save and the points you earn is that when you die you have the ability to save the level you are at and then start at the beginning. I actually recommend doing this a couple times, because it helps during the game. Cases that seemed very difficult before are more easily accomplished when you are leveled up a few notches.
Even more dangerous than the zombies, are the human psychopaths that have had a difficult time coming to terms with the zombie outbreak. There's the crazy clown, the competing photojournalist, the cult leader who has enlisted a bunch of bomb carrying members is green masks and yellow slickers, escaped convicts, crazy butcher, and many others. None of them are too difficult once you figure out their pattern.
One final problem is that one slot save. You are only given one slot, so if you screw up you end up losing a crap load of stuff you accomplished. Also, you have to go to either the security room or one of the bathrooms to save your game. I realize this makes dying in the game more dire, but it can be quite a pain.

Enough with the complaints though. Let's talk about the good stuff which is killing zombies. I thought it would get tiring killing zombie after zombie, but it really doesn't...ever. I mean I've killed over 10,000 of them and I still get a kick out of it. Each weapon does it's own special damage that is just doesn't get old. The sound is spectacular. From the thunk of sledgehammer striking a zombies on the head, to a katana slicing a zombie in half, to the sound of bashing zombies with an electric guitar. It all feels, looks, and sounds great.
I only wish there was a way to combine weapons together or adjust them. One of the weapons you can use is a frying pan. You can take that frying pan and heat it up on a stove, so you can sear a zombies head and earn bonus points. I wish there was more of that. I should be able to fill the squirt gun with a flammable liquid and create a flame thrower. I should have the option to wield two katanas, or pistols.

The story is a solid B-movie plot with nice cut scenes and above average voice acting. Everything is over the top as any game about being stuck in a mall with zombies should be. The visuals aren't as pretty as say G.R.A.W., but that's expected with a game that provides so many destructible zombies on the screen at once. You also have to consider that each zombie is then given multiple animations for every way to die. There should also be something said for the humor of the game. I give props to a game that provides the ability to hit zombies with pies, or put toy heads on them just for fun. Let's not forget the lawn mower either.
It's not a perfect game with the save system being its main fault. But because of it's originality and pure joy of playing it overcomes what shortcomings it has. For a system that leans heavily toward first person shooters this is a game that 360 owners should absolutely give a whirl. I just hope for the sequel that they fix the save system, and make it possible to play with a friend because if there's one thing better than killing thousands of zombies it's killing thousands of zombies with someone you love.

Welcome to the World Isabel!

As our family celebrates a birthday, we also get to celebrate a birth. Isabel Florence Kessler was born early this morning. I don't think she knows what she's gotten herself into. Of course, after 27 hours of labour maybe she does. Congratulations to Julie and Ben K. I can't wait to see my new niece! I want pictures!

What I Researched Today

1. Characterization of Cigar Tobaccos by Gas Chromatographic/Mass Spectrometric Analysis of Nonvolatile Organic Acids: Application to the Authentication of Cuban Cigars.

2. Santeria spells that make someone fall in love with you, and spells that curse your enemy.

Happy Birthday Jaime!

Happy birthday to my first sister-in-law. You and Ben I. have been married what? 11 years? The first time I met you, you were sitting on the couch of Dad's old apartment. The first thing I noticed was the laugh that has now become the best laugh of everyone in the family. You've also blessed with two of the greatest little girls on earth. So Happy Birthday Jaime! My birthday gift to you is a picture of a donkey in human clothes.

This Is How You Do It MOL Jr.

You ask MOL Jr. I answer.

Saturday:

8:58 am - Wake up.

8:59 am - Bathroom

9:00 - Sit on couch and turn on TV. The English Premiere League begins, and get to watch my first live much of now beloved Tottenham Hotspurs.

9:05 - Grab Pepsi and retro Tottenham Jersey and put it on. The jersey came weeks ago. Of course I was in the shower when it was delivered. Realizing if I didn't answer I would have to go to the post office, I answered the door in a towel. The poor old Asian mail lady. Nobody should ever see me in a just towel. It's like the Crypt Keeper answering the door. I really wanted the jersey, and hate the post office.

9:09 - Bolton scores against Spurs. The replay shows one of the Bolton players was clearing holding two defenders back. Nice to see refs suck in all sports. I take the jersey off.

9:13 - Bolton scores again on a spectacular goal from 35 yards out. I put the jersey back on, and sit on other side of couch.

10:33 - Bolton wins 2-0. Yep, Spurs are my team. I learn that Spurs has never beaten Bolton at Reebok Stadium. If I was a betting man...

10:35-1:30pm - Involves hygiene, trying to call friends and family, killing another
2,147 zombies in Dead Rising, checking e-mail, checking fantasy and reality baseball, checking movie times, call Dave Baldwin to see how he's doing.

2:23 - Arrive at comic book store to find the Phonogram comic book. It's all about music being magic. He also uses lyrics from an Afghan Whigs song as dialogue. The comic book is sold out. Buy two Stikfas to ease the pain, and satisfy the part of me that's still a kid.

3:13 - Have some Thai for lunch: garlic squid, lemon chicken, and Mee-krob. Wonder once again why I'm not pushing 200 lbs.

4:13 - Go to Barnes & Noble to see if they have Phonogram. What was I thinking? Pick up ESPN Fantasy Guide to get a clue about my fantasy football draft tomorrow. Read front to back.

5:13 - Go to music store to browse. See that Fox has released some new film noirs. Make a note to pick them up at a cheaper store.

6:45 - Go to movie theater to see some mutherfn' snakes on a mutherfn' plane.

6:50 - concession girl, who must be in charge of eating everything they would normally throw away at night, tries to sell me a chocolate bar for charity. I lie and say I'm allergic to chocolate. I realize I now cannot order anything with chocolate now. I feel guilty for lying to her, and the eating a lot thought. I order small coke and two hot dogs.

7:10 - There are maybe 20 people in the theater. This is what happens when your media buzz hit its peak a year ago.

7:17 - Preview for the TV show heroes shows. I'm interested and bummed because I've had that idea in my idea notes for 3 years.

9:15 - Credits roll. The movie is exactly what it should be, and enjoyable on that part.

9:21 - Movie jones isn't satisfied. That means...double feature! Little Miss Sunshine is playing at 10:30pm. Buy ticket.

9:30 - Have Chicken Dijon for dinner.

10:20 - Go into theater. Same concession girl. I now look like a dork, and still feel guilty. Order small coke and small popcorn. Really, why aren't I Orca fat?

10:26 - See the Heroes preview again. Now I'm just angry at myself.

12:12 - Credits roll. It had it's moments, but it felt like a generic road trip comedy wrapped in independent movie clothing. Even it's end message didn't appear to be what the characters needed. I know there are going to be people that will love this movie, I'm all luke warm about it.

12:45 - Get home, watch ESPN news, finish off box of Cheez-its (I wish I was kidding), Channel surf, check e-mail, check fantasy baseball, go to bed.

Sunday:

9:15 am - Wake up and get ready for church.

10:01 - Arrive at church.

11:05 - Leave church.

11:16 - Get home in time to watch Cubs game.

1:06 pm - Call Bob to see what's new. No answer.

1:28 - Call my brother Ben I.

1:45 - Cubs lose to the Cards 5-3.

1:50 - check e-mail, blah, blah, blah.

2:07 - Start planning my fantasy football draft.

2:45 - Check to see if my draft order has been set.

2:48 - Draft has been moved to next Sunday for the third time. Grrr.

2:55 - Kill more zombies.

3:21 - Order pizza.

4:00 - Watch Baseball Tonight. Actually watch last two innings of Little League World Series game. Did you see how big that first baseman was for the Saudi Arabia team? He's almost 7 feet tall and he's what thirteen? Oh the poor woman that gave birth to him.

5:00 - Watch first couple innings of the most over covered rivalry in sports: Red Sox vs. Yankees.

5:17 - Do laundry and clean apartment

4:13 - Come up with blog idea for later this week.

8:13 - Finish laundry (It'd been awhile)

8:19 - Take break from cleaning to download Lost Planet demo on Xbox 360. It is now one of my most anticipated games. It looks so cool. I said "Oh shit" at least three times during the demo.

9:26 - Finish cleaning.

10:13 - Finish second half of pizza.

11:36 - Check Sportscenter

11:53 - Start blog entry.

That is how you fill two days when you have only yourself.

At 5:30 am on a Monday morning I finally finished this damn thing. At least I think I finished it. I'm sure there are tons of goofs I've missed.

Sometimes I Think Joining a Cult of Happy Musical Swedes Wouldn't be so Bad.

For Those Who Complain That They Don't Make Nonsensical Music Videos Anymore Like They Did In the 80's:

It's just too bad they are "winking" through the whole thing or it'd be perfect. Also, the song kinda blows. Sorry, Mandy.

What Might Have Been...

If my Mom would've had her way, I'd be married by now. In fact by the time I was 3, she already had a wife picked out for me. Her name was Molly and she was born to my family's close friends the Wards. Our families were close in way that we called Molly's father Uncle Paul. They were part of a circle of friends that formed together and started a church in Columbus. There was something great about being a kid among these friends that joined together to start something they believed in. We always hung out together, and they were all in fact family. Any celebrations, birthdays, cookouts, we'd all be together. We were in fact one large family. I still miss that community feeling, and wonder if it even exists these days. Among this group the Wards and the Itens were the closest. I can't remember a week that we didn't get together. I still remember us learning to ride bikes together, and putting on plays for the family.

So Molly and I grew up together. I was a little over a week older than her. Since our families did everything together we were forced to hang out together. I didn't really mind even if she was a girl. Clearly, we went to the same Sunday school. We also went to the same school. We learned to ride bikes at the same time. I tried to learn to swim in her pool. We put on plays for our parents. Yes, I even played with her...ehm...cough...Barbies. Little did I know that this was all going according to my Mom's plan. Maybe she saw this as a holy union of the Wards and Itens. Maybe she just believed this was some sort of providence and it was destined to happen.

Well the holy union never happened. It probably began around second grade. She was in a different class than me. She was becoming interested in boys. I thought girls still had cooties. Plus, I was busy playing soccer and fending off those girls that wanted be to be the Luke to their Leia. There was also when my parents divorced and we moved to South Carolina. As one last hurrah my Dad, little brother, and I lived with the Wards while the whole divorce thing was ironed out.

After my tormentuous time in South Carolina we moved back to Ohio, and maybe I was given a second chance. We ended up going to the same high school for awhile, and even went to the same college. She eventually ended up marrying the other guy we grew up with: Kevin King.

It wasn't till my Mom and I heard about them getting married that she actually vocalized to me her wish that Molly and I would eventually marry. I sort of felt I perhaps let her down a little. Clearly, I had my opportunities. There was a time I was attracted to her. She found this out when I admitted my attraction under the interrogation of her little sisters. So I wonder sometimes what would've happened. Would the group of families still be together? Would I be working some office job where I have to wear a suit? Would I have kids? Would I be happier than I am now? Would I listen to the music I listen to? Would I have loved Superman Returns? Who knows? I'm sure my Mom had some ideas in her head.

I would also like to point out that even after years there is still a connection between the families that worked to start that church. More of the families than I expected showed up at either the wake for my Mom and her funeral service.

One more thing, I'd like to point out in the Halloween picture that there was a time that make up was required to make me look that white.

1 Dead Zombie! 2 Dead Zombie! 324 Dead Zombies! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Downloaded the Dead Rising demo this weekend. In the fifteen minutes that they let you play I was eventually able to kill 324 zombies! 324! Below are some of the methods in which you can dispatch the zombies:

1. Heat up a frying pan and sear their heads
2. Blind zombie with pie and charge up with a golf club while they wander blindly...Fore!
3. Ditto mop bucket and baseball bat
4. Bowling ball
5. Sledgehammer to zombie skull
6. Zombie head goes pop with well placed scythe
7. Squirt them with a water gun. Doesn't kill them, but it's fun to annoy them
8. Katana makes zombie filets!
9. Shopping cart
10. Standard shotgun effect...boring...but highly effective
11. Hand gun taken from dead zombie security guards
12. Hunting knife
13. Baton
14. Soda cans.
15. Food court chairs
16. Mop
17. CD's like the squirtgun simply fun to annoy
18. Big diamonds
19. Flower pots
20. Garbage cans
21. Bench
22. Flying V guitar!

All these weapons and that was only the demo. All these dead zombies and that was just the demo.

My Favorite Movie of the Summer So Far...The Descent.

Over the last four or five years, people have claimed that horror movies have made a come back. If someone had told me that back then I would've been pretty thrilled. For awhile horror movies were relegated to straight to video releases. Well, the horror movie is back, and I haven't been that pleased. The problem is that with the Saw series, Cabin Fever, and Hostel, they haven't been scary movies, but movie you should be scared to see. The movies have been so set on clubbing the audience with gruesome images that the movies become nothing more than a mind numbing effort with no real frights. There needs to be a balance between the gore and the scare. The Descent rides the line to near perfection.

The Descent is a British horror movie that follows six female friends who have a need to find thrills. They meet to go exploring a cave in the Appalachia Mountains. Our heroine of the group is a woman who lost her husband and daughter in a car accident a year ago. She's reluctant to come, but her friends think this is something that would be good for her. The get back on the horse kind of thinking. As with all horror movies, things go wrong once they enter the cave, and they become trapped with creatures who have adapted to live miles underground.

The great thing about this movie is that before the creatures even show up the tension has been ratcheted up with light and shadows, things possibly seen, and the confusion and claustrophobia of exploring a cave that the reveal of the creatures is almost a release. Yes there are many horror movie conventions, but the director employs them so well that they are effective. This is what I expect in a horror movie, and I hope more like this are to follow.

Are You Kidding Me? The Wave?

This afternoon while watching the Cubs go 8-3 during their homestand, I saw something I had never seen in all my years of watching the Cubs and going to Wrigley. I saw fans participating in one of the top 10 most annoying things about sports...the wave. Even the announcers couldn't recall the last time a wave broke out at Wrigley. What the hell is happening to the best park in baseball? Who is letting in these amateur hour morons into the park? I was actually embarrassed. That's not supposed to happen at Wrigley...ever. In fact "the wave" doesn't belong in baseball either. Here's more.

Ramblings - The EP

Everytime they blow up or crush a car on our show, I immediately think, "I could've used that car. Instead of blowing it up, why couldn't they give it to me?" They bought a car and blew it up for a five second shot on our show. I do find it odd that one of my big complaints about Hollywood is that they blow perfectly good cars that could be put to better use.

Money to Burn. This phrase has always left me a little confused. I understand when someone says Bill Gates has "money to burn." It points to the ridiculousness of how much money he has. What I don't get is when people say "I'd love to buy that, but I don't have 400 dollars to burn." That makes no sense. If you would love to buy that, then how can that compare to burning money? Also, who came up with this "money to burn" phrase? Somewhere at sometime someone burned money and I want to know who it was.

In the "Please Don't Suck. Please Don't Suck" category I offer the Xbox 360 game "Dead Rising." You are a photographer stuck in a mall with hundreds of zombies coming after you and other civilians. Everything from squirtguns to bowling balls to shrub trimmers can be used against the zombies. Really, how can you go wrong with that? Also, there are supposed to be numerous zombies on the screen at once. So, it's not like taking out zombies one at a time as they chase you. That means zombie carnage on a mass scale. Still I have sneaky suspicion it might suck. I hope I'm wrong. I hope this screenshot is actual gameplay. I want to kill 523 zombies! At least!

I like that Regent keeps sending me e-mails to remind me that I'm an alumni. It keeps me humble.

Finally, to the jackass that I was trying to help yesterday at the gas station: You see when a car is running gas is pumped from the tank into the engine where sparks cause combustion that moves the parts. So, when you are trying to fill you gas tank with the car running, it's kind of like eating while sitting on the toilet. Ok maybe not, but still you can risk your life on your own time but don't get me and other intelligent people involved in your teasing Mr. Death. Also, don't tell me you've done this all the time. You're telling me that for the past 30 odd years of your life everytime you've pumped gas you've left the engine running? How are you still alive? If you are dumb enough to be doing that for all this time, what other moronic stuff have you been doing?