Wednesday, November 30, 2005

I Will Kiss Bugs Bunny's Ass

Consider this the companion piece to my post/rant on Mickey Mouse. This is more than just about Bugs Bunny, but the whole Looney Tunes family. Looney Tunes was it as far as cartoons were concerned when I was a kid, and it still is today. I’d watch my MGM cartoons if they were on like Tom and Jerry, but nothing compared to Looney Tunes. It’s a cornerstone of my childhood, and part of what makes me who I am today.

I had T-shirts and hats. I bought up all the glasses with the characters. I even wrote a letter complaining that there was no Elmer Fudd glass. How could they not make an Elmer Fudd glass? Elmer Fudd! I remember as a kid watching Chuck Jones on some talk show showing how to draw Bugs Bunny and Road Runner. I couldn’t find a pencil and paper fast enough. I practiced and practiced those techniques for weeks. They never really turned out very good. I did come close on drawing a passable likeness of Road Runner. I still dream of being able to afford cells from the cartoons. Being such a fan I was disappointed that the availability of the cartoons for retail was rather limited. That is till about two years ago when Warner Bros. began releasing their 4 disc DVD Golden Collections. There are three out currently, and I can’t rave enough about them. They are in the truest sense: genius. Some have complained about there not being a set that just has all of the most popular cartoons (What’s Opera Doc? Rabbit of Seville, Duck Amuck, Rabbit Seasoning, One Froggy Evening, etc.). Honestly, they are spreading them out in order to sell the sets, and there are some misfires of cartoons included. Warner has done an outstanding job on these discs. They not only did a great job of remastering them. The cartoons look and sound great. They have also dug up some great shorts and docs on the history of Looney Tunes. From they documentary about the beginning of Warner Bros. cartoon division to a Tex Avery interview to the Bugs Bunny 50th Anniversary special. I still haven’t even included the numerous commentaries and the fact that they are all uncut. There is no PC editing like when they air on TV. The one major downside of this is the third set has Whoopi making a statement about the non-PC elements in the cartoons. Whoopi? Why not just have the Aunt Jemima bottle make the statement?

Finally, let me say that adding up all the cartoons on the three sets comes out to 160 cartoons. That’s a crap load of comedy gold. And still there are cartoons that I’m hoping will be on the 4th set. One of those being the Ralph Phillips cartoons: “A to Zzzz” and “Boyhood Daze.” If you don’t remember, Ralph is the boy who daydreams about being a pilot, George Washington, and other historical figures. He’s a definite precursor to Calvin and Hobbs, and onemy all time favorites.

So if you’ve got the blues, or are stuck in rut do yourself a favor and at least Netflix some of these discs. It will do you some good.

Better Off Left Unsaid

I received this e-mail from my stepbrother Sam yesterday.

“Remember how you always used to say 'you deserve a winky button and a cardboard cookie', whenever you wanted to suggest someone had made a trivial contribution to the conversation? Well there's a word for that -- floccinaucinihilipilification. Cool, eh?”

Yes, like the Fonz, Arnold, Mel Allen and Flo, I had a catch phrase. Thank you Sam for reminding me even though I’m pretty sure I forgot on purpose. Thing is you forgot the exclamation of “Congratulations!” before the rest of the catch phrase. So the whole phrase was: “Congratulations! You deserve a winky button and a cardboard cookie.” With or without the exclamation, it still wasn’t the best of catch phrase. In fact it was awful. Like most catch phrases they never really start off as catch phrases. It was just something I said and then it caught on with the family. Thing is I have no idea where the phrase originated. Is it a combination of pop culture references or just my own nerdy creation? Either way it had the life span of Small Wonder and was just as quickly forgotten, or so I thought. Thanks Sam for reminding me…I guess.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Meaningless Things I’m Thankful For:

With Thanksgiving over, I thought it’d be nice to give some thanks for those things that are usually left out during our thankfulness. Normally we are thankful for family, friends, good health, blah, blah, and blah. There are little things too that deserve our thankfulness. Here are some of mine.

Touchless Paper Towel Dispensers: These should be required in every business and most homes. How many times have you second guessed touching that wet handle to get your paper towel? It can’t be just me…can it?

Getting that perfect box of Cheez-its. The greatest cracker ever made. Also, don’t try to pass off those imitations. I can tell the difference. Cheese Nips are for losers!

Winning a round of Halo 2’s deathmatch on Xbox Live and yelling: “I beat you all, and I actually have a life! Ha! Ha! Ha!...ha. (Yes, I realize I’m lying.)

Finding that CD you thought your friend borrowed and never returned. Sorry Eric.

Not getting stuck in the elevator with “90’s Man” who works a floor below you.

When you need one more quarter to finish a load of laundry, and you find it between the couch cushions.

Comfortable chairs

Funnel cakes

Easy to remember phone numbers


Monday, November 28, 2005

It's About Time!

This has been an awful season for me in the NFL office pool. I haven't come close to being in the running for the weekly cash prize. I'm sure this has been than case with many out there because this has been a crazy season. Finally, I'm in the running this week. How is it that I finally picked correctly this past week? I didn't think about it. Trying to get off work early, and before traffic hit, I just made my picks an left. I never second guessed or even really thought about it. Now it's me and some other guy I've never met vying for the cash. For me to win I need the Colts to win. That seems easy enough. The problem is I need the combined score to be 55 points or higher. I think I'm screwed.

The thing is I'm not a huge NFL guy. I like college football much more than pro. But, since I have money on the games I'm flipping through every game, watching the ticker, and biting my nails during OT's. It makes me wonder sometimes where the NFL would be if the game wasn't so gambling friendly.

Yes, I realize that posting on this topic has drastically reduced my chances of winning. My blog is my own SI or Madden cover jinx.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Breakdown: Thanksgiving Weekend

For the second time this year I was graced with the presence of a family member. This time my other sister Anne Marie and her boyfriend, Laszlo, drove into town from Santa Fe. Here’s a little breakdown of the wonderfully extended weekend.

Wednesday: My sister arrives after a 12 hour drive. God bless them. I simply order some pizza, and we relax. By relax I mean Laszlo and I play video games till midnight. For those who doubt three people could comfortably sleep in my cubicle of an apartment, myself being one of them, I offer this picture.

Thursday: Since Anne is all about tradition, it was pointless for me to persuade her to simply go to a restaurant for Thanksgiving. This meant joining the other last minute shoppers in lines all across the store. It was nice though having a traditional Thanksgiving meal even if we did all eat on the floor. It’s the thought that counts. The rest of the day was spent digesting food, more gaming, and simply vegging out.

Friday: We actually went outside my area code and saw Syriana at The Grove. We met up with Bobby, and ate at the Farmer’s Market after the movie. A little advice, it’s not that great of an idea to go to The Grove the day after Thanksgiving. It was a complete mad house. I was surprised people weren’t crushed by the trolley. The movie itself was quite good. Though I think Bobby summed it up best when he said he felt like he should’ve gotten class credit for watching it. Yes, it’s officially become a tradition that all visiting relatives have to meet Bobby. Another tradition is taking all visitors to the Mecca that is Amoeba Records. I picked up the new Thelonious Monk Quartet with John Coltrane at Carnegie Hall. My sister and her boyfriend also got their first celebrity sightings.

The one they knew:

The two they didn’t:

John Frusciante: Guitarist for Red Hot Chili Peppers

Chris Pontius

Saturday: Let me say this for those who have never been to LA. No matter what anyone says there is really no reason to go to Venice Beach. It’s really a tourist trap. Sure there’s the people watching. You can see the man robot or the guy who walks on glass.

After that it’s just rows of tables and stores selling the same junk over and over. It’s become a regular occurrence to take visitors to Venice Beach. The reason is there is always someone who tells them they need to see Venice Beach. I don’t know who these people are, but please stop. I’m really tired of taking people just to see the guy who walks on broken glass again. The day was topped off wonderfully though with another tradition: Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles.

Doesn’t the red neon add to the ambience?

Sunday: The kids left to Santa Fe. Thus ended one the best Thanksgivings I’ve had in LA, and proving once again Thanksgiving should be spent with friends and family.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005


So I came to work today empty handed, and I’m terribly frustrated by it. Part of the frustration is that I’m running on two hours of sleep. The other part is because four times this morning I’ve gotten my hopes up only to see them dashed. Here’s a little rundown of my day.

1AM: I fell asleep with images of Call of Duty 2 and Perfect Dark Zero running through my head with a million polygon count. I had planned on going to bed earlier, but around 9PM I felt the spirit calling me to clean my bathroom sink. Three hours later my whole bathroom is spotless, and I’m just beginning to clean the kitchen.

3AM: I wake up, shower, grab Pepsi, and drive to the Wal-Mart a couple miles from my house. To my excitement I see less than twenty people waiting in line. Jackpot! In fact I’m actually number 20 in line. I know this because after waiting about 25 minutes a guy in a security jacket yells at me for not putting my name on the list. Now I don’t know if he was even an actually security guard, but he wouldn’t shut-up about me trying to jump ahead of people. Biting my tongue, I wait for about three hours.

6:10AM: With 7AM coming around the corner my fellow losers begin to form a line according to our number on the list. Excitement is building. Soon I will have my hands on that white plastic electronic time waster I’ve saved my money for. The “Security” guard then starts championing those who waited longer than me to not allow other to skip in front of them. At this point I would like to point out that he was at the front of the line. I’m certain he wasn’t the real security guard, and was just using it to weasel his way to the front. I imagined that once the doors opened he’d yell “Suckers!” and dash into the store to buy an Xbox 360. I would never find out.

6:25AM: The manager steps outside, taking the list from the “Security” guard. He glances at the list and then looks up. “I’m sorry. I only have fourteen.” The Wal-Mart in downtown Long Beach only has fourteen? Shit. Now I really don’t have a problem with them only having fourteen. If that’s all Microsoft sent them, then that’s all they have. My problem is that since I arrived the manager was constantly letting the morning shift workers in the front door. Did it not cross his mind once to tell us he only had 14? If he had told us before hand, I could have driven to a different store rather than wasting three hours. So, I left in huff, trying to figure out which stores I could hit next.

6:40AM: I pull into the Toys R Us. Only eight people in line! Sweetness. I ran up to the line. They all had that solemn “Hate to burst your bubble” look. The Toys R Us only had eight. Everyone else waiting in line had already left to find other stores.

6:55AM: After cussing up a storm with words my car should never hear, I arrive at a shopping center that has a Circuit City, CompUSA, and Sears. They are all certified Xbox 360 dealers, and they are all right next to each other. At this point I have a decision to make. Which store to wait in front of? I picked Sears because it had the shortest line with 15. CompUSA had around 18 people, and Circuit City was pushing around 40. So, I put my name on the list, and wait in line…again.

7:05AM: I walk over to the CompUSA line to see if they know how many the store is carrying. The rumor has it at around eleven. Eleven! What the hell are you thinking Microsoft? I move on to the Circuit City line, and ask the same question. Nobody knows. I scurry back to my original line.

7:15AM: Some 40 year old lady with “crack baby” teeth won’t shut up in my line. She’s keeps trying to tell funny anecdotes about her job at Taco Bell. The punch line to one of her stories is “He said Compton Hood not Captain Hook. I said I’m Robin Hood.” I should still be in bed right now.

7:16AM: Some Sears employee slaps a sign on the window indicating they have no new Xbox. Mother Hubbard!

7:18AM: I’m standing in the Circuit City line. I’m around number 50 at this point. Now I still have some hope left for two reasons. First, the Best Buy had 60 for their midnight sale. Surely, Circuit City would have around that many. Second, a guy shows up who actually had an employee wait in line for him. He said that they told him they had around 100. Finally!

7:35AM: I find myself dispensing all by Xbox 360 knowledge to a couple grandmothers and a few Dads. Soon a few other people start asking questions. At a certain point I was tempted to raise my hands and yell, “Can you dig it?” But I assumed the reference wouldn’t be picked up.

8:15AM: The doors to the store open. Everyone is ordered into a single file line. Once again the excitement builds. Two employees come out with a stack of tickets each to pass out to those in line. They didn’t even get close to me. They only had twenty-one. At least I wasn’t the only one going home empty handed. I did leave though with a nearly bursting bladder, and half of a once full pack of cigarettes.

What a wonderful way to spend a Tuesday morning. Perhaps I could have planned a little bit more. Perhaps I should have never gone to bed. Perhaps the manager could’ve been considerate enough to let those waiting in line know how many they had. Perhaps I should learn to be patient.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Creepiest Toy Ever Made

I was watching Supernatural this weekend. In one of the traditional "hand chopped off by garbage compactor" scenes, they cut to this toy.

Growing up I remember seeing the cover of Monkey Shines. I never read the book, but the movie blew. That image on the cover though still creeps me out.

It's become a staple of horror films, and there's a reason for that. With it's freaky smile and crazy clapping of cymbals, how can it not be an omen of bad things. If you ever come across this toy in real life, I suggest you do what I would!

Number two on the list: The Ventriloquist Dummy

Does anyone remember that short film back in the day about the dummy chasing a woman around the apartment with a knife? That scared the shit out of me as a kid.

They are closely associated with number three: the marionette.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Hunt for the Elusive White X!

This upcoming Monday through Tuesday I will be going on an adventure of sorts. I have been given a quest that I’m not certain I can complete. Monday at midnight my search will begin. My prey, my trophy, my destiny is the X-box 360. My soul has waged war with itself over should I or shouldn’t I wait till Christmas for the X-box 360. I can tell you now that the dark side has won. I have succumbed to my impatience and that fallen angel Dominic’s beguiling voice. My heart has turned, and nothing can bring me back. I shall retrieve my own X-box 360 from the clutches of those pimply teenage cave trolls, and spoiled princes. From the Spanish style homes of Manhattan Beach to grassless yards of Long Beach I will search wide for my X-box 360! I make this promise to you! If I do not have that X-box 360 by 10am on Nov. 22 then I will…simply have to wait like every other normal person. Perhaps I will do a post on my adventure? That should bore everyone.


I’m having second thoughts on this high school reunion thing. It’s most likely because I found out it’s taking place at something called the Rusty Bucket. Perhaps it’s just because I’ve been spoiled by my works wrap and Christmas parties, but the Rusty Bucket? At least I won’t have to dress up.

I know I’m in the minority on this, but the Hummer H3 commercial with the monster an robot giving birth to an H3 creeps me out. I appreciate the effort and the sense of humor. It still creeps me out.

This was the scene outside my office today. Only in Hollywood would there be people walking a chimp in front of a donkey dressed like a human. There were some attractive models walking around, but they didn’t want to be photographed. Off! Man I love this town.

I’m not pleased with all this talk of trading for Mench from the Texas Rangers. Sure he’s not an all or nothing guy like Burnitz, but can’t we do better? Are they still not sold on the Big Murt playing left? Dusty Baker is clearly the Larry Brown of the MLB.

We are two weeks into sweeps with two more to go, and Lost has sucked the bag. Not only has it been boring, but it’s been predictable. Invasion has done a better job of giving answers that only lead to more questions. I know it’s viewed as Lost’s bastard cousin, but I’ve been more entertained by the small town Invasion of the Body Snatchers ripoff than the “We Don’t Know What We’re Doing” Lost. Here’s the problem. People want show to run as long as they can as long as it’s a hit. But you never know if your show will be a hit until it airs. So you throw a whole bunch of twists and turns to gain an audience. Once you become a hit, you’re stuck having to then pull back on the twists so as not to run out of story. I would like to see a show outline a five year plan. The show will run exactly five seasons and no longer than that. This way there’s no spinning your wheels to stretch out the seasons.

I forgot to mention a few minor celebrities I saw during my hiatus.

I saw the guitarist for System of a Down, Daron Malakian, at Amoeba. If I was an angry young man who hated the world I might have cared. One thing I've noticed is celebrities always buy albums in bulk at Amoeba. Also, why can't I ever see musicians I car about? Where's Dulli or Beck? They live in LA. Wait. I saw Mark Lanegan. That was pretty cool.

I saw Ron Livingston at the Arclight. This really kind of cool because the night before I bought the Office Space DVD with flair.

Finally I saw Tom Arnold at the premiere of some independent movie he’s in. I’d make a couple jokes at this point about the empty red carpet and other jokes. But the movie was apparently made because Arnold became friends with a kid next door that has cerebral palsy. The kid wanted to be an actor, so Arnold put this movie together for him.

It’s at this point that I realize I’ve posted before about my solution for Lost. .. I think.

Another thing I like about iTunes is that coworkers can listen to my music on their own computer. It does my heart and ego good when people mention how much they enjoy listening to my tunes. It also makes me a little sad when I have to kick someone off when I leave work.

The highlight of my week has been getting a surprise gift from my grandmother. Being the Sewmaster that she is, she made a great jean and flannel blanket. Big ups to grandma!

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Hiatus Breakdown

Friday Night:

I kicked off my hiatus with Krystal’s birthday party. I got to hang out with co-workers, former coworkers, and friends, and strangers. Someone sort of offered to set me up on a blind date. I never know how to react to such proposals, so I think my blank stare nixed the idea. The party eventually moved to a bar down the street. One of the pluses of not drinking is all the free Cokes. I also finally got to see Astroglide dance to Hollaback Girl in the middle of the bar. He didn't just show a few moves and stop. He kept on dancing through the whole song. It was genius.


On Keymaster’s suggestion I went to the LA Brewery Artwalk late Saturday afternoon. Not knowing exactly what to expect I gave myself a couple hours to walk around and look at art. Little did I know how huge the event was. This “brewery” is basically an artist commune where the warehouses have been turned into studios and lofts for artists. How is it nobody I know is aware this place exists? I quickly realized that two hours wouldn’t be enough time to see everything. I made sure to first visit Keymaster’s sister and brother in law’s studio first. One of their models ended up being one of my favorites that I’ve seen. I then moved on to see as much as I could. There was every form of art you could imagine. Some of it was pretentious, some boring, and some genius. I’d say I got through about a third of the exhibit. It’s definitely a full day event. I highly suggest going next year. I assume it’s an annual event. It offers art of all types, great people watching, and it’s all free.

I followed up my art experience with my monthly visit to Amoeba and Arclight. I picked up albums from local artists Rex Aquarium and The 88. Since I had to be at a party by 9 this left me with seeing The Weatherman at The Arclight. I once wrote half a script with the intention of making a completely unlikable main character. It didn’t work, and it doesn’t work here. It has its moments, but it didn’t pass my 3 glance watch test.

Speaking of The 88, I bought their first album was excited to see they came out with a new record. They aren't revolutionary but they're fun in a Fountains of Wayne kind of catchy hooks way. Now I'll admit part of my joy was they were a guilty pleasure band that i had all to myself. We've all had these kind of bands haven't we. Well, imagine my dissapointment when I read that they are going to be on the OC.

Now bored into a stupor, I went to a friend’s party thrown to welcome her brother to LA. I knew only two people there, but felt I held my own as the new guy. I need to step outside my comfort zone every now and then. It was one of those great sit around and just talk get togethers.


With Saturday being fairly busy, I decided to simply relax today. What better way to relax than with a double feature? I started off with the great historical drama Goodnight and Good Luck. To end on a bang I saw Kiss, Kiss, Bang Bang. I highly recommend both of them.

The rest of the time I simply relaxed or wrote. I feel slightly revitalized, and am ready to finish the year strong. Thanks for being patient.

Friday, November 11, 2005

G to the double "O" dness

Here's the deal. A couple years ago the boyish men at 3CT and myself concocted "Goodness." It's three comedic shorts about the daily lives of four struggling writers in Hollywood. They are in the vein of "Curb Your Enthusiasim" and "The Office." There were going to be two more episodes, but then Jiff moved, then I moved, and we all ended up with better (paying) options to spend our weekend. I do though still miss the four of us combining our skill and comedic know how to make something people seem to genuinely enjoy. I was recognized more often at Jiff's wedding for being in Goodness than being his roommate. And, I still get asked if there will be any more episodes. The links are in the right hand column.

Now for the technical info. The good news is that I had no problem compressing the shorts into a reasonable windows media file. The bad news is that I've constantly had audio issues in compressing them into a quicktime movie. For the MAC people out there I did put up MPEG's for each episode but they are rather large files, so it may take some time to download. But it's comedy gold, so it will be worth it. Once I'm able to get the quicktime movies working I'll post those in place of the MPEGs. SO, enjoy, and if there are any troubles let me know.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Get The Funk Out!

In case you haven’t noticed through my last couple weeks of posts, I’ve been in a bit of funk. I’ve been trying to dig myself out of it, but the ground is harder than usual. I wish I could pin point one thing as the cause, but it’s probably a few things. The list so far:

I haven’t gone to a movie, concert, or art exhibit in months. That makes my goal this week to see at least three movies this week. There are no concerts of worth in awhile, so I’m going to try to go see some art this weekend, somewhere.

This living in Long Beach has gotten old. The first year was nice, but my time as a hermit is over. I’ve been able to have my “me time,” but its come at the expense of my social life. I’m also tired of driving around half an hour to find a parking spot. It’s come to control whether I do anything or not. This obviously isn’t a quick fix kind of thing. It simply means I’m putting plans in motion, so I can hopefully move when the show goes on hiatus.

I haven’t finished a script in over a year. This is my own laziness and unwillingness to commit to an idea. What’s happened since then? I have a computer full of half scripts. It’s time to get back into my old discipline of writing. It used to take me a month to write a spec script. Now, I’ve spent almost a year on writing one Shield spec. No more excuses on my part. I need to get this shit done.

My schedule is screwed up. I’ve always been a night owl. Apparently, I’ve been one since birth. My schedule right now though is ridiculous. If was actually getting things done it might be different, but these long nights have hindered my work and just my wellbeing. Again I’ve let my discipline slip. I can’t rely on my youth to get me through these long days, because it has obviously left the building.

So, what does this mean? I’m just explaining why I’m taking a week off from blogging. If something strikes me, I’ll throw it up here. Right now it’s time to recharge my creative batteries, and get out for a while. This also means that the posts may no longer be every day. Though it will probably be close to it. So, I’ll see you in a week, when I’ll have some movies to review, and maybe some art to talk about. Thanks as always loyal readers. I appreciate you more than you know.

Monday, November 07, 2005


First off, did anyone happen to see the simulated press conference Sportscenter had for the Red Sox. They had Steve Phillips playing the roll of GM, and he fielded questions from ESPN analysts about what decisions the Red Sox are facing this off season. Monday, they are doing the same thing with the Yankees. I know there have been numerous complaints about ESPN being bias toward the Red Sox and Yankees, but I was never really bothered by it. That is until now. Being a “National” sports network, if you do this for two teams, you need to do this for all the teams. I’m not speaking of just the Cubs either. From Houston to Kansas City, they should all be covered. Actually, the whole thing was just painful to watch. Maybe it’s a good idea they didn’t do this for all teams.

Some of my favorite sounds:
-The laugh my nieces make when I chase them around.
-The sound of the bell when Ohio State has their opponent facing 3rd down. Sure I expect
AC/DC’s Hells Bells to follow, but I also expect the Buckeyes to force a fourth down.
-The sound of my iBook starting

I once went out with a girl whose family had a pet baboon. How do you legally own a pet baboon? The girl ended up being rather crazy. I don’t know why I was surprised by that.

Why is it every supposed good football match-up always end up in a blowout. The Miami/ V. Tech game being another example.

I’ve recently been playing Resident Evil 4 on the PS2. I got it because it was thoroughly praised by the press. I’m about halfway through and I’m fairly under whelmed. It might be the most overrated game of the year. Yes, it looks outstanding. Yes, the story’s pretty cool. I find myself constantly frustrated rather than challenged by the difficult parts of the game. Also, I should be able to run. Really, if I’m facing some giant troll like creature, I should be able to do more than just walk. I know most will give this game of the year, but they’re wrong. The game of the year is a toss up between God of War and Shadow of the Colossus.

I’m a bit of a hypochondriac.

A “bit” is an understatement.

I admit it. Sometimes I will watch wrasslin’ every now and then. In fact I still daydream sometimes about being a professional wrestler. Even though Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat was my favorite wrestler when I was a kid, I’d want to be a heel. It’s always more fun to play the bad guy.

I went to a party Saturday night where a grown man took the game Celebrity too seriously. That always makes for an awkward moment.

For some reason today the theme song to 3-2-1 Contact popped into my brain. “Contact…is the answer…to the question…” The Bloodhound Gang was another thing that made me want to become a P.I. I still remember that one of the clues was written out on a belt, but to read it the gang had to wrap it around a cane.

Friday, November 04, 2005

Yet Another Tale from Minimum Wage

The first real job I ever had was as a janitor of a small office building. I was a junior in high school, and worked with my friend Karl. It wasn’t that bad of a job except for the toilets. Karl and I would show up after school, hang out for an hour talking about women (Kama and Wendy specifically), music, and comic books. It took less than two hours to clean the place if we really worked at it. Basically it paid for my CD’s and comic books. Also, I’ve always wanted to say “I cleaned toilets for a living.” Then they finally leased out the basement offices.

The first company was a couple guys who sold vacuum cleaners. Every time I ran into them, they would try to sell me these supposed miracles of vacuuming. I don’t know why they thought a teenager would want a vacuum cleaner. Karl would later on be wooed by the apparent cash cow of vacuum cleaners and started working for them. I think it lasted a month. My main problem with them was that they smoked a lot. This meant I had to vacuum their office everyday. Hmm? That kind of makes sense now.

The real character was the guy who ran the “modeling agency.” My question was why do you need a modeling agency in Columbus, Ohio? The second question was why were they in the basement? The guy who ran the “agency” was some Middle Eastern guy who always wore flashy Lycra shirts. Not that he was ever there. Weeks would go by, and there would be no sign of him. The best was his lame attempt to make the office look like a model agency. This extent of his decoration was putting up Kmart clocks for NY, Tokyo, London, and Munich I think. The clocks had their corresponding name spelled out in those shiny stencils used for mailboxes. Half the time the clocks didn’t even work. The other half they didn’t even have the right time. There were also random headshots spread out on the table in the “meeting room.” These headshots were always in the same place. They never moved. Also, none of them had their resumes on the back. How strange is that? A couple times there were some women there with think Eastern European accents. They looked tore up. There was no way they were models even by Ohio’s standards. This lead Karl and I to believe the “modeling agency” was a cover up for drug running or human trafficking.

With my dream of being a private investigator still intact at that age (I read too many Encyclopedia Brown Books), I set out to find evidence of this man’s evil doings. I thumbed through folders that just contained more head shots, tried to unlock his desk, and just snooped around. I’d like to say that I came up with highly incriminating evidence that helped the FBI bring down one of the largest human trafficking organizations, but I didn’t. If I actually had money and a car I’m certain I would’ve broken the case or been arrested for trespassing. It’s at this point I realize how pointless this story is.

Bits O' Music

This song comes from a power pop compilation called Yellow Pills: Prefill. I recommended this album last year. In fact it placed in my top ten. It’s chock full of catchy sugar coated rock n’ roll. I imagine if Billy Joel lead T. Rex this is the kind of songs they would write.

Jack Stack a Track-Good Time Music-Yellow Pills: Prefill

If you are an artist or artist representative being featured on this blog and want me to take down a song, let me know, and it will be removed from the server immediately.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Look Who's All Growds Up!

Believe it or not, it’s been exactly a year since I’ve started this blog. It’s taken awhile for this thing to get going, but I thank you for sticking with it. Now let’s thank some specific people. First, thanks go to Krystal. If she hadn’t have started her blog, there probably wouldn’t have been a Throwaways. Second, I need to thank MOL Jr. for supporting this blog by being first to put a link for Throwaways on his blog. Which leads me to thanking those regulars of MOL Nation. Keymaster, Faith, Diva, PLW, thanks for hanging out, and supporting the illegitimate son of MOL Nation. Then there’s the 3CT boys, who were the first regulars. Thanks Tim for being the first to ever comment. (Imagine the music kicks in right now as they try to get me off the stage, so I start talking really fast) Thanks Bobby for upping the funny on this with the comments. I don’t think Jiff knows this exists, but I’ll thank him anyway since he got his own post. Second to last there is Bob who I now never have to say anything to because he consistently reads this blog. Finally, thanks Mandy, Ben I, and the rest of the family who have often become unwilling subjects. (I exit stage left with the trophy girl wondering if this blog award gig will actually get her that commercial)

Now I get to mail the rest in by putting links to some of my favorite posts of the last year. Again there is no order to these.

Here’s the first (real) post of Throwaways.

My first baseball and childhood post all wrapped up in one mediocre bundle.

The first (and the best) StikfasBrad post.

The scariest post of the year.

A personal favorite

My absolute favorite post is actually one that I didn’t write. In this one Mandy was able to accomplish what I wanted to in fewer words and with better style.

Thanks again. Here’s what you have to look forward to next year: Tim and Bobby tributes. (Don’t worry guys. They will be separate posts.) The awkwardness of attending a high school reunion. Holiday cheer. Even more baseball posts. Lots of unwarranted opinions. And of course more embarrassing stories. Thanks again.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Damn You Zombie Kitten!

Every now and then I will have a serial dream for about a week. I don’t know how it happens, but I end up having a dream that begins where last night’s ended. My current serial has dealt with the wonderful world of zombies. Up until last night I have been defending a house against zombies, and not just human zombies. The night before I thought I had finally rid the house of all things human and beast that was zombified. Last night I was doing a final sweep of the house. Everything appeared to be in the clear till I came across a vent in the floor. I remember feeling proud of myself for not being bitten or hurt by zombies. The cats in the house scurried toward the open vent and started eating something. I kneeled down to see the cats were eating an already dead cat. At least it was dead till it became a zombie cat. “Oh shit!” I shouted. Sure enough all the cats that were eating the zombie cat became themselves zombie cats. I grabbed a large bag to catch the zombie cats. I moved swiftly and caught one. Yes! I dodged a couple as they came after me, and scooped them up in the bag. I thought I had caught them all till I glanced over my shoulder to see a zombie kitten perched on a desk. Sure enough it jumped on my back. Its claws dug deep but not as deep as its bite. I shook the kitten off, and finally caught it up in the bag. I quickly killed the zombie cats before I myself turned into a zombie. Sitting alone, I rebuked myself for being bitten. I was so stupid. I awoke right before zombification. The lesson learned: Never turn your back on a zombie kitten.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

My Favorite Games

Watching ESPN Classic this weekend I got to thinking. If they let me choose five games of any sport to air, what would they be? I placed a few rules in to narrow it down. First, it had to take place while I was still alive. Second, I had to have actually seen the game and not some highlight package or retrospective. Third, this is a personal list and not a historical list. Again, they are in no particular order.

May 6, 1998: Houston Astros vs. Chicago Cubs:

Kerry Wood’s 20 strikeout game. I remember rushing home to watch the game. The phenom Wood was pitching and I wanted to see the hope of the future pitch. He had been recently called up about a month ago from the minors. There was debate about if he was ready for the big leagues. What wasn’t up for debate was his stuff. You know in the first inning when a pitcher is on his game. Watching the break on Wood’s curve and slider was evidence enough that it would be a long day for the Astros. It was actually a 2 hour and 19 minute day, but I’m sure it felt longer than that. After watching that game I actually had hope for the Cubs. I don’t know what I was thinking.

October 15, 1988: World Series: Oakland Athletics vs. Los Angeles Dodgers:

This is perhaps the greatest postseason HR in my lifetime. I still get goose bumps when I see highlights. With the underdog Dodgers down by one run in the bottom of the ninth with 2 outs and a man on, who is sent to the plate but the gimp Gibson. With two bad knees he hobbled to the plate. Who knew he would smack the game winning HR off the unhittable Eckersley? I’m certain nobody did, not even Lasorda. I remember watching with my Dad as he rounded the bases and pumping his fist. It’s one of those moments that proved how great and improbably baseball can be. This game also had Canseco hitting a moon shot grand slam that dented one of the cameras in the bleachers.

Jan. 1, 1997: Rose Bowl: Ohio State 20, Arizona State 17:

I was debating between this game and the National Championship game in 2000 as my Ohio State game. It’s a really tough choice, but for sentimentality reasons I’m going with this one. Ohio State’s bid for a National Championship was cut short once again by Michigan. Still the Buckeyes were able to go to the “grand daddy of them all.” My Dad and I watched, and rode the rollercoaster of emotion in this game. From the go ahead TD on the “Baby Face” Germaine pass to Stanley, to the gut punch as the Sun Devil’s Jake Plummer ran into the end zone with 1:40 left in the game. I was nearly in tears as I watched the Buckeyes with 1:19 left, march down the field and score the game winning moments. It’s one of those great father/son sporting moments for me.

January 3, 1993: Playoffs: Buffalo Bills vs. Houston Oilers:

The greatest comeback in NFL history. At least that’s what they always say on NFL films. It was really amazing to see a backup quarterback take a team down 35-3 early in the second half to a 41-38 OT victory. I would have never believed it myself, if I hadn’t have seen it. Years later when the Oilers became the Titans they would enact their revenge with the Music City Miracle.

October 5, 2003: NLDS: Chicago cubs vs. Atlanta Braves:

For first time in my life I got to see the Cubs win a playoff series. The fact that they did it against the dreaded Atlanta Braves was just icing. Being a Cubs fan, I waited for the inevitable collapse to happen. It didn’t happen as Wood shut down the Braves for eight innings, and Borowski closed out the ninth. For days I was riding that baseball bliss till the inevitable finally happened. Shudder. So close. So close.