Apparently it's as Addictive as Crack

This weekend I had the pleasure of going to Pomona for the Body Art (Tattoos) Expo. Now you maybe asking: Why in the hell did you want to do that? Believe me I didn’t. I was sent by CSI: Miami because the CO-EP was certain a story could mined out of my discoveries there. Since I am the researcher and have less of a life than the rest of the writing staff, I was sent on assignment. They hinted that I should go for the whole weekend, but I was certain that one Saturday would be enough. So this is my experience (pictures included)…

Let me get this out first. It’s an hour plus drive from LB to Pomona. I packed four CD’s for the trip. I only needed one. There and back I only listened to The Hold Steady’s Separation Sunday. It is such an outstanding album. With so many new rock bands being of neo-New Wave ilk it’s nice to hear a straight forward rock band. There is no filler to found on this album. The album closer “How a Resurrection Really Feels” being my favorite of the moment. On to the show…

It should be stated that I have no tattoos. I have been tempted twice to actually get one. The last time was to get one when my mother died a couple years ago. I wanted to get something in honor of her. It dawned on me though that my mother would hate it, and therefore it wouldn’t be much of an honor. I envisioned her coming down from heaven and scolding me beginning with the use of my full name middle included. That being said, I was slightly nervous going to a convention for tattoos, when I don’t actually have one. It’d be like me going to a Lamaze class for ethnic lesbians. I’m not going to fit in.

Arriving in Pomona I realized why I moved out of the Valley. Man, it was damn hot, and having to walk a mile to the convention hall didn’t help. After losing five pounds of fluids, I was greeted with this image as I approached the hall.

Yeah, this didn’t ease my fears.









Also, the Reptile Show…not so popular.








Ten minutes of wondering around like a cat in a dog pound, I came across this booth. Apparently this guy is using an ancient technique to tattoo this guy. If you want to do it yourself, go into your yard and find to straight sticks, tie a needle to one end, and find some ink. Then, go wrangle up your friend and use the one stick to tap the needle into his neck like you were drumming out the theme to Hawaii Five-O. Intrigued, I asked the guy at the booth for more detail on this interesting technique. He was kind enough to give me some great information. Unfortunately, I didn’t retain any of it because a guy was having a big ass needle tapped into his neck!

Next there was an announcement that they were having an exhibition where five tattoo artists would start drawing a picture, and then rotate every two minutes to the easel on their right and then work on that picture. I was bored after the first rotation and left when it appeared they would all be pictures of “evil things.”

I then came across a casting booth for a reality TV show. They were only interested in people with tattoos, the bastards! Wouldn’t it be interesting to have the clean skinned guy among all those with ink? It would be like having the gay person or the “virgin” on every other reality show. The running theme would be everyone trying to get me to get a tattoo. I should be running a network.

Here’s a picture to give a slight idea of the size of the Expo. Multiply this by five. Also, I really felt sorry for that tattooist in the foreground. I really hope she wanted a small tattoo. I would find out later she didn’t.



Another part of the Body Art Expo was body modification. This is the thing that really kind of creeped me out. The tattoos, no matter how much or what they covered, actually intrigued me. This freaked me out.

My first response upon seeing this lady was: “What the fauss?” The second was: “Heh. Buttcrack.” Thing is she is really beautiful. You know except for the implanted corset in her back and the blatant exposure of buttcrack.







By this time the artists were done playing musical easels, so I went to view the final masterpieces. Just like I thought. No adorable woodland creatures. So I wandered around and talked to some of the people at the booths. At this point, I started feeling more and more like an outsider as I was asking questions. Every conversation would lead up to the “Do you have any tattoos?” My answer started off as “No.” After a few “You’re a lesser man" looks it eventually mutated into “No. I have a skin condition.” I can’t explain the feeling to make up an excuse. I really do though have a condition. It’s called nerve endings.

This nice lady has been tattooing as long as you would think.








This is the guy in the first picture. He would take breaks to have a smoke while getting his tattoo. Apparently he's very patriotic, or this is the only woman his wife would allow tattooed on his back.









Another ceremonial tattooing. The stick with the needle was a metal instrument this time, which seems so much more sanitary but so much less ceremonial.






The 1,245th use for plastic wrap. Why don’t they advertise to these people?











Taxi Driver’s probably in my top 25 movies of all time, but come on. Where are the Driving Miss Daisy hardcore fans?











I have no idea why these belly dancers were there. They really gave their all to an audience of like three. That is if you count me for the five seconds it took to walk up take a picture and leave.





See what I mean about body modification?








Other things I saw:
10 Pairs of Breasts. Only two pairs belonged to women. You always knew when a girl was getting topless for a tattoo because there would always be a big crowd of wierdos. Hmm. I mean creepy wierdos.

23 People in Wheelchairs. 23! I have never seen so many people in wheelchairs in one place. I don't know what it was, but it turned the rows into the 101/110 interchange.

5 People literally covered head to toe in tattoos.

Unfortunately I saw no tattooed little people.

I ended up being there for a little over seven hours, and then my dogs really started barkin’. I came away realizing that these are simply people that are passionate about something. Most everyone was very nice, and willing to talk about their art. There really was a sense of community around there. Anytime someone would come by sporting a cool tattoo, people wouldn’t hesitate to compliment or ask for a better look. Watching all these people work was very fascinating. These people aren’t exactly about the “cool factor” of tattoos, but the artistry of it. Overhearing one conversation I came to understand a little about the compulsiveness of getting tattoos.

Tattooist: Did you get inked yet?

Tattooed friend: No. I can’t afford it right now.

Tattooist: That’s tough. It’s like being a crack whore with no crack.

Addiction is something I knew about since I went outside to smoke a cigarette.

Finally, I believe I've earned the opportunity to go on assignment when CSI:Miami decides to do a Spring Training story.