Wednesday, June 28, 2006

I Have a Question About Superman Returns? (Spoilers!)

So I went to see Superman Returns last night. I enjoyed it. It is definitely a throwback to the first two Superman films. But one plot point has irritated me to no end. Please someone explain this without it being creepy. For those who have not seen the film stop reading......NOW!

Okay. Two thirds into the movie we discover that Superman is the father of Lois Lane's son. In the movie it is clearly a surprise to Lois. It had been stated in many interviews and reviews that this movie fits in after Superman II in the story line. (Actually, I would like to forget that 3 and 4 ever happened.) In Superman II, Lois and Superman knock boots once his powers are taken away. At the end of Superman II Lois' memory of the whole event is wiped clean. She doesn't remember discovering that Clark Kent is Superman or that they got married, or that they had sex. So my question is how does Lois rationalize that she never remembers having sex with the biological father of her son. If you never remembered having sex with someone, then you find out you must have because he's the father of your kid wouldn't you be just a little creeped out? Wouldn't you ask the father how the hell this happened? How did he knock you up? I realize Superman can't tell a lie and all that truth and justice kind of stuff he stands for, but that's still creepy. If he's the love of your life, wouldn't you want to remember that moment? You had sex with Superman! That's a pretty momentous thing. If anyone can logically answer this question without the word "rape" I would greatly appreciate it.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Hello Everybody! Are You Ready for Some Emotion?

Those are the words the director said as he walked by the long line to the showing of his film. No I didn't get to an early showing of "Superman Returns." There's no way I'd wait in line to see "Click." I was waiting in line to see the "The Room."

First of all, I need to thank Tim for inviting me along. It was his fourth viewing and obviously my first. You might be asking, "If Tim's seen it four times, it must a fantastic film?" You would be correct in thinking that, but you're wrong. Actually if you were thinking it was fantastically awful then you'd be right. "The Room" ranks up there as one of the worst films ever made, and yet people line up the last Saturday of each month. You see it's become a cult hit here in LA along the lines of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." People gather to simply laugh at how awful this film is. Throughout the showing people just throw out comments. Some of the comment have caught on and are yelled by everyone at every viewing. The odd thing is that the director/star shows up for Q&A before each showing.

The Q&A is a tense affair. With his thick Schwarzenegger like accent he dodges such questions as what his favorite spoon is, how did he finance the movie, or what country he's from. Each dodge is peppered with little rants where he calls the Chinese "yellowish" and flips off the more unruly fans. He then goes and sits in the back and watches the movie while the fans tear his movie apart. Completely bizarre.

I should also give the crowd I saw it with. There were three guys that threw out some choice comments. I mention this basically to say if you happen to be planning a trip to LA schedule it so you are out here during the last Saturday of the month. You won't regret it. I give it four hearty "Whooooo's!" of laughter.

NPR on The Room.

The Room website

Friday, June 23, 2006

Here's What I Meant to Say about the Twilight Singers Concert

Twilight Review

Updated: LA Setlist


I'm Ready
Esta Noche
Too Tough to Die
Bonnie Brae
Fountain and Fairfax
King Only
Teenage Wristband
Dream On
Annie Mae
There's Been An Accident (featuring Joseph Arthur)
Candy Cane Crawl
Let's Get It On
Papillon (w/When We Two Parted)
Martin Eden
Forty Dollars

The Killer
Underneath the Waves
Live With Me (featuring Mark Lanegan)
Where Did You Sleep Last Night? (feat. Mark Lanegan)
Black is the Color (featuring Mark Lanegan)
Deep Hit of Morning Sun (featuring Mark Lanegan)

Irrational Fears of the Little Ones

It seems everyone around me has recently given birth or is close to it. It kind of got me thinking about what if I had my own little Itens. Not that I'm even close to having my own. If I remember that sex ed. video correctly, there was something about a woman needing to be involved. I could be mistaken though. While pondering little Itens, you would think that I would dwell upon all the good things like taking them to their first baseball game or teaching them to ride a bike or how to execute a super jump in Super Mario Bros. You would be wrong. Of course I started having irrational fears. I say irrational because they aren't the fears of affording the kids education or health concerns. I should also point out that I can't handle kids near railings. I actually I have to walk away any time a kid is near a railing because it freaks me out. I don't care if the railing is six inches taller than the kid. I always imagine the worse. Even that isn't what I was fearing. Hear are some of the ridiculous fears that ran through my mind:

1. What if the kid hates all sports with a passion? Or even worse, becomes a Yankees fan?

2. What if the kid becomes a hippie whose record collection consists of only Phish and Grateful Dead albums? It could happen when they rebel against my love of electronic gadgets.

3. Maybe they will become a metal kid who thinks singing is when a guy imitates the Cookie Monster.

4. What if they always want to go to bed early and wake up early?

5. What if my love of baseball causes them to turn into one of those idiot jocks or starts dating them?

6. What happens if he turns out right handed and ends my plans to turn him into a left handed pitcher. You see left handed pitchers will always be desired in baseball. Look at Terry Mullholland. That's job security!

7. When's the appropriate age for the son or daughter to beat the father at something. If they beat me in a game of HORSE at the age of five haven't I lost any chance of gaining their respect?

8. What if they really really love musicals and I'm stuck seeing Grease three times a week?

9. What would I do if the kid ends up being the dumbest one in the family and he/she doesn't end up being potty trained till he's in high school?

10. What if they end up being a real life Doogie Hauser?

11. What if they end up having kids?

Thursday, June 22, 2006

I'm Too Old for This. (Not That it Ever Stops Me)

I feel tremendously old today. It seems I can no longer pull off back to back nights of genius. I'm sore, tired, and simply burnt out. Would I do it again? Damn straight I would. Tuesday I experienced the spandexed debauchery of Lucha Vavoom as shown in the pictures below. I tell you there's nothing like nearly being flattened by a large man in spandex. Last night was the sweat and debauchery you can only experience at a Twilight Singers show. I can say that last night they were at their absolute best. But before I get to the main act let me talk a little about the opening acts: Jeff Klein and Afterhours. Greg Dulli had a hand in both of their latest albums. This definitely gave the whole night a kind of Dulli with his extended family vibe.
Jeff Klein is a young singer songwriter. I know there are probably some Ryan Adams comparisons that he probably hates, but I can see how those comparisons could be made. I will say that Klein's world is darker almost noir like than Adams'. Actually it's the same world Dulli's music lives in. Last night his performance was just him and his guitar. Most of his set involved him creating the percussion, rhythm guitar, and strings with his guitar. While the looping and the songs were great, there was more impact to the performance when the Twilight Singers came out backed him up on a song. Still a solid performance.

Then all hell broke loose when the Afterhours came out. Afterhours are an Italian band that Dulli met years ago when touring Europe. First of all they flat out rocked. Second they performed with so much energy and honest joy it was impossible for the crowd to not partake. These guys clearly enjoyed just playing rock and roll. It was an absolutely great set. I'd pay just to see them in concert.

Now let me talk about the Twilight Swingers. Living in LA I basically got to see the first and last concert of their US tour. Yes, the first one was really just a "practice" show, but it was the first time they performed the new songs in front of an audience. Last night was the last stop of their US tour which meant they could pull out all the stops. They pulled out every last one.

One of the bad things about living in LA is that the concert audiences often suck. They just stand there and watch with absolutely no investment in the show. Last night was one of the rare time the audience got involved, expect for the two wet blankets right in front of me. I actually credit Afterhours for doing what an opening band should. Clearly the Twilight Singers were feeding off this. I have to give it up for the audience since they usually just stare and clap.

Another bonus is that they played at the Avalon. Usually, I've seen the Twilight Singers perform at small clubs like Spaceland. The intimacy of those shows is great, but performance wise the band's sound is too big for such venues. The Avalon was the perfect venue and it was packed.

The cast was the same as the last concert I went too, except that the Afterhours lead singer played keys this time. The guitarist Dave Rosser was even better this time around. Maybe it was because he had room to move or simply having a full tour with the band and the the material. Bobby MacIntyre proved once again he's one of the best drummers currently in rock. Scott Ford deserves a lot of credit that I don't think he gets from the fans. Scott Ford is so steady and solid he almost disappears. Dulli was of course Dulli. Dulli's finally kicked the drugs and it shows on the stage. Yes, the always enjoyable rambling is kept short and sweet but this is the best I've seen and heard him.

It's hard to pick out the highlights. An obvious one was when they dusted off the Whig's classic Fountain and Fairfax. The crowd erupted. Fountain and Fairfax is a corner in LA. It's one of the first places I went when I moved out here. When he brought out Joseph Arthur to join him in singing "There's Been an Accident" was cool too. Arthur has such a cool voice that compliments Dulli's so well. Dulli did his soul man strut during Candy Cane Crawl and then did a crowd pleasing rendition of Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get it On." They did a great cover of Gnarl's Barkley's "Crazy." "Forty Dollars" closing out the set was fantastic. For the encore they brought out Mark Lanegan to close it out with a few songs. It added to over 2 hours of Twilight Singers playing their hearts and souls out. With Klein and Afterhours that's four hours of brilliant music.

I can tell now I haven't done this show justice here. I've said it before I'll say it again. Do what you can to see these guys when they come back around. Even if you aren't familiar with their music, I promise you will enjoy yourself.

More Lucha!

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

What the Hell Happened Last Night?

My voice is shot and it's not from watching Game 6. My condolences to all my Dallas readers. I've felt your pain as recently as 2003.

But on to the crazy night I had last night.

I think Tim was there.

I saw a lot of spandex.

I saw some midgets fighting.

I saw burlesque with a political edge.

I saw a nurse inject a a crazy chicken that contracted the bird flu from a midget chicken.

I might have seen a reincarnated Liberace.

And I think it all happened in a wrestling ring.

What I do know is you have never experienced anything like Lucha Vavoooooooom!

And to think tonight I have the Twilight Singers concert. I haven't had back to back genius nights like this since forever.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Lesson #458

When drawing a bath, do not fall asleep.

Happy Father's Day!

Friday, June 16, 2006


This has been a pretty great time of the year for sports fans. We are nearing the All-Star break in baseball. With so many teams still in the mix it will make the trade deadline either very interesting or a snoozer. Fans in Detroit and Cincy have finally been given a reason to cheer. There seems to an influx of great young talent from Utley to Liriano to King Felix to the Mets MVP Wright. Oh and the Cubs still suck almost as bad as the Royals. Then you have the NBA which has pulled a lot of people back into the fold with a stellar post season. I never thought I'd find myself back watching the NBA. The NHL's postseason hasn't been to shabby either. Then you have the World Cup. I always enjoy how all the soccer fans come out of the woodwork every four years to proclaim that this is soccer's year. Much like cicadas only with a shorter maturity cycle they come out every four years and start chirpping the praises of soccer. Not that I don't enjoy the World Cup, but it will never ever be big in the States...ever. Even if the US were to win the World Cup (which will never happen) soccer will be a secondary sport. Speaking of secondary sports, who is starting up all these "Major Leagues" of minor sports? Do we need a major league for lacrosse? Does this need to be aired on TV? Who watches those paintball championships on The deuce? What's next a women's NBA?

Just for the record, that Gnarls Barkley album containing the "jam of the summer," Crazy is an R&B album not a hip-hop album. I know Dj Danger Mouse is part of the dynamic duo, but it's an R&B album.

Yesterday I broke through my month long funk. I'm still trying to figure out what caused the breakthrough. I've narrowed it down to either work replacing my CRT monitor with a new LCD monitor, or perhaps it's because I'm only four days away from...

That's right! It's time to don the mask one more time!

Yes, I'm still upset Reggie Evans stole my finishing move.

For those who are interested in what I actually research, here's a few of the things I had to look up this week:

1. How a proton transfer reaction mass spectrometer and a time-of-flight mass spectrometer
were combined to be able to quickly analyze VOC's (Volatile Organic Compounds).

2. How a Medical Examiner will submerge a body in water when an air embolism is suspected
as the cause of death. You see if there's an air bubble in the veins or artery they will be visible
when released under water.

3. I had to look up the components of tear gas and other tactics used in riot control. Then see
what trace would be left behind by each weapon and how they would be analyzed.

4. I then had to look up and see if Miami has fire hydrants. Sigh

How much do you compromise on a girl if she owns or has access to something unbelievable. For example, if a girl had season tickets behind home plate for the Cubs, where do I draw the line? Do I draw the line at her refusing to shave? Eye patch? Adam's apple?

We will end on that uncomfortable note. Have a good weekend.

Monday, June 12, 2006

The Fear of Being Creepy

You know that guy who walks alone. You often find him staring. He looks a little scraggly. You don't know why but something seems a little off, a little creepy about him. I'm always paranoid that I come across this way. I'm quiet. I only shave once a month. I'm a people watcher. All these things add up to me coming across as creepy. Take the new neighbor girl that moved in a couple weeks ago. She seems like a nice girl. Has that cute punky thing going on, but that's not the point. As known to most people, I smoke. I'm also an exterior smoker. I never smoke in my apartment. In fact the only time I smoke inside is if I happen to find a bar that allows you to smoke inside. Anyway, when I smoke I walk out to the entrance of our apartment complex. I do this for a couple reasons. One, my neighbors usually have their windows open and I don't want the smoke blowing into their apartment. Two, I can watch the "beach people" walk by. The problem is that the new neighbor's apartment is right at the entrance. Too often she's stepped out of her apartment with me standing there like a stalker. Thinking that "Just out smoking a cigarette" is a lame excuse I then act like I'm going somewhere or I was planning on going somewhere and forgot something. I have the pat my pockets like I forgot my keys/wallet charade down pat. The problem with pretending I'm going somewhere is that I walk out of the complex with nowhere to go. So, I just walk around the block and go through the complex entrance on the other side. All this so I don't look creepy. I'm certain this does nothing but make me look creepier. This creepy thing has been a complex of mine. If I'm waiting for someone at their apartment or house, I look at my watch so people walking by know I'm waiting for someone. I will also often do they fake cell phone call for those walking by within ear shot. I then pretend I'm calling the person I'm waiting for in my loud voice. I haven't figured out if I should look people in the eye or not. Either way can come across creepy. Right now I'm using the glance up and smile technique. I'm pretty sure that's creepy too. I don't know where this paranoia came from. Perhaps I just fear someone calling the cops. Maybe it started in high school and the infamous poem in locker incident? What I do know is that if I find myself standing alone somewhere I will do what ever it takes to make sure I don't come across as creepy. Of course, I could shave regularly, but that would take effort.

Thursday, June 08, 2006


It's been awhile since I've done a "real" post. I apologize and offer these ramblings as my offering for forgiveness.

I've got myself becoming more and more like my father. I'm talking about little quirks here. I've begun doing that little "there's nothing on TV" frustration sigh while I stare at my remote to make something good come on. I've caught myself reading the newspaper in the same fashion. I've had enough people say I look just like my father that I came to terms a long time ago with that. That fact that I'm now imitating his quirks has me a little concerned.

Speaking of my father, with the NBA making a big comeback this season I've thought my Dad must be enjoying this postseason. One thing I remember growing up is my father's notebooks. Inside the notebooks were his teaching notes, some semblance of a schedule, and his student's grades. Among all that stuff would be pages of NBA players and their stats. I could never make sense of their order or why he wrote them down. Maybe he was being his own GM? I should ask him about that.

I meant to include this story awhile ago in my birthday post for Ben I. For some reason it slipped my mind. After my parents divorced, my Dad moved us down to South Carolina. On holidays and during the summer we would drive up to Columbus to spend time with our Mom. It's a ten hour trip so my Mom and Dad would meet halfway in Kentucky. While riding with Mom to Columbus, Ben was tired and kept asking how much longer. One time he asked, and Mom said it would be another 45 minutes. Fifteen minutes later he asked again. Mom said it'd be "half an hour." Ben suddenly got really frustrated, and we didn't know why. Then Ben said, "You said we were minutes away and now it's hours!" Maybe you had to be there. There's also the time that Ben kept calling condominiums, "condoms."

Baseball has taken another hit with this whole Jason Grimsley HGH investigation. The interesting thing is the names that were blacked out in the affidavit. This guy pitched for 7 teams since 1989 including the Phillies, Yankees, and Indians. That's a lot of players whose names could be hidden behind that black ink. Of course these names will eventually be leaked. This will most likely trump Canseco's "tell all" book because it deals with active players and Human Growth Hormones. No major league sport currently tests for HGH. Most likely the MLB will start testing because they've been forced into a corner once again. Does this mean the NFL or NBA will then be forced to follow suit, or is baseball held to a higher standard?

I'm putting up a fight in both of my fantasy leagues this season. Considering both teams have Aramis Ramirez that's pretty good. My best waiver wire grab is Marlins' shortstop Hanley Ramirez with his .302 average and 17 stolen bases. My best draft pick is probably Reds' pitcher Harang, who I scooped up off the bottom of the draft pool.

There should be an online dating site where you create the questionaire for potential dates.

Are kids not getting their asses kicked anymore? For the past few years there seems to be more and more smart mouth kids talking trash. Every time I run into one of them I wonder how they've survived without getting a beating. I don't mean by their parents but by their peers.

I haven't felt this lethargic in years.

When will toilet paper companies realize that more absorbency and more plys will not keep us from using a lot of toilet paper? We use a lot of toilet paper because we want to create as much of a barrier as we can between our hand and our ass.