CSI: Miami, 100 Episodes

Tonight. CSI: Miami celebrates its 100th episode. 100 episodes is quite a lot in the TV world, particularly for an hour drama that is a spinoff. Since I've been here for all 100 episodes I thought I'd take you down the inner workings and offer up some memories.

First, I thought you might find this interesting. Making a quick scan of the show bible, I counted that Horatio Caine has shot and killed 15 people in 4 seasons. Fifteen! He's never been reprimanded or gone into counseling...nothing. I just find it suspect that a character who plays the head of a CSI lab has killed 15 people in four years.

1. Looks Like I Made It! - During the chaos of season 1, I had the opportunity to contribute to the show by suggesting a "button" for the teaser of episode 10. A button is a line of dialogue that neatly ends a scene. If you've seen the show, you know how corny these lines can be. Well, my suggestion made the cut, and the big wigs even liked it. So the line became the first thing I've written that was aired on national television. The real highlight wouldn't come till a couple days later when Television Without Pity had a sidebar about my line in their review of the episode: '"So where does this leave us now?' Bernstein asks. Skirting the edges of necrophiliac bondage porn, if you ask me. He's not asking me, though, so he'll have to settle for Horatio's retort: 'Up a tree.' Shut up, Horatio!" I thought I could die a happy man now. "Up a tree!" How did I come up with that brilliant line. Pure genius.

The funny thing is that through the years, there are little instances that the assistants have shown up. Bobby's hands are used for an insert shot of typing at a keyboard. Krystal's photo was used in a counterfeit driver's license. All out names have been used for characters. I wrote notes for props that contained friends and family members names. My blog is used in a shot.

2. Her Kiss, Her Kiss Is On My Lips. Does Anyone Have Some Disinfectant? - You try to be a gentleman, and this is what happens. Like all wrap parties, there end up being a lot of people getting hammered. Sometimes, celebrities like Vince Vaughn show up hammered. The wrap party for season one was no exception. One of the people that partook of a bit too much was one of our story editors. Late into the night, the party people were relocating to The House of Blues. The story editor was completely wasted out of her gourd, and was in no shape to drive. Being the gentleman that I am, I offered to drive her home, with gentleman bobby following in his car. She, though, wanted to go to the House of Blues. So, I drove her there with the hopes that someone else could take her home. There's nothing like driving a drunk co-worker who wants to get into a deep discussion about religion. Arriving there, I dropped her off and told her to make sure someone there can give her a ride home. I went to hug her goodbye and do the LA kiss on the cheek thing, but she didn't go for my cheek she went for my lips. I quickly backed away. Her eyes were kind of glazed, and she kind of looked like a new born kitten looking for its mother's teet. She then moved in again. I pushed her back, and said "This is Brad." I think that helped her regain some sense.

Realizing there was no way she was going to find someone by herself to take her home, I went in to make sure she got home. This led to a very awkward dancing moment in which she kept imitating moves from MTV's The Grind. Eventually, she got home safely, but not without the rest of the writer's office thinking I scored. It's still brought up at least twice a year.

3. Vince Vaughn Crashes the Party (literally): At the same party that the above took place, our party was joined by Vince Vaughn. To say he was hammered would be an understatement. He didn't talk to anyone except for Speedle, who brought him. He accidentally knocked over a stack of glasses. Later I saw him standing, alone smoking a cigarette, and just staring off at the people partying. I kept thinking, "Not so money, baby. Not so money."

4. Making the Cut: Year one was chaotic. In the writer's department alone we went through 2 show runners, 7 writers, and one David Savage. Yet, all the assistants survived. The show on a whole you can count how many have been here all 100 episodes on two hands.

This post is clearly going no where. I've been trying to write it since the 17th of August. Let's just end this early with some pictures. Because the job's great, but it's the people below that keep me here.