Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Dear Crazy Science People,

I mean this only as constructive criticism, but you guys have dropped the ball. (This is a sports reference for not coming through or failing in case you didn't know.) It seems you are focusing on inventing the wrong things. You are using your own mind to come up with ideas that will benefit society, when the blueprint has already been laid out. That blueprint is Star Trek. I'm not Trekkie but I've seen my share of episodes. Can I say I think their technology rules. Who needs stupid flying cars, when teleportation could be the gold standard? Why are you even wasting time with Segways? Segways? How much closer to teleportation could we be if you didn't waste your time on the Segway? Teleportation could solve such problems as pollution, mail system, and holiday traffic. No more worrying if taking that new job would mean moving away from family. Friends will always be a teleport away. Did you forget your toothbrush? Just teleport back and grab it.

Also, can we get started on the healing lasers already? It's bad enough we still don't have a device the size of battery to wave around and find out what ailments we have. Where's the laser that can heal burns and broken bones in seconds? Do you for some reason think we don't need this? Are you scared to put surgeons out of business? It's called progress. I don't trust my doctor but I'll trust some magic wand.

Finally I want to bring up the food replicator. I'm truly surprised you inventors haven't concocted this device yet. Seems to me a machine that creates any food you want would solve a lot of the world's hunger issues. Personally, I would like to never have to leave the house, yet still have great food whenever I want it. I would also like it programmed to create foods exactly like restaurants. For example, I should have the ability to order Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles. Formulas should also be available. The Mexico version of Pepsi should be available. Not that I'd order it but if I wanted to I should be able to. I realize this would put a cramp on the farming business. The answer to this is that no replicated food would be such an exotic delicacy that celebs would pay top dollar to eat "real" rice or corn. This way farmer's would need less land and less work to make a fortune. This would also raise the popularity on anyone who could cook even the slightest bit.

There are plenty more things you inventors could be wracking your brain over, but I put these as the top three. Now get inventing. I don't want to die without ordering from a food replicator.




Ben said...

To the issue of the replicator: Furthermore, the Helmut Kaiser study, entitled “Nanofood,” argues that in the future, food will be designed by shaping molecules and atoms. The study predicts that nanoscale biotech and nano-bio-info will have a major impact on the food and food-processing industries.

As to transporter tech
I offer the following speculative web page.
I do know that recently some scientists were able to transport light, but matter is a totally different thing, not to mention the moral questions, of am I only the sum of my particles? If I do have a soul, can I transport it with me?

Not to mention that the next time you bring a boring pointless family discussion to your blog...I'm going to stop reading...for a day or so.

Jaime said...

I disagree about the boring family discussion. I must say after the first two e-mails on the subject of teleporter vs. flying car I was bored. But Brad, you have infused it with new life.

Teleporters=no car accidents. (Although, remember that scene in Galaxy Quest where that thing gets beamed up inside out? Ew.)

Food replicator (though not as cool as Willy Wonka's 4 course meal in one stick of gum)=no starvation. And the farmers could then turn their land into green space and be paid by the government to be park rangers. More trees for cleaner air, no more deadly fertilizers, and everyone could enjoy meat since it wasn't real.

Medical Magic Wand=no more waiting rooms! Going to the doctor would be so quick no one would need to wait. Break your arm? Zip! All fixed. Next! This could possibly affect magazine sales, but who cares.

Jaime said...

Oh, and Ben, when did you become Mr. Science?