Albums in My Closet

I pride myself on my CD collection. In fact I’m a little egotistical about it. I won’t judge others about what they like, because they like what they hear. It’s not their fault they won’t extend their ears outside of what the record industry is shopping them. I know it is hard to turn away from their onslaught I was there once. We all have records we aren’t proud of. I’m not immune to the drunk purchase or the instinct purchase, or the who am I purchase. Here are my top 5 worse albums ever purchased. I could easily fill this up with Christian albums or Winger or other albums when I didn’t know any better. These are albums I should’ve known better to pick up. This time they are in order.

5. Poison-Open Up and Say Ahhhh: I know I just said that I wouldn’t include albums like this. Well, I wouldn’t have if I’d bought it in 1988. No, I bought it in 1995. For full price! Perhaps, I was trying to reclaim a past youth I never had. Perhaps, I was drunk. It most likely was none of those. When you purchase an album, and the cashier gives you the "What the hell are you buying look?" perhaps you should second guess your purchse.

4. Extreme-III Sides to Every Story: Extreme does a concept album? Hell yeah! You thought there were only two sides to every story? Moron! You see there is my side, your side and the truth. How clever is that? The only way I could sink even lower is if I went to their concert. Hmmm. At least I didn’t buy some lame baseball hat at the concert. Shit. I knew this was a bad idea.

3. RTZ-Return to Zero: Yes, the RTZ stands for Return to Zero. Yes, it’s redundant. Why did I buy this album? Does the name Brad Delp ring a bell? He was the lead singer of the classic rock band Boston. For some reason RTZ wasn't the second coming of Boston. For some reason nobody else cared. For some reason it didn’t work out. The reason: They sucked. A follow up to this awful purchase is the Boston album released in 1995 I think. It didn't have Brad Delp and stunk just as bad.

2. Trixter-Hear: During the midway point of alternative music’s trouncing of hair bands, this album came out. You most likely have never heard of them. I wish I was like you. When you buy an album, and then the video is lambasted on Beavis and Butthead, you know you might as well just bury it right then. I wish I had.

1. If Looks Could Kill-Original Soundtrack: I don’t know which is more embarrassing, seeing the movie in the theater or liking it so much that I bought the soundtrack. It’s probably the last. Wait! It’s that I saw it twice in the theater. Yeah, that’s the most embarrassing. Man, I loved my "21 Jump Street!"

Now that was slightly painful. When I start bragging about my collection you can now simply say “Trixter” or “If Look Could Kill” and easily put me in my place. Yes, I may regret this post for quite awhile.