12,179 and Counting.

That's the current number of zombies that I have sent back to the hell that they came from. Last night I completed Dead Rising, and thought I'd give those who care (PLW and um...PLW) the low down.
In Dead Rising you play a photo journalist who flies into a small town that has been quarantined by the military. Your job is to find out why the town has gone zombie in 72 hrs because that is when your helicopter ride arrives. You must also do this all while trapped inside a very large mall. It's a Mall of America type mall. Yes, it even has a roller coaster.

The clock in the game keeps ticking. Every five minutes of gameplay equals an hour in game time. This is a little bit of a problem. To figure out why there are zombies you have to be at certain places at certain times to activate the next chapter or as they are called in the game, cases. This puts a damper on actually exploring everything in the mall. You'd like to stop and see what weapons are in that store but you have to be back at the store room at 6:00 pm. I realize this adds some suspense to the game. Do you try pushing it and go rescue that lady in the jewelry store, or do you let her become zombie chow to make sure you are back in time to trigger the next case?

This brings up another couple of problems. For completest like me, I find it frustrating that you can't save everyone. You just can't. But really after ushering 25 people through a maze of zombies you begin to not really care. Why? Because the people you are saving end up really getting on your nerves. They are either crying the whole time, stopping at stupid times to try to kill zombies, or simply don't pay much attention to you. I really wish they had programmed them to be a little smarter. Those you can give a solid weapon to seem to do ok, and some you can carry , but at times it takes a lot of self control to not take a chainsaw to their melon.
Another problem with the survivors is how you are made aware of them. Before you head out into the mall, a security guard named Otis hands you a transceiver. He's the one that calls you and lets you know where they are. Can I just say. Otis is a moron. He calls at the most ridiculous times. Are you in the middle of a boss fight? Ring. ring. Are you ushering five people through a mass of zombies? ring. ring. You see, you can't fight while talking to Otis. Also, if you get chomped and hang up on him, he gets all snippy because you hung up on him. You will so want to put a fire axe in Otis' skull.
Unfortunately, you need to save people to earn points that raise your level so you can get different fighting moves, and carry more weapons, and have a longer life bar. You can also earn points though by taking photos of certain events and the carnage surrounding you. Did you just do doughnuts in your car over 200 zombies? Take a picture! Are zombies an inch from eating your brains? Take a picture! Did someone you are trying to save get chomped in the family jewels? Take a picture! The better the picture the more points you earn. One things about the save and the points you earn is that when you die you have the ability to save the level you are at and then start at the beginning. I actually recommend doing this a couple times, because it helps during the game. Cases that seemed very difficult before are more easily accomplished when you are leveled up a few notches.
Even more dangerous than the zombies, are the human psychopaths that have had a difficult time coming to terms with the zombie outbreak. There's the crazy clown, the competing photojournalist, the cult leader who has enlisted a bunch of bomb carrying members is green masks and yellow slickers, escaped convicts, crazy butcher, and many others. None of them are too difficult once you figure out their pattern.
One final problem is that one slot save. You are only given one slot, so if you screw up you end up losing a crap load of stuff you accomplished. Also, you have to go to either the security room or one of the bathrooms to save your game. I realize this makes dying in the game more dire, but it can be quite a pain.

Enough with the complaints though. Let's talk about the good stuff which is killing zombies. I thought it would get tiring killing zombie after zombie, but it really doesn't...ever. I mean I've killed over 10,000 of them and I still get a kick out of it. Each weapon does it's own special damage that is just doesn't get old. The sound is spectacular. From the thunk of sledgehammer striking a zombies on the head, to a katana slicing a zombie in half, to the sound of bashing zombies with an electric guitar. It all feels, looks, and sounds great.
I only wish there was a way to combine weapons together or adjust them. One of the weapons you can use is a frying pan. You can take that frying pan and heat it up on a stove, so you can sear a zombies head and earn bonus points. I wish there was more of that. I should be able to fill the squirt gun with a flammable liquid and create a flame thrower. I should have the option to wield two katanas, or pistols.

The story is a solid B-movie plot with nice cut scenes and above average voice acting. Everything is over the top as any game about being stuck in a mall with zombies should be. The visuals aren't as pretty as say G.R.A.W., but that's expected with a game that provides so many destructible zombies on the screen at once. You also have to consider that each zombie is then given multiple animations for every way to die. There should also be something said for the humor of the game. I give props to a game that provides the ability to hit zombies with pies, or put toy heads on them just for fun. Let's not forget the lawn mower either.
It's not a perfect game with the save system being its main fault. But because of it's originality and pure joy of playing it overcomes what shortcomings it has. For a system that leans heavily toward first person shooters this is a game that 360 owners should absolutely give a whirl. I just hope for the sequel that they fix the save system, and make it possible to play with a friend because if there's one thing better than killing thousands of zombies it's killing thousands of zombies with someone you love.

Welcome to the World Isabel!

As our family celebrates a birthday, we also get to celebrate a birth. Isabel Florence Kessler was born early this morning. I don't think she knows what she's gotten herself into. Of course, after 27 hours of labour maybe she does. Congratulations to Julie and Ben K. I can't wait to see my new niece! I want pictures!

What I Researched Today

1. Characterization of Cigar Tobaccos by Gas Chromatographic/Mass Spectrometric Analysis of Nonvolatile Organic Acids: Application to the Authentication of Cuban Cigars.

2. Santeria spells that make someone fall in love with you, and spells that curse your enemy.

Happy Birthday Jaime!

Happy birthday to my first sister-in-law. You and Ben I. have been married what? 11 years? The first time I met you, you were sitting on the couch of Dad's old apartment. The first thing I noticed was the laugh that has now become the best laugh of everyone in the family. You've also blessed with two of the greatest little girls on earth. So Happy Birthday Jaime! My birthday gift to you is a picture of a donkey in human clothes.

This Is How You Do It MOL Jr.

You ask MOL Jr. I answer.

Saturday:

8:58 am - Wake up.

8:59 am - Bathroom

9:00 - Sit on couch and turn on TV. The English Premiere League begins, and get to watch my first live much of now beloved Tottenham Hotspurs.

9:05 - Grab Pepsi and retro Tottenham Jersey and put it on. The jersey came weeks ago. Of course I was in the shower when it was delivered. Realizing if I didn't answer I would have to go to the post office, I answered the door in a towel. The poor old Asian mail lady. Nobody should ever see me in a just towel. It's like the Crypt Keeper answering the door. I really wanted the jersey, and hate the post office.

9:09 - Bolton scores against Spurs. The replay shows one of the Bolton players was clearing holding two defenders back. Nice to see refs suck in all sports. I take the jersey off.

9:13 - Bolton scores again on a spectacular goal from 35 yards out. I put the jersey back on, and sit on other side of couch.

10:33 - Bolton wins 2-0. Yep, Spurs are my team. I learn that Spurs has never beaten Bolton at Reebok Stadium. If I was a betting man...

10:35-1:30pm - Involves hygiene, trying to call friends and family, killing another
2,147 zombies in Dead Rising, checking e-mail, checking fantasy and reality baseball, checking movie times, call Dave Baldwin to see how he's doing.

2:23 - Arrive at comic book store to find the Phonogram comic book. It's all about music being magic. He also uses lyrics from an Afghan Whigs song as dialogue. The comic book is sold out. Buy two Stikfas to ease the pain, and satisfy the part of me that's still a kid.

3:13 - Have some Thai for lunch: garlic squid, lemon chicken, and Mee-krob. Wonder once again why I'm not pushing 200 lbs.

4:13 - Go to Barnes & Noble to see if they have Phonogram. What was I thinking? Pick up ESPN Fantasy Guide to get a clue about my fantasy football draft tomorrow. Read front to back.

5:13 - Go to music store to browse. See that Fox has released some new film noirs. Make a note to pick them up at a cheaper store.

6:45 - Go to movie theater to see some mutherfn' snakes on a mutherfn' plane.

6:50 - concession girl, who must be in charge of eating everything they would normally throw away at night, tries to sell me a chocolate bar for charity. I lie and say I'm allergic to chocolate. I realize I now cannot order anything with chocolate now. I feel guilty for lying to her, and the eating a lot thought. I order small coke and two hot dogs.

7:10 - There are maybe 20 people in the theater. This is what happens when your media buzz hit its peak a year ago.

7:17 - Preview for the TV show heroes shows. I'm interested and bummed because I've had that idea in my idea notes for 3 years.

9:15 - Credits roll. The movie is exactly what it should be, and enjoyable on that part.

9:21 - Movie jones isn't satisfied. That means...double feature! Little Miss Sunshine is playing at 10:30pm. Buy ticket.

9:30 - Have Chicken Dijon for dinner.

10:20 - Go into theater. Same concession girl. I now look like a dork, and still feel guilty. Order small coke and small popcorn. Really, why aren't I Orca fat?

10:26 - See the Heroes preview again. Now I'm just angry at myself.

12:12 - Credits roll. It had it's moments, but it felt like a generic road trip comedy wrapped in independent movie clothing. Even it's end message didn't appear to be what the characters needed. I know there are going to be people that will love this movie, I'm all luke warm about it.

12:45 - Get home, watch ESPN news, finish off box of Cheez-its (I wish I was kidding), Channel surf, check e-mail, check fantasy baseball, go to bed.

Sunday:

9:15 am - Wake up and get ready for church.

10:01 - Arrive at church.

11:05 - Leave church.

11:16 - Get home in time to watch Cubs game.

1:06 pm - Call Bob to see what's new. No answer.

1:28 - Call my brother Ben I.

1:45 - Cubs lose to the Cards 5-3.

1:50 - check e-mail, blah, blah, blah.

2:07 - Start planning my fantasy football draft.

2:45 - Check to see if my draft order has been set.

2:48 - Draft has been moved to next Sunday for the third time. Grrr.

2:55 - Kill more zombies.

3:21 - Order pizza.

4:00 - Watch Baseball Tonight. Actually watch last two innings of Little League World Series game. Did you see how big that first baseman was for the Saudi Arabia team? He's almost 7 feet tall and he's what thirteen? Oh the poor woman that gave birth to him.

5:00 - Watch first couple innings of the most over covered rivalry in sports: Red Sox vs. Yankees.

5:17 - Do laundry and clean apartment

4:13 - Come up with blog idea for later this week.

8:13 - Finish laundry (It'd been awhile)

8:19 - Take break from cleaning to download Lost Planet demo on Xbox 360. It is now one of my most anticipated games. It looks so cool. I said "Oh shit" at least three times during the demo.

9:26 - Finish cleaning.

10:13 - Finish second half of pizza.

11:36 - Check Sportscenter

11:53 - Start blog entry.

That is how you fill two days when you have only yourself.

At 5:30 am on a Monday morning I finally finished this damn thing. At least I think I finished it. I'm sure there are tons of goofs I've missed.

Sometimes I Think Joining a Cult of Happy Musical Swedes Wouldn't be so Bad.

For Those Who Complain That They Don't Make Nonsensical Music Videos Anymore Like They Did In the 80's:

It's just too bad they are "winking" through the whole thing or it'd be perfect. Also, the song kinda blows. Sorry, Mandy.

What Might Have Been...

If my Mom would've had her way, I'd be married by now. In fact by the time I was 3, she already had a wife picked out for me. Her name was Molly and she was born to my family's close friends the Wards. Our families were close in way that we called Molly's father Uncle Paul. They were part of a circle of friends that formed together and started a church in Columbus. There was something great about being a kid among these friends that joined together to start something they believed in. We always hung out together, and they were all in fact family. Any celebrations, birthdays, cookouts, we'd all be together. We were in fact one large family. I still miss that community feeling, and wonder if it even exists these days. Among this group the Wards and the Itens were the closest. I can't remember a week that we didn't get together. I still remember us learning to ride bikes together, and putting on plays for the family.

So Molly and I grew up together. I was a little over a week older than her. Since our families did everything together we were forced to hang out together. I didn't really mind even if she was a girl. Clearly, we went to the same Sunday school. We also went to the same school. We learned to ride bikes at the same time. I tried to learn to swim in her pool. We put on plays for our parents. Yes, I even played with her...ehm...cough...Barbies. Little did I know that this was all going according to my Mom's plan. Maybe she saw this as a holy union of the Wards and Itens. Maybe she just believed this was some sort of providence and it was destined to happen.

Well the holy union never happened. It probably began around second grade. She was in a different class than me. She was becoming interested in boys. I thought girls still had cooties. Plus, I was busy playing soccer and fending off those girls that wanted be to be the Luke to their Leia. There was also when my parents divorced and we moved to South Carolina. As one last hurrah my Dad, little brother, and I lived with the Wards while the whole divorce thing was ironed out.

After my tormentuous time in South Carolina we moved back to Ohio, and maybe I was given a second chance. We ended up going to the same high school for awhile, and even went to the same college. She eventually ended up marrying the other guy we grew up with: Kevin King.

It wasn't till my Mom and I heard about them getting married that she actually vocalized to me her wish that Molly and I would eventually marry. I sort of felt I perhaps let her down a little. Clearly, I had my opportunities. There was a time I was attracted to her. She found this out when I admitted my attraction under the interrogation of her little sisters. So I wonder sometimes what would've happened. Would the group of families still be together? Would I be working some office job where I have to wear a suit? Would I have kids? Would I be happier than I am now? Would I listen to the music I listen to? Would I have loved Superman Returns? Who knows? I'm sure my Mom had some ideas in her head.

I would also like to point out that even after years there is still a connection between the families that worked to start that church. More of the families than I expected showed up at either the wake for my Mom and her funeral service.

One more thing, I'd like to point out in the Halloween picture that there was a time that make up was required to make me look that white.

1 Dead Zombie! 2 Dead Zombie! 324 Dead Zombies! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Downloaded the Dead Rising demo this weekend. In the fifteen minutes that they let you play I was eventually able to kill 324 zombies! 324! Below are some of the methods in which you can dispatch the zombies:

1. Heat up a frying pan and sear their heads
2. Blind zombie with pie and charge up with a golf club while they wander blindly...Fore!
3. Ditto mop bucket and baseball bat
4. Bowling ball
5. Sledgehammer to zombie skull
6. Zombie head goes pop with well placed scythe
7. Squirt them with a water gun. Doesn't kill them, but it's fun to annoy them
8. Katana makes zombie filets!
9. Shopping cart
10. Standard shotgun effect...boring...but highly effective
11. Hand gun taken from dead zombie security guards
12. Hunting knife
13. Baton
14. Soda cans.
15. Food court chairs
16. Mop
17. CD's like the squirtgun simply fun to annoy
18. Big diamonds
19. Flower pots
20. Garbage cans
21. Bench
22. Flying V guitar!

All these weapons and that was only the demo. All these dead zombies and that was just the demo.

My Favorite Movie of the Summer So Far...The Descent.

Over the last four or five years, people have claimed that horror movies have made a come back. If someone had told me that back then I would've been pretty thrilled. For awhile horror movies were relegated to straight to video releases. Well, the horror movie is back, and I haven't been that pleased. The problem is that with the Saw series, Cabin Fever, and Hostel, they haven't been scary movies, but movie you should be scared to see. The movies have been so set on clubbing the audience with gruesome images that the movies become nothing more than a mind numbing effort with no real frights. There needs to be a balance between the gore and the scare. The Descent rides the line to near perfection.

The Descent is a British horror movie that follows six female friends who have a need to find thrills. They meet to go exploring a cave in the Appalachia Mountains. Our heroine of the group is a woman who lost her husband and daughter in a car accident a year ago. She's reluctant to come, but her friends think this is something that would be good for her. The get back on the horse kind of thinking. As with all horror movies, things go wrong once they enter the cave, and they become trapped with creatures who have adapted to live miles underground.

The great thing about this movie is that before the creatures even show up the tension has been ratcheted up with light and shadows, things possibly seen, and the confusion and claustrophobia of exploring a cave that the reveal of the creatures is almost a release. Yes there are many horror movie conventions, but the director employs them so well that they are effective. This is what I expect in a horror movie, and I hope more like this are to follow.

Are You Kidding Me? The Wave?

This afternoon while watching the Cubs go 8-3 during their homestand, I saw something I had never seen in all my years of watching the Cubs and going to Wrigley. I saw fans participating in one of the top 10 most annoying things about sports...the wave. Even the announcers couldn't recall the last time a wave broke out at Wrigley. What the hell is happening to the best park in baseball? Who is letting in these amateur hour morons into the park? I was actually embarrassed. That's not supposed to happen at Wrigley...ever. In fact "the wave" doesn't belong in baseball either. Here's more.

Ramblings - The EP

Everytime they blow up or crush a car on our show, I immediately think, "I could've used that car. Instead of blowing it up, why couldn't they give it to me?" They bought a car and blew it up for a five second shot on our show. I do find it odd that one of my big complaints about Hollywood is that they blow perfectly good cars that could be put to better use.

Money to Burn. This phrase has always left me a little confused. I understand when someone says Bill Gates has "money to burn." It points to the ridiculousness of how much money he has. What I don't get is when people say "I'd love to buy that, but I don't have 400 dollars to burn." That makes no sense. If you would love to buy that, then how can that compare to burning money? Also, who came up with this "money to burn" phrase? Somewhere at sometime someone burned money and I want to know who it was.

In the "Please Don't Suck. Please Don't Suck" category I offer the Xbox 360 game "Dead Rising." You are a photographer stuck in a mall with hundreds of zombies coming after you and other civilians. Everything from squirtguns to bowling balls to shrub trimmers can be used against the zombies. Really, how can you go wrong with that? Also, there are supposed to be numerous zombies on the screen at once. So, it's not like taking out zombies one at a time as they chase you. That means zombie carnage on a mass scale. Still I have sneaky suspicion it might suck. I hope I'm wrong. I hope this screenshot is actual gameplay. I want to kill 523 zombies! At least!

I like that Regent keeps sending me e-mails to remind me that I'm an alumni. It keeps me humble.

Finally, to the jackass that I was trying to help yesterday at the gas station: You see when a car is running gas is pumped from the tank into the engine where sparks cause combustion that moves the parts. So, when you are trying to fill you gas tank with the car running, it's kind of like eating while sitting on the toilet. Ok maybe not, but still you can risk your life on your own time but don't get me and other intelligent people involved in your teasing Mr. Death. Also, don't tell me you've done this all the time. You're telling me that for the past 30 odd years of your life everytime you've pumped gas you've left the engine running? How are you still alive? If you are dumb enough to be doing that for all this time, what other moronic stuff have you been doing?

Ramblings

I think it's now at the point where I'm the one a little scared of the neighbor. She has that whole anger of youth going on, but it's not even that. I think she's a "black widow" in training. I think she has that power to wrap certain men around her finger and have them do her bidding. Luckily, I'm old enough not to be drawn by her web of charm. Still, if I end up on the run for "Body Heat" type crime, you know what happened.

At Bob Jones one of my favorite things was when they tried to explain that when "wine" was mentioned in the Bible it was really grape juice. So Jesus wasn't really drinking alcoholic beverages, and therefore their rules against drinking were Biblical. Did they really expect people to fall for that?

Current Man Crushes:

Denis Leary

















Buster Olney: The next Peter Gammons
















Greg Dulli














As a Cubs fan I think I can speak for all of us: Why can't we play the Cardinals all season? Seriously, how can we suck so bad yet beat the Cardinals (second best team in the NL) 10 out of 13. Also, I realize Itzuris is an upgrade on defense and has some speed, but we couldn't perhaps get a pitching prospect for Maddux? Do we need another player with a long list of injuries? We kind of need pitching. Prior is clearly done, and yes I mean career done. He's mentally shot. You can see it in his face.

For some reason I still get a kick out of this commercial. I wish they would still play this long version.






Would you say Jon Lovitz is overrated or underrated?













I got my retro Tottenham Hotspurs shirt yesterday. The problem was that I was in the shower when it came. I apologize to the old mail carrier lady. Nobody should ever have to see me with my shirt off. The shirt is pretty sweet though. 17 days till the season begins.

I saw Miami Vice over the weekend. It doesn't really come close to "Heat," but it has it's moments. The audience I saw it with clearly hated it. The second the credits rolled the audience started yelling how awful it was. I was rather surprised, and couldn't really figure out why. It was a little slow to get rolling, but it had enough action moments once it started. The story was wafer thin and cliche, but I don't think this audience hated it for that reason. It looked great. I figure they either hated Colin Farrell, or they expected a spoof on the TV show rather than a straight forward reworking. The Farrell story line was pretty awful.

The Movies I'm Looking Forward to in the Fall:

The Black Dahlia: Adapted from Ellroy novel: Plus. Directed by De Palma: ugh minus
Science of Sleep: I like the Gondry
The Departed: ditto Scorsese
The Prestige: ditto Nolan
Invincible: I'm always a sucker for a sports movie.

I Don't Like the Drugs But I Like the Songs

I still have The Twilight Singers "Powder Burns" in heavy rotation. While a few of Dulli's previous songs have been about drugs, (See "Fountain and Fairfax" - "Angel, forever/Don't you promise me what you cannot deliver Angel, together/I'll be waiting for you on Fountain and Fairfax") his album "Powder Burns" is his "getting clean" album.

Often such albums don't really work. It's sad, but often some musicians are just better on drugs and booze. Anyway, there are a couple great drug songs on the album, "Bonnie Brae" and "Forty Dollars." Forty Dollars turning of the word "love" to mean drugs takes a twist when using The Beatles chorus of "All You Need Is Love" for its refrain.

This got me thinking about other great drug songs. I tried listing a top ten, but then it kept growing. This is by no means a complete list, but those that came from the top of my head. Actually, this list barely scratches the surface. They do cover all facets of the drug world: using drugs, buying drugs, selling drugs, trying to get off drugs, etc. Add your favorites in the comments.


"All Down The Line" - The Rolling Stones
"Flying High (In the Friendly Sky)" - Marvin Gaye
"Heroin" - The Velvet Underground (Actually see almost the whole Lou Reed catalog: "Perfect Day" "Sweet Jane" etc. The same goes for David Bowie)
"Master of Puppets" - Metallica
"Sugar Blues" - Thin Lizzy
"White Lines (Don't Do It)" - Grandmaster Flash and Melle Mel
"Another Girl, Another Planet" - The Only Ones
"Mr. Brownstone" - Guns N' Roses
"The Needle And The Damage Done" - Neil Young
"Needle In The Hay" - Elliott Smith
"Something For The Weekend" - Super Furry Animals
"Fools Gold" - Stone Roses
"There She Goes" - The La's
"And She Was" - Talking Heads
"I Wanna be Sedated" - Ramones
"Don't Stop Me Now" - Queen
"Pusherman" - Curtis Mayfield
"Chinese Rock" - Johnny Thunders & The Heartbreakers

We Can Make It Better, Stronger, Faster...

I really like my Nano. I like its simplicity. I like its form. I even like the uniqueness the scratches give the device. Yet, over time I have become a little disappointed by the operating system. Before the Nano, I had the monstrosity called Dell DJ, and a Creative Zen Micro. While the mechanism of the Zen isn't as accurate as the Nano, there are some things that the Zen does that the Nano can't. Why can't I delete a song from within my Nano. Often I buy an album and just throw it on the Nano to listen to it. With the Zen if I came across a song I didn't like I just deleted it. With the Nano I have to connect it to my computer and then delete it there. Also, when I have my player set on shuffle and come across an artist I want to hear other songs from, why can't I access those songs with a push of a button like on my old Zen? Why can't I add songs to a playlist when actually listening to the song? I do enjoy my Nano, but there are things I miss about my Zen. All this to say that in a couple years when I want a new player I might not go back to the iPod. I probably won't go back to Creative with their Zen V Plus (too cute and toyish). I guess I'm saying they have yet to create the perfect mp3 player in my eyes. This is what they need to make:

1. Sleek design and click wheel of an iPod.
2. Operating system that is a more streamlined version of Creative's.
3. It should be able to work with both Mac and PC
4. Line-in recording and a voice recorder
5. There should be no limits on what formats it can play. This is for those hardcore OOG fans.
6. If you want, it can play video but that means the screen has to be at least Gigabeat size. It also need to have a video out.
7. It needs Bluetooth so you can wirelessly transfer songs from your computer and eventually headphones.

Someone needs to get on it too. They have a two years to make one. Actually, if they came up with one sooner I'd probably get it anyway. I don't think it will be the Zune, either.

Joy for the PSP!

As many of you know I get a little impatient sometimes. Usually it comes with something meaningless like an album, a gadget, or a videogame. Well, this time around it's a videogame. I've been anticipating a clever simple game called Loco Roco. Anticipating it so much that I went ahead and ordered an import version, so I could play it a month ahead of the US release date. Why the U.S. gamers have to wait for the good games like Katamari and Shadow of the Colossus, I have no idea. It's like they don't trust us. Anyway, I received the game Saturday and have been playing it ever since. Look Burnout and Grand Theft were fun for the PSP but they still felt like ports from the PS2. Lumines is the maybe the only game that felt like it belonged on the PSP. Maybe Exit, but that's not a perfectly executed game. Loco Roco is a PSP game. It's very much in the line of the Katamari games in its simplicity.

In Loco Roco you are a blob. Using just the top shoulder buttons to tilt the screen you guide and hop your blob through different worlds. Along the way you collect little flowers that contain other loco roco's. You can unite into one blob or break down into single blobs to work your way through the worlds. It's part puzzle game part platformer. The music is fantastic. The design is great. With more things to collect, times to beat, and a house to build the game provides a lot of replay. For those who were disappointed by the frustrating controls on the PSP's Katamari, this game is for you.

Buying an import version also helps in the decision process, because on its U.S. release date Ultimate Ghosts & Goblins comes out on the PSP. Then it will be time to get knocked to my skivies in this old school reworking.

Hot Night with the Lips. Too Hot.

Last night was a couple firsts for me. In my six years of living in LA, it was my first concert at the Hollywood Bowl as well as my first Flaming Lips concert. I know many of you consider that a travesty on both counts. What can I say? I'm a small venue kind of guy. Though it was the combination of the spectacle of a Flaming Lips concert tucked into the Hollywood Hills that made me willing to deal with park and ride, and the 17 thousand in attendance. On the whole, I'd say the night was hit and miss.

The biggest problem was that LA is in an unprecedented heatwave. It was ridiculously hot last night. When you are willing to pay for water what you would for a beer, you know it's hot. Big ups to Tamara who brought the samaches and enough water to last till the sun went down.

The Theivery Corporation was the opening act. They brought their bohemian dirty hippie vibe to the concert. There's nothing as frightening or as enthralling as dancing dirty hippie girls.

But the real reason the people were at the sold out Bowl was for The Flaming Lips. I personally was expecting a giant spectacle. The first good news was that they were shooting this concert for a DVD. That meant they would go all out with the spectacle. At least I originally thought it was a good sign. My second thought was why would they shoot a concert at the Hollywood Bowl? It visually is a stunning venue, but you have no idea what kind of audience you are going to get. Did they really expect the people who paid thousands of dollars for the box seats to be that involved while eating their olives and brie? You also have the snobby LA fan factor. There are many LA concert goers that refuse to get involved in a concert. It's very much a be there to be seen kind of mind set. Third, (again) it was hotter than most Los Angeleans are used to. All that lead to an audience that wasn't going to go all out even if they were going to be in a concert film.

[I'm pretty sure if you are ever going to shoot a concert film you have to shoot it overseas. They go apeshit over there simply because when a US band perform over there it's a once in a lifetime thing. How can you not go crazy?]

Anyway, all this led to Wayne Coyne wasting time before and after every song with requests that eventually became begging pleads for the audience to stand up and get involved. In LA? At the Bowl? In this heat? Not going to happen.

Still as a spectacle it was highly entertaining. You had your dancing santas and aliens. You had Wayne in the bubble. There were the mermaids/aliens? in body paint wandering the venue. There were numerous giant white balloons released during the first song, "Race for the Prize." They passed out glowing necklaces that Wayne then asked the audience to throw at him during "Yoshima Battles the Pink Robots Pt. 2." You also had numerous cannon shots of confetti covering the crowd. All this to say that while it was all visually fantastic (There's nothing like seeing thousands of glowing necklaces flying through the air) it was all maybe too much. When the giant balloons were released, more people where enthralled by knocking them around than the band performing on stage. It had me wondering: Where's that line in which the spectacle overshadow the music? I realize that The Flaming Lips have become this merger of visual set pieces and their music, but were more people there to see Coyne walk across the crowd in a bubble or hear the song that accompanies that visual? As a self admitted music snob, I would have gladly sacrificed some visuals if it meant more than a 10 song set. The kid in me did appreciate the eye candy at moments. Particularly, once the sun set and the crowd got involved which was right around the encore.

In fact, it was that encore of "War Pigs" that saved the show for me, and had me feeling happy and entertained as I was herded along with the mass exodus. Driving home, though after the glow wore off, I was wondering if "War Pigs" was simply an indication of how good the show could have been. It seems that last night I simply got a taste of how fantastic a Flaming Lips concert could be.

Ramblings

Please wait till the end of this paragraph to pass judgement.

The World Cup had left a longing in me for more soccer. I can't follow the US soccer teams because they suck. That leaves following soccer overseas. I decided on the English Premiership over the Spanish football league simply because I could understand the cheers and announcers. I also had more knowledge about the Premierships teams than the Spanish. After deciding on a league I needed to choose a team. I narrowed it down to two teams Liverpool and Tottenham Hotspur. I talked to my brother Sam who lives in London, and asked for any added insight into the teams. He is actually a Liverpool supporter. One of my main concerns is that I didn't want to jump onto a badnwagon. That's one of the reasons Arsenal, Manchester United, and Chelsea were elminated. Liverpool while an underdog for awhile, actually one the cup last year. Supporting them would then be like someone coming and picking the Red Sox. This had me leaning more and more toward Tottenham Hotspur. Here are some other reasons I was leaning toward Tottenham.
1. Great name
2. I look good in navy blue and white (the team colors)
3. Their logo is called the cock and ball. Yes it's juvenile but it's also a cool logo.
4. They are a young team with promise.

The final nail in the coffin though came from Sam. "If you like to support the underdog (as I recall you support the Cubs), you may prefer to back the Hotspurs." That pretty much sealed the deal. So I have no become a Spur supporter.

Now I know what you ESPN.com readers are thinking...copycat. Yes, I realized yesterday that Bill Simmons went through the same process and even narrowed it down to the same two teams. In fact he actually picked the Hotspurs as well. After reading that, I became conflicted about my pick. I seriously considered changing to Liverpool. Eventually, I came to my senses and realized I don't care. No matter what team I picked I would percieved as a bandwagoner. That's why it's difficult to pick a team this late in life. So I'm sticking with Hotspur. Besides, I can't pull off wearing the red which is Liverpool's color. Actually, I'll probably get more flack for deciding to follow soccer.

I once burnt my nose while ironing a shirt.

I'm still leading my fantasy baseball team by double digits, but the pitching that got me there is begining to fall apart.

The Cubs still suck.

This Sunday is The Flaming Lips at the Hollywood Bowl. This will be my first trip to the Hollywood Bowl in the five plus years I've lived out here. Some things just take awhile getting to.

Remember when summer time used to be a great time for movies?

The Day My Music Died or How Bob Jones Ruined My Chances to Become a Famous Bass Player

I mentioned this event briefly, and Jamie mentioned it when blogging about her hesitation in visiting South Carolina, so I thought I would flesh out the whole event.

Like most kids the first musical instrument I ever played was the piano. It's the gateway drug of musical instruments. My first piano teacher was a chain smoking old lady. She'd sit there and listen to me play. She'd take a drag from her cigarette and say in her smoke stained voice, "Not bad, kid, not bad."
In fifth grade I was able to actually pick the instrument I wanted to play. For some reason I was drawn to the double bass. Maybe it was that low end sound, or the whole manliness of playing such a big instrument (mark it), but I think I chose it because it seemed easy to play.

The one main drawback of the bass was that it was huge. It became quite a chore carrying the thing from one end of campus to the other. I imagined I looked very much like an ant carrying something five times it's size. Actually, I probably looked more like a stick bug, but you get the point. Four years I hauled that monstrosity around.

For the most part I stunk. Every year I was "last chair." In eighth grade I made the jump to "first chair," but that was because I was the only chair. Since this was Bob Jones, the only music we played was orchestra music. Every now and then we got the chance to play a movie's theme. You might ask, how is it we weren't allowed to go see movies, but we could play their music? My only explanation is, "It's Bob Jones."

While enjoying my reign as the only person who had the balls to play bass, our teacher through us for loop by including the spiritual "Down by the Riverside." I was thrilled for a few reasons. First of all I got to pluck through the whole song. I hated using that damn bow. Also, there was a part that I loved to play. I called it the "Buh dup bump" part. "I'm gonna lay down my sword and shield" Buh dup bump "Down by the riverside!" Buh dup bump. "Down by the riverside!" It was like having a solo after every line. For the first time in my life I really had fun playing an instrument. I actually looked forward to practice.

Every few months our school would throw a concert where the orchestra would put on a concert so parents could gush and little siblings could complain that they had to sit still and listen to music that was nothing like Patch the Pirate. This was going to be my time to shine. I scooted up on my stool and sleep walked through the boring songs. Tonight was all about "Down by the Riverside." Finally the time came. I was in the zone during the whole song. I plucked the hell out of that bass. After it was over I had that rush of publicly performing a fun song. I loved it. Apparently, I loved it too much.

After the concert, I was approached by a few students and parents, and a teacher. They had a big problem with my performance...I danced. How could someone sitting on a stool during the whole song be accused of dancing. Again, "It's Bob Jones." You see I was in fact bobbing my head and moving my torso to the "Buh dup bump." This was deemed dancing in many people's eyes and I was rebuked for it. I was punished for having fun.

All the wind was taken out of my sails that night. Of course the one song that I really enjoyed playing was wrong because it caused me to "dance." I was stuck playing songs that I had no fun playing. So, the second I got a chance I bailed. If I hadn't had been brainwashed into thinking rock n' roll, jazz, or other "secular" music was wrong I might have stuck with it. I might have become a mediocre bass player with a small drug habit. I wouldn't have to rely on my good looks to get sleazy groupies. Oh the life I missed out on.

For a short time I dabbled in playing the trombone simply because I wanted to play the Star Wars theme. That's right. At one point I could actually play three musical instruments. The trombone didn't take. This is probably a good thing. If I had stuck with it, I'd probably have wasted my years in a ska band. Shudder. Anyway, thank you Bob Jones for ruining my musical career.

I Was So Ready to Get My Football On

Today NCAA Football '07 is released. Today I have been waiting till work would end and I can pick it up on the way home. You see I prefer NCAA over Madden. I know that seems like heresy to say. Maybe it's because I like the college game over the NFL. The only reason I bought Madden last year was because NCAA made it so you could take the player you created and continue his career in the pros. Which really is brilliant on EA's part. Anyway, I was excited about the new game being released today. I could hear my 360 calling me. I was looking forward to creating a new player and get him into the school's Hall of Fame. I like the personal game elements in sports game. I loved how in The Show you could create a player and play simply as him till he got called to the big leagues. I wanted to create a graphical representation of myself doing things I can only dream about. This morning I started reading a few of the reviews. There were more for the PS2 and the Xbox than the 360 and that kind of worried me. Maybe it didn't come out today? I checked and sure enough it was coming out today. Then I found out something that through the monkey wrench into my child like excitement. The 360 version is actually missing features from the Xbox and PS2 version. One of those features is the Legend mode. I won't have the ability to create my own character. That's not the only feature it's missing too. There are no Spring Drills to determine your depth chart. The hot routes for both defense and offense are limited in their accessibility. The ESPN integration is lacking in comparison as well. My question is why does a game for a next gen system make me want to purchase the old gen version. Microsoft has completely buried the old Xbox, so why should the Xbox system have the better more comprehensive game? I realize this is really EA Sports doing, not Microsoft, but still. Next gen system games should never pale to the previous system's version. Madden for the 360 had the same problem, but I thought it was because the game was rushed to meet the launch date. Is this going to be a problem with all Xbox 360 sports games? Can they simply not fit everything with the graphical enhancements onto one disc? Since the PS3 is using bluray which has over twice as much storage capacity as the disc the Xbox uses, is the PS3 going to win in the features department. Is the 360 going to be limited because of the storage device it's games are on. Either way, I guess I'm buying an old gen game when I should be buying a next gen game.

Those Emmy People Kind of Got It Right

I realize it's been awhile since the Emmy nominations were announced, but I figure I can still give those Emmy voters a pat on the back when do something right. To my surprise, Denis Leary was actually nominated for best actor in a drama for Rescue Me. Which is great because the show deserves some recognition. But why no nominations for best drama? Can I also say I'm sick and tired of this blind love for the Sopranos. I agree seasons 1 & 2 were great television. After that, it's been a slow decline into mediocrity and boredom. Still, I'll let that slide. What I won't let slide is that John Scurti doesn't get a nomination for playing Lt. Kenny Lou Shea. That is a travesty! He is just fantastic on the show. Calie Thorne as Sheila really deserves a nod as well. She plays the desperate lonely crazy single mother so well. It's two parts funny, two parts sad.

For those that haven't been Netflixing Rescue Me after I wrote about it last year, what's wrong with you?

One other question: How in the hell does The Shield not get anything for the stellar season. Forest Whitaker doesn't get a guest actor nod? Really? Is it only the Academy members that are watching Boston Legal?

You Can Be a Doctor, a Lawyer, or an Indian Chief, but you can't be the American Dream!

Thank you Bob for reminding me when wrasslin' ruled.

Ye Ask The Sound and the Fury and ye shall receive.

Ramblings

First off, Happy Birthday to my family's own Irish lady, Julie. Our family is so lucky Ben K. married you. With you, some might say our family is actually civil. Thank you for being so patient with us, particularly during the holidays.

The fear of creeping out my neighbor has come to an end. Yesterday as her and her friend left her apartment building she introduced me as the one "cool" neighbor she has. That was nice. I do wonder how I beat out the Dave Baldwin look-a-like. I assume he probably hit on her when he was drunk off his ass, which seems to be every night. She then proceeded to invite me later that night to come over and "smoke a bowl" with her friends. I politely passed. I don't need to sit in a small room with strangers smoking weed.

The greatest album title of the year belongs to the Isley Brothers. They just released an album called..."Baby Makin' Music." Genius.

Earlier this week my Tivo recorded a show on ESPN Classic called Top 5 Reasons You Can't Blame Steve Bartman for the Cubs Losing the 2003 NLCS. I've always held that Bartman got the short end of the stick on this matter. There were so many other factors attributing to the Cubs loss that I wish the media would leave this guy alone. It seems every week there's a Bartman reference on Sportscenter. I guess that moment is our Buckner moment, when in actuality the Buckner moment is their Leon Durham moment. Here's the real problem. I thought I could handle watching it. I thought nearly three years was enough time for me to objectively watch the Cubs fall apart. I was so wrong. Five minutes in I was completely depressed. I started fastforwarding the highlights of the game because I couldn't take it. My anger rose every time some Marlin player started talking. What a loser. How long do I have to wait till I can handle this? Will the pain always be there till the Cubs actually win a World Series? Why did I ever become a Cubs fan?

Who do we blame for the come back of the polo shirt with the collars up? Kanye West?

Sportscenter's Make a Wish series + me alone in my apartment = Brad's Bawlfest. Really it's ridiculous. It's like they know exactly what shot is going to spring the waterworks.

Why didn't the boys at 3CT form a team for VH1's World Series of Pop Culture? It would be pure domination if we had a team.

Look we all know Superman would dominate if he played football. I wonder though if he could dominate in baseball. Sure he could probably be a solid power pitcher, but could he hit his spots when he pitches? His bat speed would be phenomenal, but I don't know if he could hit a curve ball or slider. Yes, I'm questioning Superman's hand-eye coordination. I think he could be a solid power hitter in an Adam Dunn kind of way, but I wouldn't guarantee he'd be a lock for the Hall of Fame.

I've been trying to keep this a secret for some time, but I have to let it out. Over a month ago, I caved and bought the Nintendo DS Lite. Sometimes that need to play Mario Kart simply becomes too strong. I'm so weak.

This Old Duplex

I've reached that point in the blogging where it's a bit of struggle to come up with stuff to write. Racking my brain for stories to tell, I've often reminded myself of the right side of this duplex on Wyandotte Ave. in Columbus, Ohio. This is the first home of my youth. I have a few faint memories of an apartment, and a house before this one, but nothing concrete. I've seen the pictures of the first two years of my existence in Georgia, but no memories. I don't even remember moving in to this duplex. I just remember being there.

It was nice cool old building with hardwood floors. It didn't have much of a yard, but it did have a sandbox and a cherry tree that I could reach from the back porch. My room was the attic at the top. I had the whole attic to myself. It was my domain. The only entrance was up the winding steps from the bathroom. It had one small window that you could see the city skyline from or launch Evel Knievel and his stunt cycle to thier death. It was the greatest bedroom any little boy could have.

Anyway, here are some of the remaining memories surrounding that duplex in my forgetful mind.

Our neighbor was an elderly lady named Margorie, I think. She often had some old guy visiting, I want to say his name was George. Every time we saw him he always made the same offer. "Would you like a rubber duck? What color would you like?" You might think "every time" would be an exageration, but he did ask every time. And every time he never had any rubber ducks. Never. In this day and age it would seem really creepy, but back then it was simply annoying. Why would he ask us for something he would never have? Why did he recieve joy out of this? Why did we consistently humor him?

One afternoon I went digging in our side yard with the dream of finding a fossil. To my suprise I actually found a human tooth. At first I thought perhaps I found a cavaman's tooth. I eventually came to my senses and realized that perhaps someone was murdered and once buried there. I kept digging and digging hoping to be able to find more teeth or maybe even a skull! I didn't find anything except my mother's anger for digging up her yard.

You know kids in the 70's you could trade in glass soda pop bottles for candy or baseball cards. There was many a weekend or summer day spent collecting bottles, taking them down to one of the stores and trading them for gobstoppers or baseball cards or Star Wars trading cards. Sure you can turn cans and bottles into recycling center and get cash these days. Back then there was no middle man. Those were good days when glass bottles could be used as currency. I found out much later that my Dad used to follow me each time to make sure I wasn't mugged.


There was time I learned that buttermilk was not the same as regular milk. Eating my cereal that morning I thought for sure I had poisoned myself on spoiled milk.

Making a shadow puppet of a dog on the wall, while singing "Hound Dog."

There were a couple kids that I played with on the block. The one constant kid lived next door in a hige white house. He was kind of an ass, and my parents didn't really like him. Heck, I didn't really like him. The thing was that his parents were one of the early adopters of HBO, so I made that sacrifice to see that old HBO opening with the cowboy hat and red shoe.

Only once did we ever have enough of a fear of a tornado that we actually holed up in the basement. Perhaps I should've been a little more frightened, but come on. We were camping in the basement. How cool is that?

I can't remember who gave it to us, but for a short time we had a stalk of sugar cane near the doorway to the kitchen. My parents would carve off a piece for our instant sugar rush. I was such a mild mannered kid, I guess they pumped sugar in me to see if I could ever become the crazy loud kid.

For a reason I can't remember I wanted to run away. I stuck a goodbye note in a metal tin on the dinner table. I walked about five blocks, came back, took the note out of the tin, and went upstairs to play with my Death Star.

Those are just a handful of a few. There's still the holidays celebrated there. The numerous dinners. The winter days helping Dad shovel snow. So on and so on. I think this house even beats the woods.

The Weekend That Was

I had one of those nice movie weekends in which I saw three movies in three days. Unfortunately each movie was worse than the one before.

Friday, one time blogger, long time co-worker, Krystal, organized a group of us to go see "The Puffy Chair." It's a very enjoyable independent movie about Josh who takes (actually it's more like he's forced) his girlfriend (Emily) and his brother (Rhett) to pick-up a chair he bought as a birthday gift for his father. From New York to Atlanta, Josh and Emily take stock in where their relationship is headed. Often funny and hits those relationship points that we have either experienced ourselves or have seen in others. The movie feels very true. The brothers who wrote, directed, and produced the movie were on hand after the movie for a little Q&A. One of the brothers also plays the lead. Kathryn Aselton, who plays Emily, was also there. I will admit she is also my new minor celebrity crush. She is also very very good in the movie. I highly suggest you see this if it comes to a theater near you.

Saturday night I went to see the Pirates sequel...eh. A couple nice action set pieces but not much of a script and again too long. The real problem was that I went to the late showing at the middling movie theater. Usually, the theater is never packed...ever. I never have to wait in line, or show up an hour early to make sure I got a seat. Of course there was a line around the building for the late show. For Pirates of the Caribbean? Really? The public was clamoring for this over Superman or even Da Vinci Code? I'm clearly out of touch with the public.

Sunday, the movie weekend was interrupted by the World Cup. Thank goodness I watched it or I would've missed one of the greatest "brain snaps" by one of the biggest players in the biggest game in the world. Completely out of nowhere and a definite tivo rewind moment. It was a near Mike Tyson moment.

After the game, I joined bobby and Brian D. for Through a Scanner Darkly. bobby and Brian struggled to stay awake. I stayed awake the whole time, so I guess I liked it. Maybe bobby is right and I didn't want to feel I wasted the 45 minute drive from Long Beach on a movie I didn't like.

One thing of note did happen. While ordering my hotdog and drink, the cashier asked if I was from Chicago because of my hat. I honestly said "no." The cashier then asked if I was in fact wearing a Cubs hat. I said "yes" and left it at that. bobby then said I should have just said I was from Chicago. I actually disagree. He clearly lived in Chicago at some time or he wouldn't have asked. If I had said "yes," there would've been a whole conversation involving question like: What part of Chicago did I live in? Where did I go to school? Did I know such and such? Did I ever go to this place or that place? On and on and on and on the conversation would've gone with someone who I only wanted was a hotdog and drink.

Ramblings

Fourth of July makes me thankful for many things:

I still have all my fingers, both eyes, and most of my hearing.

I didn't burn down the woods or our house.

That I didn't blow off my brother's fingers, eyes, or deafen him.

So I've been getting my fill of the World Cup. It's been fantastic. My problem has been who to cheer for since the US is always out of it. I could cheer for Brazil since my grandparents and aunt and uncle were/are missionaries in Brazil. I still miss the old Brazil T-shirt I had as a kid. But Brazil is also like the Yankees of the World Cup. I can't cheer for the Yankees of the World Cup. Germany was an underdog, so I was slightly intrigued to root for them. But then it's Germany. Which brings up another question: Are there so curses in soccer? Doesn't the Holocaust beat out something like selling Babe Ruth or kicking a goat out of the stadium in things likely to curse a team? Maybe since it's not sports related it doesn't count. But these teams all represent their country. It is Germany against Italy. Maybe each country has had it's own share of atrocities that they all somehow cancel each other out. Anyway, I had a difficult time cheering for Germany. Then there's the whole France thing. There's no way I'm cheering for a France team. No way. I could've gone the Switzerland route since I'm part Swiss. But then they lost to Ukraine. This basically left me with cheering on a game by game basis. I was behind Ghana and Australia as underdogs. They both lost. I wanted Italy, the lesser of former Axis powers, and they won. If Portugal beats France then I'm kind of stuck. I don't know who I'll cheer for in the final match. I guess I'll lean toward the smaller country in terms of square kilometers. That means Portugal! For those non soccer fans, I apologize for this. At least the World Cup only comes around every four years.

Could you imagine if spiders also had wings? They would be unstoppable.

Hmm. The Cubs still suck. They perhaps suck even more than last month. Apparently, nobody on the team can hit left handers. That makes me wonder why teams don't just call up any lefthanders they have to pitch the Cubs all series. They also can't hit the cut off man, smartly run the bases in an aggressive manner, or really do anything well. It seems that Baker is on his way out. There have been some names floating around for who will replace Baker like Lou Piniella, Tom Kelly, Jimy Williams, Gene Lamont and Fredi Gonzalez. I will quit if it ends up being Jimy Williams. Jimy Williams! Are you kidding me? My vote is for Fredi Gonzalez of the Atlanta Braves. Yes, part of the reason is that we would have a manager named Fredi. At least my NL only fantasy team is kicking ass. I probably just cursed them by saying that.

I'm pretty sure that "Ghost Rider" is going to be the movie that kills comic book adaptations. At least it should be the movie that kills comic book adaptations.

Did the Wayans have to buy the story rights to the Bugs Bunny cartoon "Baby Buggy Bunny" to do their movie "Little Man?"

Can they make a First Person Shooter video game that can't be beat in a weekend? I had Call of Duty 2 sitting on my shelf while I was immersed in Oblivion. I cracked it open on Sunday and finished it last night. It's still a solid game with some great moments, but can't they make such a game last a little longer? I don't mean this as bragging. There are plenty of twelve year olds that kick my ass on Xbox live. I'm mediocre at best.

I almost wore shorts the other day, but wisely came to my senses.

To follow up on my fear of creeping out the neighbor, I offer this story. Last week, I was up late last writing till about 3am. I went out to have a cigarette before bed. Sure enough her door opens and she's standing in her underwear letting her boyfriend out. There was that awkward eye contact, and then I quickly scurried away. I can't win.

Happy Fourth of July Weekend!

I Have a Question About Superman Returns? (Spoilers!)

So I went to see Superman Returns last night. I enjoyed it. It is definitely a throwback to the first two Superman films. But one plot point has irritated me to no end. Please someone explain this without it being creepy. For those who have not seen the film stop reading......NOW!





































Okay. Two thirds into the movie we discover that Superman is the father of Lois Lane's son. In the movie it is clearly a surprise to Lois. It had been stated in many interviews and reviews that this movie fits in after Superman II in the story line. (Actually, I would like to forget that 3 and 4 ever happened.) In Superman II, Lois and Superman knock boots once his powers are taken away. At the end of Superman II Lois' memory of the whole event is wiped clean. She doesn't remember discovering that Clark Kent is Superman or that they got married, or that they had sex. So my question is how does Lois rationalize that she never remembers having sex with the biological father of her son. If you never remembered having sex with someone, then you find out you must have because he's the father of your kid wouldn't you be just a little creeped out? Wouldn't you ask the father how the hell this happened? How did he knock you up? I realize Superman can't tell a lie and all that truth and justice kind of stuff he stands for, but that's still creepy. If he's the love of your life, wouldn't you want to remember that moment? You had sex with Superman! That's a pretty momentous thing. If anyone can logically answer this question without the word "rape" I would greatly appreciate it.

Hello Everybody! Are You Ready for Some Emotion?

Those are the words the director said as he walked by the long line to the showing of his film. No I didn't get to an early showing of "Superman Returns." There's no way I'd wait in line to see "Click." I was waiting in line to see the "The Room."

First of all, I need to thank Tim for inviting me along. It was his fourth viewing and obviously my first. You might be asking, "If Tim's seen it four times, it must a fantastic film?" You would be correct in thinking that, but you're wrong. Actually if you were thinking it was fantastically awful then you'd be right. "The Room" ranks up there as one of the worst films ever made, and yet people line up the last Saturday of each month. You see it's become a cult hit here in LA along the lines of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." People gather to simply laugh at how awful this film is. Throughout the showing people just throw out comments. Some of the comment have caught on and are yelled by everyone at every viewing. The odd thing is that the director/star shows up for Q&A before each showing.

The Q&A is a tense affair. With his thick Schwarzenegger like accent he dodges such questions as what his favorite spoon is, how did he finance the movie, or what country he's from. Each dodge is peppered with little rants where he calls the Chinese "yellowish" and flips off the more unruly fans. He then goes and sits in the back and watches the movie while the fans tear his movie apart. Completely bizarre.

I should also give the crowd I saw it with. There were three guys that threw out some choice comments. I mention this basically to say if you happen to be planning a trip to LA schedule it so you are out here during the last Saturday of the month. You won't regret it. I give it four hearty "Whooooo's!" of laughter.

NPR on The Room.

The Room website

Here's What I Meant to Say about the Twilight Singers Concert

Twilight Review

Updated: LA Setlist

06.23.06

I'm Ready
Esta Noche
Too Tough to Die
Bonnie Brae
66
Fountain and Fairfax
King Only
Teenage Wristband
Dream On
Love
Annie Mae
There's Been An Accident (featuring Joseph Arthur)
Candy Cane Crawl
Let's Get It On
Papillon (w/When We Two Parted)
Martin Eden
Forty Dollars

encore:
The Killer
Crazy
Underneath the Waves
Live With Me (featuring Mark Lanegan)
Where Did You Sleep Last Night? (feat. Mark Lanegan)
Black is the Color (featuring Mark Lanegan)
Deep Hit of Morning Sun (featuring Mark Lanegan)

Irrational Fears of the Little Ones

It seems everyone around me has recently given birth or is close to it. It kind of got me thinking about what if I had my own little Itens. Not that I'm even close to having my own. If I remember that sex ed. video correctly, there was something about a woman needing to be involved. I could be mistaken though. While pondering little Itens, you would think that I would dwell upon all the good things like taking them to their first baseball game or teaching them to ride a bike or how to execute a super jump in Super Mario Bros. You would be wrong. Of course I started having irrational fears. I say irrational because they aren't the fears of affording the kids education or health concerns. I should also point out that I can't handle kids near railings. I actually I have to walk away any time a kid is near a railing because it freaks me out. I don't care if the railing is six inches taller than the kid. I always imagine the worse. Even that isn't what I was fearing. Hear are some of the ridiculous fears that ran through my mind:

1. What if the kid hates all sports with a passion? Or even worse, becomes a Yankees fan?

2. What if the kid becomes a hippie whose record collection consists of only Phish and Grateful Dead albums? It could happen when they rebel against my love of electronic gadgets.

3. Maybe they will become a metal kid who thinks singing is when a guy imitates the Cookie Monster.

4. What if they always want to go to bed early and wake up early?

5. What if my love of baseball causes them to turn into one of those idiot jocks or starts dating them?

6. What happens if he turns out right handed and ends my plans to turn him into a left handed pitcher. You see left handed pitchers will always be desired in baseball. Look at Terry Mullholland. That's job security!

7. When's the appropriate age for the son or daughter to beat the father at something. If they beat me in a game of HORSE at the age of five haven't I lost any chance of gaining their respect?

8. What if they really really love musicals and I'm stuck seeing Grease three times a week?

9. What would I do if the kid ends up being the dumbest one in the family and he/she doesn't end up being potty trained till he's in high school?

10. What if they end up being a real life Doogie Hauser?

11. What if they end up having kids?

I'm Too Old for This. (Not That it Ever Stops Me)

I feel tremendously old today. It seems I can no longer pull off back to back nights of genius. I'm sore, tired, and simply burnt out. Would I do it again? Damn straight I would. Tuesday I experienced the spandexed debauchery of Lucha Vavoom as shown in the pictures below. I tell you there's nothing like nearly being flattened by a large man in spandex. Last night was the sweat and debauchery you can only experience at a Twilight Singers show. I can say that last night they were at their absolute best. But before I get to the main act let me talk a little about the opening acts: Jeff Klein and Afterhours. Greg Dulli had a hand in both of their latest albums. This definitely gave the whole night a kind of Dulli with his extended family vibe.

Jeff Klein is a young singer songwriter. I know there are probably some Ryan Adams comparisons that he probably hates, but I can see how those comparisons could be made. I will say that Klein's world is darker almost noir like than Adams'. Actually it's the same world Dulli's music lives in. Last night his performance was just him and his guitar. Most of his set involved him creating the percussion, rhythm guitar, and strings with his guitar. While the looping and the songs were great, there was more impact to the performance when the Twilight Singers came out backed him up on a song. Still a solid performance.

Then all hell broke loose when the Afterhours came out. Afterhours are an Italian band that Dulli met years ago when touring Europe. First of all they flat out rocked. Second they performed with so much energy and honest joy it was impossible for the crowd to not partake. These guys clearly enjoyed just playing rock and roll. It was an absolutely great set. I'd pay just to see them in concert.

Now let me talk about the Twilight Swingers. Living in LA I basically got to see the first and last concert of their US tour. Yes, the first one was really just a "practice" show, but it was the first time they performed the new songs in front of an audience. Last night was the last stop of their US tour which meant they could pull out all the stops. They pulled out every last one.

One of the bad things about living in LA is that the concert audiences often suck. They just stand there and watch with absolutely no investment in the show. Last night was one of the rare time the audience got involved, expect for the two wet blankets right in front of me. I actually credit Afterhours for doing what an opening band should. Clearly the Twilight Singers were feeding off this. I have to give it up for the audience since they usually just stare and clap.

Another bonus is that they played at the Avalon. Usually, I've seen the Twilight Singers perform at small clubs like Spaceland. The intimacy of those shows is great, but performance wise the band's sound is too big for such venues. The Avalon was the perfect venue and it was packed.

The cast was the same as the last concert I went too, except that the Afterhours lead singer played keys this time. The guitarist Dave Rosser was even better this time around. Maybe it was because he had room to move or simply having a full tour with the band and the the material. Bobby MacIntyre proved once again he's one of the best drummers currently in rock. Scott Ford deserves a lot of credit that I don't think he gets from the fans. Scott Ford is so steady and solid he almost disappears. Dulli was of course Dulli. Dulli's finally kicked the drugs and it shows on the stage. Yes, the always enjoyable rambling is kept short and sweet but this is the best I've seen and heard him.

It's hard to pick out the highlights. An obvious one was when they dusted off the Whig's classic Fountain and Fairfax. The crowd erupted. Fountain and Fairfax is a corner in LA. It's one of the first places I went when I moved out here. When he brought out Joseph Arthur to join him in singing "There's Been an Accident" was cool too. Arthur has such a cool voice that compliments Dulli's so well. Dulli did his soul man strut during Candy Cane Crawl and then did a crowd pleasing rendition of Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get it On." They did a great cover of Gnarl's Barkley's "Crazy." "Forty Dollars" closing out the set was fantastic. For the encore they brought out Mark Lanegan to close it out with a few songs. It added to over 2 hours of Twilight Singers playing their hearts and souls out. With Klein and Afterhours that's four hours of brilliant music.

I can tell now I haven't done this show justice here. I've said it before I'll say it again. Do what you can to see these guys when they come back around. Even if you aren't familiar with their music, I promise you will enjoy yourself.

More Lucha!

What the Hell Happened Last Night?

My voice is shot and it's not from watching Game 6. My condolences to all my Dallas readers. I've felt your pain as recently as 2003.

But on to the crazy night I had last night.

I think Tim was there.

















I saw a lot of spandex.













I saw some midgets fighting.













I saw burlesque with a political edge.

















I saw a nurse inject a a crazy chicken that contracted the bird flu from a midget chicken.













I might have seen a reincarnated Liberace.

















And I think it all happened in a wrestling ring.













What I do know is you have never experienced anything like Lucha Vavoooooooom!

And to think tonight I have the Twilight Singers concert. I haven't had back to back genius nights like this since forever.

Lesson #458

When drawing a bath, do not fall asleep.

Happy Father's Day!

Ramblings

This has been a pretty great time of the year for sports fans. We are nearing the All-Star break in baseball. With so many teams still in the mix it will make the trade deadline either very interesting or a snoozer. Fans in Detroit and Cincy have finally been given a reason to cheer. There seems to an influx of great young talent from Utley to Liriano to King Felix to the Mets MVP Wright. Oh and the Cubs still suck almost as bad as the Royals. Then you have the NBA which has pulled a lot of people back into the fold with a stellar post season. I never thought I'd find myself back watching the NBA. The NHL's postseason hasn't been to shabby either. Then you have the World Cup. I always enjoy how all the soccer fans come out of the woodwork every four years to proclaim that this is soccer's year. Much like cicadas only with a shorter maturity cycle they come out every four years and start chirpping the praises of soccer. Not that I don't enjoy the World Cup, but it will never ever be big in the States...ever. Even if the US were to win the World Cup (which will never happen) soccer will be a secondary sport. Speaking of secondary sports, who is starting up all these "Major Leagues" of minor sports? Do we need a major league for lacrosse? Does this need to be aired on TV? Who watches those paintball championships on The deuce? What's next a women's NBA?

Just for the record, that Gnarls Barkley album containing the "jam of the summer," Crazy is an R&B album not a hip-hop album. I know Dj Danger Mouse is part of the dynamic duo, but it's an R&B album.

Yesterday I broke through my month long funk. I'm still trying to figure out what caused the breakthrough. I've narrowed it down to either work replacing my CRT monitor with a new LCD monitor, or perhaps it's because I'm only four days away from...


















That's right! It's time to don the mask one more time!




















Yes, I'm still upset Reggie Evans stole my finishing move.

For those who are interested in what I actually research, here's a few of the things I had to look up this week:

1. How a proton transfer reaction mass spectrometer and a time-of-flight mass spectrometer
were combined to be able to quickly analyze VOC's (Volatile Organic Compounds).

2. How a Medical Examiner will submerge a body in water when an air embolism is suspected
as the cause of death. You see if there's an air bubble in the veins or artery they will be visible
when released under water.

3. I had to look up the components of tear gas and other tactics used in riot control. Then see
what trace would be left behind by each weapon and how they would be analyzed.

4. I then had to look up and see if Miami has fire hydrants. Sigh

How much do you compromise on a girl if she owns or has access to something unbelievable. For example, if a girl had season tickets behind home plate for the Cubs, where do I draw the line? Do I draw the line at her refusing to shave? Eye patch? Adam's apple?

We will end on that uncomfortable note. Have a good weekend.

The Fear of Being Creepy

You know that guy who walks alone. You often find him staring. He looks a little scraggly. You don't know why but something seems a little off, a little creepy about him. I'm always paranoid that I come across this way. I'm quiet. I only shave once a month. I'm a people watcher. All these things add up to me coming across as creepy. Take the new neighbor girl that moved in a couple weeks ago. She seems like a nice girl. Has that cute punky thing going on, but that's not the point. As known to most people, I smoke. I'm also an exterior smoker. I never smoke in my apartment. In fact the only time I smoke inside is if I happen to find a bar that allows you to smoke inside. Anyway, when I smoke I walk out to the entrance of our apartment complex. I do this for a couple reasons. One, my neighbors usually have their windows open and I don't want the smoke blowing into their apartment. Two, I can watch the "beach people" walk by. The problem is that the new neighbor's apartment is right at the entrance. Too often she's stepped out of her apartment with me standing there like a stalker. Thinking that "Just out smoking a cigarette" is a lame excuse I then act like I'm going somewhere or I was planning on going somewhere and forgot something. I have the pat my pockets like I forgot my keys/wallet charade down pat. The problem with pretending I'm going somewhere is that I walk out of the complex with nowhere to go. So, I just walk around the block and go through the complex entrance on the other side. All this so I don't look creepy. I'm certain this does nothing but make me look creepier. This creepy thing has been a complex of mine. If I'm waiting for someone at their apartment or house, I look at my watch so people walking by know I'm waiting for someone. I will also often do they fake cell phone call for those walking by within ear shot. I then pretend I'm calling the person I'm waiting for in my loud voice. I haven't figured out if I should look people in the eye or not. Either way can come across creepy. Right now I'm using the glance up and smile technique. I'm pretty sure that's creepy too. I don't know where this paranoia came from. Perhaps I just fear someone calling the cops. Maybe it started in high school and the infamous poem in locker incident? What I do know is that if I find myself standing alone somewhere I will do what ever it takes to make sure I don't come across as creepy. Of course, I could shave regularly, but that would take effort.

Ramblings

It's been awhile since I've done a "real" post. I apologize and offer these ramblings as my offering for forgiveness.

I've got myself becoming more and more like my father. I'm talking about little quirks here. I've begun doing that little "there's nothing on TV" frustration sigh while I stare at my remote to make something good come on. I've caught myself reading the newspaper in the same fashion. I've had enough people say I look just like my father that I came to terms a long time ago with that. That fact that I'm now imitating his quirks has me a little concerned.

Speaking of my father, with the NBA making a big comeback this season I've thought my Dad must be enjoying this postseason. One thing I remember growing up is my father's notebooks. Inside the notebooks were his teaching notes, some semblance of a schedule, and his student's grades. Among all that stuff would be pages of NBA players and their stats. I could never make sense of their order or why he wrote them down. Maybe he was being his own GM? I should ask him about that.

I meant to include this story awhile ago in my birthday post for Ben I. For some reason it slipped my mind. After my parents divorced, my Dad moved us down to South Carolina. On holidays and during the summer we would drive up to Columbus to spend time with our Mom. It's a ten hour trip so my Mom and Dad would meet halfway in Kentucky. While riding with Mom to Columbus, Ben was tired and kept asking how much longer. One time he asked, and Mom said it would be another 45 minutes. Fifteen minutes later he asked again. Mom said it'd be "half an hour." Ben suddenly got really frustrated, and we didn't know why. Then Ben said, "You said we were minutes away and now it's hours!" Maybe you had to be there. There's also the time that Ben kept calling condominiums, "condoms."

Baseball has taken another hit with this whole Jason Grimsley HGH investigation. The interesting thing is the names that were blacked out in the affidavit. This guy pitched for 7 teams since 1989 including the Phillies, Yankees, and Indians. That's a lot of players whose names could be hidden behind that black ink. Of course these names will eventually be leaked. This will most likely trump Canseco's "tell all" book because it deals with active players and Human Growth Hormones. No major league sport currently tests for HGH. Most likely the MLB will start testing because they've been forced into a corner once again. Does this mean the NFL or NBA will then be forced to follow suit, or is baseball held to a higher standard?

I'm putting up a fight in both of my fantasy leagues this season. Considering both teams have Aramis Ramirez that's pretty good. My best waiver wire grab is Marlins' shortstop Hanley Ramirez with his .302 average and 17 stolen bases. My best draft pick is probably Reds' pitcher Harang, who I scooped up off the bottom of the draft pool.

There should be an online dating site where you create the questionaire for potential dates.

Are kids not getting their asses kicked anymore? For the past few years there seems to be more and more smart mouth kids talking trash. Every time I run into one of them I wonder how they've survived without getting a beating. I don't mean by their parents but by their peers.

I haven't felt this lethargic in years.

When will toilet paper companies realize that more absorbency and more plys will not keep us from using a lot of toilet paper? We use a lot of toilet paper because we want to create as much of a barrier as we can between our hand and our ass.