Only By the Grace of God Will You Get Out of Debt.

I recieved this sadly funny spam this morning. Do they ask for proof of being a Christian?

Detoured

I know I said we'd get into the good stuff of Snobfest 2005, but I had a little detour. My sister, Anne, was in town visiting her boyfriend. She came down to see the set. I think her boyfriend was more impressed then she was. I then introduced her to the brilliance of an In N Out burger. Seeing her off, I then discovered I had a flat. Which wouldn't have been a problem because I bought a spare after it was stolen from my car. The problem was I didn't think to buy a new jack. Luckily Megan and Eric were nearby and helped out. By the time I got home (after hunting for a parking space for half an hour) I was too burned out. So, later on today or tonight I'll finish it. I know you are all extremely dissapointed. Try to make it through today if you can.

With This Kiss I Claim Thee Woman as Mine, Mine, Mine!

Maybe it’s just me? But I’ve noticed a lot of “Kiss Claiming” going on. To give you an example of “Kiss Claiming” let me offer you an example. When you are talking to someone of the opposite sex and their significant other comes in out of nowhere and makes a point to kiss them. Then while they apply the kiss, they give you that look like you are a G6 away from sinking their battleship. That's a classic example of "Kiss Claiming." Which is usually such a shitty move even the kissee rolls their eyes. Perhaps this baffles me because I’m as threatening as a kitten in mittens. I don’t even hit on single women. What makes you think I’m going to make a move on someone in a relationship? Are you really that insecure to be threatened by the likes of someone whose family still questions his sexual orientation? If anything, your possessive move is giving me the upper hand. Now I just have to throw in little barbs about trust and possessiveness through that door you just opened for me. So calm down and show a little confidence. No matter how better looking that guy is who’s talking to your girlfriend/wife just play it cool. Show a little trust not only in her but yourself as a person.

Music Snobfest 2005

It’s that time again where I bestow upon you what you should've listened to in 2005. I’ve been working on a “best of” for movies, but it’s been a struggle. The reason is that I just haven’t been thrilled with the movies that were released this year. It appears I'm not the only one. Also, I’m a little behind on a few that are apparent must-sees. Once I catch up on things perhaps a 2005 movie post will arise. The lack of a movie post means I get/need to stretch out Snobfest 2005 into multiple posts. So sit back and enjoy or lambaste Music Snobfest 2005.

Classic Song of 2005:

The Spinners: Rubberband Man

Those who know me are aware that I have a penchant for R&B. I’m not exactly where it comes from. Perhaps it’s from struggling on the streets of downtown Columbus, or simply because I wish I had an ounce of soul. This love of R&B extends into my Afghan Whigs fanboyishness and my dabbling into old school hip-hop. This year one band stood out among the others I purchased in order to build up my R&B catalogue. It’s the the Spinners. Their list include such brilliant classics as, It’s a Shame, Could it be I’m Falling in Love, Ghetto Child, and Living A Little, Laughing a Little. All of these could’ve easily been my Retro Song of 2005 if not for Rubberband Man. I never clicked next on my iPod all year when this song came on. I credit the bass intro as being the hook the grooves my soul.

Honorable Mentions: Queen: Don’t Stop Me Now, The Outfield: Your Love, Nice & Smooth, Sometimes I Rhyme Slow, Neil Diamond: Forever in Blue Jeans, The Ramones: Howling at the Moon.

Guilty Musical Pleasure of 2005:

Amerie: 1 Thing

I came across this song during one my sleepless nights where I flip through all my music video channels. My first impression was, “Wow. That’s an attractive woman.” Then I heard the beat and that single guitar chord. I was hooked. I still find myself getting that song stuck in my head. This song is all about that beat.

Musical Hatred of 2005:

The Black Eyed Peas

The term “sellout” is constantly thrown about at artists. Sometimes the term fits and sometimes the term is simply used by annoying fanboys when their band reaches the mainstream. The Black Eyed Peas though emphatically sold out. Their first album wasn’t that bad. They came out during the influx of LA underground rap acts like Jurassic 5, Blackalicious, and Dilated Peoples in the early 2000’s. They weren’t as good as the other groups but they had promise. After their second album failed to become a hit they then proceeded to “sellout.” They added a female singer and ripped off numerous bands along the way. I though I had reached my pinnacle of hate when their song was used during the NBA playoffs. Sadly, I was wrong. “My Humps” is easily the worst song of 2005, and I would even question it actually being a song. Please Black Eyed Peas, go away!

Constant Disappointment of 2005

Weezer

How I used to love these guys. I still think Pinkerton is one of the greatest albums of the 90’s. Maybe that’s my problem. Pinkerton is obviously the least popular album in its discography. It did though basically create the “emo” niche. I was rather excited when the green album came out. My excitement was quickly downgraded to disappointment.
Every album after that has brought me to near dislike. Don’t even get me started on “We Are All on Drugs” vs. “We Are All in Love” thing either.

That’s all for now. Tomorrow we will start hitting the good stuff.

Lucha vavaVaVoom!

With the uneventful months (at least entertainment wise) of Jan. and Feb. upon us. I finally have something to look forward to. Thanks to the info from co-worker Flava D, I just bought tickets to perhaps the greateset thing I will experience this year. Lucha Vavoom! I got tickets for the 16th, so those in LA at the time that would like to join me for one of the greatest nights of your life you are welcome to. I'm so looking forward to seeing Super Porky! I'm also saving up to purchase a wrestling mask.

Taste My Samurai Blade You Alien Bastards!

I had another one of those dreams last night. I dreamt that I went with a group of people on a vacation to a cabin in the woods. One of the guys in the group happened to be a former fling of the girl I was dating in my dream. While hanging out in the cabin some of my fellow vacationers were alienized ala Invasion of the Body Snatchers. These aliens had no emotion. That was how they differentiated the humans from themselves. My girlfriend in the dream happened to be one of the ones that were alienized. They started knocking off the other fellow vacationers one by one. Realizing emotion was the give away; I acted like one of them till I could figure a way out. She, though, suspected I was still human. To test me she kept hooking up with not only her former fling but also other guys in the group. She made a point to hook up in front of me. It took all I could to bury my anger and disgust. Which is surprising since I knew she was actually an alien. Then the wheels of my dream came off as I found a samurai sword and eventually was able to take out the aliens with my newfound skill with the blade. I eventually woke up while being pursued by the police, who thought I was killing people rather than aliens. That’s why you don’t eat salt and vinegar potato chips at 2 in the morning.

Christmas Break Recap (Pt. 2)

Dec. 27th:

I had a lot of plans for this day. None of it happened. I planned on going to the German Village, but I had to babysit. Then I had to wait to pick up my brother in law and stepfather at the movie theater. While I was waiting, one of the nephews, Alex, cracked his head open when he fell of a chair. Being somewhat knowledgeable of the area, I was summoned to be the driver. We drove to the theater so Jennie could pull her father out of the movie to look at her son's head. So, both her husband and father missed the end of King Kong. By the time we got back, it was too late for the 7 o’clock showing of Munich. I then aimed for the 10:35 showing, but was once again stuck babysitting while one kid got his head stitched up, and everyone else was running last minute errands. I’m pushing reset and trying again tomorrow.

Dec. 28th:

I wake up to 60 degree weather on my birthday. See, even God gives birthday presents. We went to Schmidt’s Sausage Haus for my birthday. Man, their Bahama Mamas are outstanding. Then we hung around and dropped by the stepfamily’s second get together. To cap off the day we saw Munich which was half and hour too long and lacking in emotional involvement.

Dec. 29th:

With my Dad back in town from visiting “Bob Jonesville,” I drove out to see his new house. He said it was a ways outside of Columbus, but I thought he was perhaps exaggerating a little. After driving for an hour I realized I was wrong. It’s a cozy little place where he can plant his trees and have his garden. Basically he finally got his “cabin” in the woods. Still not a fan of the drive.

Dec. 30th:

Went back to my father’s place to have the Iten Christmas dinner with my brother and his family. We had the usual duck. Evie was feeling better, so she was running at full steam. The nieces played with legos, and I got to show my lego mastery in building. It takes years and years of practice. It’s not easy fitting big wheels on a boat.

Dec. 31st:

Anne Marie left to visit her boyfriend in California, so for a day it was simply Mandy and me. Tomorrow Ben K. and Julie were getting back into town. That meant rebuilding the house from the utter destruction left by the rest of the family. Mandy and I rang in the New Year as we watched Dick Clark in HD. I don't know if that's a pro or con. The first thing they cut to after the ball dropping was Clark kissing his wife. Not exactly the first thing I want to see in 2006.

Jan. 1st:

What better way to celebrate the New Year than more cleaning? With half an hour to spare I finally got the house presentable. Picked up Ben K. and Julie from the airport, and we had our own little Christmas exchange. I think I quickly rose up the favorite brother-in-law with getting Julie the deep fryer.

Jan. 2nd:
For Christmas my stepbrother, Sam, received a PSP. Finally I have someone to play online with. Unfortunately, he lives in London. So he called the other day because he wanted to play online. Apparently, his train from Ireland to London has wifi. So, I woke up early to play videogames. Yes I need help. Problem was that this train didn’t have wifi. I woke up for nothing. Except that right when I was about to fall back asleep, I hear the phrase, “Xbox 360!” Whispered through my door. Sure enough I walk down and Ben K. is unpacking an Xbox 360. That morning he had gone into Target to pick up some jeans for his wife. Stopping by the electronics department he sees that they had just gotten in some of the systems that morning. What are the chances? Of course the day before I was telling him that he probably won’t be able to pick one up till Feb., unless he really wanted to search for one. He just walks in the next day and buys one. So we played it till the Ohio State vs. Notre Dame game. It’s nice to be able to watch some Buckeye football with the family. Watching it in HD makes it even better. Watching it while eating fries and chicken wings freshly fried in my Christmas gift to Julie makes it the best.

The Buckeyes proved once again that speed kills, and that they clearly underperformed this year. I will say that being a Buckeye fan is a different experience of fandom from being a Cubs fan. The Buckeyes are consistently decent particularly since Tressel arrived. Still being a Cubs fan spills over and I always expect the worse. Then the Buckeyes prove my fears wrong. I can’t tell you how conflicted I was when they one the National title in 2002. I was truly lost.

Jan. 3rd:

I fly home today.

It’s been a pretty good Christmas. Thanks to Ben K. and Julie for putting me up...again. Some day I’ll make it up to you. I can’t wait till you add to the niece/nephew count next year. Once again this Christmas proves my family rules. Kayla and I bonded as well.

Happy New Year from Lou and Eddie!

Favorite Movie of the Year: The Family Stone!?

Please pick yourself up off the floor. I’m sorry to shock and befuddle you like that. This is probably the last thing you’d expect me to write. At this point you think I probably turned my back on all that is cool and hip, or perhaps the cold has gotten to my brain. I know this isn't like me at all, but bear with me. I’d like to point out that I should have used the word, “experience” in the post’s title. I’m not saying it’s the best movie of the year. Let me explain though why it’s my favorite movie experience of the year.

As stated in yesterday’s post, my family and I went to see The Family Stone. I wasn’t exactly thrilled by the idea, but I was trying to win brownie points with Ben K’s wife, Julie. I thought it’d be up her alley, and my sisters would probably enjoy it as well. Now I had little knowledge of what the movie was all about. I knew it was about a son bringing his to-be fiancé to meet his quirky family. Of course she’s high strung and anal, and they are loose, fancy free, and lovably odd. I had no idea about the whole mother dying of cancer part. I should’ve because it fits in with every other cliché in this movie.

Even though it’s been over two years, we as a family still struggle a little when this sort of topic comes up in movies. It also didn’t help that Diane Keaton played the mother. You see Keaton and my Mom shared similar quirks and vocal mannerisms. That made watching the movie all the more difficult. There is of course the fact that we are one large and quirky family. I completely sympathized with Dermot Mulroney. I can easily imagine my own fears when I will have to introduce a girlfriend or fiancé to my family. I can also imagine her fear and feeling of being overwhelmed. Anyway, my point is that we as a family completely identified with this family in one-way or another.

The movie itself is a by the books quirky family Christmas movie. What saved it were the performances. Every actor basically nails his or her performance. Diane Keaton is especially great. The dialogue itself is good as well. It’s just the plot is completely predictable and the love square is quite ridiculous. It has its funny moments. It also becomes heavy handed when it decides to preach. It’s a nice rental in my opinion. Even with all those flaws The Family Stone is still my favorite movie of the year.

This ranks up there with my Finding Nemo experience. The theater itself was basically empty, so it was like having our own private viewing. We also treated it as such. We laughed and cried out loud even at inopportune moments that I’m sure confused and offended those few sitting in the theater with us. The prime example was at the ending, when you could easily hear and see our whole family bawling. Yet the second the screen faded to black we all laughed as one at our own crying. I’m sure we came across as asshole’s laughing at such a somber moment, but it was our release.

Leaving the theater we were all red-eyed with some of us still drying our eyes. We didn’t say much, we just kept laughing. Maybe we are all crazy, but we shared an experience as a family. We expressed our pain of missing Mom at Christmas, and we remembered her. It just took a schmaltzy and flawed movie to bring it out of us. That’s why The Family Stone was the best time I had at the movies this year. Now you can have nothing to do with me. I will admit I think the poster is lame.

Christmas Break Recap (Pt. 1)

December 19th
Got Flu.

December 20th
Got over Flu

December 21st:
Once healthy my sisters and I went shopping and wrapping, and wrapping and shopping.
The family and I went with the family to see The Family Stone. That whole event is another blog post.

December 22nd:
Ben K. and Julie left for Ireland on the 22nd.

December 23rd:
More Shopping. My dogs are barking. My back is in knots.

Christmas Eve:

We went over to my brother, Ben I. and his wife’s place for Christmas Eve dinner.

We hung out with nieces Evie and Moira. Evie was a little under the weather and had the nose snot thing going. She did though do her best to entertain. As did Moira who is the smartest 7 year old I know. I offer this conversation as an example.

Mandy: Look Evie’s a bear. Bear’s are carnivores just like us.

Moira: We’re not carnivores. We’re omnivores. We eat both plants and animals.

Moira is seven.


My stepfather showed Moira and Evie all about taking video and photos.












Anne had a little birthday cake.












Returning home we went to bed while Anne went out with friends for her 21st birthday. She came back sick and hung over. She didn’t listen to my one advice. Never do Tequila shots. It will mess you up. She did seven that night.

Christmas Day:

Since the rest of the family wasn’t coming till later in the evening, my sisters and I exchanged our presents.

My stepfather opened up am envelope left by Ben K. and his wife, Julie, before they went to Ireland. The only thing inside was an ultrasound picture of my new nephew/niece. Julie is due in August I believe. That makes six.

They then went to my stepfamily’s Christmas get together. I stayed home and watched football on my stepbrother’s new HDTV. I clearly had the better afternoon.

There was peace in the house.












Then the rest of the immediate family arrived or returned, and we had our Christmas Chaos. It was quite entertaining watching the two new nephews from Russia experience Christmas for the first time. The most recent one, Andrei, literally got out of the orphanage a week ago, and now he’s playing with dinosaurs and trucks.












Evie was nearly buried in wrapping.












Boxing Day:

We go back over to Ben I, and Jamie’s for lunch and more quality niece time. I would like to point out that the cute outfit Evie is wearing was purchased by me, the greatest uncle ever.
The evening was spent organizing things for Inga and my brother in law, Dan, birthdays. Once again we had last minute gift buying. It really never ends.

After the birthdays, my sisters and I go see King Kong. Their first time, my second. It doesn’t hold that well on a second viewing. At least for me it doesn’t. I couldn’t tolerate Jack Black as much this time. I’ve come to the opinion that you can’t write fake B-movie dialogue. It’s not funny. It’s the same thing as trying to make a movie so bad it’s good. It’s simply something that happens. You can’t force it or fabricate it.

Happy Birthday...

...to this old jackass.

Happy Boxing Day!

Merry Christmas Everyboooody

I hope you get what you want.

Happy Birthday Anne Marie!

So, I’m sitting at my computer on Christmas Eve dwelling upon the fact that my little sister is out on the town celebrating her 21st birthday. They grow up so fast. It seemed not that long ago when I introduced you to punk rock. You and I would jump up and down on the bed while my stereo blasted. You were to young to understand, but I was trying to get you away from the Al Jarreau. I was trying to educate you. But I didn’t need to worry you were already too smart. You would never fall for my bribes when I babysat you. You still ended up loving musicals. I’m certain though my small time playing the bass lead you to dabble in it as well. You also became quite a romantic both in language and life. Some how my negativity never rubbed off as you always seem to have that optimistic bounce in your step. So, happy birthday little sister. You're still the greatest Christmas present Santa's ever brought.

It's Not All Cornfields

Christmas the past few years has been at my brother Ben K. and his wife Julie’s house. This is what happens when you have the most room, and you marry one of the most gracious and hospitable women on earth. This year they’ve been remodeling their kitchen. Which means we’ve been going out a lot. Driving around I realized Columbus has quite a few cool things to offer besides Ohio State Football, Blue Jackets Hockey, and Hooters. Here’s a nice list of things to see and places to eat if you happen to somehow end up in Columbus, Ohio.

Growing up I always wanted to live in German Village. It’s a 223-acre neighborhood in the southern part of downtown. The whole neighborhood is quaint brick buildings closely built together with brick sidewalks. They even still have brick roads. There are some great eateries and bars like the Mohawk. But the first restaurant you must visit is Schmidt’s Sausage Haus. This place is genius. It’s all great German food from bratwurst to Wiener schnitzel to the chocolate cream puff pastries. My personal favorite is their legendary Bahama Mama. The Bahama Mama you see is one of the city’s food specialties. Heck, we even have a day called Bahama Mama day. If you ever go, hit the buffet so you can try it all. Or go Wed. or Sat. when the Schnickelfritz band is playing. Also make a quick stop at the Fudge Haus across the street so you can feel even fatter. If you are really lucky you’ll visit sometime between Sept. 30th and Oct. 2nd for the genius that is Oktoberfest. Fat, hammered, and happy is how everyone leaves Oktoberfest.

To take off a few of those added pounds from Schmidt’s walk over to the Book Loft. It’s a two-story building that’s a block long, and it’s all books. There are 32 rooms. Each rooms specializing in a certain category. You can spend hours just browsing and the prices are dirt cheap on both used and new books. It’s a maze of books so take breadcrumbs. Walkie-talkies might be nice to so you and your friends can find each other before the next winter.

The German Village though isn’t the only place in town. When I first moved to LA people were telling me I needed to go to the farmer’s market. So, I went and you know what I thought. This is a lot like the North Market in Columbus. The North Market is a great place to try different foods, and people watch. With more than 30 merchants not including the actual Farmer’s Market you can lose a solid portion of your afternoon.

Close to the North Market is the Short North district. This is your artsy fartsy hip and happening area. There are great boutiques, galleries, and restaurants down High St. I used to always go to great video store here to get my Asian Action flicks. This was back when video stores charged money for memberships, but since this was the only place in town that imported the stuff the price was worth it.

Ohio State University has some things to do as well. It's not the cleanest of areas but that part of High Street should be experienced. Campus was where I went for music. First there’s the historic Newport Hall. It’s been there for ages, and it shows. There are other venues of various sizes around town, but the Newport holds a dear place in my heart. The other concert venue that holds an embarrassing place in my heart is King’s Place. The title of the place should tell you enough about the kind of music that was showcased there. Still think the One Bad Pig concert kicked ass. The dude jumped into a swimming pool of ice cream! But I digress. The other spot on campus that I went for myIt’s not pretty but the OSU campus area has quite a few cool music fix was Used Kids Records. When I was in high school the shop was in the basement of a building. You had to walk down a flight of steps into a windowless shop. The place was weirdly organized. It was cool before I even knew what cool really was. Now they take residence on the second floor of some other building and it’s lost a little of it’s underground charm. Still if you want something they have it from vinyl to CD. It was basically my Amoeba before Amoeba. One little warning if you buy something lame they will call you out on it. I still have emotional scars from when I picked up an old Boston CD. I don’t know if they do this anymore now that they are a little more legitimate.

Downtown has a few things to offer. The Arena district has some pretty good restaurants. I don’t have a lot of info because it’s a newly developed area. There is also COSI (Center of Science and Industry). I used to go about twice a year when I was a kid. They moved it now, and some famous Japanese architect designed the new fancy building. Inside are tons of exhibits and experiments designed to teach and entertain. It’s much more enjoyable than I’m making it out to be. My fondest memory of the place was the huge pendulum clock in the entrance. This giant spike would swing back and forth over the circle that is outlined with pegs. For every minute it would knock over a peg. Also walking into a replica of the eye was pretty cool. And the experiment with the electric eels was badass. For you historians out there, the original Wendy’s restaurant is downtown as well.

There’s a little taste of things to do in Columbus when and if you ever visit. I don’t know why those who read this would, but in case you do. Columbus is a pretty nice and wonderful town. Wait I forgot White Castles!

The Christmas Miracle of Moms

I don’t know how my Mom successfully pulled off Christmas year after year. Even with all her other duties she’d somehow someway make Christmas happen. I knew she was making tiny miracles happen, but I never fully understood until recently. The day after I got into to town my sisters and I were given a daunting task. My stepfather had apparently dropped the ball, and not gotten anyone Christmas or birthday gifts. That means in four days we had to buy Christmas gifts for seven siblings, three sibling in-laws, three nieces, and two nephews. We also have to get Christmas gifts for two siblings, one sibling in-law, and one niece. This doesn’t include our own Christmas/birthday shopping we had to do for each other. We’re into day two, and I’m about to snap. We are amazingly close to being finished, but it’s taken its toll. It’s difficult enough deciding what to get everyone what with thier vague Christmas lists and specific tastes. We also have to take in account budget concerns, balance practical and impractical, and good grief the wrapping, the endless, endless wrapping. Today was a particularly tough day because it meant we had to go to Toys R Us and Media Play. Both are on the bad side of town and both employee people who work at two speeds; slow and catatonic. At Toy R Us, I constantly found myself boxed in by people and their carts. It was like I would stumble into the middle of a high noon gunfight. Just moving around the store was quite similar to driving in LA. You move a few inches, but then the people in front of you have to stop so they can “Ooh” and “Aah” over the Spiderman Stunt Set. You’re suddenly weaving through the back alleys of bikes and Bratz dolls, doing a few hit and runs on discarded toys, and sideswiping old ladies carts just to reach the check out line. Yet this is something Mom would do every year. Of course she had a lot more time. She was also a seasoned pro and planned ahead. But she had to because she was also responsible for two separate family Christmas dinners. Wait, make that three family dinners, and three to four birthday parties. She made it look so easy, and she did it so well. I still don’t know how she did it without killing a few people. Here’s to my Mom and Mom’s around the world that help make Christmas...Christmas.

Sometimes You Should Rent Rather Than Buy

In certain situations it is better to rent than to buy. Last night it was announced that the Cubs and former Twins OF Jacque Jones agreed to a 3 year $16 million dollar contract. I think the Cubs bought when they should’ve rented. Certainly I’m pleased, as anyone would be to have a player named Jacque on his or her team. It’s no Willy Mo, but it’s pretty good. Jacque was signed to fill the vacated RF spot after the Cubs declined the option on Jeromy Burnitz’s contract. Burnitz actually had slightly better number in nearly all categories except for stolen bases. Jacque is younger, faster, and probably a slight upgrade defensively. Still, Jacque is 30 and most players hit their prime when they are 27 and 29. The last time Jacque hit .300 or higher was back in 2003 when he was 28. Since then his batting average has been .254 (2004) and .249 (2003). The one high point in his career last year was that he had a career high in walks (51). That’s really not that great especially considering he also had 120 strikeouts. Cub’s management is blaming his two-year slide on trying to carry the Twins when their superstars were hurt. I hope they are right. I think we are simply seeing the normal age digression of an average player. I’d be surprised even if he hit around .280. I think the Cubs got desperate and didn’t want to wait as long as they did last year to fill their slot. So, they tied up someone earlier for three years. The thing is they basically have the same player as last year. But now they are tied into a three-year contract, when a one-year would’ve been better. I do hope I’m wrong. This signing also means the Patterson will soon be traded somewhere. I'm pretty sure he'll put up at least the same numbers as Jacque.

It should also be noted that the Cubs were battling the Royals in order to sign Jacque. The Royals offered a 3yr $15 million deal. The Cubs simply had to offer a million more and the Royals were out. That’s the state of affairs for baseball right now. Though with how the Royals have been the last decade the Cubs probably could’ve offered the same deal as the Royals to land him.

Always Pressing My Luck

I’ve realized that I tend to always press my luck. Even if I know the result I’ll see if I can beat it. Actually, we are all probably like this. It could be from laziness to never wanting to hear the word “can’t” to the gambling nature in some of us. It's obviously a little of all three for me. If I could somehow narrow when I press my luck down to better odds, I’d probably put a lot less stress on myself. Here are few short examples in my life where too I pressed my luck and get Whammied.

I know that guy across the table was slow playing his trip Queens. He also never ever bluffs. But, that King on the river gave me two pair, and what if this is the one time he’s bluffing. He calls my raise and I’m out of the game.

I bet if I get enough speed I can make that jump on my bike. After flipping on my back, I’m left sucking for the air knocked out of my lungs.

What are the chances that a bottle rocket will actually hit me in a bottle rocket fight? A few minutes later my ears are ringing as I try to smear the burnt mark off my shirt.

Nobody will notice if I just finish up the timed quiz while the teacher is collecting them. Half an hour later I’m bent over a chair as the whistle of the paddle sings in the air.

My little brother sure is angry about my comical put-downs. I wonder how many more he can take? After one put-down too many I find myself shoved through the glass window of the storm door.

I’ve never skateboarded in my life. But now that my Dad has bought me a skateboard I should try a difficult trick. I’m sure I can pick it up quickly. Fifteen seconds later I’m snapping my fractured arm back in place.

This girl and I sure are getting along well. Rather than just taking it easy and letting things develop I should press the matter. Two dates later and she won’t return my twentieth phone call of the day.

I’m driving my ‘74 Ford Maverick. I wonder how fast this car can go. In fact I know a certain stretch of road where I could find out. With the needle pressing 95, I’m sure I can reach a hundred. The flashing blue and red lights keep me from finding out. The car also never ran the same.

I bet I can make it to work in 20 min. Cut to 10:00am and I’m bitching about there being traffic in LA.

I can make it through the day on four hours sleep. I’ll stay up and keep writing/watching TV/playing video game/writing a blog post. By noon the next day I’m already doing the head bob.

When I smoke I’m always pressing my luck.

Done with Flying

Ok, I’m not planning on flying for a while. I’ve already blogged on my adventures last week trying to fly through Chicago last weekend. In preparation for my flight Monday I checked the weather numerous times to see if some strange blizzard was going to hit Atlanta. No blizzard was in the forecast.

Friday I saw some movies. Saturday I hung out with some friends and drove by Best Buy to see if there was a line already for the Xbox 360. There was a line, and I refuse to wait in line more than three hours for one of them. Sunday was planned to be my laundry, packing, and cleaning day. I woke up Sunday ready to get to it. It never happened. Around lunch time I had that scratch in the back of my throat. I put everything aside and went into fight the cold mode. I was chugging OJ, and popping pills. Unfortunately there was no stopping it. By 10 I started getting the shivers. This was no cold, but a flu. I was screwed. My flight was at 7am, which meant I had to be at the airport at 5am. I figured I had to get up at 4am to drive to work, drop off my car, and get a taxi. I tried to go to bed early. I couldn’t. Not with a temperature of 102. So, I’m left watching the seconds tick by while I shiver and sweat.

At 4am I down another glass of OJ, and some pills just so I can hopefully make it through the day. Sitting on the plane with my pale skin and stank of sickness I kept thinking back to that awful movie Outbreak. This is how epidemics start. I’m the lone carrier that spreads it because he wants to get home for Christmas. I’m going to be responsible for millions of people’s death or at the very least I’ll wipe out some small town in the middle of nowhere. Anyway, I finally got to Ohio, and slept, and slept, and slept. Here’s to sisters that go out in the freezing cold to get you chicken noodle soup.

Ramblings

In honor of unexpectedly receiving Friday off I did my own double feature. I began with King Kong and followed it up with Narnia. Kong was definitely the better of the two. Mine main quibble with Kong was I still think Jack Black was miscast. He wasn’t awful but there were certain dramatic moments I was wincing at. Still it’s one helluva a ride, and I did get weepy over the big ape. Narnia is actually better than I expected. Is it perfect? No it certainly has its short comings both in story and technology. I did get the underlying feeling of this being an attempt for another Lord of the Rings. Beyond that this movie has very old fashioned feel to it. There’s an innocence and awe in the film that is rarely witnessed in current children’s fare. The director wisely sticks through the children during the whole movie. The kids who play Lucy and Edmund do a fabulous job.

This may be nitpicking but I’ve become frustrated by the guitar solos being inserted during the worship portion of church services. I want to sing and your poorly executed guitar solo is keeping me from singing. I miss hymns.

Thanks to the writer’s and EP I have the dough to begin my next effort to buy an Xbox 360. Best Buy it seems has been hoarding the ones that have been shipped after the launch date to do a sort of second launch date this Sunday. Lucky for me the Best Buy near me will supposedly have around 80 available. So, it looks like I’ll be up early Sunday morning and standing in line again. Thank goodness I live in LA. Those people that waited in line in freezing temperatures are crazy. I’m only slightly crazy.

Surprisingly, I have over half my Christmas shopping done. I have nine down and five to go. I thought I only had four till I received news that my sister and her husband just returned from Moscow with their third kid in tow. Soon they will have adopted every kid in Eastern Europe’s orphanages. They are already working on adopting another little girl. The new one’s named Andrei. I haven’t even met their second kid Alex yet. I love big families but keeping everything straight in my old age is becoming a pain. Crap. I forgot we celebrate like four birthdays during December too including mine. So that’s four plus three leaving seven more gifts to by. I thought I was so close. But, I got nine down and for me that’s a little Christmas miracle itself.

I know this edges me toward the geeky gay category. I can’t tell you how excited I was that there were official Katamari Damacy T-shirts available. I picked up the ostrich one. I’m not comfortable enough in what’s left of my masculinity to pick up one of the “Feeling” t-shirts.

I don’t know what makes me happier. The Yankees making absolutely now off-season moves or the Cardinals paying out 13.5 mil for Brandon Looper. I like seeing someone other than the Cubs in desperation signing mode. Of course the Cubs still need a RF.