Tuesday, May 01, 2007

American Idol Recap (I've Written a Thousand Posts and I've Rocked About a Thrid of Them Edition)

Can I tell you how excited I am about tonight? I know I'm setting myself up for a big disappointment but this night could save this crappy season for me. Bon Jovi tonight on American Idol! Listen kids, there was a time back in 80's when you couldn't escape the music of Bon Jovi. It was everywhere. Back when MTV played music videos every fifth video would be Bon Jovi. I remember when we moved back to Ohio I'd take my portable black and white TV up to my room and watch Bon Jovi's "Living on a Prayer" video. I of course wore headphones because of the household band on rock n roll. Having just come out of Bob Jones this was the most rebellious thing I did. I know it's not cool to admit this, but I love me some old school Bon Jovi. I think the pinnacle of their career was their acoustic performance of "Wanted Dead or Alive" on the 1989 MTV Video Music Awards. Anyway, tonight Jon Bon Jovi is the contestants coach. I think the ladies are going to have a difficult time tonight. And two, count them, two contestants will be sent home tonight. With only six left aren't we at the point though that the guys just start getting voted off. None of the guys are even close to as good as the girls. I also hope that first of all only Bon Jovi songs between the years 1983 and 1989 are used. I really hope one of the contestants sing "Runaway." Tonight should wash out any bad taste that last weeks debacle had left.

Introductions are made. Voted off contestants are shown in the audience. How is that pleasurable for them? Kids everywhere are giggling at Jon Bon Jovi flying through the air and that hair. Trust me it was cool back in the day.

Just like the last few coaches Mr. Bon Jovi emphasizes making the song your own and telling the story of the song. I would like to point out that the ladies have been the only ones apparently listening to this advice.

Midnight Oil starts off the night with "Blaze of Glory" from the Young Guns 2 soundtrack. Suhweet. I would like to point seeing this movie with my father was one of the most uncomfortable moments of my childhood. Wanting to see the movie, I felt so guilty when the woman walks into the bar naked and they show her naked backside. I turned three shades of red. I'm betting Phil does well with this. I actually agree with Randy for once. He did do a Steve Perry version of the song. I don't thinking it was as bad as Simon is making it out to be. I don't think it will keep him around, but I think it makes it close.

Poor Gina. This would've been right up her alley.

Jordin let me tell you a little something. When meeting a rock star don't say "Oh my Mom is going to flip out. She got me into ya'll." There's nothing a rock star likes more than feeling like their audience is now all made up of Moms. Also, it makes me feel old. Jordin will be singing the classic "Living on a Prayer." Hmm. I don't know if she can do this. It seems a little flat. None of these singers can pull of that gravel voiced touch Kon Bon Jovi has. It wasn't her best performance. I think she could've picked a better song. I still think she's safe. She's too adorable. And she has the American Idol producers pulling for her.

Big Momma is up next. Seacrest asks Big Momma if she wants to sit down for the viewer's question segment. She say "No, I want the camera to get my slim side." She had what a whole to plan to say something and this is what she comes up with? I appreciate the pride in her being a big sexy woman, but we all know those jeans are the reason you ain't taking a seat. She will be singing "This Ain't A Love Song." Way to crush my first hope and singing a song from 1995. You know I'm going to give Jordin more props to sticking to the rock n roll even if it was outside her comfort zone. I feel Big Momma is cheating by taking a slow song and turning it R&B. Boo! Boo! Boo! More Rock! Boo! I'd like to point out that it seems to take Big Momma awhile to get going when she sings. She never starts off well, but always ends up strong.

Shit! CCM is apparently screwing around with the classic "You Give Love a Bad Name." This night is going completely down hill for me. How can he do this to "You Give Love a Bad Name?" It's your song Jon! Stop him! For the sake of us all! Stop him! He didn't stop him. Good grief kill me now. Don't give him credit for that shit! I hate you people. Stop encouraging this crap. This whole night is ruined for me. Sigh.

The Other Chris is up. I'm supposed to rely on this guy to save the night for me? He is doing "Wanted Dead or Alive," but his voice drives me up the wall. I was kind of hoping Bobblehead would've done this with her big voice. How do you not know the line "I've seen a million faces and I've rocked them all." It's THE LINE in the song! That's the part every Bon Jovi fan waits for in this song. Well, I liked it better than CCM's butchering.

Really just kill me now. Bobblehead is closing with "Have a Nice Day." Come on! There's Runaway, Never Say Good Bye, Lay Your Hands on Me, Bad Medicine, Born to Be My Baby, and you choose Have a Nice Day? We are closing out Bon Jovi night with Have a Nice Day? Sigh. At least it is a rock song, and she isn't screwing with it. She's Tina Turnering it out. I'm not a fan of the - Holy shit! Emily Procter is there! Man she's adorable and sweet and sexy. I've worked five years on this show and I still turn into that 14 year old trying to talk to the hottest girl in school. I do nothing but babble incoherently. Anyway, Bobblehead did well as she always does. She did actually rock it out the most of all the contestants.

So, two go home tomorrow. Poor Jordin stumbled the most tonight, and I hope it doesn't hurt her. Last week's travesty should help with that. I think Phil and The Other Chris go home tomorrow. CCM, though, should be taken out back and shot.

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