Thursday, May 24, 2007

Physical Therapy and Complications

So I'm back from Santa Fe. At this point I could write about a lot of things. I could write about the trip, but Mandy and Ben K. have already done a fine job with that. I will mention one thing that they haven't: Body Odor. Apparently, every fifth person in that town only bathes once a month. It was like clockwork how often you would be just walking and get that pungent whiff of rotten eggs sitting in dirty socks. Damn hippies. Also, did you know that around Montezuma's castle there a squirrels that carry the bubonic plague. I didn't either, but there were signs every where warning Mandy and me of that fact. How is this not a statewide health concern? Why hasn't a movie been made about a squirrel fleeing the area and infecting people all across the US. Couldn't you see Bruce Willis yelling, "I don't care what you say sir! I'm finding that damn squirrel!" Cut to an extreme close up of the squirrels eye. In the reflection you can see children on swings. Practically writes itself. I could also do a recap of the American Idol finale, but we all knew Jordin would win. I guess I could have ranted on how the producers fixed this thing so she would win. I could go on about the ridiculous awards that were given out to the odd people that tried out...OK I will. Why did those people even show up to accept the award? Here is a national show that is giving out an award to contestants that made them laugh because they were deemed freaks, and you gladly accept the award? Are they that hard up to be famous? I could also write a little about the big finales of Lost and Heroes. But, some people are waiting a couple years to start watching it. I could write about baseball, but someone *COUGH* anne marie *COUGH* hates that I write about baseball. So, I'm going to write about the physical therapy that I have been attending. Some of this will be rehash for those who were in Santa Fe.

So I've been to the physical therapist three times so far for a twice a week for six weeks stint. To help with my back and hip, they show me some exercises, put the massaging electrodes on for a while, and then give me a hand massage. What's great is that it helps, and basically my insurance is paying for me to get a massage twice a week. The problem is that the doctor I was assigned to and two of the assistants range from cute to quite attractive. This leads to a few awkward moments. The obvious one is having one of the women massage my left buttock. Is it relaxing? Yes. Does it feel good? Yes. Is it still weird having a strange woman massaging my bare butt cheek while asking how my day is going? Hell yes. The other problem is the exercises. Today for example the doctor had me do ten pelvic curls. This means she sat there and just watched me do ten pelvic curls. It clearly feels like something I should be doing in the privacy of my own home. But it gets worse than that. She then had one her assistants show me a couple other exercises. One of them being the bridge which is basically a pelvic thrust while lying down. Apparently, that assistant is a little new to the game, so the other assistant came to help I guess. I now had two women watching me do the pelvic thrust for two sets of ten repetitions. Then the newer assistant asked what plans I had for the memorial day weekend. This had me thinking either she is just asking to make small talk to cover the awkward circumstance, or she's so used to working on old blubbery people that anyone slightly fit meets her criteria, or she liked how I did the pelvic thrust. This then got me thinking of how great it would be to date a physical therapist. Free professional massages! That puts that profession right up there with chef and billion dollar empire heiress for me. Too bad I don't like people touching me.

5 comments:

Adam said...

If you get a happy ending is the co-pay higher?

Jaime said...

I've had physical therapy on the brain for a long time as a possible career after the kids are in school blah, blah, blah. I went with a friend to her physical therapy session and it was awesome. But now that I think about it that was specifically a place where they only did hand physical therapy. I never once considered the fact that I might have to touch someone's butt. This, I'm afraid, would be intolerable. I guess I'll have to specialize and that would probably mean that I'll never find a job and going back to college would be meaningless so . . . I guess I'll just send the kids to school and sit at home eating bon bons. Yay! Thanks, Brad!

thefamousgrouse said...

Why wouldn't you want to touch Brad's butt?

Jaime said...

Not to move the subject off of Brad's butt or anything but . . .

Brad, what did you think of your Bird By Bird reading?

Bradford said...

My therapist only gave me one chapter (Writer's Block) to read. I did find that one chapter applicable and enjoyed reading her. Still, it was only one chapter.