Tuesday, March 27, 2007

American Idol Recap (If Gwen Can Mail It In So Can I Edition)

Honestly, I'm still distraught over Stephanie getting the boot last week. That leaves me relying on Gina Jett to not be the loser of our Idol Pool. Gina's track record has left me with absolutely no confidence. I should really seek counseling for- Shit, I can't make that cliche joke anymore. Anyway, on with the show.

Since Gwen Stephanie is clearly never giving more than two sentences of advice, I'm going to try to do the same with the contestants

Big Momma sang Donna Summer's "Last Dance" and showed she gets winded when she walks around stage and sings. Her divaness might actually hurt her in this competition.

Sideshow Chunk massacres "Everything She Does is Magic" in a way that only a few could, and could beat The Indian Barry Gibb for worst performance of the night. I'll let that sink in for awhile.

Gina Jett does well with her rendition of "I'll Stand By You" by the Pretenders. Could she probably survive this round?

The Indian Barry Gibb "sings" Gwen's own "Bathwater." (That's a really painful sentence) Sideshow Chunk is in trouble, and deserves to go home.

I'm going to go a little longer than planned on Cleavage because I'm changing her nickname again. After this many performances it is clear that Haley is accentuating her legs every time out now. The cameramen have even gotten in on it. It's all short skirts and the batting of eye lashes. She sings "True Colors" in her thin voice, and gets a passable grade. She's kind of growing on me. Yeah it's probably her legs.

Midnight Oil performs the creepy stalker song often confused as a love song "Every Breath You Take." Solid performance for him, but also very creepy.

Keeping in the what ever you sing I can sing better, Bobblehead does Donna Summer better by belting out "Heaven Knows." She's the best singer, and it's too bad she has no neck.

CCM moans through Cure's "Lovesong." The best thing is that he didn't beatbox.

Miss Sparks sings a song that Gwen technically didn't sing "Hey Baby." I still think she wins this thing.

Ending the show on a whimper, The Other Chris nasals his way through "Don't Speak." I'm so bored.

This episode sucked. Gwen provided no spark at all. She just stood there and looked cute. She did look adorable. But, how many times did she say the singer should stick to the melody? I was expecting more. The theme was even weak by leaving it to either songs that inspired Gwen or songs she sang. It's such a cop out. Big Momma and Bobblehead should have to try another style. Overall this has been the worst show of this season.

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