Monday, January 01, 2007

Not With a Bang But with a Whimper

Did pretty well in the seating department on this flight. No babies or little kids. No extra large people. No window or middle seat. Still, it’s been a while since I’ve been on a flight where there were a lot of unhappy people. Guess everybody spent their goodwill toward men during Christmas, and didn’t save any for New Year’s Eve.

Of course non of this has helped the fact that this flight seems to be taking forever. I’ve taken a nap, listened to my iPod, watched some movie called Neverwas, and tried seven times to beat Dracula in Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin. I’m still two hours away.

So, the movie on the flight is called Neverwas. Which I’m pretty sure was it’s time in the theaters as well. I have no recollection of this movie. Basically it was about a psychiatrist who comes to work at the institution his father was institutionalized before he killed himself. You know what. I’m not going to bother with a recap. Just avoid it. Don’t let the cast tempt you to rent it. Actually, some of you might actually enjoy it. So how about we just ignore this whole paragraph.

The guy sitting in front of me annoys me. He’s coming from Bangor to LA where he currently leaves in Redondo Beach. He used to live in Bangor. I’ve never spoken to the guy but I already know all this about him. How you might ask? Because, he stated it loudly in the airport for all of us to hear. He talks on his cellphone loudly, he mentioned to an old high school acquaintance where he lives loudly. He made sure to emphasize the LA part. He has that stupid tweed sportcoat with the black T-shirt thing going on as well. It’s like he walked off the set of Altman’s “The Player.”

One hour and twenty minutes left.. If I keep rambling it should fly by right. Half an hour in and I’ll have to shut this thing down, so only fifty minutes left of typing.

This flight is really boring and warm. The longjohns might have been a bad idea. I don’t think my legs have ever sweated this much in my entire life. They were a good idea in Maine and in Boston. Now I’m basting in my own succulent juices. I’d change but I’m sure there’s a curse about changing out of longjohns while 30,000 feet in the air. Plus I think it might be best for everyone to not walk down the aisle with longjohns in my hand.

Oooh, somebody’s reading those Robert Jordan fantasy books my Dad used to always read. Man, he seemed to always read those. I don’t know why I “Oooohed” over that right now. Must be that damned sentimentalism.

Bathroom break.

Ok. This sucks. Maybe I should just go days without sleep and try to write that way. The post on the flight out here is much better than this one. Perhaps, it’s because I’m trying to capture past glory. This is though a pretty boring flight. I’m listening to the Hold Steady while watching Kings of whatever sitcom. Do sitcoms like this give hope to fat men that they can land an attractive wife or does it lead women to think that being married to a fat guy isn’t so bad? If it’s the latter, we need more sub-par comics that are really skinny to get their own sitcom.
My beard is growing in a little weird this time. I don’t know what it is. Maybe the water? It just doesn’t look like it usually does. It’s been bothering me for the past few days.

I read this afternoon in EW’s best of the year issue that one of the critics placed “Brick” on his worst of the year list. This critic has no soul especially for a critic. All the awful movies released this year and you put “Brick.” That screams, “A lot of people really liked this move and I didn’t really enjoy it, so I’ll put it on the list just to irritate people.”
Yes, Brick will make my Snobfest for the movies.

Sweet! Almost there! The pilot shaved an extra ten minutes off. This will sort of make up for the hour long taxiing that we will have to do to get to our gate.

Rather than just let everybody rushing to get out, why don’t they do it like some weddings where the bride and groom greet each row and let them leave? Also, Long Beach airport has it so you can exit out the front and back of the plane. Why, isn’t this done anywhere else?

Wow. I not only get to see Aaron Eckhart in Neverwas, but I also get to see him in Frasier. Thank you in-flight entertainment gods!

Time to put my tray and seat in its upright position. I also need to turn off all electronic devices. I have to make sure my seatbelt is on, and if I am standing in the cabin I need to return to my seat and put my seatbelt on. Almost home. Almost home.

We’ve spent the last 20 minutes taxiing to our gate. The Maine guy in front of me has called 13…14 people since we have landed. It’s gotten so ridiculous that the young couple to me has even been laughing at the guy. 15 people now. When will he stop?

Got home and got to talk to Dave Baldwin who was spending his New Year with Melissa and friends.

I also realized that I need to get my car jumped. This is what happens when I let my car sit for a week and a half. Happy New Year! Some things never change.


Jaime said...

Hey, we needed to jump our car too.

And there ends the return home similarities.

Jiff said...

Voided of context, this is the gayest thing you've ever written:

"Wow. I not only get to see Aaron Eckhart in Neverwas, but I also get to see him in Frasier. Thank you in-flight entertainment gods!"

How about DAILY recaps of Brad's life? I would really read them, every day. I find this stuff fascinating.

Bradford said...

I'm certain I've said gayer things in my life. But this is certainly in my top ten.

thefamousgrouse said...

I third the jump the car similarity. I got into the Acura this morning to go to work and it was totally dead. We were in a rush to get leave for the airport - I must have parked it in the garage with the lights on. Oops.