Friday, February 03, 2006

Hello. My Name is Brad and I'm a Liarholic.

I have a bad habit of lying to strangers. If I have no idea who you are and why you are talking to me I'm probably going to lie. Why? Because I get a little kick out of it. Store clerk trying to kick start a little conversation? I'm lying. The stranger at a party forcing a little small talk? I'm lying. The stranger sitting next to me on an airplane? I'm lying. It's nothing big. I just like to create a character and run with it. If I'm never going to have any contact with you ever again, why not entertain myself. I'll lie about where I grew up, what I do, where I live, and where I'm going.

I've been a sales executive for Penske who drones on and on about the Penske file, a minor league scout for a baseball team, and I've worked as a radio promo guy for a start-up indie label. I've had up to three kids and three wives. Some of those wives are alive some have changed teams. I've been born in Maine, Illinois, and London. I've lived everywhere in the world. The fun is sizing up the stranger, and being what you think he/she knows nothing about.

Sometimes you run into a little trouble, and you pick either something they know a lot about or you pick somewhere where they've lived. Though, there is a bit of a thrill trying to talk your way out of it. A minor example would be the following discussion between some St. Louis Cardinal fan and myself.

Card Fan: Cubs suck! Ha. Ha. Cubs suck! You from Chicago man?

Me. No. Peoria.

Card Fan: No shit man! Me and my buddy are from Peoria!

Oops.

He proceeds to call over his friend.

Cards Fan: This guy's from Peoria too.

Friend: No shit. Where'd you live?

Me: Southeast

Cards Fan: No shit! So you went to (some high school). That's where we went.

Me: I wish. I went to some podunk private school of about a hundred students.

Friend: Oh.

Me: Yeah. It sucked. When I say southeast, I mean southeast. We lived out in the boondocks.
Cards Fan: I hear ya man.

Me: So you're apart of the half of Peoria that's Cardinal fans?

Cards Fan: Yeah. My buddy's a Cubs fan.

We then quickly shoot the shit about the Cubs and Cardinals, and I exit stage right.

I don't know why I do it, but I've always done it. Perhaps it's a defense mechanism caused by my shyness. Perhaps it's the writer in me. Maybe I'm just a jackass.

12 comments:

The Diva said...

When I was younger and hotter, my bored and drunk friend Renee convinced some guy at a bar that she was a game show hostess and I was a porn star. They didn't want to lose face by not having seen my supposed movies, so they were waxing creepily poetic about how much they loved my "work" onscreen. I embarrassed the hell out of them by saying something along the lines of "Oh thanks...I appreciate it. I just wouldn't have thought you were those kind of guys. You know, into nuns and horses and stuff. But I guess it takes all kinds!" and flouncing off to get a drink. They couldn't look me in the eyes for the rest of the night. Mean? Probably. Funny? Definitely.

The Diva said...

Sorry, that was some guy and his friend. I realized that I said "they" but forgot to include the friend.

Keymaster said...

Okay jess, that was funny. Why don't we ever do fun things like that?

MOL Junior said...

bradford - i got your message and definitely wanna follow through on that bet. however we had an outlook crash today so i don't have your e-mail....send me an e-mail so we can set up the details. i'll check saturday.

Bradford said...

Definitely funny. Mean? It seems anyone who lies about seeing a person's pornos deserves it.

faith said...

Are you lying about this post?

Anonymous said...

Funny....I hope you don't do that at the party Saturday

Anonymous said...

you do this beacause you life kinda sucks. hahaha

Bradford said...

Faith: I'd never lie to the MOL Nation.
Anonymous #1: I won't. See above.
Anonymous #2: Kinda sucks? There's no kinda.

Lindsay A. said...

eek....sorry anonymous #1 is Lindsay A. forgot to sign....I am a ghost reader of the mol nation that is on the fence about sharing a blog...see you Saturday

linz said...

I found your website from Kerri's and I commented, but it didn't show up so here it is again. I do the exact same thing! I told some guys that my friend and I were step sisters that worked from American Airlines as flight attendants. I was just in New York last week in fact.

Bradford said...

First of all welcome Lindsay A. and Linz.

Lindsay A. As a blog that's on the fringe of the Mol nation let me say that initiation is pretty painless.

linz: I don't know what happened. Your first comment was up there for about an hour and then vanished. Blogger's been going bonkers. I'm happy to know that I'm not the only one that likes fibbing to strangers.