I Have a Question About Superman Returns? (Spoilers!)

So I went to see Superman Returns last night. I enjoyed it. It is definitely a throwback to the first two Superman films. But one plot point has irritated me to no end. Please someone explain this without it being creepy. For those who have not seen the film stop reading......NOW!





































Okay. Two thirds into the movie we discover that Superman is the father of Lois Lane's son. In the movie it is clearly a surprise to Lois. It had been stated in many interviews and reviews that this movie fits in after Superman II in the story line. (Actually, I would like to forget that 3 and 4 ever happened.) In Superman II, Lois and Superman knock boots once his powers are taken away. At the end of Superman II Lois' memory of the whole event is wiped clean. She doesn't remember discovering that Clark Kent is Superman or that they got married, or that they had sex. So my question is how does Lois rationalize that she never remembers having sex with the biological father of her son. If you never remembered having sex with someone, then you find out you must have because he's the father of your kid wouldn't you be just a little creeped out? Wouldn't you ask the father how the hell this happened? How did he knock you up? I realize Superman can't tell a lie and all that truth and justice kind of stuff he stands for, but that's still creepy. If he's the love of your life, wouldn't you want to remember that moment? You had sex with Superman! That's a pretty momentous thing. If anyone can logically answer this question without the word "rape" I would greatly appreciate it.

Hello Everybody! Are You Ready for Some Emotion?

Those are the words the director said as he walked by the long line to the showing of his film. No I didn't get to an early showing of "Superman Returns." There's no way I'd wait in line to see "Click." I was waiting in line to see the "The Room."

First of all, I need to thank Tim for inviting me along. It was his fourth viewing and obviously my first. You might be asking, "If Tim's seen it four times, it must a fantastic film?" You would be correct in thinking that, but you're wrong. Actually if you were thinking it was fantastically awful then you'd be right. "The Room" ranks up there as one of the worst films ever made, and yet people line up the last Saturday of each month. You see it's become a cult hit here in LA along the lines of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." People gather to simply laugh at how awful this film is. Throughout the showing people just throw out comments. Some of the comment have caught on and are yelled by everyone at every viewing. The odd thing is that the director/star shows up for Q&A before each showing.

The Q&A is a tense affair. With his thick Schwarzenegger like accent he dodges such questions as what his favorite spoon is, how did he finance the movie, or what country he's from. Each dodge is peppered with little rants where he calls the Chinese "yellowish" and flips off the more unruly fans. He then goes and sits in the back and watches the movie while the fans tear his movie apart. Completely bizarre.

I should also give the crowd I saw it with. There were three guys that threw out some choice comments. I mention this basically to say if you happen to be planning a trip to LA schedule it so you are out here during the last Saturday of the month. You won't regret it. I give it four hearty "Whooooo's!" of laughter.

NPR on The Room.

The Room website

Here's What I Meant to Say about the Twilight Singers Concert

Twilight Review

Updated: LA Setlist

06.23.06

I'm Ready
Esta Noche
Too Tough to Die
Bonnie Brae
66
Fountain and Fairfax
King Only
Teenage Wristband
Dream On
Love
Annie Mae
There's Been An Accident (featuring Joseph Arthur)
Candy Cane Crawl
Let's Get It On
Papillon (w/When We Two Parted)
Martin Eden
Forty Dollars

encore:
The Killer
Crazy
Underneath the Waves
Live With Me (featuring Mark Lanegan)
Where Did You Sleep Last Night? (feat. Mark Lanegan)
Black is the Color (featuring Mark Lanegan)
Deep Hit of Morning Sun (featuring Mark Lanegan)

Irrational Fears of the Little Ones

It seems everyone around me has recently given birth or is close to it. It kind of got me thinking about what if I had my own little Itens. Not that I'm even close to having my own. If I remember that sex ed. video correctly, there was something about a woman needing to be involved. I could be mistaken though. While pondering little Itens, you would think that I would dwell upon all the good things like taking them to their first baseball game or teaching them to ride a bike or how to execute a super jump in Super Mario Bros. You would be wrong. Of course I started having irrational fears. I say irrational because they aren't the fears of affording the kids education or health concerns. I should also point out that I can't handle kids near railings. I actually I have to walk away any time a kid is near a railing because it freaks me out. I don't care if the railing is six inches taller than the kid. I always imagine the worse. Even that isn't what I was fearing. Hear are some of the ridiculous fears that ran through my mind:

1. What if the kid hates all sports with a passion? Or even worse, becomes a Yankees fan?

2. What if the kid becomes a hippie whose record collection consists of only Phish and Grateful Dead albums? It could happen when they rebel against my love of electronic gadgets.

3. Maybe they will become a metal kid who thinks singing is when a guy imitates the Cookie Monster.

4. What if they always want to go to bed early and wake up early?

5. What if my love of baseball causes them to turn into one of those idiot jocks or starts dating them?

6. What happens if he turns out right handed and ends my plans to turn him into a left handed pitcher. You see left handed pitchers will always be desired in baseball. Look at Terry Mullholland. That's job security!

7. When's the appropriate age for the son or daughter to beat the father at something. If they beat me in a game of HORSE at the age of five haven't I lost any chance of gaining their respect?

8. What if they really really love musicals and I'm stuck seeing Grease three times a week?

9. What would I do if the kid ends up being the dumbest one in the family and he/she doesn't end up being potty trained till he's in high school?

10. What if they end up being a real life Doogie Hauser?

11. What if they end up having kids?

I'm Too Old for This. (Not That it Ever Stops Me)

I feel tremendously old today. It seems I can no longer pull off back to back nights of genius. I'm sore, tired, and simply burnt out. Would I do it again? Damn straight I would. Tuesday I experienced the spandexed debauchery of Lucha Vavoom as shown in the pictures below. I tell you there's nothing like nearly being flattened by a large man in spandex. Last night was the sweat and debauchery you can only experience at a Twilight Singers show. I can say that last night they were at their absolute best. But before I get to the main act let me talk a little about the opening acts: Jeff Klein and Afterhours. Greg Dulli had a hand in both of their latest albums. This definitely gave the whole night a kind of Dulli with his extended family vibe.

Jeff Klein is a young singer songwriter. I know there are probably some Ryan Adams comparisons that he probably hates, but I can see how those comparisons could be made. I will say that Klein's world is darker almost noir like than Adams'. Actually it's the same world Dulli's music lives in. Last night his performance was just him and his guitar. Most of his set involved him creating the percussion, rhythm guitar, and strings with his guitar. While the looping and the songs were great, there was more impact to the performance when the Twilight Singers came out backed him up on a song. Still a solid performance.

Then all hell broke loose when the Afterhours came out. Afterhours are an Italian band that Dulli met years ago when touring Europe. First of all they flat out rocked. Second they performed with so much energy and honest joy it was impossible for the crowd to not partake. These guys clearly enjoyed just playing rock and roll. It was an absolutely great set. I'd pay just to see them in concert.

Now let me talk about the Twilight Swingers. Living in LA I basically got to see the first and last concert of their US tour. Yes, the first one was really just a "practice" show, but it was the first time they performed the new songs in front of an audience. Last night was the last stop of their US tour which meant they could pull out all the stops. They pulled out every last one.

One of the bad things about living in LA is that the concert audiences often suck. They just stand there and watch with absolutely no investment in the show. Last night was one of the rare time the audience got involved, expect for the two wet blankets right in front of me. I actually credit Afterhours for doing what an opening band should. Clearly the Twilight Singers were feeding off this. I have to give it up for the audience since they usually just stare and clap.

Another bonus is that they played at the Avalon. Usually, I've seen the Twilight Singers perform at small clubs like Spaceland. The intimacy of those shows is great, but performance wise the band's sound is too big for such venues. The Avalon was the perfect venue and it was packed.

The cast was the same as the last concert I went too, except that the Afterhours lead singer played keys this time. The guitarist Dave Rosser was even better this time around. Maybe it was because he had room to move or simply having a full tour with the band and the the material. Bobby MacIntyre proved once again he's one of the best drummers currently in rock. Scott Ford deserves a lot of credit that I don't think he gets from the fans. Scott Ford is so steady and solid he almost disappears. Dulli was of course Dulli. Dulli's finally kicked the drugs and it shows on the stage. Yes, the always enjoyable rambling is kept short and sweet but this is the best I've seen and heard him.

It's hard to pick out the highlights. An obvious one was when they dusted off the Whig's classic Fountain and Fairfax. The crowd erupted. Fountain and Fairfax is a corner in LA. It's one of the first places I went when I moved out here. When he brought out Joseph Arthur to join him in singing "There's Been an Accident" was cool too. Arthur has such a cool voice that compliments Dulli's so well. Dulli did his soul man strut during Candy Cane Crawl and then did a crowd pleasing rendition of Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get it On." They did a great cover of Gnarl's Barkley's "Crazy." "Forty Dollars" closing out the set was fantastic. For the encore they brought out Mark Lanegan to close it out with a few songs. It added to over 2 hours of Twilight Singers playing their hearts and souls out. With Klein and Afterhours that's four hours of brilliant music.

I can tell now I haven't done this show justice here. I've said it before I'll say it again. Do what you can to see these guys when they come back around. Even if you aren't familiar with their music, I promise you will enjoy yourself.

More Lucha!

What the Hell Happened Last Night?

My voice is shot and it's not from watching Game 6. My condolences to all my Dallas readers. I've felt your pain as recently as 2003.

But on to the crazy night I had last night.

I think Tim was there.

















I saw a lot of spandex.













I saw some midgets fighting.













I saw burlesque with a political edge.

















I saw a nurse inject a a crazy chicken that contracted the bird flu from a midget chicken.













I might have seen a reincarnated Liberace.

















And I think it all happened in a wrestling ring.













What I do know is you have never experienced anything like Lucha Vavoooooooom!

And to think tonight I have the Twilight Singers concert. I haven't had back to back genius nights like this since forever.

Lesson #458

When drawing a bath, do not fall asleep.

Happy Father's Day!

Ramblings

This has been a pretty great time of the year for sports fans. We are nearing the All-Star break in baseball. With so many teams still in the mix it will make the trade deadline either very interesting or a snoozer. Fans in Detroit and Cincy have finally been given a reason to cheer. There seems to an influx of great young talent from Utley to Liriano to King Felix to the Mets MVP Wright. Oh and the Cubs still suck almost as bad as the Royals. Then you have the NBA which has pulled a lot of people back into the fold with a stellar post season. I never thought I'd find myself back watching the NBA. The NHL's postseason hasn't been to shabby either. Then you have the World Cup. I always enjoy how all the soccer fans come out of the woodwork every four years to proclaim that this is soccer's year. Much like cicadas only with a shorter maturity cycle they come out every four years and start chirpping the praises of soccer. Not that I don't enjoy the World Cup, but it will never ever be big in the States...ever. Even if the US were to win the World Cup (which will never happen) soccer will be a secondary sport. Speaking of secondary sports, who is starting up all these "Major Leagues" of minor sports? Do we need a major league for lacrosse? Does this need to be aired on TV? Who watches those paintball championships on The deuce? What's next a women's NBA?

Just for the record, that Gnarls Barkley album containing the "jam of the summer," Crazy is an R&B album not a hip-hop album. I know Dj Danger Mouse is part of the dynamic duo, but it's an R&B album.

Yesterday I broke through my month long funk. I'm still trying to figure out what caused the breakthrough. I've narrowed it down to either work replacing my CRT monitor with a new LCD monitor, or perhaps it's because I'm only four days away from...


















That's right! It's time to don the mask one more time!




















Yes, I'm still upset Reggie Evans stole my finishing move.

For those who are interested in what I actually research, here's a few of the things I had to look up this week:

1. How a proton transfer reaction mass spectrometer and a time-of-flight mass spectrometer
were combined to be able to quickly analyze VOC's (Volatile Organic Compounds).

2. How a Medical Examiner will submerge a body in water when an air embolism is suspected
as the cause of death. You see if there's an air bubble in the veins or artery they will be visible
when released under water.

3. I had to look up the components of tear gas and other tactics used in riot control. Then see
what trace would be left behind by each weapon and how they would be analyzed.

4. I then had to look up and see if Miami has fire hydrants. Sigh

How much do you compromise on a girl if she owns or has access to something unbelievable. For example, if a girl had season tickets behind home plate for the Cubs, where do I draw the line? Do I draw the line at her refusing to shave? Eye patch? Adam's apple?

We will end on that uncomfortable note. Have a good weekend.

The Fear of Being Creepy

You know that guy who walks alone. You often find him staring. He looks a little scraggly. You don't know why but something seems a little off, a little creepy about him. I'm always paranoid that I come across this way. I'm quiet. I only shave once a month. I'm a people watcher. All these things add up to me coming across as creepy. Take the new neighbor girl that moved in a couple weeks ago. She seems like a nice girl. Has that cute punky thing going on, but that's not the point. As known to most people, I smoke. I'm also an exterior smoker. I never smoke in my apartment. In fact the only time I smoke inside is if I happen to find a bar that allows you to smoke inside. Anyway, when I smoke I walk out to the entrance of our apartment complex. I do this for a couple reasons. One, my neighbors usually have their windows open and I don't want the smoke blowing into their apartment. Two, I can watch the "beach people" walk by. The problem is that the new neighbor's apartment is right at the entrance. Too often she's stepped out of her apartment with me standing there like a stalker. Thinking that "Just out smoking a cigarette" is a lame excuse I then act like I'm going somewhere or I was planning on going somewhere and forgot something. I have the pat my pockets like I forgot my keys/wallet charade down pat. The problem with pretending I'm going somewhere is that I walk out of the complex with nowhere to go. So, I just walk around the block and go through the complex entrance on the other side. All this so I don't look creepy. I'm certain this does nothing but make me look creepier. This creepy thing has been a complex of mine. If I'm waiting for someone at their apartment or house, I look at my watch so people walking by know I'm waiting for someone. I will also often do they fake cell phone call for those walking by within ear shot. I then pretend I'm calling the person I'm waiting for in my loud voice. I haven't figured out if I should look people in the eye or not. Either way can come across creepy. Right now I'm using the glance up and smile technique. I'm pretty sure that's creepy too. I don't know where this paranoia came from. Perhaps I just fear someone calling the cops. Maybe it started in high school and the infamous poem in locker incident? What I do know is that if I find myself standing alone somewhere I will do what ever it takes to make sure I don't come across as creepy. Of course, I could shave regularly, but that would take effort.

Ramblings

It's been awhile since I've done a "real" post. I apologize and offer these ramblings as my offering for forgiveness.

I've got myself becoming more and more like my father. I'm talking about little quirks here. I've begun doing that little "there's nothing on TV" frustration sigh while I stare at my remote to make something good come on. I've caught myself reading the newspaper in the same fashion. I've had enough people say I look just like my father that I came to terms a long time ago with that. That fact that I'm now imitating his quirks has me a little concerned.

Speaking of my father, with the NBA making a big comeback this season I've thought my Dad must be enjoying this postseason. One thing I remember growing up is my father's notebooks. Inside the notebooks were his teaching notes, some semblance of a schedule, and his student's grades. Among all that stuff would be pages of NBA players and their stats. I could never make sense of their order or why he wrote them down. Maybe he was being his own GM? I should ask him about that.

I meant to include this story awhile ago in my birthday post for Ben I. For some reason it slipped my mind. After my parents divorced, my Dad moved us down to South Carolina. On holidays and during the summer we would drive up to Columbus to spend time with our Mom. It's a ten hour trip so my Mom and Dad would meet halfway in Kentucky. While riding with Mom to Columbus, Ben was tired and kept asking how much longer. One time he asked, and Mom said it would be another 45 minutes. Fifteen minutes later he asked again. Mom said it'd be "half an hour." Ben suddenly got really frustrated, and we didn't know why. Then Ben said, "You said we were minutes away and now it's hours!" Maybe you had to be there. There's also the time that Ben kept calling condominiums, "condoms."

Baseball has taken another hit with this whole Jason Grimsley HGH investigation. The interesting thing is the names that were blacked out in the affidavit. This guy pitched for 7 teams since 1989 including the Phillies, Yankees, and Indians. That's a lot of players whose names could be hidden behind that black ink. Of course these names will eventually be leaked. This will most likely trump Canseco's "tell all" book because it deals with active players and Human Growth Hormones. No major league sport currently tests for HGH. Most likely the MLB will start testing because they've been forced into a corner once again. Does this mean the NFL or NBA will then be forced to follow suit, or is baseball held to a higher standard?

I'm putting up a fight in both of my fantasy leagues this season. Considering both teams have Aramis Ramirez that's pretty good. My best waiver wire grab is Marlins' shortstop Hanley Ramirez with his .302 average and 17 stolen bases. My best draft pick is probably Reds' pitcher Harang, who I scooped up off the bottom of the draft pool.

There should be an online dating site where you create the questionaire for potential dates.

Are kids not getting their asses kicked anymore? For the past few years there seems to be more and more smart mouth kids talking trash. Every time I run into one of them I wonder how they've survived without getting a beating. I don't mean by their parents but by their peers.

I haven't felt this lethargic in years.

When will toilet paper companies realize that more absorbency and more plys will not keep us from using a lot of toilet paper? We use a lot of toilet paper because we want to create as much of a barrier as we can between our hand and our ass.

To all those people...

that have been calling my apartment. No, I am not dating anyone. I don't know the woman whose voice is on the message. I have called the phone company and apparently they are working on fixing the problem. There seem to be some wires crossed. So, if you have been leaving messages for the past couple weeks and have put me on the "bastard list" for not returning your calls, I apologize. I never got your message. Some unknown woman has. I am still a bastard though.

Media Update!

First of all, Rescue Me's season three begins tonight on FX. You should be watching the second best show currently on TV. The Shield's number one. Sure you probably haven't seen that last two seasons but it doesn't matter. Watch it.

The Da Vinci Code: boooooring

X-men: The Last Stand: eh. I'm getting tired of this blue hue that seems to be in every comic book movie these days. Do they all use the same cinematographer? Is this a standard now set for all comic book movies? All it does is scream we shot this on a set. Is it really a Last Stand when there are only six good X-men fighting. This could've been a much better three season TV show with the story of each movie being the finale of each season. Then you could include other X-men and not have some lost in the shuffle. One more question: Halle Berry won an Oscar? Really? Are we sure this happened? Are we sure that was Halle Berry?

Lost: I'd like to thank the creators for the last four episodes of Lost. You've reeled me back in you bastards. Now please say you've learned your lessons from this season.

During my once a week "Let's see what's in heavy rotation on the music video channels" viewing I came across a show on FUSE called "Dance-Off, Pants-Off." If you can't tell from the title, the concept is that people dance and strip while a music video plays in the background. Oh what I would've paid to be in the meeting where they came up with this. People earn money coming up with these ideas, and they can live with themselves. In case you think this show is simply about the sex, here is the highest rated "dancer."














I completely apologize for that.

Channel B: What? You haven't heard of Channel B? That might be because it only exists in my head. Over the past few years, films that were at first lost to the world unless you wanted to pay $180 for a crappy VHS copy are being made available on DVD. There is obviously a market for these cult films. Why can't there be a channel that feeds that market as well? I've based my idea on the Z Channel. If you don't know of Z Channel, I recommend the documentary Z Channel: A Magnificent Obsession. It was one of the first pay cable stations back in 1974 and they were all about the art of cinema. They showed "1900" in it's full 5 hour form. They showed the severely edited Once Upon a Time in America and then showed the full four hour director's cut back to back.

Channel B though isn't designed for the art house crowd. It's for those who snuck out of bed on weekend nights to watch the local channel's late night monster movies. It's for those who lived for the Saturday Afternoon movies. I don't plan this to be like a Sci-Fi classics channel. It's simply a channel for those that enjoy those movies on the fringe of popularity in both the mainstream and art house. What I have planned so far is that Friday night is the horror night. I'd bring back Fritz the Night Owl, and do a six hour block of horror movies. Saturday morning and early afternoon is your black and white "Creature Features." Saturday night would be the "Crapfest." This is where we'd have a double feature of wonderfully crappy movies. This is where the "R.O.T.O.R." and "For Your Height Only" would be shown. Sunday night would be director's choice. That would be where a director or a group of directors would pick a movie of importance to them. They would talk a little before and after it to place it in context to how it influenced them. del Toro, Tarantino, Anderson, Gilliam, and others would bring in their movies, and get to share. Then there is still the special event days like the Samuel Z. Arkoff day or month, or the Shaw Brothers month or day. Clearly this is all in it's early stages, but once I make my first billion you can plan on seeing Channel B among the 200+ channels you already receive.

If Only MOL Jr. Was There.

One my friends from undergrad, Sara, came into town this weekend. She was in on business which seems to happen about once or twice a year. It's always great to catch up with her, and she always a blast. This time around she and her co-worker were put up in the Roosevelt Hotel. We had dinner at the restaurant in the hotel. Which at first I would think is a no-no, but it was actually outstanding. I highly recommend he kobe flat iron steak. Anyway, it seems that if you are a guest at the hotel you can get into any party the hotel happens to be hosting. For example, they got into the American Idol party Thursday night. Who knew this was protocol? No there was not a teary eyed Hasselhoff sighting.

After the dinner, we went out to the party area by the pool for some drinks. There didn't seem to be any special event planned, just a bunch of LA types lounging around. Thirty minutes later and who do I see walk in but Drama and the two other guys. I didn't see any Turtle or Ari though. I began hoping Piven would show up. My first thought was "Celebrities hang out at the Roosevelt pool?" Then I thought of where they ranked as celebrities. I was torn between B or C list. As with most things I graded down to a C for two reasons. First, I could only remember Kevin Dillon's name. Second, would my family know who they were? If my family would recognize them that bumps them up to B list. If they could name the actually actors name and two things they've been in then that puts them up to A. It's not fool proof but works in a pinch. Still, not even being a huge fan of the show I found it kind of cool seeing Drama walking around. Then James Franco walked in, who fits into B list I think. Then I saw this guy, who I couldn't begin to come up with a name or anything he's been in. I do remember always thinking "How the hell did this guy get on TV?"

So, if you happen to be in LA and want to see some minor celebs, I suggest the Roosevelt Hotel. Of course you have to have a hotel room to get poolside, but it's the price you pay to see blips on the celebrity radar.

Dear Crazy Homeless Man,

I will not give you a ride to Manhattan Beach. My Mom always said never get into a car with a stranger, and you are a stranger. What makes you think I would consider giving a stranger a thirty minute ride in my car? Is it because we have the same facial hair? Is it because I gave you a cigarette? I gave you that cigarette so you would stop hassling me. Are you tired of hitting up the young gay population of Long Beach, and want to take a shot at the yuppies in Manhattan Beach? I even take offense to you being offended by my rejection. I've seen "The Hitcher." I know how this will turn out. I drive you to Manhattan Beach, and half an hour later two cops are dead, a gas station erupts into a ball of flames, and poor bobby is being ripped apart by an semi-truck. I couldn't live with myself if that happened to bobby. Really, that has to be in the top 10 of worse ways someone dies in a movie. I still cringe just thinking about that scene. That movie should be shown to kids as an educational film. Don't get into cars with strangers or this will happen. It might scar the kid for life after seeing that at such a young age, but I bet they would never get into a car with a stranger. But back to the stranger. I would like to know what morons have given you a ride, that you were actually offended that I didn't. Did you kill them? My kindness to strangers only goes so far, and threatening my own life is way past that mark. I suggest asking for change instead of cigarette. That way you could simply take the bus which has air conditioning something my car doesn't have.

Do We Need a Two Hour American Idol Finale?

With this season of American Idol wrapping up, I thought it'd be good to do another newbie recap. Last night I was actually blessed? to watch the show with a few American Idol fans. I joined uber-couple Mike O. and Allyson, and the very pregnant and adorable Ildy. All three are Idols fans, so I was at least able to view it through the eyes of fans. For the record, Mike O. and Ildy are part of the "Soul Patrol?" and Allyson has a bad case of McPheever. On to the show.

Oooh. Seacrest is standing alone in the darkness as he rambles on like this show will solve the world peace. Which is ridiculous because we all know the FIFA World Cup is going to do that, or at least that's what Bono says. Anyway, the Kodak Center lights up and the people go nuts. Seacrest keeps talking, I tune out-wait is that Ben Stiller trying to hide from the cameras? Could he get the standing room only tickets? There's Tyrese, and 90210's Brenda looking tore up. I at least she's making an effort to be a good step-mom to her husband's kids. Still, why haven't people learned to say no to plastic surgery? Is it like tattoos where once you start you can't stop? I'm still baffled by this. I could maybe see a nose job or a boob job if you are that self conscious about it, but when you start doing face lifts and tucks things go to hell. But I'm getting away from the American Idol.

So the final two contestants are the cute McPhee and El MOL clone Hicks. Apparently they flipped a coin and Hicks won, so he will be singing last each round. At this point I have to be thinking those behind the Idol curtain have to be hoping McPhee wins. I realize Hicks has a huge following and is the front runner, but how marketable is he? I can't see him being more than the goofy guy that covers R&B songs. He is though the only contestant that actually performs with any kind of personality. Anyway, my point is I'm fully expecting to see the show rigged in McPhee's favor. I may be wrong with Hicks winning the coin toss. On to round one.

McPhee comes out and does that song about a blackbird and a cherry tree. Didn't she already perform this? Are all these songs going to be repeats? Ridiculous. Are they not allowed to sing new songs? I don't understand this. McPhee cutes her way through her performance. I'll admit I find her awfully attractive in that bouncy cute take home to Mom kind of way. Still, her weakness is she's a big voice ballad girl. I don't think she could pull off a "Since You've Been Gone." I wonder what's the over/under when she moves into diva mode. Side note: I was glad that I wasn't the only one who noticed that her belly button seemed abnormally high on her stomach. In fact it looked like she didn't even have a belly button. Completely weirded me out.

Hicks comes out and "dances" his way through Stevie Wonder. It's clear he won this round within five seconds of the song. McPhee you should've started out big. Always open with a bang, and that's what Hicks did. Also, do they keep Paula in a padded cell between shows? Is there an IV of drugs running under the table? Is she really a robot learning about human emotions. I think I saw a similar episode in Star Trek. Round one goes to the Soul Patrol.

Aww they brought all the losers back to sit in the audience. Seacrest even has the Creed wanna-be stand up and then completely blows him off. Is that his girlfriend sitting next to him? Yeah, that's going to last till some groupie approaches him after performing at the Teluca County Fair. The biggest surprise is how Lita Ford suddenly transformed into a tan in the can soccer mom. It's like she aged 20 years in a month. Round two.

McPhee does Over the Rainbow while sitting down. She does better this time. Has she already sung this too? Everyone seems to love it. Simon says it's her best performance ever. Hmm. My only question is what does she have with singing while sitting? Does she do this every show?

Hicks does a repeat as well of Elton John's "Levon." I'm completely bored at this point. Any investment into this talent show has fully evaporated. If they did new songs, I might be a little more interested. It's like finding out they are showing a repeat of Lost...again. If I wasn't with friends I would be watching the Pistons-Heat game. Simon gives round two to McPhee. I concur.

Before they head out to commercial Seacrest says McPhee will be singing her new single next? New single? So she already has a contract? I'm confused. Is Hicks going to sing his new single? Does this mean they both have contracts? If so, then this whole thing is pointless. I wonder if the powers that be knew Hicks was going to win, so they signed McPhee as a back up plan. Hicks must be so far ahead in votes that they see it as already locked up.

Time for the new songs. McPhee comes out and does a hack job on a shitty song. Maybe the PTB are rigging this for Hicks. That song isn't written for McPhee it's too low. Did I mention that the song is awful. I like that they brought out a choir to distract from the song. Or maybe the blue man group tryouts were next door. Either way this whole thing is painful. McPhee even knows it. She can't do anything with this song, and has absolutely no confidence. The judges try to be nice. You know how things went when their first comment is how good you looked. It's officially locked up. Hicks is your American Idol.

As the coronation begins, Hicks now sings his new single. Who the hell is writing these songs? This song doesn't play to Hicks strengths either. This is a song for that Creed guy not Hicks. The thing is anyone can crap out a bad ballad. I imagine who or what ever cranks out these songs doesn't have a lot of time to do them, and they have to be generic so no matter who wins can sing it. There's no reason for this single crap. Let them cover another song and have the winner sing one single when they win. Hicks does a better job with his song anyway. Do they even need to bother with the votes? Simon even concedes that Hicks is your winner.

Seacrest wraps its up. McPhee even knows she's lost. It's written all over her face. Don't worry McPhee. I'm sure Beauty and the Beast on Broadway would give you a shot as Beauty.

I'm interested to see how they fill up two hours of clips. Just not interested enough to actually watch it.

Who Knew I Was This Much of a Nerd?

Ok, so I know I have nerd tendencies. I don't fight these tendencies, but do try to keep them in check. They could get out of hand since I have such an addictive nature. I could easily become a junkie on one snort. Well, I've gone to the darkside of nerdom. When I finally bought my Xbox 360, I was debating on what game to get along with it. I wanted something that would last me till Prey and then Gears of War came out. I picked up Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. It's a role playing game and I thought that would occupy me for awhile. I could play it in little increments and pass the time when I hit writer's block or need to just relax. Well it's stolen my soul. The main quest in the game is to close these Oblivion gates that have sprung up in the land and return the long lost son of the murdered king to throne. I've had this game for two weeks, and have barely even touched that quest. The game is huge. I closed one gate at the beginning, and haven't touched one since. In fact, I've walked by numerous gates without thinking twice. I had better things to do than close some stupid gates. There was the paranoid guy that wanted me to see if certain people were following him. When I told him they weren't following him, he then tried to kill me because he thought I was in on it. I also had to go save a painter who was trapped in one of his paintings. I had to kill painted trolls with turpentine to get out of there. I also had the task of finding a lady's husband who had disappeared when he tried to settle some gambling debts. Turns out he was sent to some island to retrieve a special axe to clear his debt. Turns out it was all a set-up to involve him into a game where he becomes the prey to hunters. It's just like that Van Damme and John Woo movie, Hard Hunted! I of course had to kill the hunters and find a way out. Unfortunately, I got back in time to see the organizer kill the husband. It was a sad day when I returned to tell the wife he had been killed. Still, she gave me a sweet book for my effort. Then there's all the quests once you join the mage's, fighters', or thieves guild. I've done all of this and only scratched the surface. The game also look fantastic. There are a few glitches, but the world is so huge that it's excusable. I've played maybe twenty hours of this game over the past two weeks, and I've only scratched the surface. It's consumed me in the most embarrassing way. It's gotten so bad, I think about what to do next in the game while at work. How sad. Yet, I can't wait to go back to the shipwreck and find the body of the ghost so I can release it from the world. Or, maybe I should go see that Count and figure out why the necromancers have been attacking people lately? Or maybe...

Obscure Celebrity Crushes of My Youth

Farrah Fawcett, Bo Derek, Pamela Anderson, Christie Brinkley, Michelle Pfeiffer, Meg Ryan, there's a long list of celebrities that held the male population enthralled. Growing up, my celebrity crushes were not what you would consider top bill actresses. I don't know why I picked these women over the hottest trend in celebrity crushes. Maybe it was because they appeared more attainable. Maybe it's because I lean toward brunettes while blondes are usually the entertainment world's taste. Maybe I prefer classic over bombshell. I don't know. Anyway, here are some that came to mind when I first posed this question.

First of all, how great was Remote Control? Second, why couldn't anyone win the final round? Did they purposefully pick people that never watched MTV? Third, who could've predicted Adam Sandler would be the breakout star from that show. My money was on Kari Wuhrer. Sure, Colin Quinn had that devil may care Irish attitude going on, but Denis Leary kind of put his whole stamp on that already. Ms. Wuhrer though had spunk and the looks, and the smile. Oh how I enjoyed her Kondensed Klassics. Yes, Ms. Wuhrer you went on and did other things like a few Skinemax movies, but I will always though think of you as the Remote Control girl. Yes, you were part of the reason I saw Eight Legged Freaks in the theater. No, Arquette wasn't the other reason.

I only remember Lucy Deakins from The Great Outdoors. She was the semi-bad townie girl that the son fell in love with. I think she was also in Little Nikita. I could be wrong though.









Wow, do you see a pattern here? Jean Louisa Kelly first registered with my teenage crush when she appeared in Uncle Buck. Man, that's two Candy movies. Weird. Anyway, Ms. Kelly has actually gone on to do many other things, which has led her to be in my top ten of celebrity crushes. She tempted Dreyfuss in Mr. Holland's Opus. She was the AT&T girl during my grad years. And now she's in that awful sitcom "Yes Dear." I admit now I did actually watch the first few episodes. The odd thing was that I met a girl in grad school that kind of looked like her, but that's a whole other post that will never see the light of day.



I know all the guys drooled over Kelly in "Saved By The Bell." They were all wrong. Lark Voorhies who played Lisa was clearly the babe of the three even with her big hair.










Kerri Green, you nearly died trying to find an old pirate ship in Goonies. Then you nearly got Corey Haim killed in Lucas as he tried to prove his was worthy of your love. Why does death surround you so? Also, I did an IMDB check on her, and she was in "Summer Rental." That's three Candy movies. Look, I'm as bewildered as you are. I don't know what it means.







Has neon blue ever looked so attractive? Why would you want to leave the computer world when Cindy Morgan was in it? I would also like to point out that this crush began with Tron. It wasn't till much later that I saw Caddyshack. I wasn't allowed to watch the 'R' movies back then.






Amanda Peterson, what ever happened to you? Anyway, I completely understood why Ronald "rented" you. I would've given up my comic book collection for you. Ok, the whole "rented" part is just now creeping me out, and I've seen the movie quite a few times. Also, this is one of those movies that led me to believe the nerd could get the girl by doing things that while cute in movie land are actually creepy in real life. I still have some emotional scars thanks to Dempsey.

So, there are some of them, and I'm certain my siblings will remind me of the ones I missed.

Screener Hell

It's that time of year kids. Hiatus means many things to many people in the television business. One of those things is screeners. Screeners are what companies send out academy members to remind them to vote for their show when the Emmys come along. Every hiatus boxes upon boxes start flooding our mailbox. Inside are attempts at packaging creativity. Apparently packaging has an influence over the quality of the show on the DVD. Some are pretty clever. For example, for the show "Everyone Hates Chris" the DVD was sent out in a box the shape of those milk cartons you got at school for a quarter. Some are simple standard DVD cases. Some are slick portfolio pieces that could pass for coffee table books. Some though cross the line and venture into the realm of absurd lavishness. This year's winner arrived today. In fact it might be the winner of the decade. It's for the Ten Commandments mini-series, and lucky for you I took pictures.Simple enough box with fake leather for that bible feel. Then you open it up.
Yes, those are plastic "Ten Commandments." Ooooh. And they're written in the original language! Ben I, could you please transcribe them? For all I know, they are actually the cast listing. But where are the DVD's? A lavish box and all I get is a couple toy commandments? Oh it says here on the insert: "Thou Shalt Lift Tablets for Emmy DVD Screener."What do ya know? The tablets are magnetic, so they stick to the box. I don't even want to know how much this cost, and how many of these were even sent out. Can't they do something better with the money spent on this crap? Do they think this actually has an impact on how people vote? "Hmmm. Who should I vote for in best Miniseries? Ten Commandments did give me toy tablets. I'll vote for them." On second thought I bet everyone will remember this crap, so maybe it does work on that level. Who really remembers what miniseries were aired in what year? I would like to thank Rescue Me for sending out the all the episodes of Season 2 in a simple DVD case. Actually, I should thank Ann who passed it on to me.