Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Media Update!

First of all, Rescue Me's season three begins tonight on FX. You should be watching the second best show currently on TV. The Shield's number one. Sure you probably haven't seen that last two seasons but it doesn't matter. Watch it.

The Da Vinci Code: boooooring

X-men: The Last Stand: eh. I'm getting tired of this blue hue that seems to be in every comic book movie these days. Do they all use the same cinematographer? Is this a standard now set for all comic book movies? All it does is scream we shot this on a set. Is it really a Last Stand when there are only six good X-men fighting. This could've been a much better three season TV show with the story of each movie being the finale of each season. Then you could include other X-men and not have some lost in the shuffle. One more question: Halle Berry won an Oscar? Really? Are we sure this happened? Are we sure that was Halle Berry?

Lost: I'd like to thank the creators for the last four episodes of Lost. You've reeled me back in you bastards. Now please say you've learned your lessons from this season.

During my once a week "Let's see what's in heavy rotation on the music video channels" viewing I came across a show on FUSE called "Dance-Off, Pants-Off." If you can't tell from the title, the concept is that people dance and strip while a music video plays in the background. Oh what I would've paid to be in the meeting where they came up with this. People earn money coming up with these ideas, and they can live with themselves. In case you think this show is simply about the sex, here is the highest rated "dancer."

I completely apologize for that.

Channel B: What? You haven't heard of Channel B? That might be because it only exists in my head. Over the past few years, films that were at first lost to the world unless you wanted to pay $180 for a crappy VHS copy are being made available on DVD. There is obviously a market for these cult films. Why can't there be a channel that feeds that market as well? I've based my idea on the Z Channel. If you don't know of Z Channel, I recommend the documentary Z Channel: A Magnificent Obsession. It was one of the first pay cable stations back in 1974 and they were all about the art of cinema. They showed "1900" in it's full 5 hour form. They showed the severely edited Once Upon a Time in America and then showed the full four hour director's cut back to back.

Channel B though isn't designed for the art house crowd. It's for those who snuck out of bed on weekend nights to watch the local channel's late night monster movies. It's for those who lived for the Saturday Afternoon movies. I don't plan this to be like a Sci-Fi classics channel. It's simply a channel for those that enjoy those movies on the fringe of popularity in both the mainstream and art house. What I have planned so far is that Friday night is the horror night. I'd bring back Fritz the Night Owl, and do a six hour block of horror movies. Saturday morning and early afternoon is your black and white "Creature Features." Saturday night would be the "Crapfest." This is where we'd have a double feature of wonderfully crappy movies. This is where the "R.O.T.O.R." and "For Your Height Only" would be shown. Sunday night would be director's choice. That would be where a director or a group of directors would pick a movie of importance to them. They would talk a little before and after it to place it in context to how it influenced them. del Toro, Tarantino, Anderson, Gilliam, and others would bring in their movies, and get to share. Then there is still the special event days like the Samuel Z. Arkoff day or month, or the Shaw Brothers month or day. Clearly this is all in it's early stages, but once I make my first billion you can plan on seeing Channel B among the 200+ channels you already receive.


Jaime said...

That is the most depressing idea ever. Saturday afternoon is the saddest time in the life of a child. All the good cartoons are done and all that's left are those horrible movies. I still get depressed just thinking about it.

And Fritz the Night Owl! It wasn't until I was older that I realized how truly strange it was to have this mellow guy with huge owl glasses introducing bad horror movies. How did this get by management? But as a kid I was totally sucked in. Some of those movies seemed really scary. Others, like the one with Joan Collins and the ants that became gigantic from the nuclear waste spill and were now killing and enslaving humans to make them gather sugar--well . . .

bobby said...

On the contrary, Jaime. Saturday afternoons were the best BECAUSE of what you described. The cartoons would inspire me to draw, so I'd lay flat on my belly with a pad of blank paper, draw for hours while bad movies played. We had something called "Screaming Meemies Flicks" -- it was the best time of the week.

Also, Channel B would be programmed exclusively with movies discovered by the Great Tim S -- who brought us choice finds like ROTOR and the midget Bond movie you mentioned. Here, here Timmy S!

Bradford said...

The Saturday night block would be Tim's unearthed treasures like ROTOR. In fact the job is Tim's right now.