Do We Need a Two Hour American Idol Finale?

With this season of American Idol wrapping up, I thought it'd be good to do another newbie recap. Last night I was actually blessed? to watch the show with a few American Idol fans. I joined uber-couple Mike O. and Allyson, and the very pregnant and adorable Ildy. All three are Idols fans, so I was at least able to view it through the eyes of fans. For the record, Mike O. and Ildy are part of the "Soul Patrol?" and Allyson has a bad case of McPheever. On to the show.

Oooh. Seacrest is standing alone in the darkness as he rambles on like this show will solve the world peace. Which is ridiculous because we all know the FIFA World Cup is going to do that, or at least that's what Bono says. Anyway, the Kodak Center lights up and the people go nuts. Seacrest keeps talking, I tune out-wait is that Ben Stiller trying to hide from the cameras? Could he get the standing room only tickets? There's Tyrese, and 90210's Brenda looking tore up. I at least she's making an effort to be a good step-mom to her husband's kids. Still, why haven't people learned to say no to plastic surgery? Is it like tattoos where once you start you can't stop? I'm still baffled by this. I could maybe see a nose job or a boob job if you are that self conscious about it, but when you start doing face lifts and tucks things go to hell. But I'm getting away from the American Idol.

So the final two contestants are the cute McPhee and El MOL clone Hicks. Apparently they flipped a coin and Hicks won, so he will be singing last each round. At this point I have to be thinking those behind the Idol curtain have to be hoping McPhee wins. I realize Hicks has a huge following and is the front runner, but how marketable is he? I can't see him being more than the goofy guy that covers R&B songs. He is though the only contestant that actually performs with any kind of personality. Anyway, my point is I'm fully expecting to see the show rigged in McPhee's favor. I may be wrong with Hicks winning the coin toss. On to round one.

McPhee comes out and does that song about a blackbird and a cherry tree. Didn't she already perform this? Are all these songs going to be repeats? Ridiculous. Are they not allowed to sing new songs? I don't understand this. McPhee cutes her way through her performance. I'll admit I find her awfully attractive in that bouncy cute take home to Mom kind of way. Still, her weakness is she's a big voice ballad girl. I don't think she could pull off a "Since You've Been Gone." I wonder what's the over/under when she moves into diva mode. Side note: I was glad that I wasn't the only one who noticed that her belly button seemed abnormally high on her stomach. In fact it looked like she didn't even have a belly button. Completely weirded me out.

Hicks comes out and "dances" his way through Stevie Wonder. It's clear he won this round within five seconds of the song. McPhee you should've started out big. Always open with a bang, and that's what Hicks did. Also, do they keep Paula in a padded cell between shows? Is there an IV of drugs running under the table? Is she really a robot learning about human emotions. I think I saw a similar episode in Star Trek. Round one goes to the Soul Patrol.

Aww they brought all the losers back to sit in the audience. Seacrest even has the Creed wanna-be stand up and then completely blows him off. Is that his girlfriend sitting next to him? Yeah, that's going to last till some groupie approaches him after performing at the Teluca County Fair. The biggest surprise is how Lita Ford suddenly transformed into a tan in the can soccer mom. It's like she aged 20 years in a month. Round two.

McPhee does Over the Rainbow while sitting down. She does better this time. Has she already sung this too? Everyone seems to love it. Simon says it's her best performance ever. Hmm. My only question is what does she have with singing while sitting? Does she do this every show?

Hicks does a repeat as well of Elton John's "Levon." I'm completely bored at this point. Any investment into this talent show has fully evaporated. If they did new songs, I might be a little more interested. It's like finding out they are showing a repeat of Lost...again. If I wasn't with friends I would be watching the Pistons-Heat game. Simon gives round two to McPhee. I concur.

Before they head out to commercial Seacrest says McPhee will be singing her new single next? New single? So she already has a contract? I'm confused. Is Hicks going to sing his new single? Does this mean they both have contracts? If so, then this whole thing is pointless. I wonder if the powers that be knew Hicks was going to win, so they signed McPhee as a back up plan. Hicks must be so far ahead in votes that they see it as already locked up.

Time for the new songs. McPhee comes out and does a hack job on a shitty song. Maybe the PTB are rigging this for Hicks. That song isn't written for McPhee it's too low. Did I mention that the song is awful. I like that they brought out a choir to distract from the song. Or maybe the blue man group tryouts were next door. Either way this whole thing is painful. McPhee even knows it. She can't do anything with this song, and has absolutely no confidence. The judges try to be nice. You know how things went when their first comment is how good you looked. It's officially locked up. Hicks is your American Idol.

As the coronation begins, Hicks now sings his new single. Who the hell is writing these songs? This song doesn't play to Hicks strengths either. This is a song for that Creed guy not Hicks. The thing is anyone can crap out a bad ballad. I imagine who or what ever cranks out these songs doesn't have a lot of time to do them, and they have to be generic so no matter who wins can sing it. There's no reason for this single crap. Let them cover another song and have the winner sing one single when they win. Hicks does a better job with his song anyway. Do they even need to bother with the votes? Simon even concedes that Hicks is your winner.

Seacrest wraps its up. McPhee even knows she's lost. It's written all over her face. Don't worry McPhee. I'm sure Beauty and the Beast on Broadway would give you a shot as Beauty.

I'm interested to see how they fill up two hours of clips. Just not interested enough to actually watch it.