Dear Crazy Homeless Man,

I will not give you a ride to Manhattan Beach. My Mom always said never get into a car with a stranger, and you are a stranger. What makes you think I would consider giving a stranger a thirty minute ride in my car? Is it because we have the same facial hair? Is it because I gave you a cigarette? I gave you that cigarette so you would stop hassling me. Are you tired of hitting up the young gay population of Long Beach, and want to take a shot at the yuppies in Manhattan Beach? I even take offense to you being offended by my rejection. I've seen "The Hitcher." I know how this will turn out. I drive you to Manhattan Beach, and half an hour later two cops are dead, a gas station erupts into a ball of flames, and poor bobby is being ripped apart by an semi-truck. I couldn't live with myself if that happened to bobby. Really, that has to be in the top 10 of worse ways someone dies in a movie. I still cringe just thinking about that scene. That movie should be shown to kids as an educational film. Don't get into cars with strangers or this will happen. It might scar the kid for life after seeing that at such a young age, but I bet they would never get into a car with a stranger. But back to the stranger. I would like to know what morons have given you a ride, that you were actually offended that I didn't. Did you kill them? My kindness to strangers only goes so far, and threatening my own life is way past that mark. I suggest asking for change instead of cigarette. That way you could simply take the bus which has air conditioning something my car doesn't have.