I am now a Pill Popper

Yesterday I decided to take advantage of this thing called health insurance. For the first time in six years I stepped into a doctor's office. I will say I take a little pleasure in listing my history of past and current ailments for new doctors. The best is when you go to the emergency room. All the doctors in training gather outside your door like you are a celebrity. If only I wasn't lying on a table in my skivvies and a paper "gown." I've thought perhaps I could rent myself out as a walking specimen to local hospitals. There's the problem of always being in the "gown."I don't have the legs or ass to pull off such a revealing outfit. Also, my scars aren't the sexy kind of scars.

So, my new doctor asked the standard question: "Have you had any previous health problems?" I gave my list, pausing for the doctor when his hand cramped. My current problem has been the recent onset of an arthritic hip. I knew it was coming. Since I have one leg shorter than the other it was unavoidable even with the shoe lift. The real problem with this ailment is that I now have to take pills. Again, I knew this would eventually happen but I thought I had a few more years. No such luck.

I realize I'm writing a post in which I'm bitching about taking pills, but you should understand this is coming for a guy who took chewable aspirin through junior high. I crushed the adult aspirin up after that. Eventually I learned to take pills, but I still hate it. Now I'm stuck taking four a day. I should say four types. Two of them I have to take multiple times a day, and they are huge. I even have to go buy one of those pill containers that breaks everything down into days. I thought for sure I had four or five more years till I had to buy one of those. I realize I have a no room to complain. I just hate taking medicine. There will never be spoonful of sugar big enough.

For those who don't know, here's the short list of ailments.

1973: Wilms' tumor
1974-current: Scoliosis that resulted in me wearing a back brace from 1985-1988. The back brace was actually kind of fun. Except that it tore holes in all my shirts and began to stink. It was then somewhat corrected in 1988 when they fused two rods to my spine.
1988: The scoliosis correction led to it being noticeable that my left leg was an inch shorter than the right.
1993-5: Ulcer-eh not that bad really
1999-current: Psoriasis (suck!)
2003-current: Tinnitus (great excuse when in boring conversations)
2006: Arthritic Hip (NEW!)


It's funny you take aways the first ailness and the most of the rest go with it. Wilms you bastard.