Tuesday, May 06, 2008

American Idol Recap (Wanna See a Train Wreck? Edition)

We are down to the final four! Doesn't CBS and the NCAA have a trademark on Final Four? Anne's a little down because Goody Two Shoes got the boot last week. Surprisingly, everyone on the show is still alive. There was no mass murder. The theme for tonight is Rock and Roll Hall of Fame which leaves it open to about everything.

Talk Box kicks off the night with "Hungry Like a Wolf." Anne has stated that she really wants him to win. If it comes down to Talk Box and Teen Beat, she will vote. Randy says it was just ok. Paula says it made her hungry. Simon liked it, but didn't think he changed it up enough. He did rock in your typical radio one hit wonder cover song kind of way.

Syesha is in the coke hot seat. Blah, blah, blah. She will be performing "Proud Mary." Hmm. Probably not the best song choice. A little too strong. Anne calls it interesting in that it is high energy but unoriginal. Randy says she showed up. Paula's right. She does look good. Simon thought it was a bad shrieky version. It was a good performance, but I don't think it was the best vocal.

Back from the break we have Stoner. Good grief he's a moron. Wow? Bob Marley's "I Shot the Sheriff?" Ugh. This is awful. Laughably awful. Why did he even have the guitar? Anne thinks Randy should say that performance offended him as a black man. I think it offended everyone with ears. Simon calls it utterly atrocious. Which is actually Simon being kind. Um he wasn't thinking Simon. He's a moron.

Teen Beat follows up with "Stand By Me." He apparently sings this song to himself in his room. I assume his father has kept him locked up in that room for the past 16 years. He must be thrilled he gets to follow up the musical mess of Stoner. Anything can sound good after that. I'm biased because I hate him. Of course the judges slurp him. It's all fake when he performs. Simon just stole my joke. He was well placed. Simon calls it the best of the night. Can't you just see him getting a little fame and turning into the next Michael Jackson.

With round one finished we have Talk Box back in the Coke Hot Seat. He agrees with the judges that he didn't change up "Hungry Like A Wolf" enough. His second song is "Baba O'Reilly." It's never smart to do a song by The Who. There are just too many changes in there songs to cram it into two minutes. It was like just taste of the song. Randy liked it. Paula is humbled to see his soul. Simon liked it too, and welcomed him back. Whatever.

Here comes Syesha with her second song. Ryan introduces Rascal Flatts as his boys. I think I saw them all throw up in their mouth a little bit when Ryan said that. "A Change is gonna Come" is her second song. She can't do lows notes. We have dress changes tonight too. Let's just say that her second dress puts Miss Lee Cook to shame. Randy didn't feel it. Paula gives her a standing ovation. The girls get a little weepy. Simon liked it. Wow Syesha is taking Goody Two Shoes crying crown in one night. She blabs about how this competition has changed her, and how she learned so much about the Civil Rights movement. Really? You just learned about it this week?

Stoner's second song is "Mr. Tamborine Man." We were just about to give him credit, and he totally blah blah blah'ed a line. He completely forgot two lines. Anne says I cursed him. Randy says he's not in the zone. When is he ever in the zone. I mean on stage. If Randy meant stoned when he said zone, then when is he ever out of the zone. Simon says he should pack his suitcase. He shouldn't have unpacked his suitcase three weeks ago.

Teen Beat finishes the night with "Love Me Tender." How do you not know "Love Me Tender?" Teen girls are swooning everywhere. I like that he turned this into a Christian Contemporary bastardization. Randy loved it. Paula thought it was one of his best performances. Simon thought he crushed everyone tonight.

So Stoner should go home for the worst final four performance in Idol history, but I think Syesha will be saying goodbye tomorrow night. I still hate Teen Beat.

Anne: Syesha
Ben H: Syesha
Me: Syesha

Worst: Come on. How could it not be Stoner?

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