Tuesday, April 29, 2008

American Idol Recap (It's Neil F'n Diamond Night Edition)

First of all, I'm blogging through the pain tonight. I've been battling a nasty cold these past few days. It's Neil Diamond night, so I will fight through it. For you Neil! I'm pretty sure all the other nights will pale in comparison. I haven't been this exited since Emily Proctor danced dirty with me on the dance floor. Wait that was just this Saturday. Let's just say I'm excited.

So The Ringer got da boot and we are left with the top 5. This means they will each be singing two songs. How many of the top 5 knew Neil Diamond before this week?

Stoner will be singing Forever in Blue Jeans for his first song. I think this night will be a good one for Stoner. As in Stoner tradition it was rather boring. The judges will not be tearing them apart till after their second song. They've changed up the format, so the judges will give their opinion at the end of the show.

Talk Box is up next, and starts off in the Coke hot seat. This should be a good night for him too. His two song choices are I'm Alive and All I Need Is You. Two not so familiar songs, which could work in his favor. It was little blah. This two songs for each contestant seems a little ridiculous. They are left performing what seems like a minute of the song. Why not just give them an extra minute on one song rather than breaking it up. This show feels like it's gone wheels off, and is barreling toward Simon's chest hair.

Brooke will be doing I'm a Believer. Oh dear lord, her I'm a Believer is awful. I regret everything I said positive about her. This is so frightening. What are those pants she is wearing? She is clearly becoming more and more crazy each week. She's acting like Alex P. Keaton in that very special episode of Family Ties. For those too young to remember, it was about the dangers of taking speed.

Teen Beat will be doing Sweet Caroline. Can he make me dislike him anymore? Yes, he can. He's completely turned this into some crappy 80's cover song. Of course all the girls named Caroline just passed out. And we are speeding through this show. Nobody is allowed to take a breath.

Syesha picked Hello Again and Thank the Lord for the Nighttime. Two good choices for her. She did well with Hello, Again even if it was a little Whitney.

Wow. So they gave the judges a little time to give a quick judgment and Paula just went on and on about Stoner's second song. Um nobody has performed their second song. Everyone was just as lost as she was. Simon was right they were all mediocre except for Brooke which was a train wreck.

Jason sings his second song, September Morn, and is just as boring as his first song. Anne thinks it's a bad arrangement. I agree. A lot of the arrangements have been off. They shouldn't polish up these songs. Randy wasn't a fan of either performances. Paula thought he was too safe. Simon called them forgettable. He speaks the truth.

Talk Box is doing his normal modern rock shlock. He's made All I Need Is You sound like a Journey song. It was ok. Anne says "At least he thought about the arrangement." Randy liked the second performance. Paula agrees. She thinks she is already looking at this years American Idol. I hope she's right. Simon thought the first song was ok, but thought the second song was brilliant. I wouldn't exactly call it brilliant.

Goody Two Shoes is clearly slowly losing her mind. Her second song is I Am...I Said. Neil's songs work so well stripped down. Why are they fluffing them up? Randy liked the second song, but not so much the first. Paula thought she showed her vulnerability on the second song. Simon hated the first song, which we all did. Who could've liked the first song. Simon liked the second song. Brooke's talking to everyone like they are deaf. I'm hoping for a PSA at the end of this show from Brooke.

I'm so sick of Teen Beat. It's this 80's grime that he covers everything with. Adding to the awful is the American flag on the screen behind him. How do the judges keep going for this shit? Randy and Paula both loved it. How? Simon credits him for pulling a Kristy Lee Cook. Simon liked it too. Are they under some mind control when he performs? Is the FBI involved?

Syesha closes us out tonight. Nice. She turned this into a doo wopish number. I liked that. Randy liked it. Paula liked both songs. Simon call this the strangest show they have ever done. Simon thinks she might be in trouble tonight. She is in trouble, but it's not because of her performance. It's because the fans don't like her.

Well, that was quick. We all know Syesha is going home tomorrow. This show left me with a bad taste in my mouth. The two song choice was a moronic choice. It all seemed rushed. Way to ruin the one night I was looking forward to the most. I wish they could have brought back Chikezie to sing "Brother Love's Traveling Salvation Show." That would've been awesome.

Top Two:
Anne: Syesha and David
Ben H: Syesha and David
Me: Syesha and Talk Box

Anne: Brooke
Ben H. Brooke
Me: Teen Beat.

I know what will clear my head of this American Idol mess:


BeckEye said...

Yo, yo, yo, dawg, don't insult '80s music like that! That's whack! That was my era. The Archulator wasn't even a gleam in his crazy stage-dad's eye in the '80s.

Jiff Divingboard said...

How about a Post-Paula Weird-Out Titan-take?