It's Not All Cornfields

Christmas the past few years has been at my brother Ben K. and his wife Julie’s house. This is what happens when you have the most room, and you marry one of the most gracious and hospitable women on earth. This year they’ve been remodeling their kitchen. Which means we’ve been going out a lot. Driving around I realized Columbus has quite a few cool things to offer besides Ohio State Football, Blue Jackets Hockey, and Hooters. Here’s a nice list of things to see and places to eat if you happen to somehow end up in Columbus, Ohio.

Growing up I always wanted to live in German Village. It’s a 223-acre neighborhood in the southern part of downtown. The whole neighborhood is quaint brick buildings closely built together with brick sidewalks. They even still have brick roads. There are some great eateries and bars like the Mohawk. But the first restaurant you must visit is Schmidt’s Sausage Haus. This place is genius. It’s all great German food from bratwurst to Wiener schnitzel to the chocolate cream puff pastries. My personal favorite is their legendary Bahama Mama. The Bahama Mama you see is one of the city’s food specialties. Heck, we even have a day called Bahama Mama day. If you ever go, hit the buffet so you can try it all. Or go Wed. or Sat. when the Schnickelfritz band is playing. Also make a quick stop at the Fudge Haus across the street so you can feel even fatter. If you are really lucky you’ll visit sometime between Sept. 30th and Oct. 2nd for the genius that is Oktoberfest. Fat, hammered, and happy is how everyone leaves Oktoberfest.

To take off a few of those added pounds from Schmidt’s walk over to the Book Loft. It’s a two-story building that’s a block long, and it’s all books. There are 32 rooms. Each rooms specializing in a certain category. You can spend hours just browsing and the prices are dirt cheap on both used and new books. It’s a maze of books so take breadcrumbs. Walkie-talkies might be nice to so you and your friends can find each other before the next winter.

The German Village though isn’t the only place in town. When I first moved to LA people were telling me I needed to go to the farmer’s market. So, I went and you know what I thought. This is a lot like the North Market in Columbus. The North Market is a great place to try different foods, and people watch. With more than 30 merchants not including the actual Farmer’s Market you can lose a solid portion of your afternoon.

Close to the North Market is the Short North district. This is your artsy fartsy hip and happening area. There are great boutiques, galleries, and restaurants down High St. I used to always go to great video store here to get my Asian Action flicks. This was back when video stores charged money for memberships, but since this was the only place in town that imported the stuff the price was worth it.

Ohio State University has some things to do as well. It's not the cleanest of areas but that part of High Street should be experienced. Campus was where I went for music. First there’s the historic Newport Hall. It’s been there for ages, and it shows. There are other venues of various sizes around town, but the Newport holds a dear place in my heart. The other concert venue that holds an embarrassing place in my heart is King’s Place. The title of the place should tell you enough about the kind of music that was showcased there. Still think the One Bad Pig concert kicked ass. The dude jumped into a swimming pool of ice cream! But I digress. The other spot on campus that I went for myIt’s not pretty but the OSU campus area has quite a few cool music fix was Used Kids Records. When I was in high school the shop was in the basement of a building. You had to walk down a flight of steps into a windowless shop. The place was weirdly organized. It was cool before I even knew what cool really was. Now they take residence on the second floor of some other building and it’s lost a little of it’s underground charm. Still if you want something they have it from vinyl to CD. It was basically my Amoeba before Amoeba. One little warning if you buy something lame they will call you out on it. I still have emotional scars from when I picked up an old Boston CD. I don’t know if they do this anymore now that they are a little more legitimate.

Downtown has a few things to offer. The Arena district has some pretty good restaurants. I don’t have a lot of info because it’s a newly developed area. There is also COSI (Center of Science and Industry). I used to go about twice a year when I was a kid. They moved it now, and some famous Japanese architect designed the new fancy building. Inside are tons of exhibits and experiments designed to teach and entertain. It’s much more enjoyable than I’m making it out to be. My fondest memory of the place was the huge pendulum clock in the entrance. This giant spike would swing back and forth over the circle that is outlined with pegs. For every minute it would knock over a peg. Also walking into a replica of the eye was pretty cool. And the experiment with the electric eels was badass. For you historians out there, the original Wendy’s restaurant is downtown as well.

There’s a little taste of things to do in Columbus when and if you ever visit. I don’t know why those who read this would, but in case you do. Columbus is a pretty nice and wonderful town. Wait I forgot White Castles!

The Christmas Miracle of Moms

I don’t know how my Mom successfully pulled off Christmas year after year. Even with all her other duties she’d somehow someway make Christmas happen. I knew she was making tiny miracles happen, but I never fully understood until recently. The day after I got into to town my sisters and I were given a daunting task. My stepfather had apparently dropped the ball, and not gotten anyone Christmas or birthday gifts. That means in four days we had to buy Christmas gifts for seven siblings, three sibling in-laws, three nieces, and two nephews. We also have to get Christmas gifts for two siblings, one sibling in-law, and one niece. This doesn’t include our own Christmas/birthday shopping we had to do for each other. We’re into day two, and I’m about to snap. We are amazingly close to being finished, but it’s taken its toll. It’s difficult enough deciding what to get everyone what with thier vague Christmas lists and specific tastes. We also have to take in account budget concerns, balance practical and impractical, and good grief the wrapping, the endless, endless wrapping. Today was a particularly tough day because it meant we had to go to Toys R Us and Media Play. Both are on the bad side of town and both employee people who work at two speeds; slow and catatonic. At Toy R Us, I constantly found myself boxed in by people and their carts. It was like I would stumble into the middle of a high noon gunfight. Just moving around the store was quite similar to driving in LA. You move a few inches, but then the people in front of you have to stop so they can “Ooh” and “Aah” over the Spiderman Stunt Set. You’re suddenly weaving through the back alleys of bikes and Bratz dolls, doing a few hit and runs on discarded toys, and sideswiping old ladies carts just to reach the check out line. Yet this is something Mom would do every year. Of course she had a lot more time. She was also a seasoned pro and planned ahead. But she had to because she was also responsible for two separate family Christmas dinners. Wait, make that three family dinners, and three to four birthday parties. She made it look so easy, and she did it so well. I still don’t know how she did it without killing a few people. Here’s to my Mom and Mom’s around the world that help make Christmas...Christmas.

Sometimes You Should Rent Rather Than Buy

In certain situations it is better to rent than to buy. Last night it was announced that the Cubs and former Twins OF Jacque Jones agreed to a 3 year $16 million dollar contract. I think the Cubs bought when they should’ve rented. Certainly I’m pleased, as anyone would be to have a player named Jacque on his or her team. It’s no Willy Mo, but it’s pretty good. Jacque was signed to fill the vacated RF spot after the Cubs declined the option on Jeromy Burnitz’s contract. Burnitz actually had slightly better number in nearly all categories except for stolen bases. Jacque is younger, faster, and probably a slight upgrade defensively. Still, Jacque is 30 and most players hit their prime when they are 27 and 29. The last time Jacque hit .300 or higher was back in 2003 when he was 28. Since then his batting average has been .254 (2004) and .249 (2003). The one high point in his career last year was that he had a career high in walks (51). That’s really not that great especially considering he also had 120 strikeouts. Cub’s management is blaming his two-year slide on trying to carry the Twins when their superstars were hurt. I hope they are right. I think we are simply seeing the normal age digression of an average player. I’d be surprised even if he hit around .280. I think the Cubs got desperate and didn’t want to wait as long as they did last year to fill their slot. So, they tied up someone earlier for three years. The thing is they basically have the same player as last year. But now they are tied into a three-year contract, when a one-year would’ve been better. I do hope I’m wrong. This signing also means the Patterson will soon be traded somewhere. I'm pretty sure he'll put up at least the same numbers as Jacque.

It should also be noted that the Cubs were battling the Royals in order to sign Jacque. The Royals offered a 3yr $15 million deal. The Cubs simply had to offer a million more and the Royals were out. That’s the state of affairs for baseball right now. Though with how the Royals have been the last decade the Cubs probably could’ve offered the same deal as the Royals to land him.

Always Pressing My Luck

I’ve realized that I tend to always press my luck. Even if I know the result I’ll see if I can beat it. Actually, we are all probably like this. It could be from laziness to never wanting to hear the word “can’t” to the gambling nature in some of us. It's obviously a little of all three for me. If I could somehow narrow when I press my luck down to better odds, I’d probably put a lot less stress on myself. Here are few short examples in my life where too I pressed my luck and get Whammied.

I know that guy across the table was slow playing his trip Queens. He also never ever bluffs. But, that King on the river gave me two pair, and what if this is the one time he’s bluffing. He calls my raise and I’m out of the game.

I bet if I get enough speed I can make that jump on my bike. After flipping on my back, I’m left sucking for the air knocked out of my lungs.

What are the chances that a bottle rocket will actually hit me in a bottle rocket fight? A few minutes later my ears are ringing as I try to smear the burnt mark off my shirt.

Nobody will notice if I just finish up the timed quiz while the teacher is collecting them. Half an hour later I’m bent over a chair as the whistle of the paddle sings in the air.

My little brother sure is angry about my comical put-downs. I wonder how many more he can take? After one put-down too many I find myself shoved through the glass window of the storm door.

I’ve never skateboarded in my life. But now that my Dad has bought me a skateboard I should try a difficult trick. I’m sure I can pick it up quickly. Fifteen seconds later I’m snapping my fractured arm back in place.

This girl and I sure are getting along well. Rather than just taking it easy and letting things develop I should press the matter. Two dates later and she won’t return my twentieth phone call of the day.

I’m driving my ‘74 Ford Maverick. I wonder how fast this car can go. In fact I know a certain stretch of road where I could find out. With the needle pressing 95, I’m sure I can reach a hundred. The flashing blue and red lights keep me from finding out. The car also never ran the same.

I bet I can make it to work in 20 min. Cut to 10:00am and I’m bitching about there being traffic in LA.

I can make it through the day on four hours sleep. I’ll stay up and keep writing/watching TV/playing video game/writing a blog post. By noon the next day I’m already doing the head bob.

When I smoke I’m always pressing my luck.

Done with Flying

Ok, I’m not planning on flying for a while. I’ve already blogged on my adventures last week trying to fly through Chicago last weekend. In preparation for my flight Monday I checked the weather numerous times to see if some strange blizzard was going to hit Atlanta. No blizzard was in the forecast.

Friday I saw some movies. Saturday I hung out with some friends and drove by Best Buy to see if there was a line already for the Xbox 360. There was a line, and I refuse to wait in line more than three hours for one of them. Sunday was planned to be my laundry, packing, and cleaning day. I woke up Sunday ready to get to it. It never happened. Around lunch time I had that scratch in the back of my throat. I put everything aside and went into fight the cold mode. I was chugging OJ, and popping pills. Unfortunately there was no stopping it. By 10 I started getting the shivers. This was no cold, but a flu. I was screwed. My flight was at 7am, which meant I had to be at the airport at 5am. I figured I had to get up at 4am to drive to work, drop off my car, and get a taxi. I tried to go to bed early. I couldn’t. Not with a temperature of 102. So, I’m left watching the seconds tick by while I shiver and sweat.

At 4am I down another glass of OJ, and some pills just so I can hopefully make it through the day. Sitting on the plane with my pale skin and stank of sickness I kept thinking back to that awful movie Outbreak. This is how epidemics start. I’m the lone carrier that spreads it because he wants to get home for Christmas. I’m going to be responsible for millions of people’s death or at the very least I’ll wipe out some small town in the middle of nowhere. Anyway, I finally got to Ohio, and slept, and slept, and slept. Here’s to sisters that go out in the freezing cold to get you chicken noodle soup.

Ramblings

In honor of unexpectedly receiving Friday off I did my own double feature. I began with King Kong and followed it up with Narnia. Kong was definitely the better of the two. Mine main quibble with Kong was I still think Jack Black was miscast. He wasn’t awful but there were certain dramatic moments I was wincing at. Still it’s one helluva a ride, and I did get weepy over the big ape. Narnia is actually better than I expected. Is it perfect? No it certainly has its short comings both in story and technology. I did get the underlying feeling of this being an attempt for another Lord of the Rings. Beyond that this movie has very old fashioned feel to it. There’s an innocence and awe in the film that is rarely witnessed in current children’s fare. The director wisely sticks through the children during the whole movie. The kids who play Lucy and Edmund do a fabulous job.

This may be nitpicking but I’ve become frustrated by the guitar solos being inserted during the worship portion of church services. I want to sing and your poorly executed guitar solo is keeping me from singing. I miss hymns.

Thanks to the writer’s and EP I have the dough to begin my next effort to buy an Xbox 360. Best Buy it seems has been hoarding the ones that have been shipped after the launch date to do a sort of second launch date this Sunday. Lucky for me the Best Buy near me will supposedly have around 80 available. So, it looks like I’ll be up early Sunday morning and standing in line again. Thank goodness I live in LA. Those people that waited in line in freezing temperatures are crazy. I’m only slightly crazy.

Surprisingly, I have over half my Christmas shopping done. I have nine down and five to go. I thought I only had four till I received news that my sister and her husband just returned from Moscow with their third kid in tow. Soon they will have adopted every kid in Eastern Europe’s orphanages. They are already working on adopting another little girl. The new one’s named Andrei. I haven’t even met their second kid Alex yet. I love big families but keeping everything straight in my old age is becoming a pain. Crap. I forgot we celebrate like four birthdays during December too including mine. So that’s four plus three leaving seven more gifts to by. I thought I was so close. But, I got nine down and for me that’s a little Christmas miracle itself.

I know this edges me toward the geeky gay category. I can’t tell you how excited I was that there were official Katamari Damacy T-shirts available. I picked up the ostrich one. I’m not comfortable enough in what’s left of my masculinity to pick up one of the “Feeling” t-shirts.

I don’t know what makes me happier. The Yankees making absolutely now off-season moves or the Cardinals paying out 13.5 mil for Brandon Looper. I like seeing someone other than the Cubs in desperation signing mode. Of course the Cubs still need a RF.

Goodbye Work...

...Hello Christmas Break! Benefit number 132 of working in the biz is the two week Christmas break. It's like I'm still in school. Having worked at a bank and retail, I truly treasure this lengthy break. It means I have time to visit family and friends and not feel I have to compress it into a long weekend. Which is really good considering how far I live from everyone. Have a merry Christmas. I'll still be posting while I'm back in Columbus, so I hope you have time to visit after being stuffed with turkey and boozed up on eggnog. In fact being in that state probably makes this blog more entertaining.

Happy Holidays from TV to Me

I was thinking how they don't make Christmas Specials like they used to. I then realized they don't make special Christmas episodes like they used to. Hell they don't do anything like they used to, but that's not exactly a bad thing all the time. Here are some of my favorites that I could remember or remember enough that I could find out more on the internet. I'd also like to thank Krystal, Sunil, Dean, Brian, and Tamara for giving their two cents and leading me in the right direction.

Mary Tyler Moore Show – Not a Christmas Story

One of the classics. Sure it's not exactly a Christmas episode. The entire newsroom staff is arguing with each other, and when they are trapped at the office due to bad weather. Sue Ann decides to serve her Christmas dinner early which leads to the staff having dinner on the Happy Homemaker set.

M*A*S*H – Death Takes a Holiday

Christmas at the 4077th finds the surgeons struggling to keep a mortally wounded soldier alive, even if it's only through the holiday.

WKRP in Cincinnati - "Turkeys Away"

This one immediately sprung to mind when I was trying to compile this list. Yes, it's a Thanksgiving episode, but it deserves to be on this list. I remember laughing my ass off watching this as a kid. The station Manager, Art Carlson, arranges to have 20 live turkeys dropped from a helicopter as an advertising stunt. The famous qoute of Carlson's following the fiasco, "As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly!" still gets me. For a trip down memory lane here's Les Nessman's broadcast.

Homicide Life on the Street – All Through the House

Another one of the first epsidoes that came to mind. I'm sure most don't remember this, but it was such a great episode. Munch spreads his usual Christmas cheer. Russert, who misses detective work, joins Meldrick on an investigation into the murder of a material witness, when she discovers she knows something about the victim's case. Munch and Bolander investigate the death of a man in a Santa Claus suit and Munch spends the evening with whom they believe is the victim's son. Beau buys Christmas presents for the kids, although he still doesn't know where Beth and the kids are. Bayliss searches the station in search of a game of hearts. Munch biting his tongue while he watches over this kid who describes his Dad as some wonderdad. Then Munch finally cracks. A great episode of one of the greatest tv shows ever made.

Homicide Life on the Street – The Documentary

This a News Years Eve episode. I figured if I'm throwing in Thanksgiving might as well do all the holidays around this time. On New Year's Eve, the detectives sit back in the quiet of the evening and watch a documentary that Brodie has made about them and their work. In this documentary, entitled "BACK PAGE NEWS: Life and Homicide On The Mean Streets Of Baltimore", one of Frank and Tim's cases is covered where some "lies and hidden truths" are revealed. During a sequence about one of Mike and Meldrick's cases, they chase a suspect right into the filming of something called "Homicide" by director Barry Levinson and his crew. Mike and Julianna agree to try a date. Also, the identity of the "lunch bandit" is revealed to be Gaffney. Brodie reveals that the documentary has been sent to PBS and gives his reasons why. As the New Year rolls in, things return to normal as the phones start ringing.

The Simpsons - "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire"

Christmas is nearly ruined when Marge has to spend all of the family's gift money to remove Bart's tattoo. Homer becomes a department store Santa to raise more cash, but bets it all at the dog races on a hot tip from Barney. Homer and Bart save Christmas by adopting the losing greyhound, Santa's Little Helper.

The Brady Bunch – The Voice of Christmas

Carol is to sing in church on Christmas, but days before the event, she loses her voice. Later at the mall, a hopeful Cindy asks a Santa Claus to bring Carol's voice back by Christmas. Don't try to deny that you don't remember this one.

Good Times – Penny’s Christmas

After getting her wallet stolen, Penny steals a necklace from a department store in a desperate attempt to try to get Willona a Christmas gift. However, Penny's attempts may lead to Willona losing custody of her. Janet Jackson will always be Penny to me.

The Office Christmas Special

I got pretty weepy in this one. When Dawn opens her present from Tim. Then she walks back into the office and just kisses Tim. Awww. I'm such a sap.

I know there are a heck of a lot more. So, add your favorites in the comments below.

Best Games of 2005

It’s that time of year again. You know you love them those wonderful “Best of” lists that every magazine and blog will compile. They are great for so many reasons. For the compilers, we get to impose our pop culture taste and tell you what we think is cool. For the reader, they get to point out sacrilegious omissions, confirm their own coolness, or scoff at the fact that someone thinks their opinion matters. Well, I love “Best of” lists for all those reasons and more. Today we will begin with the medium that most of you don’t really concern yourselves with: Video Games. You may click the back button on your browser…wait for it…not yet…now.

Platform Game of Year: Psychonauts

Even with very few platform games being made these days, Psychonauts is one of the best. You play as a Raz a kid that sneaks into a Psychic Camp with the dream of becoming a Psychonaut. Caught by the counselors, Raz has a day to learn all he can till his father comes to pick him up in the morning. Everything changes though when Raz discovers that his fellow campers are having their brains stolen. Now Raz must enter the brains of the counselors and other adults to find out who is behind the brain stealing. In each brain, Raz must journey through and battle that person’s mental baggage using his developing psychic powers.

The brilliance of this game is in its design. Each level is completely distinct and surreal. You never feel you are jumping, floating, or swinging in the same place twice. From the brain of paranoid milkman to a stage frightened actress to a painter that specializes in velvet painting, every level brings smile and wonderment. Game designers should take notice of this game. Extending from that, each character is designed uniquely and the voice acting is top notch. The game is also the funniest written game this year. With the platform genre fading into children specific games this one crosses over all age barriers.

Driving Game of the Year: Burnout: Revenge

I’ve discussed this game enough on this blog that what I’d say now is all rehash. So, I’ll keep it simple. You car enthusiasts and gear heads can keep your Grand Tourismo with its standard tracks and lack of car damage. I will take my blurring speed, traffic checking, and vertical takedowns and have a hell of a lot more fun.

Horror Game of the Year: Resident Evil 4

So I was a little harsh on my first blurb on this game. It’s not highly overrated. It’s just slightly overrated. On the good side it’s amazing the graphics they could pump out of that old PS2. The game looks amazing. The white-knuckle tension of fending off crazed villagers is certainly great. Trying to protect the President’s daughter is tolerable for escort missions. Having to go to the menu to switch weapons is a pain in the ass. I realize it raises the tension level and think that’s why I’m not so high on this game. I guess I’m not a fan of the horror genre in video games. Still I recognize how great this game is.

Pure Joy Game of the Year: We Love Katamari

If you get it you love it. If you don’t… This game shows that great graphics aren’t necessary to make a great game. All you need is a great control scheme, style, and sense of fun.

Action Game of the Year: God of War

I think a lot of games this year are a great indicator of how the timeline of a console works. Many people are complaining that the Xbox 360’s graphics aren’t a huge jump up from the current consoles. With games like Half-life 2 on Xbox, Resident Evil 4 and God of War on PS2 it shows that the best games seem to come out at the end of a consoles run. With God of War and Resident Evil 4 it’s clearly evident that the game designers have learned how to get the most out of the PS2.

God of War kicks serious ass in all the right ways. The story is fantastic with one twist you never see coming. It’s almost disheartening because you think you’re so close and then WHAM! As Kratos you must try to stop Ares from destroying Athens. With your blades you slash through minotaurs, cyclopses, harpies, and medusas to attain Pandora’s box.

The combo system is designed to easily pick-up but takes some time to master. Don’t forget the different powers that are given to you by the other gods. It is a near perfectly constructed game.

Adventure Game of the Year: Shadow of the Colossus

I’ve already done a whole post on the brilliance of this game. You can read about it here.

Game of the Year: Shadow of the Colossus

It really was close between this and God of War. It basically came down to one thing. When I finished God of War I thought, “What an outstanding game.” When I finished SotC I thought, “What an experience.” I’ve gone through Shadow twice and I still get choked up at the end. I’m a wuss.

Honorable Mentions:

Mercanaries: Grand Theft Auto in South Korea only you're mercanary rather than a thug. Special moment: Entering the code to play as old school Han Solo.

Half-Life 2, Lumines, and Ninja Gaiden Black

High School Reunion Recap...kind of.

So here's a rambling of the recap. Part of it's written during the weekend which explains the changes in the tense. I still don't know if the whole trip was worth it.


Thursday - Friday: I’m a moron. A couple months ago I thought for some reason that going to my 15 year high school reunion was a good idea. When I found out that it was in December I still thought it was a good idea. I thought it was such a good idea that I bought an airplane ticket. Now I’m stuck in O’Hare at 2 in the morning. I’ve just sat on an airplane for seven hours. Three and a half of those hours the plane was in the air. My real mistake was booking a flight that went through Chicago…in December. What the hell was I thinking? I thought it might be nice to see Chicago in the winter time. I’ve only seen it during baseball season, so I thought it’d be worthwhile. I’m a moron. At least I’m not alone. There are plenty of strangers sleeping on cots or just sitting around. Oh how I love strangers! I have another six and a half hours left in O’Hare till I can hopefully fly into Columbus. I wish I could sleep but I can’t. There’s no way I’m sleeping with all these strangers. It can only go up from here, right? Right? That is till I have to fly back. At least my Christmas flight goes through Atlanta. What I wouldn’t do for a Pepsi and a cigarette.

Friday: It’s now 1:00 PM and I just got in from the Chicago. This has been the most wheels off flying experience I’ve had. It even beats sleeping in La Guardia. So my morning flight into Columbus at 9:00am was cancelled. But, there was a 7:15 flight that was delayed to leave at 8:15. So, I ran down and put myself on the standby list or so I thought. The desk lady said there already were four on the list, so that would make me numero 5. I wait patiently and a few others walk up to get their name on the standby list. I’m guessing there are about 8 now. People begin boarding the plane. After awhile they started calling the standbys. After the fourth name was called I had my fingers crossed. “Just one more! Just one more!” Then they called someone else’s name, and then someone else’s. What the hell? They skipped me! I ran to the desk and asked why I was skipped. She said I wasn’t in the system. Not only was I not on standby, but I wasn’t even listed anywhere to be on any flight. This was the same lady who entered my information. I asked her how she could forget me. I just talked to her ten minutes ago. She said she was sorry but the plane was full. There were 44 passengers and that’s all they were allowed to put on the plane. Then I heard the magic words, “I only have 43.” Apparently, someone checked in but didn’t get on the plane. So they kept paging this person while I prayed and prayed and prayed. Finally, they allowed me to get on as passenger number 44. With my own paranoia mixed in with watching Lost, I was a little worried that I had doomed the plane. Or, the plane was already doomed and I “luckily” got the last ticket to ride. There were two babies on the plane so I thought we were pretty safe. Still I’ve clearly watched too much TV in my life. Perhaps the fact that we sat on the plane until 10:30 reversed any doom effect I brought on the plane. Yes, 10:30 is an hour past the flight time of my cancelled flight. With a short hour flight I finally landed in Columbus 13 hours after I was supposed to. I understood the canceling of flights due to weather. I just don’t understand the complete lack of communication. I felt like I was looking for an Xbox 360.

Maybe I should start going without sleep every now and then. It’s midnight here in Columbus and I still haven’t gone to bed yet. After landing I had breakfast with the Bens and Ben K’s wife Julie. Then I went Christmas shopping with Julie and was able to get gifts for 2 nieces and 2 siblings. Thanks to Julie, I feel pretty confident with my purchases. Still my day and night wasn’t finished. My niece Moira was singing in their church’s Christmas kid’s choir. They were called something “Jam.” Being the great uncle I am I went. Riding my fifth wind, I was able to stay awake. When the adults got up to sing I was tempted to nod off, but then Moira sat next to me and we had our uncle and niece chat. Besides with the smoke machine and stage lights shining in my face sleep was out of the question. Then we all met up at Ben K’s house after picking up some grub at the Mad Greek. I was able to summon up what was left in my tank and played with Evie and Moira. Eventually Ben I. and the family had to leave. The nieces were up past their bedtime and it was beginning to show. Finally, I’m able to go to sleep. I hope I wake up in time for the reunion.

Saturday 10AM: Grumble…grumble…roll over…zzzzzz.

2PM: I finally wake up, and still have that airport grime on me. It takes another three hours for me to be able to put words together to form sentences. Eventually I shower the airport off of me, and get ready for the reunion.

Arriving at the Rusty Bucket, my first thought was ”What the hell am I doing?” After a cigarette I scoured the parking lot for familiar faces. Seeing none, I decided to just giddy up and go for it. I had the flop sweat going as I climbed the stairs to the “party room.” There were only about 13 there from my class. Add in the spouses and you had about 25. Not bad I guess for a class of 50ish. Of the three people I wanted to be there, Karl actually showed up. I got to meet his wife. Every single one of my conversation consisted of two topics. First was what are you doing, and the second was how is your Dad. He is everyone’s favorite teacher for 19 years and counting. It took awhile but I’ve accepted the fact. Nothing really spectacular happened. I just talked for around three hours and left. Obviously, I over analyzed the whole thing before coming. Also, most everyone knew what was going on with other people in our class. I was sort of the wild card and my ego liked that. The nerdy comic book, shy, baseball loving kid left town and came back with after making good in Hollywood. At least that’s what they think and I’ll let them think that.

The flight home was a breeze…of course.

Side note:

I’ve always been disappointed with my lack of celebrity sightings when I fly. I made up for it all on this trip. Two are pretty cool. R. Lee Ermey was actually on my flight to Chicago. You might remember him for Full Metal Jacket and all the other movies where he played the same character.



Waiting for a taxi after returning to LA, I saw Robert Loggia wandering around the airport. I felt like he should help him out, but he just wandered off. He may still be wandering.






My favorite though was on my flight from Chicago to LA. I saw what I thought was for certain a pimp. Can you guess which one I thought was a pimp? It wasn’t till I saw the other two that I realized it was R&B supergroup Earth, Wind and Fire! Earth, Wind & Fire! They clearly can’t stand each other anymore because I never saw the utter a word to each other.

What Should the Cubs Give Up?

So, someone in Baltimore is demanding a trade. It just happens to be All-star shortstop Tejada. The Cubs don't have a definitive shortstop since Furcal opted to go to LA. Tejada's contract averages out to around $12 mil. a year. Which is a relative bargain since Furcal signed a $13 mil. a year deal. Tejada is exactly what the Cubs need. They got the leadoff man they needed when they traded for Juan Pierre. Unlike most teams the Cubs even have the extra cash to take on Tejada's contract. Why don't I think a deal will be made? First of all the Red Sox will be in talks because they traded Renteria, and they need to trade Manny. Manny doesn't want to play in Baltimore. If Manny isn't in the deal, why would the Orioles trade an All-Star to a division rival? The Cubs need to get in on this. So, what should they give up? As long as it's not Lee, Ramirez, Prior, or Zambrano I don't care. I'd send Rich Hill, Wood, and Patterson. Maybe Cedeno if it's absolutely necessary. The Cubs should not fight on how much of Tejada's contract the Orioles will eat. The Cubs should eat all of it. That has to be tempting to the scrooge of an owner Angelos. Hendry better not drop the ball on this one.

Rusty Bucket Here I Come!

I’m heading back to Buckeye country tomorrow for my 15 yr high school reunion. I think the over/under on how many attend is probably 22. My graduating class totaled 63. I’m hoping the awkwardness portion of the evening ends quickly. Since I can’t even remember the last time I saw anyone from my class, I’ve spent the last couple days brushing up on names and faces. What I’m really looking forward to is some quality time with the nieces. It’s been nearly two years since I’ve seen them. I hope Evie at least still remembers me. Have a good weekend everybody.

Where Does It Lead?

For almost a year I’ve had my hand on the lever to my own trapdoor. I’ve known the decision has been coming on whether or not I should pull the lever. Yet, I still haven’t a clue on what I should do. The problem is I like my life above the door. I’m comfortable. For far too long I’ve lived not knowing where the next paycheck will come. I don’t want to go back to that. I like the security. The problem with life where I am is that there are no stairs leading up. There’s just the trap door below my feet and I have no idea where it leads. I have three months till I officially have to make a decision. I’ve asked those passing by and have gotten numerous responses. It’s not an easy choice, but I think it eventually become easier as the time nears. I really think I have to pull the lever to get where I want.

You know what should've used in place of the trapdoor analogy?
An Ejection Seat!



Wheeeeeeeee!

Warning: Strange Ear Infection Spreading Across U.S.

For the past year there has been an epidemic for which there seems to be no cure. It has infected the ears of numerous people all over this country. The infection though appears to only act up when they hear the name “Brad.” I say Brad, but they always hear Brian, always. When I answer the phone at work, order takeout, or make my research calls my name enters the receiver as Brad with a hard “d.” 10 out of 10 times they still hear Brian rather than Brad. I’ve even gone to exaggerating the “d,” but nothing works. Is Brad that odd of a name? Is the infection just making there ears lazy so they assume Brian. There are two sounds that separate Brian from Brad: “i” and “n.” I pride myself on my professional phone voice for work. It’s top notch. This leads me to believe that it is in fact a virus. That can be the only explanation. When my family members begin to show the same signs of the infection I will have my proof that it is not my speaking but their hearing. I am Brad not Brian dammit!

Ramblings (Sports Edition)

I had an expletive filled morning this Sunday. Why? The first thing I did this morning was get online to see if Furcal had decided if he was going to play for the Braves, Dodgers, or Cubs. I honestly thought he was coming to the Cubs. They offered 5 years for 50 million. The Braves couldn’t and wouldn’t cough up that much particularly for that many years. I didn’t think any player would go to a team that just signed a GM less than a month ago and still didn’t have a manager. I was wrong. Furcal chose the $13 million a year contract over the only team he’s ever known (Braves) and a team that offered him more years and supposedly has two of his friends on the team (Cubs). How the hell do the Cubs lose out to the Dodgers? The damn Dodgers! Furcal was the one player the Cubs could not afford to lose. He was exactly what they needed. How can they overpay for middle relief but not the best lead off hitter on the free agent market. Also, I thought Dusty Baker was supposed to be a draw for free agents. Not a single top line free agent has joined the Cubs. Dusty it’s time. I’m completely frustrated by this. It’s like losing the cute girl to the guy still living with his parents

Here are a few things and people that need to be done with. They’ve run their course, and it is time to say farewell. Save what’s left of your dignity. Don’t make us kick you out the door.

Dusty Baker (see above)

Chris Berman: For the last 10 years Berman has been a shell of what he was. Now he’s more important than the sports he covers. At least in his mind he is. His nicknames used to be cute. His “Back, back, back” homerun call was never good. This made all the more evident during the Home Run Derby. Is there any reason to do a HR call at the Derby? I mean other than to hear yourself talk. (Scott Van Pelt though has grown on me. He’s my current favorite anchor. Yes, part of that is because he’s bald.)

ESPN also needs to put to rest that “I love…” song about football. When Coors stops using it in their commercials that should be a sign. I like football but I hate the marketing of it.

The Campbell's Chunky Soup commercials with McNab's Mom have to go.

I wouldn’t be surprised if the Notre Dame/Ohio State Fiesta Bowl draws a bigger TV audience than Texas/USC national championship game. All the BCS bowls do seem to have some great games this season.

Isn’t it time to give quarterback, Brad Johnson, some credit? He’s not flashy or have that strong of an arm, but he wins. If I had a choice between Vick or Johnson, I’d pick Vick to sell tickets, and Johnson to win games.

With the fire sale going on with the Florida Marlins it must suck to be Marlin fan. That is if there are any. Shouldn’t there really be regulations against such things. I can understand a small market team trading their top star before his contract is up because they can’t afford to sign him. But, to get rid of nearly everyone is ridiculous and not fan friendly. Can they ever expect to win fans back? Of course it seems that’s their idea. The only baseball that should in Florida is spring training anyway.

Bits O' Music

I’ve meant to put this band up here awhile ago, but it kept slipping my mind. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah are an indie rock band from Brooklyn. When I say indie, I mean they are truly indie since they have no PR or record label. What they do have is a great name and a great debut album. Over jangling guitars and a solid back beat their singer does his best David Byrne impression. This isn’t some Talking Heads rip-off though. It’s a solid indie rock band that has me looking forward to what they will do next. Check out their web site for more info.

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah-The Skin of My Yellow Country Teeth

If you are an artist or artist representative being featured on this blog and want me to take down a song, let me know, and it will be removed from the server immediately.

O' Christmas Twig! O' Christmas Twig!

While trying to come up with Christmas songs, and after reading Keymaster's post, I thought it was time to put up my "tree." My Mom sent me the little thing a few years ago. It was my first Christmas alone. I was stuck in LA because my shitty job at the time only had Christmas Day as my day off. Easily the worst Christmas ever. Anyway my Mom sent me my gifts and among the gifts was this little tree with ornaments. It was awfully sweet of her, and it become my LA Christmas tree. Fast forward to last night and I can't find it anywhere. I spent a good hour tossing my apartment and cursing myself while I looked for this little tree. Could I have possibly been dumb enough to leave it in North Hollywood? Did I throw it away? Eventually, I had my Eureka moments, and found it on the top shelf in the kitchen. By 1am, I finally had it setup to where it wouldn't tip over. Man, I love the Holidays.

Ramblings

Along with everyone who’s been a fan of Lost, I’ve been frustrated. This week’s show gave me a little glimmer of hope. At least they stopped wandering the damn jungle. I’ve said it before. I’ll say it again. Invasion is still trumping Lost.

Much like the Xbox 360 I’m stuck waiting to see if Braves shortstop Furcal will sign with the Cubs. Reports say that his choices are down to Atlanta, Cubs, and Dodgers. He’d be a moron if he went to the organizational mess that is the Dodgers. It’d be a nice Cubs Christmas present if he does choose the Cubs. Going against my plans Giles has decided to resign with the Padres. That leaves the Cubs scrounging for a right fielder. Unless they could steal Abreu in a trade from the Phillies. That won’t happen. One final thing about the Cubs paying big bucks for middle relief pitchers that are over 30 years of age: It’s never ever a good idea.

Are the Mets becoming the Yankees of the National League?

Throwaways it seems is going primetime for a whole split second. I signed a waiver the other day so this blog can be used in one of our episodes. What does that mean? Well if you have Tivo, you might be able to catch it. So it means absolutely nothing.

Remember when I talked shit about the game Resident Evil 4? I’d like to retract my rant. It’s a pretty great game, and I judged it a little early. More about it in another post.

I’m working on a playlist of unusual Christmas songs. Sure there are the classics, but there are those quirky songs that need to be recognized as well. This is what I have so far:

Merry Christmas (I Don’t Wanna Fight Tonight) – The Ramones
Christmas at Ground Zero – Weird Al
Christmas in Hollis –Run DMC
Merry Christmas Everybody-Slade
Christmas in Heaven-Monty Python

That’s all I have off the top of head at 1AM. Feel free to suggest your own

Bits O' Music

Here's a song from one of the albums I picked up while I was on my blog hiatus. It's another album I picked up on a whim. Amoeba seems to bring that out of me. I wasn't thrilled when I first listened to the album. Then one of the songs would randomly come up on my iPod and I'd always find myself playing it again. I guess most would categorize them as post-punk. Which I guess is correct. If you do like this, I have a little bit of bad news. Rex Aquarium is a local band, Silverlake to be exact. What does that mean. It means the album is only available in two stores: Amoeba and Sea Level. I'm willing to help out though, and pciking it up for you if you want. Visit the Rex Aquarium website for more info.

Rex Aquarium-The Back of the Room-The Back of the Room


If you are an artist or artist representative being featured on this blog and want me to take down a song, let me know, and it will be removed from the server immediately.

I Will Kiss Bugs Bunny's Ass

Consider this the companion piece to my post/rant on Mickey Mouse. This is more than just about Bugs Bunny, but the whole Looney Tunes family. Looney Tunes was it as far as cartoons were concerned when I was a kid, and it still is today. I’d watch my MGM cartoons if they were on like Tom and Jerry, but nothing compared to Looney Tunes. It’s a cornerstone of my childhood, and part of what makes me who I am today.

I had T-shirts and hats. I bought up all the glasses with the characters. I even wrote a letter complaining that there was no Elmer Fudd glass. How could they not make an Elmer Fudd glass? Elmer Fudd! I remember as a kid watching Chuck Jones on some talk show showing how to draw Bugs Bunny and Road Runner. I couldn’t find a pencil and paper fast enough. I practiced and practiced those techniques for weeks. They never really turned out very good. I did come close on drawing a passable likeness of Road Runner. I still dream of being able to afford cells from the cartoons. Being such a fan I was disappointed that the availability of the cartoons for retail was rather limited. That is till about two years ago when Warner Bros. began releasing their 4 disc DVD Golden Collections. There are three out currently, and I can’t rave enough about them. They are in the truest sense: genius. Some have complained about there not being a set that just has all of the most popular cartoons (What’s Opera Doc? Rabbit of Seville, Duck Amuck, Rabbit Seasoning, One Froggy Evening, etc.). Honestly, they are spreading them out in order to sell the sets, and there are some misfires of cartoons included. Warner has done an outstanding job on these discs. They not only did a great job of remastering them. The cartoons look and sound great. They have also dug up some great shorts and docs on the history of Looney Tunes. From they documentary about the beginning of Warner Bros. cartoon division to a Tex Avery interview to the Bugs Bunny 50th Anniversary special. I still haven’t even included the numerous commentaries and the fact that they are all uncut. There is no PC editing like when they air on TV. The one major downside of this is the third set has Whoopi making a statement about the non-PC elements in the cartoons. Whoopi? Why not just have the Aunt Jemima bottle make the statement?

Finally, let me say that adding up all the cartoons on the three sets comes out to 160 cartoons. That’s a crap load of comedy gold. And still there are cartoons that I’m hoping will be on the 4th set. One of those being the Ralph Phillips cartoons: “A to Zzzz” and “Boyhood Daze.” If you don’t remember, Ralph is the boy who daydreams about being a pilot, George Washington, and other historical figures. He’s a definite precursor to Calvin and Hobbs, and onemy all time favorites.

So if you’ve got the blues, or are stuck in rut do yourself a favor and at least Netflix some of these discs. It will do you some good.

Better Off Left Unsaid

I received this e-mail from my stepbrother Sam yesterday.

“Remember how you always used to say 'you deserve a winky button and a cardboard cookie', whenever you wanted to suggest someone had made a trivial contribution to the conversation? Well there's a word for that -- floccinaucinihilipilification. Cool, eh?”

Yes, like the Fonz, Arnold, Mel Allen and Flo, I had a catch phrase. Thank you Sam for reminding me even though I’m pretty sure I forgot on purpose. Thing is you forgot the exclamation of “Congratulations!” before the rest of the catch phrase. So the whole phrase was: “Congratulations! You deserve a winky button and a cardboard cookie.” With or without the exclamation, it still wasn’t the best of catch phrase. In fact it was awful. Like most catch phrases they never really start off as catch phrases. It was just something I said and then it caught on with the family. Thing is I have no idea where the phrase originated. Is it a combination of pop culture references or just my own nerdy creation? Either way it had the life span of Small Wonder and was just as quickly forgotten, or so I thought. Thanks Sam for reminding me…I guess.

Meaningless Things I’m Thankful For:

With Thanksgiving over, I thought it’d be nice to give some thanks for those things that are usually left out during our thankfulness. Normally we are thankful for family, friends, good health, blah, blah, and blah. There are little things too that deserve our thankfulness. Here are some of mine.

Touchless Paper Towel Dispensers: These should be required in every business and most homes. How many times have you second guessed touching that wet handle to get your paper towel? It can’t be just me…can it?

Getting that perfect box of Cheez-its. The greatest cracker ever made. Also, don’t try to pass off those imitations. I can tell the difference. Cheese Nips are for losers!

Winning a round of Halo 2’s deathmatch on Xbox Live and yelling: “I beat you all, and I actually have a life! Ha! Ha! Ha!...ha. (Yes, I realize I’m lying.)

Finding that CD you thought your friend borrowed and never returned. Sorry Eric.

Not getting stuck in the elevator with “90’s Man” who works a floor below you.

When you need one more quarter to finish a load of laundry, and you find it between the couch cushions.

Comfortable chairs

Funnel cakes

Easy to remember phone numbers

Magazines

It's About Time!

This has been an awful season for me in the NFL office pool. I haven't come close to being in the running for the weekly cash prize. I'm sure this has been than case with many out there because this has been a crazy season. Finally, I'm in the running this week. How is it that I finally picked correctly this past week? I didn't think about it. Trying to get off work early, and before traffic hit, I just made my picks an left. I never second guessed or even really thought about it. Now it's me and some other guy I've never met vying for the cash. For me to win I need the Colts to win. That seems easy enough. The problem is I need the combined score to be 55 points or higher. I think I'm screwed.

The thing is I'm not a huge NFL guy. I like college football much more than pro. But, since I have money on the games I'm flipping through every game, watching the ticker, and biting my nails during OT's. It makes me wonder sometimes where the NFL would be if the game wasn't so gambling friendly.

Yes, I realize that posting on this topic has drastically reduced my chances of winning. My blog is my own SI or Madden cover jinx.

Breakdown: Thanksgiving Weekend

For the second time this year I was graced with the presence of a family member. This time my other sister Anne Marie and her boyfriend, Laszlo, drove into town from Santa Fe. Here’s a little breakdown of the wonderfully extended weekend.

Wednesday: My sister arrives after a 12 hour drive. God bless them. I simply order some pizza, and we relax. By relax I mean Laszlo and I play video games till midnight. For those who doubt three people could comfortably sleep in my cubicle of an apartment, myself being one of them, I offer this picture.









Thursday: Since Anne is all about tradition, it was pointless for me to persuade her to simply go to a restaurant for Thanksgiving. This meant joining the other last minute shoppers in lines all across the store. It was nice though having a traditional Thanksgiving meal even if we did all eat on the floor. It’s the thought that counts. The rest of the day was spent digesting food, more gaming, and simply vegging out.

Friday: We actually went outside my area code and saw Syriana at The Grove. We met up with Bobby, and ate at the Farmer’s Market after the movie. A little advice, it’s not that great of an idea to go to The Grove the day after Thanksgiving. It was a complete mad house. I was surprised people weren’t crushed by the trolley. The movie itself was quite good. Though I think Bobby summed it up best when he said he felt like he should’ve gotten class credit for watching it. Yes, it’s officially become a tradition that all visiting relatives have to meet Bobby. Another tradition is taking all visitors to the Mecca that is Amoeba Records. I picked up the new Thelonious Monk Quartet with John Coltrane at Carnegie Hall. My sister and her boyfriend also got their first celebrity sightings.

The one they knew:












The two they didn’t:












John Frusciante: Guitarist for Red Hot Chili Peppers









Chris Pontius

Saturday: Let me say this for those who have never been to LA. No matter what anyone says there is really no reason to go to Venice Beach. It’s really a tourist trap. Sure there’s the people watching. You can see the man robot or the guy who walks on glass.












After that it’s just rows of tables and stores selling the same junk over and over. It’s become a regular occurrence to take visitors to Venice Beach. The reason is there is always someone who tells them they need to see Venice Beach. I don’t know who these people are, but please stop. I’m really tired of taking people just to see the guy who walks on broken glass again. The day was topped off wonderfully though with another tradition: Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles.









Doesn’t the red neon add to the ambience?

Sunday: The kids left to Santa Fe. Thus ended one the best Thanksgivings I’ve had in LA, and proving once again Thanksgiving should be spent with friends and family.

DENIED!

So I came to work today empty handed, and I’m terribly frustrated by it. Part of the frustration is that I’m running on two hours of sleep. The other part is because four times this morning I’ve gotten my hopes up only to see them dashed. Here’s a little rundown of my day.

1AM: I fell asleep with images of Call of Duty 2 and Perfect Dark Zero running through my head with a million polygon count. I had planned on going to bed earlier, but around 9PM I felt the spirit calling me to clean my bathroom sink. Three hours later my whole bathroom is spotless, and I’m just beginning to clean the kitchen.

3AM: I wake up, shower, grab Pepsi, and drive to the Wal-Mart a couple miles from my house. To my excitement I see less than twenty people waiting in line. Jackpot! In fact I’m actually number 20 in line. I know this because after waiting about 25 minutes a guy in a security jacket yells at me for not putting my name on the list. Now I don’t know if he was even an actually security guard, but he wouldn’t shut-up about me trying to jump ahead of people. Biting my tongue, I wait for about three hours.

6:10AM: With 7AM coming around the corner my fellow losers begin to form a line according to our number on the list. Excitement is building. Soon I will have my hands on that white plastic electronic time waster I’ve saved my money for. The “Security” guard then starts championing those who waited longer than me to not allow other to skip in front of them. At this point I would like to point out that he was at the front of the line. I’m certain he wasn’t the real security guard, and was just using it to weasel his way to the front. I imagined that once the doors opened he’d yell “Suckers!” and dash into the store to buy an Xbox 360. I would never find out.

6:25AM: The manager steps outside, taking the list from the “Security” guard. He glances at the list and then looks up. “I’m sorry. I only have fourteen.” The Wal-Mart in downtown Long Beach only has fourteen? Shit. Now I really don’t have a problem with them only having fourteen. If that’s all Microsoft sent them, then that’s all they have. My problem is that since I arrived the manager was constantly letting the morning shift workers in the front door. Did it not cross his mind once to tell us he only had 14? If he had told us before hand, I could have driven to a different store rather than wasting three hours. So, I left in huff, trying to figure out which stores I could hit next.

6:40AM: I pull into the Toys R Us. Only eight people in line! Sweetness. I ran up to the line. They all had that solemn “Hate to burst your bubble” look. The Toys R Us only had eight. Everyone else waiting in line had already left to find other stores.

6:55AM: After cussing up a storm with words my car should never hear, I arrive at a shopping center that has a Circuit City, CompUSA, and Sears. They are all certified Xbox 360 dealers, and they are all right next to each other. At this point I have a decision to make. Which store to wait in front of? I picked Sears because it had the shortest line with 15. CompUSA had around 18 people, and Circuit City was pushing around 40. So, I put my name on the list, and wait in line…again.

7:05AM: I walk over to the CompUSA line to see if they know how many the store is carrying. The rumor has it at around eleven. Eleven! What the hell are you thinking Microsoft? I move on to the Circuit City line, and ask the same question. Nobody knows. I scurry back to my original line.

7:15AM: Some 40 year old lady with “crack baby” teeth won’t shut up in my line. She’s keeps trying to tell funny anecdotes about her job at Taco Bell. The punch line to one of her stories is “He said Compton Hood not Captain Hook. I said I’m Robin Hood.” I should still be in bed right now.

7:16AM: Some Sears employee slaps a sign on the window indicating they have no new Xbox. Mother Hubbard!

7:18AM: I’m standing in the Circuit City line. I’m around number 50 at this point. Now I still have some hope left for two reasons. First, the Best Buy had 60 for their midnight sale. Surely, Circuit City would have around that many. Second, a guy shows up who actually had an employee wait in line for him. He said that they told him they had around 100. Finally!

7:35AM: I find myself dispensing all by Xbox 360 knowledge to a couple grandmothers and a few Dads. Soon a few other people start asking questions. At a certain point I was tempted to raise my hands and yell, “Can you dig it?” But I assumed the reference wouldn’t be picked up.

8:15AM: The doors to the store open. Everyone is ordered into a single file line. Once again the excitement builds. Two employees come out with a stack of tickets each to pass out to those in line. They didn’t even get close to me. They only had twenty-one. At least I wasn’t the only one going home empty handed. I did leave though with a nearly bursting bladder, and half of a once full pack of cigarettes.

What a wonderful way to spend a Tuesday morning. Perhaps I could have planned a little bit more. Perhaps I should have never gone to bed. Perhaps the manager could’ve been considerate enough to let those waiting in line know how many they had. Perhaps I should learn to be patient.

Creepiest Toy Ever Made

I was watching Supernatural this weekend. In one of the traditional "hand chopped off by garbage compactor" scenes, they cut to this toy.












Growing up I remember seeing the cover of Monkey Shines. I never read the book, but the movie blew. That image on the cover though still creeps me out.












It's become a staple of horror films, and there's a reason for that. With it's freaky smile and crazy clapping of cymbals, how can it not be an omen of bad things. If you ever come across this toy in real life, I suggest you do what I would do...run!

Number two on the list: The Ventriloquist Dummy









Does anyone remember that short film back in the day about the dummy chasing a woman around the apartment with a knife? That scared the shit out of me as a kid.

They are closely associated with number three: the marionette.

Hunt for the Elusive White X!

This upcoming Monday through Tuesday I will be going on an adventure of sorts. I have been given a quest that I’m not certain I can complete. Monday at midnight my search will begin. My prey, my trophy, my destiny is the X-box 360. My soul has waged war with itself over should I or shouldn’t I wait till Christmas for the X-box 360. I can tell you now that the dark side has won. I have succumbed to my impatience and that fallen angel Dominic’s beguiling voice. My heart has turned, and nothing can bring me back. I shall retrieve my own X-box 360 from the clutches of those pimply teenage cave trolls, and spoiled princes. From the Spanish style homes of Manhattan Beach to grassless yards of Long Beach I will search wide for my X-box 360! I make this promise to you! If I do not have that X-box 360 by 10am on Nov. 22 then I will…simply have to wait like every other normal person. Perhaps I will do a post on my adventure? That should bore everyone.

Ramblings

I’m having second thoughts on this high school reunion thing. It’s most likely because I found out it’s taking place at something called the Rusty Bucket. Perhaps it’s just because I’ve been spoiled by my works wrap and Christmas parties, but the Rusty Bucket? At least I won’t have to dress up.

I know I’m in the minority on this, but the Hummer H3 commercial with the monster an robot giving birth to an H3 creeps me out. I appreciate the effort and the sense of humor. It still creeps me out.

This was the scene outside my office today. Only in Hollywood would there be people walking a chimp in front of a donkey dressed like a human. There were some attractive models walking around, but they didn’t want to be photographed. Off! Man I love this town.

I’m not pleased with all this talk of trading for Mench from the Texas Rangers. Sure he’s not an all or nothing guy like Burnitz, but can’t we do better? Are they still not sold on the Big Murt playing left? Dusty Baker is clearly the Larry Brown of the MLB.

We are two weeks into sweeps with two more to go, and Lost has sucked the bag. Not only has it been boring, but it’s been predictable. Invasion has done a better job of giving answers that only lead to more questions. I know it’s viewed as Lost’s bastard cousin, but I’ve been more entertained by the small town Invasion of the Body Snatchers ripoff than the “We Don’t Know What We’re Doing” Lost. Here’s the problem. People want show to run as long as they can as long as it’s a hit. But you never know if your show will be a hit until it airs. So you throw a whole bunch of twists and turns to gain an audience. Once you become a hit, you’re stuck having to then pull back on the twists so as not to run out of story. I would like to see a show outline a five year plan. The show will run exactly five seasons and no longer than that. This way there’s no spinning your wheels to stretch out the seasons.

I forgot to mention a few minor celebrities I saw during my hiatus.

I saw the guitarist for System of a Down, Daron Malakian, at Amoeba. If I was an angry young man who hated the world I might have cared. One thing I've noticed is celebrities always buy albums in bulk at Amoeba. Also, why can't I ever see musicians I car about? Where's Dulli or Beck? They live in LA. Wait. I saw Mark Lanegan. That was pretty cool.

I saw Ron Livingston at the Arclight. This really kind of cool because the night before I bought the Office Space DVD with flair.












Finally I saw Tom Arnold at the premiere of some independent movie he’s in. I’d make a couple jokes at this point about the empty red carpet and other jokes. But the movie was apparently made because Arnold became friends with a kid next door that has cerebral palsy. The kid wanted to be an actor, so Arnold put this movie together for him.

It’s at this point that I realize I’ve posted before about my solution for Lost. .. I think.

Another thing I like about iTunes is that coworkers can listen to my music on their own computer. It does my heart and ego good when people mention how much they enjoy listening to my tunes. It also makes me a little sad when I have to kick someone off when I leave work.

The highlight of my week has been getting a surprise gift from my grandmother. Being the Sewmaster that she is, she made a great jean and flannel blanket. Big ups to grandma!

Hiatus Breakdown

Friday Night:

I kicked off my hiatus with Krystal’s birthday party. I got to hang out with co-workers, former coworkers, and friends, and strangers. Someone sort of offered to set me up on a blind date. I never know how to react to such proposals, so I think my blank stare nixed the idea. The party eventually moved to a bar down the street. One of the pluses of not drinking is all the free Cokes. I also finally got to see Astroglide dance to Hollaback Girl in the middle of the bar. He didn't just show a few moves and stop. He kept on dancing through the whole song. It was genius.

Saturday:

On Keymaster’s suggestion I went to the LA Brewery Artwalk late Saturday afternoon. Not knowing exactly what to expect I gave myself a couple hours to walk around and look at art. Little did I know how huge the event was. This “brewery” is basically an artist commune where the warehouses have been turned into studios and lofts for artists. How is it nobody I know is aware this place exists? I quickly realized that two hours wouldn’t be enough time to see everything. I made sure to first visit Keymaster’s sister and brother in law’s studio first. One of their models ended up being one of my favorites that I’ve seen. I then moved on to see as much as I could. There was every form of art you could imagine. Some of it was pretentious, some boring, and some genius. I’d say I got through about a third of the exhibit. It’s definitely a full day event. I highly suggest going next year. I assume it’s an annual event. It offers art of all types, great people watching, and it’s all free.

I followed up my art experience with my monthly visit to Amoeba and Arclight. I picked up albums from local artists Rex Aquarium and The 88. Since I had to be at a party by 9 this left me with seeing The Weatherman at The Arclight. I once wrote half a script with the intention of making a completely unlikable main character. It didn’t work, and it doesn’t work here. It has its moments, but it didn’t pass my 3 glance watch test.

Speaking of The 88, I bought their first album was excited to see they came out with a new record. They aren't revolutionary but they're fun in a Fountains of Wayne kind of catchy hooks way. Now I'll admit part of my joy was they were a guilty pleasure band that i had all to myself. We've all had these kind of bands haven't we. Well, imagine my dissapointment when I read that they are going to be on the OC.

Now bored into a stupor, I went to a friend’s party thrown to welcome her brother to LA. I knew only two people there, but felt I held my own as the new guy. I need to step outside my comfort zone every now and then. It was one of those great sit around and just talk get togethers.

Sunday:

With Saturday being fairly busy, I decided to simply relax today. What better way to relax than with a double feature? I started off with the great historical drama Goodnight and Good Luck. To end on a bang I saw Kiss, Kiss, Bang Bang. I highly recommend both of them.

The rest of the time I simply relaxed or wrote. I feel slightly revitalized, and am ready to finish the year strong. Thanks for being patient.

G to the double "O" dness

Here's the deal. A couple years ago the boyish men at 3CT and myself concocted "Goodness." It's three comedic shorts about the daily lives of four struggling writers in Hollywood. They are in the vein of "Curb Your Enthusiasim" and "The Office." There were going to be two more episodes, but then Jiff moved, then I moved, and we all ended up with better (paying) options to spend our weekend. I do though still miss the four of us combining our skill and comedic know how to make something people seem to genuinely enjoy. I was recognized more often at Jiff's wedding for being in Goodness than being his roommate. And, I still get asked if there will be any more episodes. The links are in the right hand column.

Now for the technical info. The good news is that I had no problem compressing the shorts into a reasonable windows media file. The bad news is that I've constantly had audio issues in compressing them into a quicktime movie. For the MAC people out there I did put up MPEG's for each episode but they are rather large files, so it may take some time to download. But it's comedy gold, so it will be worth it. Once I'm able to get the quicktime movies working I'll post those in place of the MPEGs. SO, enjoy, and if there are any troubles let me know.

Get The Funk Out!

In case you haven’t noticed through my last couple weeks of posts, I’ve been in a bit of funk. I’ve been trying to dig myself out of it, but the ground is harder than usual. I wish I could pin point one thing as the cause, but it’s probably a few things. The list so far:

I haven’t gone to a movie, concert, or art exhibit in months. That makes my goal this week to see at least three movies this week. There are no concerts of worth in awhile, so I’m going to try to go see some art this weekend, somewhere.

This living in Long Beach has gotten old. The first year was nice, but my time as a hermit is over. I’ve been able to have my “me time,” but its come at the expense of my social life. I’m also tired of driving around half an hour to find a parking spot. It’s come to control whether I do anything or not. This obviously isn’t a quick fix kind of thing. It simply means I’m putting plans in motion, so I can hopefully move when the show goes on hiatus.

I haven’t finished a script in over a year. This is my own laziness and unwillingness to commit to an idea. What’s happened since then? I have a computer full of half scripts. It’s time to get back into my old discipline of writing. It used to take me a month to write a spec script. Now, I’ve spent almost a year on writing one Shield spec. No more excuses on my part. I need to get this shit done.

My schedule is screwed up. I’ve always been a night owl. Apparently, I’ve been one since birth. My schedule right now though is ridiculous. If was actually getting things done it might be different, but these long nights have hindered my work and just my wellbeing. Again I’ve let my discipline slip. I can’t rely on my youth to get me through these long days, because it has obviously left the building.

So, what does this mean? I’m just explaining why I’m taking a week off from blogging. If something strikes me, I’ll throw it up here. Right now it’s time to recharge my creative batteries, and get out for a while. This also means that the posts may no longer be every day. Though it will probably be close to it. So, I’ll see you in a week, when I’ll have some movies to review, and maybe some art to talk about. Thanks as always loyal readers. I appreciate you more than you know.

Ramblings

First off, did anyone happen to see the simulated press conference Sportscenter had for the Red Sox. They had Steve Phillips playing the roll of GM, and he fielded questions from ESPN analysts about what decisions the Red Sox are facing this off season. Monday, they are doing the same thing with the Yankees. I know there have been numerous complaints about ESPN being bias toward the Red Sox and Yankees, but I was never really bothered by it. That is until now. Being a “National” sports network, if you do this for two teams, you need to do this for all the teams. I’m not speaking of just the Cubs either. From Houston to Kansas City, they should all be covered. Actually, the whole thing was just painful to watch. Maybe it’s a good idea they didn’t do this for all teams.

Some of my favorite sounds:
-The laugh my nieces make when I chase them around.
-The sound of the bell when Ohio State has their opponent facing 3rd down. Sure I expect
AC/DC’s Hells Bells to follow, but I also expect the Buckeyes to force a fourth down.
-The sound of my iBook starting

I once went out with a girl whose family had a pet baboon. How do you legally own a pet baboon? The girl ended up being rather crazy. I don’t know why I was surprised by that.

Why is it every supposed good football match-up always end up in a blowout. The Miami/ V. Tech game being another example.

I’ve recently been playing Resident Evil 4 on the PS2. I got it because it was thoroughly praised by the press. I’m about halfway through and I’m fairly under whelmed. It might be the most overrated game of the year. Yes, it looks outstanding. Yes, the story’s pretty cool. I find myself constantly frustrated rather than challenged by the difficult parts of the game. Also, I should be able to run. Really, if I’m facing some giant troll like creature, I should be able to do more than just walk. I know most will give this game of the year, but they’re wrong. The game of the year is a toss up between God of War and Shadow of the Colossus.

I’m a bit of a hypochondriac.

A “bit” is an understatement.

I admit it. Sometimes I will watch wrasslin’ every now and then. In fact I still daydream sometimes about being a professional wrestler. Even though Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat was my favorite wrestler when I was a kid, I’d want to be a heel. It’s always more fun to play the bad guy.

I went to a party Saturday night where a grown man took the game Celebrity too seriously. That always makes for an awkward moment.

For some reason today the theme song to 3-2-1 Contact popped into my brain. “Contact…is the answer…to the question…” The Bloodhound Gang was another thing that made me want to become a P.I. I still remember that one of the clues was written out on a belt, but to read it the gang had to wrap it around a cane.

Yet Another Tale from Minimum Wage

The first real job I ever had was as a janitor of a small office building. I was a junior in high school, and worked with my friend Karl. It wasn’t that bad of a job except for the toilets. Karl and I would show up after school, hang out for an hour talking about women (Kama and Wendy specifically), music, and comic books. It took less than two hours to clean the place if we really worked at it. Basically it paid for my CD’s and comic books. Also, I’ve always wanted to say “I cleaned toilets for a living.” Then they finally leased out the basement offices.

The first company was a couple guys who sold vacuum cleaners. Every time I ran into them, they would try to sell me these supposed miracles of vacuuming. I don’t know why they thought a teenager would want a vacuum cleaner. Karl would later on be wooed by the apparent cash cow of vacuum cleaners and started working for them. I think it lasted a month. My main problem with them was that they smoked a lot. This meant I had to vacuum their office everyday. Hmm? That kind of makes sense now.

The real character was the guy who ran the “modeling agency.” My question was why do you need a modeling agency in Columbus, Ohio? The second question was why were they in the basement? The guy who ran the “agency” was some Middle Eastern guy who always wore flashy Lycra shirts. Not that he was ever there. Weeks would go by, and there would be no sign of him. The best was his lame attempt to make the office look like a model agency. This extent of his decoration was putting up Kmart clocks for NY, Tokyo, London, and Munich I think. The clocks had their corresponding name spelled out in those shiny stencils used for mailboxes. Half the time the clocks didn’t even work. The other half they didn’t even have the right time. There were also random headshots spread out on the table in the “meeting room.” These headshots were always in the same place. They never moved. Also, none of them had their resumes on the back. How strange is that? A couple times there were some women there with think Eastern European accents. They looked tore up. There was no way they were models even by Ohio’s standards. This lead Karl and I to believe the “modeling agency” was a cover up for drug running or human trafficking.

With my dream of being a private investigator still intact at that age (I read too many Encyclopedia Brown Books), I set out to find evidence of this man’s evil doings. I thumbed through folders that just contained more head shots, tried to unlock his desk, and just snooped around. I’d like to say that I came up with highly incriminating evidence that helped the FBI bring down one of the largest human trafficking organizations, but I didn’t. If I actually had money and a car I’m certain I would’ve broken the case or been arrested for trespassing. It’s at this point I realize how pointless this story is.

Bits O' Music

This song comes from a power pop compilation called Yellow Pills: Prefill. I recommended this album last year. In fact it placed in my top ten. It’s chock full of catchy sugar coated rock n’ roll. I imagine if Billy Joel lead T. Rex this is the kind of songs they would write.

Jack Stack a Track-Good Time Music-Yellow Pills: Prefill

If you are an artist or artist representative being featured on this blog and want me to take down a song, let me know, and it will be removed from the server immediately.

Look Who's All Growds Up!

Believe it or not, it’s been exactly a year since I’ve started this blog. It’s taken awhile for this thing to get going, but I thank you for sticking with it. Now let’s thank some specific people. First, thanks go to Krystal. If she hadn’t have started her blog, there probably wouldn’t have been a Throwaways. Second, I need to thank MOL Jr. for supporting this blog by being first to put a link for Throwaways on his blog. Which leads me to thanking those regulars of MOL Nation. Keymaster, Faith, Diva, PLW, thanks for hanging out, and supporting the illegitimate son of MOL Nation. Then there’s the 3CT boys, who were the first regulars. Thanks Tim for being the first to ever comment. (Imagine the music kicks in right now as they try to get me off the stage, so I start talking really fast) Thanks Bobby for upping the funny on this with the comments. I don’t think Jiff knows this exists, but I’ll thank him anyway since he got his own post. Second to last there is Bob who I now never have to say anything to because he consistently reads this blog. Finally, thanks Mandy, Ben I, and the rest of the family who have often become unwilling subjects. (I exit stage left with the trophy girl wondering if this blog award gig will actually get her that commercial)

Now I get to mail the rest in by putting links to some of my favorite posts of the last year. Again there is no order to these.

Here’s the first (real) post of Throwaways.

My first baseball and childhood post all wrapped up in one mediocre bundle.

The first (and the best) StikfasBrad post.

The scariest post of the year.

A personal favorite

My absolute favorite post is actually one that I didn’t write. In this one Mandy was able to accomplish what I wanted to in fewer words and with better style.

Thanks again. Here’s what you have to look forward to next year: Tim and Bobby tributes. (Don’t worry guys. They will be separate posts.) The awkwardness of attending a high school reunion. Holiday cheer. Even more baseball posts. Lots of unwarranted opinions. And of course more embarrassing stories. Thanks again.

Damn You Zombie Kitten!

Every now and then I will have a serial dream for about a week. I don’t know how it happens, but I end up having a dream that begins where last night’s ended. My current serial has dealt with the wonderful world of zombies. Up until last night I have been defending a house against zombies, and not just human zombies. The night before I thought I had finally rid the house of all things human and beast that was zombified. Last night I was doing a final sweep of the house. Everything appeared to be in the clear till I came across a vent in the floor. I remember feeling proud of myself for not being bitten or hurt by zombies. The cats in the house scurried toward the open vent and started eating something. I kneeled down to see the cats were eating an already dead cat. At least it was dead till it became a zombie cat. “Oh shit!” I shouted. Sure enough all the cats that were eating the zombie cat became themselves zombie cats. I grabbed a large bag to catch the zombie cats. I moved swiftly and caught one. Yes! I dodged a couple as they came after me, and scooped them up in the bag. I thought I had caught them all till I glanced over my shoulder to see a zombie kitten perched on a desk. Sure enough it jumped on my back. Its claws dug deep but not as deep as its bite. I shook the kitten off, and finally caught it up in the bag. I quickly killed the zombie cats before I myself turned into a zombie. Sitting alone, I rebuked myself for being bitten. I was so stupid. I awoke right before zombification. The lesson learned: Never turn your back on a zombie kitten.

My Favorite Games

Watching ESPN Classic this weekend I got to thinking. If they let me choose five games of any sport to air, what would they be? I placed a few rules in to narrow it down. First, it had to take place while I was still alive. Second, I had to have actually seen the game and not some highlight package or retrospective. Third, this is a personal list and not a historical list. Again, they are in no particular order.

May 6, 1998: Houston Astros vs. Chicago Cubs:

Kerry Wood’s 20 strikeout game. I remember rushing home to watch the game. The phenom Wood was pitching and I wanted to see the hope of the future pitch. He had been recently called up about a month ago from the minors. There was debate about if he was ready for the big leagues. What wasn’t up for debate was his stuff. You know in the first inning when a pitcher is on his game. Watching the break on Wood’s curve and slider was evidence enough that it would be a long day for the Astros. It was actually a 2 hour and 19 minute day, but I’m sure it felt longer than that. After watching that game I actually had hope for the Cubs. I don’t know what I was thinking.

October 15, 1988: World Series: Oakland Athletics vs. Los Angeles Dodgers:

This is perhaps the greatest postseason HR in my lifetime. I still get goose bumps when I see highlights. With the underdog Dodgers down by one run in the bottom of the ninth with 2 outs and a man on, who is sent to the plate but the gimp Gibson. With two bad knees he hobbled to the plate. Who knew he would smack the game winning HR off the unhittable Eckersley? I’m certain nobody did, not even Lasorda. I remember watching with my Dad as he rounded the bases and pumping his fist. It’s one of those moments that proved how great and improbably baseball can be. This game also had Canseco hitting a moon shot grand slam that dented one of the cameras in the bleachers.

Jan. 1, 1997: Rose Bowl: Ohio State 20, Arizona State 17:

I was debating between this game and the National Championship game in 2000 as my Ohio State game. It’s a really tough choice, but for sentimentality reasons I’m going with this one. Ohio State’s bid for a National Championship was cut short once again by Michigan. Still the Buckeyes were able to go to the “grand daddy of them all.” My Dad and I watched, and rode the rollercoaster of emotion in this game. From the go ahead TD on the “Baby Face” Germaine pass to Stanley, to the gut punch as the Sun Devil’s Jake Plummer ran into the end zone with 1:40 left in the game. I was nearly in tears as I watched the Buckeyes with 1:19 left, march down the field and score the game winning moments. It’s one of those great father/son sporting moments for me.

January 3, 1993: Playoffs: Buffalo Bills vs. Houston Oilers:

The greatest comeback in NFL history. At least that’s what they always say on NFL films. It was really amazing to see a backup quarterback take a team down 35-3 early in the second half to a 41-38 OT victory. I would have never believed it myself, if I hadn’t have seen it. Years later when the Oilers became the Titans they would enact their revenge with the Music City Miracle.

October 5, 2003: NLDS: Chicago cubs vs. Atlanta Braves:

For first time in my life I got to see the Cubs win a playoff series. The fact that they did it against the dreaded Atlanta Braves was just icing. Being a Cubs fan, I waited for the inevitable collapse to happen. It didn’t happen as Wood shut down the Braves for eight innings, and Borowski closed out the ninth. For days I was riding that baseball bliss till the inevitable finally happened. Shudder. So close. So close.