Ramblings

Please I just want the rain to stop.

So, it’s been awhile since I last posted here. I would like to say it’s been because of my heavy work load and other avenues of creativity. But to be honest, I’ve become addicted to getting my ass handed to me on Halo 2 by teenagers with such clever names as “yourmomma,” “sloppy pie 69” and “frank the tank89.” That’s right at least 89 people thought Frank the Tank would make a great and original name. There is nothing more frustrating than seeing “You were killed by omninut,” followed by the cackle of some kid who still dreams of buying his first Playboy. Anyway, I decided I would just throw a bunch of half baked ideas and count it as one post.

Here They Come to Snuff the Rooster.

As stated in other posts, I’ve never been much of a dater. I’ve never been gifted in that area. My apparent gift is at being a “Rooster.” A “Rooster” is the good male friend single ladies use to scare off the unwanted prospects or stalkers. Does she have an office party with an unrelenting co-worker? Call in the Rooster. Is she meeting a small group of friends where there's one half-wit who believes that movie romanticism really works in real life? Call in the Rooster. Can she not get rid of an old Rooster? Call in the new Rooster.

There are a few benefits to being the Rooster. The free dinners and drinks are nice. You usually have a nice evening with an attractive lady. Also, though rare, you can use her as a Chickadee to scare off the Alex Forrest’s that come through your life. There’s also the slight boost to the ego when the unwanted sees the girl of his dreams hanging off your arm. But once it all wears off, you stumble down your little mountain and back into reality.

The reality is you’re the Triple A pitcher who is good enough to be called up when an injury happens, but not good enough to stay in the majors. And eventually a “Nuke” LaLoosh is going to come in and send your Crash Davis packing. But like I said the free drinks and dinners are nice…usually.

Please leave a ­Detailed Message after the Beep.

A new annoyance has recently come to my attention. Twice so far this month I’ve been hit with the “I’ve got big news” phone message. Here’s my problem. Why can’t you tell me what it is in the message? Are you calling me from a public place? Is the person the “big news” about in the room? If that is the reason, why are you calling me then anyway? Please tell me what it is in the phone message. We all know this tactic is used to make sure the messagee calls back. This is good indicator that perhaps you should reevaluate the relationship. Look, I like my suspenseful cliffhangers in “24” and “Lost” not in my phone messages. Also the “big news” better pay off like “24” and not “Lost.” That new better be worth me stepping away from the latest episode of “My Super Sweet 16.”

Speaking of “My Super Sweet Sixteen.” I would like to know who the idea for this show took place. It’s watching a Bret Easton Ellis novel come to life. I now want to live long enough to see a 30 years later retrospective.

Favorite Movies of 2004

I promised this awhile ago, but am still behind on quite a few films. I still have Sideways and Million Dollar Baby to see. I know. I know. I still have Friday and Saturday to see them. Anyway, here’s my list so far. Once again, they are in no particular order.

Finding Neverland
Shaun of the Dead
The Incredibles
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Kill Bill Vol. 2
Collateral (Only the first 2/3rds though)
Before Sunset
The Aviator
Dawn of the Dead

The Scooby Doo Formula

Late one insomniac inflicted evening I found myself watching back to back episodes of Jabberjaw and Speed Buggy. This got me to thinking about all the Scooby Doo rip-offs there are and which one was my favorite. For those to mature to remember the Scooby Doo formula is a small gang of teens (One Cool, One Hot, One Nerdy, One Stoned) and investigate mysteries usually with their talking pet or inanimate object in tow.

So far I’ve come up with:

Jabberjaw – Teenagers and a talking Shark
Speed Buggy – Teenagers and a talking car
Captain Caveman and the Teen Angels – Teenagers and a Caveman
Josie and the Pussycats – Teenagers in a rock ‘n roll band
The New Shmoo – Teenage reporters and a Shmoo.
Casper and the Angels – Teenage Space Patrol Officers and a ghost…in space.

Now my favorite of those listed above is probably Captain Caveman. I know I drove my mother nuts yelling Captain Caveman at inopportune times. Though, because of the serious amount of attractive cartoon ladies on Josie I may have been swayed toward the Pussycats as I grew up. But after watching Jabberjaw I finally realized how much of my childhood viewing was dependent on other people’s abuse of drugs. In the episode I saw, Jabberjaw and gang were underwater fighting a large genie for…screw it. Can anyone who worked at Hanna-Barbara rightfully claim they were never on drugs? Anyone? Could an unaltered mind come up with a talking shark with the voice of Curly and the “No respect” catchphrase of Rodney Dangerfield? No to all of the above. Why there weren’t ever big drug busts back in the day. Narcotics probably just had to walk in. Well, if you kids can come up with any other Scooby Doo rip-offs I’d like to hear them.

And finally...Baseball season is upon us. Hallelujah! I hear the popping of the leather already.

Till next time…