Lyin' Givin' and Flirtin'

In preparation for the flight I am currently on today, I had to go into REI for the first time in my life. I went because I needed gloves, thermal underwear, and apparently a burka. The burka though snuck up on me. I was just looking at gloves and saw these wool ski caps with flaps. They also have a string at the top for a reason I have yet to determine. I debated even trying one of those things on, but I gave in. No mirror to see how it looked on me. I just grabbed it and assume I totally have a hat that accentuates the goof in me. I still haven’t tried it on.

Anyway, REI is for those outdoorsy people. The ones that ski, snowboard, spelunk, hike, and camp. I am not one of these people. I think any desire for the outdoors ended when I burned my hand on a rock I used to surround the little fire I built. I’m still a pyro though.

Everyone assumes you must be one of them if you shop at their store. I just wanted something to make sure I don’t freeze in Maine. Next thing I know I’m telling the cashier I’m heading to Maine for a little skiing. Waxed wooden or fiberglass slats have never even come close to these feet. The problem is the cashier gave me options. He asked where I was going. I honestly answered Maine. Then he asked me if it was for “skiing, family, or a little of both.” If he had stopped at “family” I would have answered honestly, but he had to offer a third choice that was part truth and part lie. I couldn’t turn it down. I answered “a little of both.” At that point I realized I might be in some trouble if this conversation extended past my knowledge of skiing. I didn’t know any mountains in Maine. Where do you go skiing in Maine? Providentially, he asked what the weather was like. That I knew. I answered “It supposed to be in the high 30’s when I get there.” Then he tried to sell me a membership. I declined. It will be another 35 years till I step in this store again.

I quickly exited the building. Giving a quick “No thank you” to the Boy Scout Troop offering to wrap gifts. Is there a gift-wrapping badge? I could earn that badge. Wait. I bet they are really anal about the wrapping. I probably couldn’t earn a gift-wrapping badge.

I thought I had escaped the world of outdoors. I saw the daylight. Then some cute earthy girl steps into my escape route and I’m stuck. REI was blaring some ridiculous music outside, so it took three tries for me to understand that she was asking me if I was apart of the California Environmental Group. I could have easily said “No thanks. I have a plane to catch. (In eight hours).” But I’m a sucker for cute earthy girls out for a good cause. This is exactly why I saw “An Inconvenient Truth.” It was all in preparation for this moment! I can now talk pollution with the cute girl in the army hat. So I agreed to listen to what she was selling. “She was looking for donations for the environmental group.” It’s Christmas. I’m giving to anyone who asks…almost everyone. While I filled out the paperwork, she asked me, “Are you a skier, snowboarder, or hiker?” It’s always good to stick with the same lie within a one-mile radius of the original lie. “Skier” I responded. “You going up to Big Bear?” This is the place where the LA skiers and outdoorsy people visit. I said I was going to Maine. We then figured out that-
(They are now showing some Louie Anderson interview on the plane. He looks awful. I’m so putting him on my death list next year.) –we are both from Ohio. How cute. Almost as cute as her. Then the required “Why’d you move out here?” question followed. Turns out she moved out here for the music industry. Aw I bet she wants to be some cute folk alterna-chick singer. I would’ve been totally smitten if I didn’t already know that singers are psycho. So, we finished our transaction with a little wink and on I walked. I feel like I did a little good. Helped the environment. Somehow came across as an outdoorsy skier who enjoys Maine for it’s skiing. Also, education is the most important societal topic, and I think research is the most important in regards to the environment. They correspond with the numbers 1 and 11 on the questionnaire she asked me. Oddly, there was no 9 or 10. It went from 8 to 11. What were choices 9 and 10? It will haunt me.

Wow, this post has turned out longer than I thought. It’s 12:03 in the morning and I’m stuck on a plane set to Boston. I’m very tempted to keep this going to create the longest post in history. Lets give this a try and see where we go.

Taxis make me feel professional for some reason. I also always over tip. Some people complain or question my tipping rational. I’d much rather look like an over spender than a dick of a cheap skate.

Why are people so scared of the self check-in at airports? People were standing in a line that was easily an hour from beginning to end. There was one person in line at the self check-in. It’s not that difficult.

The video entertainment for this flight is CBSsentric. I’m so hoping they show a CSI: Miami spot, so I can scream, “I do research for that f’ing show, suckas!” like a guy on his tenth mini-bottle. Then I’d run up with the special edition DVD and put it on all the screens. “See! I’m on the special features! That’s me! I’m famous! I’m the most famous person on this plane! Someone non-famous give me their business class seat! I need legroom! Give me some leg room!” Then I’d stumble down the isles bitching about Caruso. It would be the greatest celebrity type blow-up by a non-celebrity.

I’m in the middle seat even though I selected the aisle. I hope I don’t have to pee.

This isn’t going to bad.

I just spent thirty minutes trying to find out what the in-flight movie is. I thought the stewardess said it was Flicker. That can’t be right. Maybe she said Flicka. There was a movie recently out called Flicka. I think it’s nice they offer this movie for those who find it difficult to sleep on planes. The anticipation is building to see what movie they are showing. I’ve been stuck watching add for CBS and clips from their shows. Come on. You always lead with the movie and finish with the clips.

Two hours down and three and a half…till I get to Boston. Then a three-hour layover to Boston. Then an hour flight to Bangor. Then a two-hour drive to Calais. Why couldn’t I be born during the age of teleportation? While I’m wishing - Why couldn’t I be born with a voice like Al Green’s?

Who thinks showing a cooking show on a flight is a good idea. It’s called Hannah’s Storm hosted by Hannah Storm. Wow they really mailed it in on that title.

It must be getting late. I’m finding th- CSI: Miami TV ad! Trying to escape the heat? You can’t escape the heat suckas!” Anyway. I’m finding Alyson Hannigan (aka: Willow from Buffy) more and more attractive.

Sweet we are almost to see what the movie is…Flicka! It stars Alison Lohman, who was in that Kevin Bacon movie, “Where the Truth Lies,” where he and Colin Firth played Sinatra and Dean type singers possibly involved in murder. It has the one of the all time “I’m not a girl!” nudity moments. Katie Homes did it in “The C-something.” The weird thing is you always picture her as a underage teenager because of her rolls. Then that scene comes up and you’re completely thrown for a loop, and seriously creeped out. Now she’s playing some underage girl and her horse. I think that’s why most young actresses take up smoking when they hit there late teens. They tire of looking so young and will do anything to add a little age to their face.

I’m not sure what’s going on in this movie, but Maria Bellow just kissed a snake. What kind of movie is this? How badass of a horse can you be if you are named Flicka? I hope the subtitle to this move isn’t “Where Glue Comes From.”

Time to take a nap.

Ok I missed the ending of Flicka. Last I saw was Lohman was having hallucinations because she stood out in the rain too long comforting Flicka who just got mauled. They were going to shoot him, but then the dad comes back with the horse. He says something about there being no reason for the horse to be alive. The mother then says something like, “There’s a reason. It has mustang blood. It’s strong. Just like our daughter.”

That’s when I blacked out and can’t remember anything else. Dialog like that can do it.

I’m in Logan airport now waiting my 3 hours and 50 minutes till the flight to Bangor. Little did I know but the blonde guy with the fierce eyes in Band of Brothers was on my flight.

Logan airport kind of sucks. Maybe I’m just in the low rent district of the airport, but I’ve seen better.

I’ve counted twenty-five pieces of Red Sox clothing.

I couldn’t write this while on the plane, but I’m pretty sure if you combined the two guys I was sitting between you would get my brother Sam.

Ok, this is the end of part one. Technically this is a three page post in Word. I apologize now for those who have actually made it this far. And yet more is to come.

Where the Hell is My Psi-Ops 2?

Back in June 2004, Midway released a third person shooter where your character not only shoots the standard guns but has psionic powers that develop as the game goes on. You can throw people, crates, and propane tanks around. You can shoot fire from your hands. There's the nice mind control ability, and finally a vision to see through doors and walls.

Story wise it's a standard video game story where you are dropped into a group of evildoers with their own psionic powers. Their leader your formal general who helped you develop your powers. Of course you have to stop him, but you've been brain wiped and can't remember anything about your past. blah. blah. blah.

The fun had in this game was what came across at first as a gimmick: the psionic powers. The developers were smart enough to create each level like a personal playground where you can use your powers to destroy the enemy in numerous ways. Furnace doors are oddly left open so you can fling soldiers to barbecue. One level where you go through a factory with conveyor belts and flames and crushing machines seems designed to see how creatively destructive you can be. There are a ridiculous amount of propane tanks lying around to create exploding fire balls when needed. There's nothing like sending a soldier into a propane tank so that it explodes which send the flaming soldier off into a couple other soldiers. It's all about the mixing and matching your powers, guns, and the environment to your destructive tendencies. It even had great boss fights. Take the ripped off King Pin character that launches tanker trucks and semi trailers at you. It wasn't a perfect game with it's crappy camera, and appear out of nowhere enemies, but it was fun, and was a solid step in the right direction. So where's my damn sequel?

With a solid gameplay base to keep building upon, why stop at just one game? With this next generation think of all the possibilities with fully destructible environments. Think of the combos when applying the psionic powers to that fully destructible environment. How sweet would it be to send a car into a watch tower that causes the watchtower to collapse onto a tanker that explodes and destroys a wall you need to get through. You can then throw the broken pieces of the wall at soldiers, or toss soldiers that caught on fire into another car or truck with soldiers and blow that up. The combinations are endless. How could this not be a game that would be fun to develop? What are you thinking Midway? I should already be playing PSI-Ops 3 by now. Let's get on this.

Lost Song from the Lost Journey Christmas Special

This is what happens when nobody wants to be at work. Your mind starts playing tricks on you and you and your co-workers end up creating Christmas lyrics to a popular AOR hit. I like to think this is exactly what Steve Perry would write if there actually was a Journey Christmas Special. It's a little sad the things Santa and his elves have to do every year.

Be Nice People! (To the tune of "Don't Stop Believin")

Just a fat old man, livin in a snowy world
He took a late sleigh ride goin everywhere
Just a country boy, born and raised in the North Pole
He took a late sleigh ride goin everywhere

An elf in a crowded room
The smell of wood and Elmer’s glue.
Making gifts for Christmas night
It goes on and on and on and on

Rudolph, Flying, up and down the boulevard
Red nose searching in the night
Be nice people, leave Santa some milk and cookies
He’s coming, somewhere in the night

Working hard to bring us joy,
Everybody wants a toy
Makin things for those who are nice,
One more time
Some are bad, some are good
He knows which one are you
Oh, the night never ends
It goes on and on and on and on

(chorus)

Dont stop believin
Hold on to the feelin
Sleep tight people

Ramblings (Pre-Chri-er I Mean Holiday Edition)

Only 3 days left till break!

This weekend was a rather pleasant weekend even though my head felt like it was a double stuff.

Saturday was two shot event. The early afternoon was spent at the Haynes, who are perhaps the nicest people on the planet. Bobby and I got to chat and drink root beer and hot cider while co-workers Jen and Megan decorated Christmas cookies with the Haynes' cousin Chelsea. Apparently my provision of the Holiday music was enough for me to reap the benefits of eating the "broken" cookies. How's that for getting in the festive mood? Christmas cookies, hot cider, music, and friends. The temperature even got kind of chilly for LA.

The night time was spent karaoking at co-worker Tamara's birthday party. This was my first time in one of those rented karaoke rooms. Actually, this was my first time on the mic in LA. A couple thoughts: I know karaoke is much more popular within the Asian population, but do we need three pages of Jap-pop to every US popular song? I was slightly disappointed and confused by their selection. I'll admit I was tempted but there is no reason for me to have the option of six Stryper songs. Six! Yet, none of them were "To Hell With The Devil." I would like to take a little bit of credit for getting a few more people involved. At first it was only Tamara, Ildy, and her husband Tim singing. Tamara is really good singer so it's difficult to follow her act. I know I tried to avoid it. Ildy's really good too, and Tim has the charm to pull off anything. But not till I croaked my way through a song did others feel more confident to join. See, my suckiness can be an encouragement. For those that missed the event, you missed me belting out "Sweet Caroline," "Copacabana," and "Centerfold." Did I mention I did this all with a head inflated by a head cold?

Sunday morning I went to church. To my surprise they were recognizing the Lord's Supper for the second time this month. Usually, it's the first Sunday of every month, but I guess for Christmas they recognize it twice. That's fine with me, except that I'm fairly uncomfortable with my church's process. They have everyone pull from a loaf and then dunk it in wine. That means I'm taking a bite from something thirty people have probably already grabbed. Does nobody else have a problem with this? Can't I recognize the Lord's Supper in sanitary ways? Fortunately, I was on the tail end of my cold cycle which always leads me to feeling a little bit invincible. Usually, I fear all germs but for a good two to three days I fear nothing!

I returned home to see my Tottenham Hotspurs earn their first away win against Manchester City. After a rough start to the season, Spurs have really turned it on recently. They have yet to lose in UEFA Cup and have won four of their last five in the Premiership. I'll admit I still hardly know anything about the league, but I'm learning. I'm also excited about the next five months of Spurs football. COYS!

I've realized what I need for me to really like a show. There needs to be moments where I say "Oh shit!" about every three or four episodes. I realized this watching the last episode of Dexter. There's nothing like watching a show about the life of a vigilante serial killer. It's a solid show. There's good acting, above average writing, and it's shot well. But, there were maybe two moments during it's short season that really grabbed me. Which is surprising because it's a show about a vigilante serial killer on Showtime. Most of the twists just felt lackluster or obvious. Actually, I just think shows like The Shield, 24, Lost, and Heroes has ruined it for me. Will I give it another chance? Sure. I'm still intrigued to see where they take it now.

No it's time to survive the next three days of work. We have to have a first draft of an episode by Wed. and I'm not sure we even have a story fully broke yet. Whoo Hoo!

The Pimp of Research

That hat on my head is the Secret Santa gift I received today. I don't know if this says more about me or the person who gave it to me. Time to go hang on the corner with my cup, cane, and ho's.

I Almost Had The Perfect Year!

After a whole year of not getting sick, it finally happened. I battled numerous viruses as they flew around the office this year. I dodged colds, flu's, and even a case of bronchitis. I laughed at those who got their flu vaccines and still got sick. I was all set to have a nice full year without illness. I was only three weeks away! Then I started feeling that scratch in the throat yesterday evening. Now I'm sick. It's not going to be the one day flu or anything. This is going to be one of those drawn out colds that last for weeks. I blame it all on the CSI: Miami Christmas party. I blame our PA Jen as well. She was the one that was sick first. It's totally Jen's fault. Three weeks! It's like blowing a no-hitter in the bottom of the ninth. Now I'm all rattled and will probably lose the game.

Screw it. I'm Seeing It.

Look, is it probably going to suck? Yes. Does anyone think this movie will actually be any good? At least it can't be worse than the fifth movie. Can it? At first I thought there's no way in hell I'm going to see that obvious attempt to cash in on nostalgia. I was adamant. Then I saw a trailer. Still wasn't completely sold till...that music kicked in. The music won me over that I kind of got excited. My mind began to completely ignore the bad dialogue, and the preposterousness of it all. I felt like a little kid again all because of the music. Now, I'm kind of excited about the whole movie. It's Rocky dammit! So sign me up. I'm seeing it. It's funny what a little overture can do to change my mind.

Christmas Kills the Skeptic...for now.

Co-worker, neighbor, friend, Megan invited me awhile ago to her church's "Journey to Bethlehem" event Sunday night. She tried to sell it with the fact that they have live animals like camels and donkeys...that you can pet! Any time live animals and Christmas are mentioned in the same sentence, I get flashbacks to my Senior year of high school where I played a shepherd in our church's Christmas pageant. This was one those big megachurch deals where they had it at the downtown convention center. The kind where two thousand people show up every weekend night for three weekends. There were live animals in that one too. I was in charge of wrangling a sheep up during the manger scene. This was fine except getting to the stage meant walking across a narrow platform over the orchestra pit. Ever night I was certain the sheep would revolt and take a nose dive into the tuba section. That never happened, but one night the sheep started gnawing on the straw in the manger with the baby Jesus. The headline: "Sheep eats Baby Jesus: Christmas Pageant Ruined" flashed through my mind while I tried to pull the sheep away.

Anyway, Sunday came and I figured it would be a nice thing to go. I was feeling a little guilty about Saturday night. So, I show up and the hardcore skeptic in me was waiting to rear his head. The Christmas spirit though never gave the skeptic a chance.

For Journey to Bethlehem, the church turned their parking lot into a recreation of the town of Bethlehem. There were over fifty people playing the town folk. There were centurions, Joseph walking around with Mary on her mule, the three wise men, dancers, and other town folk. There were shops where you would use shekels that were passed out to pay for food, flowers, and necklaces. Oh, and there were animals that you could pet.

Now the actors had to stay in character. The talked with their thees, thys, and thous as they talked with you about where I'm from and other chit chat. I will admit it got a little silly when they would be amazed and frightened at cameras and cell phones. The big highlight occurred about every half hour when the Angel of the Lord would appear. The sound of thunder would play over speakers. The actors would all act frightened. The centurions would raise their spears and protect the effeminate governor. Then up on the roof of one of the buildings the angel would rise on some contraption with the whole smoke and everything. He'd say his speech and then lower among a handful of other angels. When the angels would disappear with a the rising clouds, the town folk would all act excited and talk among themselves about the "good news."

I hung around with Megan, her husband Eric, and her grandparents. They left and I hung around for a couple more angel appearances while I ate baklava, fruit, and some cracker thing. I would normally be tearing something like this apart. But it was free, the production was pretty impressive and the children there were clearly having a great time. I even gave in and petted a few animals. For that night the skeptic was dead.

Oh and former super model Rachel Hunter was there in Bethlehem. Weird.

What The Hell?

For the past month I've been expanding my music collection to include more girl group's from the 60's. It started with getting the Phil Spector Anthology, "Back to Mono." I loaded up the album's on iTunes and hit play. I began straightening the apartment and doing some cleaning. Songs like "To Know Him is To Love Him," "There's No Other Like My Baby," "Uptown," and "He's Sure the Boy I Love" played. Mid-dusting a song I'd never heard came on. It was definitely a sad song, but it was something about it felt like a kiss. Then I listened more intently to the lyrics. These are the lyrics:

HE HIT ME (IT FELT LIKE A KISS)
(Gerry Goffin / Carole King)
The Crystals


He hit me
And it felt like a kiss.
He hit me
But it didn't hurt me.

He couldn't stand to hear me say
That I'd been with someone new,
And when I told him I had been untrue

He hit me
And it felt like a kiss.
He hit me
And I knew he loved me.

If he didn't care for me
I could have never made him mad
But he hit me,
And I was glad.

(instrumental break)

Yes, he hit me
And it felt like a kiss.
He hit me
And I knew I loved him.
And then he took me in his arms
With all the tenderness there is,
And when he kissed me,
He made me his.

Now listen to it.

What the hell, Carole King? With the dirge like music and the emotionless singing of the chorus results in a really creepy song. This lead to me researching to find the reason behind the song. I found this in Wikipedia.

Ramblings

Let me explain a little bit about the TV writing business. I'm sure you all know that writers get paid for their script, and when it reruns. Did you know that when you create a character you get a small chunk of change every time that character appears in an episode? Yeah. Take for example a Mr. Black, who wrote exactly one awful episode during season one, and was then fired. In that episode he created the Frank Tripp character in our show. The Frank Tripp character has now become a series regular. So even though he was involved for a brief moment he is making money in nearly every episode. It's not a lot of money, but still...

Why do I not feel that nervous over the fact that Ohio State has to face Florida for the BCS championship? I hope I'm not jinxing us, but I'd be much more concerned playing Michigan again or USC. Wow, I hope the Ohio State players aren't thinking the same thing. It could turn out being a reverse of Ohio State vs. Miami. Let's forget I said anything. Moving on...

The Black Crowes album "The Southern Harmony and Musical Companion." Overrated, underrated, or why even rate? I don't think Eddie Money gets enough late credit as an artist of the 70's and 80's. Why must Boston, Journey, or REO get all the retro hate/love?

With a lot of research I've calculated what I would need to build the home theater set-up for my apartment. The total has come to only $3,125. That includes a 37" HDTV, hdmi switching amp, 7.1 speakers, and an HD tivo. That's completely reasonable. Who wants to donate?

Meet Greg Oden. He's why the Buckeyes could possibly when a championship in football and basketball. He's also why six to seven NBA teams will try to tank their last half of the season. Clearly, some teams are trying to get an early jump to their losing this season.

Am I the only one that can't resist pantomiming playing a trumpet during the chorus of Neil Diamond's "Sweet Caroline?" I know I'm not the only one. It's impossible not to do it. You know you can't resist. "Hands touching hands reaching out. Touching me! Touching you! Sweet Caroline!" Bomp Bomp Bah! See. I told you. It's irresistible.

Studio 60 might have saved itself tonight from my own personal chopping block. I really enjoyed it. Maybe this is finally the episode where they turn it around. Heroes tough once again ruled tonight. I'll feel sorry for those that either didn't get a jump on this when it began, or left after the first two rough episodes. Hiro: "I need to find that sword." It's geektastic.

With us just getting our toes wet in December, it's almost that time again kids. Yes, that means we are coming up on the 2006 version of Snobfest. For those who have come late to this blog, Snobfest is when the world finally learns what they should've been listening to, watching, or reading during the past year. Who could be that arrogant to think they could tell people such thing? Me, of course. I would like to say that this will happen before Christmas break, but who am I kidding. We are probably a month away. But that's a month head start I'm giving you to prepare. Here's Snobfest 2005.

Perfected

Returning home from my Thanksgiving weekend I borrowed one of my father's photo albums, so I could scan them all in. Also, I'm going to replace the album they are in as a Christmas present for him. The pages are so yellowed it could pass for brown. Flipping through the album I came across this photo. It's nice to see that at such a young age I had perfected my "You're a moron" look.

Congratulations Anne Marie!

At 1:54 pm today, Anne Marie was the 9,000 hit on Throwaways! So, what does Anne Marie win? A cardboard cookie and a winky button of course.

Ramblings

Last night I determined it is time to upgrade my iPod. I'm pleased with my Nano, but I bought it thinking I would have no problem keeping just a 1000 songs that I wouldn't tire of listening to. I don't know what I was thinking. I've found myself trying to decide which great song I should not import to my Nano. It's like picking a favorite child. I have 20 GB of music and still have a bunch of old old CD's I've been too lazy to import. I think I need the 80 GB so I will have no room for error.

Do we really need Jessica Simpson to tell us that Direct TV has HD programming broadcast in 1080i? Maybe. But not once every hour.

Yesterday morning I was listening to Bob Costas on The Dan Patrick Show. Something needs to be done to get Costas back to announcing baseball games. He does a great job with the Olympics and the NFL, but he belongs doing baseball. NBC needs to loosen their contract or something so Costas can do baseball. This needs to happen.

I received my first Christmas gift of the season yesterday. It's monogrammed and for the first time I realized that with the initial of my last name in the middle, it spells "bId." I don't know how I feel about that.

You know. We don't need Jessica Simpson telling us that Direct TV broadcasts HD in 1080i.

This weekend is the first north London derby of the season between my Tottenham Spurs and the hated Arsenal. This match up is like Red Sox vs. Yankees or OSU vs. Michigan. This being my first season as a Tottenham supporter, I'm really looking forward to seeing this match. Unfortunately it's showing on some channel I don't receive. It's also at 4:30 in the morning out here, so there won't be any bars open to go see it. Sigh.

One negative thing about Christmas in LA is the response you get when you "accidentally" wish someone a Merry Christmas. Is there any other phrase wishing someone well in which people react like you just called their mother a whore? I realize "Happy Holidays" is the correct term to use, but I've had a difficult time adjusting and "Merry Christmas" slips out every now and then. I'm still wishing you people well, so please don't take such offense to it. Do you respond the same way at holiday parties when "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" plays? Do you only listen to Holiday Carolers? Ok, so nobody in their right mind would go door to door singing carols in LA. Still, can't you give me a little leeway? I'm trying to adjust to your nonspecific LA way of life.

This ad for a computer part is inappropriate in so many ways. (Taken from 1up.com)

Earlier this week it was colder here than it was in Ohio. Ridiculous.

Heroes has become my favorite show on TV. I'd also like to thank Veronica Mars for hopefully turning a corner and resolving the campus rape arch. It's was a tense and sub par beginning of the season. I hope this means a return to classic Veronica for the rest of the season.

Finally, Bobby and I killed one of the most disgusting bugs I've seen in my life. The bug was a Jerusalem cricket. It's huge, ugly, and took half a can of Raid to kill. Afterward, I did research to find out what kind of bug it was and came across some expert that was looking for live specimens. I immediately felt guilty for killing it. I ended up sending him pictures, and telling him that I found it already dead. Yes, I lied out of guilt. I warn you the following picture could easily give you a bad case of the willies.

Regret #239

Back in 1986, my father, brother, and I moved back to Columbus from South Carolina. My father got a job teaching, so we were finally moving out of Bob Jones country. The day we moved was a fairly memorable day. Everybody we knew was there helping us load up the truck. I walked the woods one last time. Jill kissed me goodbye in the storage closet in the back of the house. But we also left something behind. I remember making one quick walk through the house to see if I forgot anything. The first thing I noticed sitting there in the living room was the stereo console. I asked my father why we hadn't packed it yet. He said there wasn't any room, so we were leaving it. What?! This has been with us forever. This is what I listened to The Music Machine on. What about the Manheim Steamroller LP's Dad always listened to? We're taking the lawnmower but not the stereo? Even with all my questions I should have fought more to take it with us. I miss that old console stereo and the warm sound that would come from the speakers. Why didn't we keep it?

This regret has lead to me browsing craigslist every now and then to see if someone is selling one. Unfortunately we are in the day where Antique Roadshow and other programs have made everyone scared that they are going to make a mistake and sell something for the fraction of the cost. This means the cheapest solid build consoles are going for $400 at least out here. When you factor in the repairs and upkeep that will be needed it just isn't in my budget yet. Besides I sold all my LP's to afford to move out here. (Regret #361-Selling the LP's. Not the moving out here). Some day though it will happen. Maybe when I have kids, I can buy one. Then we can sit and listen to The Music Machine together, while we look at the pictures.

How I Spent My Time During the Days of Nov. 22nd to Nov. 26th (Some Call it Thanksgiving Weekend)

For the first time in awhile I actually left the warm confines of LA for Thanksgiving. Since I am going to Maine for Christmas, I went to Ohio to spend time with my Dad, Ben I. and Jaime, and of course Evie and Moira. Here's a little breakdown of how things went.

Lesson #1: When your 70+ British taxi driver asks you if you are in the medical profession there is no correct answer. Either answer will result in you stuck listening to him go on about how he has problems with his bowels and how he finally got some medicine for it, but the problem is that the medicine he's taking is now leading to a burning sensation in his groin that makes sitting very difficult. Even though I answered his first question with a "no," he still asks for my advice. My advice: "Man, I don't know. Try a different medicine?" (Read the previous line in your best Dal voice for the best effect.) Thankfully, he took that as wise advice and changed the subject to some cute blond he took to the airport earlier.

Lesson #2: If you are flying out of LAX the weekend of Thanksgiving, the best time to arrive is Wednesday around 10 am. I've left at numerous times for Thanksgiving and it's usually always resulted in an hour plus wait just to get through security. Wed. at 10 am it took my twenty minutes from being dropped off to sitting at my gate.

It might have had something to do with me flying on Continental, who deserve "big ups!" for not charging me for lunch or headphones. This was one of the best flights I've ever had. Well, except for the tubby I was sitting next to that had no concept of personal space. At this point though I now expect to always sit next to this person. Am I the only one that sizes up the people waiting to board and ranks them in order of who I want to sit next to? I have never sat next to number one on my list. Number one on my list this time was Jaclyn Smith. She still looks fantastic. No, I didn't get to sit next to her.

Weather in Ohio is always a crapshoot. You really have no idea what you are going to get from one day to the next. Thankfully, it was unseasonably warm for the two days I was there. It was nice having two days of that perfect autumn weather.

Ben, Jaime, and the girls couldn't come till Friday, so Thursday was basically all comfort food (grilled cheese, macaroni and cheese, etc.) and football. A perfect lazy day.

So Friday was our Thanksgiving. Dad cooked up the family standard duck, stuffing, biscuits, etc. The rest of the evening was spent playing restaurant and Legos. The big bombshell of the evening though was when Evie stated that she no longer liked the color green. Green has been Evie's color of choice for a long time. Green was such a favorite of Evie's that nearly every Christmas gift she got last year came in the color green. Her new favorites are purple and pink. The rest of the family should really take note of this. Green seems to no longer be a color choice for Evie.

Saturday I flew home. America West could learn a few things from Continental. Is there a more depressing airport than Las Vegas? Detroit comes close.

The rest of the long weekend was spent seeing Deja Vu with Bobby. Bobby liked it more than I did, but it's a well executed sci-fi action film. Very enjoyable.

So Christmas is now coming down the pipe. This means Christmas shopping in between research questions, and putting up the little Christmas tree I took down only three months ago. Sigh.

Rambling to Exhale

This was a pretty good sports weekend for me.

First THE Ohio State Buckeyes survived against archrival Michigan in a game that actually lived up to the hype. I thought it was nice of the Buckeyes to torment me during the whole game by keeping Michigan in the game with two unforced turnovers. For three plus hours my heart was racing like a teenager before his first kiss. The Buckeyes though did triumph in a suprising shootout 42-39. Did you hear that the numbers for the Ohio Lottery picked after the game was 4-2-3-9. How freaky is that? Apparently, the lottery lost money because so many people played those numbers after the game.

The big question now is if there should be a rematch between these rivals for the National Championship. I will agree that Michigan is clearly the second best team in the nation. I don't really think there is a team that comes close to beating either of these teams. But, I don't think the way college football season works that there should be a rematch. Ohio State beat Michigan so why should they have to face them again unless they would allow for a rematch if Michigan would happen to win? Of course the only team that would really deserve to play Ohio State over Michigan would be USC, but they would have to win their last two games. So, really it will be either USC or Michigan probably.

The other big sport happening this weekend was that the Cubs actually spent money...a lot of money. The Cubs signed the biggest free agent hitter available, Alfonso Soriano. This is after they re-signed Aramis Ramirez. This is what happens when the GM knows his job is on the line. The Cubs have never spent this kind of money in the free agent market. They usually always go for what is considered the better "deal." Their inability to sign Furcal last year being the lastest evidence of their thinking. Now, Hendry realizes this year can save his job so he's convinced the Tribune to open the checkbook. Also, that report indicating the White Sox have exceeded the Cubs in popularity helped too. Clearly I'm not really complaining. This move gives the Cubs a solid line-up of.

Alfonso Soriano -- .277, 46 HR, 95 RBI (2006)
Cesar Izturis -- .288, 62 RBI, 25 SB (2004)
Derrek Lee -- .335, 46 HR, 107 RBI (2005)
Aramis Ramirez -- .291, 38 HR, 119 RBI (2006)
Jacque Jones -- .285, 27 HR, 81 RBI (2006)
Michael Barrett -- .307, 16 HR, 53 RBI (2006)
Mark DeRosa -- .296, 13 HR, 74 RBI (2006)
Matt Murton -- .297, 13 HR, 62 RBI (2006)
(From the Cubs website)

I'd actually switch DeRosa and Izturis in the batting order, but I can handle that. Now we just need a couple more starting pitchers, and I might be hesitantly excited that the Cubs might contend next season.

How great is that opening action set piece in the new Bond?

I'm going to go ahead and say that Gears of War is better than Halo in my opinion. Fanboys can begin attacking me...now.

At 2:09 pm PST on 11/20/2006 I shook Ronnie Wood's hand. And I think I broke his wrist.

Why can't insects be smart enough to know better than to enter people's homes? Also, why haven't we evolved to the point where we secret pheromones that ward off bugs. You'd think that would be first on the evolution check list.

I think I want to create my own TV show just so I can put songs I like in it.

Who knew Carson Daly still had a show? Oooh! Tom Green and Fiona Apple! It's like a MTV reunion circa 1999.

Clearly this is the end of this post.

O-H-I-O!

Born Scarlet and Grey

For most sports fans and even for some that aren't there is a sports team that you are born into. It's a team that you have no choice in rooting for. The team that while a kid your father, mother, or both points out that they are the "good guys" on the TV. The fact that they are the good guys is only reinforced when you see the joy on your parents' faces when they do well. You smile too even though you have no concept of the sport. Your parents throw parties surrounding these "good guys." You get to eat the stuff your Mom usually won't allow when these "good guys" are on the TV. You really had no choice in the matter. This is your team. I love my Cubs, but the team in my blood is The Ohio State Buckeyes.

I think it all began when my grandfather went to OSU and played clarinet (or was it the oboe) for The Best Damn Band In The Land. I pretty sure this was the only time you were allowed to use the word "damn" in my family. Before I could even speak I was being initiated into becoming a Buckeye.Clearly, I had no choice. This began when my family lived in Georgia. Once we moved to Columbus when I was two, it was all over. I was a Buckeye. In the early years your education begins. You learn to say "Buckeye." "Hang on Sloopy" is the song you first learn. Screw "YMCA" you learn to sign O-H-I-O. Maize and blue are the colors the "bad guys" wear. Michigan is where the "bad guys" come from. Your friends all love the Buckeyes. Their parents love the Buckeyes. You get to play with all your friends when the Buckeyes play. The Buckeyes happen after cartoons. And that The Ohio State Buckeyes T-shirt becomes your favorite shirt.Look at that joy on my face. It's the shirt, and I wore that shirt all the time.

The thing is my parents deserve credit equally in training me to be a Buckeye. My father is the one that taught me the game. He taught me the players names. He taught my that you are a Buckeye no matter where you live. This was demonstrated to me when we moved to South Carolina after my parents divorced. The first thing he did when we moved into our new house was paint it. What did he paint it?Yes, he painted it grey with scarlet colored doors. The thing is he painted it in like 1981, and it was still this color in 1993. This is in the heart of Clemson country too.

My Mom on the other hand I think instilled my passion for the Buckeyes. My Mom didn't really care about sports as a whole except for the Buckeyes. There was nothing like listening to my Mom shout "Go! Go! Go!" as a player would make a big play. That would be quickly followed by a gleeful laugh, followed by an "Alright!" or a "Wow!" How many people get to call their mothers and talk football? Well, I could when it came to the Buckeyes. Before I moved out here to California, I spent the winter at my Mom's. My job at the time was working at one of The Buckeye Corner stores. You can imagine my Mom's excitement that she could now get 20% of Buckeye apparel.

So, I was born to be a Buckeye which leads up to perhaps the biggest game in my life as a Buckeye. The current top two are the 1997 Rose Bowl against Arizona State (There was a jewelery box at the Buckeye Corner that played the radio calls of famous plays in Buckeye History. I would keep opening and closing it till it played the game winning play in that Rose Bowl.) and of course the 2003 Fiesta Bowl where the Buckeyes won the National Championship in double OT.

The game this weekend though is one of the biggest game's in the history of sports greatest rivalry. You can try right now to come up with a better rivalry but you will come up with one that are either too short or too one sided. Simply known as "The Game," Ohio State and Michigan will meet for the first time ranked #1 and #2 in the nation. In many experts opinions this is basically the game that will decide the National Champion. All the ridiculous hype (Game of the Century? Please.) and the general consensus that the Buckeyes will win has had me nervous since Sunday about this game. You see the history of this rivalry shows that usually the team with less to lose usually wins this game. The problem is that they are both undefeated and both are playing for the right to play for the National Championship. So they both have the exact same thing to lose. How can anyone make a guess on how this will turn out? I'm too superstitious to make any claims about this game.

What I will say is: Please don't call me between 12:00 and 4:00pm. If the Buckeyes happen to lose, you probably want to wait till Sunday.

A Question:

What if Arnold Schwarzenegger sued Sacha Baron Cohen (Borat) for not only stealing his act, but for also doing it poorly because Arnold has never broken character for over four decades and convinced people to vote him into office...twice?

Hanging With My Nerdies

For those who have a life, you might not be aware that a huge game was released Tuesday for the Xbox 360 called Gears of War. According to the hype machine this is the killer game that we have been waiting for. This is the game that fanboys would reference to prove how much better their system is. This is the game that represents true next gen video game. This is the game of 2007...apparently. Being easily persuaded by hype I thought I should probably get this game.

So, Tuesday night I went over to my local EB Games to "run in" and pick up the game. Unfortunately, I wasn't the only one suckered by the hype because to my dismay there was a pretty big line winding out of the store and past the Chipotle next door. Now I have waited in lines like this twice in my life. Both times it was for an actual video game system on launch day, but never for just a video game. Since I have no life (It's not like I have to drive to Long Beach. Ha! Have I mentioned it only takes me ten minutes max to get home? I never have to even get on the freeway. I actually go the long way to work sometimes just to laugh at those sitting in traffic on the freeway. This will never get old.) Anyway, I waited in line for 45 minutes to pick up the Gears of War game.

Let me just say you can learn a lot waiting in line with a bunch of nerds. For example, the guy who got in line behind me showed off his limited edition Gears of War T-shirt. Yes there were people in line who got a little green with envy at this kid. Now to get this T-shirt he went to see an early screening the movie, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning where he also got to play the game for about five minutes. He bragged very much that he got to play the game before everyone else. Think about that for minute. He had to sit through a Michael Bay produced prequel to a remake (also produced by Michael Bay) and all he got was a T-shirt and five to ten minutes with a video game. I don't know if the glee in broadcasting this is the really sad part, or those that were actually impressed in the really sad part. No, maybe it was me still waiting in line.

The rest of my wonderful time was spent listening to people bragging that they got a PS3 or Wii preorder, and about the Legendary Edition of Halo 3 coming out in late 2007 that actually comes with a Master Chief helmet. A Master Chief Helmet! Wheeeeeeeeee! When has the actual game not been enough that a toy helmet makes full grown men act like a kid that just found their uncle's stash of Playboys? Look, I actually waited in line so I admit I'm a nerd. I love playing video games. The problem is there are those that place a little too much value on video games. They are the ones that reinforce their place in the world by calling a competing console a bunch of dirty words like a ten year old who just learned to swear. They are the ones that camp out 12 days for a new console. They are the ones that believe a high Gamer's Score means something in the real world. They are the ones that give video games a bad name.

I eventually bought the game and rushed out of the store with my head hung low and not making eye contact. Once home I enjoyed a good hour and a half of shooting shit. How is the actual game? It's awesome. Is it revolutionary? No. It's basically a third person shooter with some really nice tweaks. I love that you don't jump in this game. Instead you climb over barriers and actually use cover during firefights. Have I mentioned how much I hate the jumping in Halo? It also looks absolutely incredible.

Oh Internet You've Come Fashionably Late

Ramblings

Ok, ok, ok. It's been awhile since I posted. The reason is stated below. That reason has led to me writing little snippets over the past two weeks while at work. For those wanting pictures of my apartment, it's a studio apartment. What is there to photograph? I might have a solution though.

So I'm all moved in. I still have a bookcase, console table, and a couple lamps to buy, but other than that I'm all set. Oh and there's the DSL problem. It seems my order has been pushed back till the 27th of November. How can they expect someone to survive a month without DSL? This means no internet, I can't play my 360, and I have to use the phone line for my Tivo. It's like living back in 2002. Ridiculous. This has lead to me calling every day to see if the company has bumped up the date. I hate that I'm using annoyance to try to get what I want. Other than that the apartment is fantastic. Twice as much room as before, my own parking space, my cable company actually offers the MLB package, I actually have a nice view outside my window, and I can do laundry after 10 pm. This weekend I will make my rounds to all the restaurants in town to pick up their take out menus. I'm rating that as a 4 on the "sad scale." I did have some decent garlic pepper squid last night. I could see me being here for awhile.

One thing about the movers I hired to move my stuff. I highly recommend it. One problem is the sweat factor. I was impressed that one of the movers could lift my TV by himself. Then I realized he dripped sweat all over it. While setting everything up I kept getting a strong scent of sweat. After checking myself, I realized the smell emanated from the TV. I proceeded to clean the TV like no TV has ever been cleaned. It still another day for the scent to leave. Thank goodness for remotes.

I'm going to put my support behind the struggling new show "Friday Night Lights." It's better than half of the shows out there and is getting no viewership. Of course perhaps NBC shouldn't have given it a trial run time slot against CSI: Miami and MNF. No wonder you suck NBC. I'm amazed you haven't screwed up Heroes somehow.

I had dream last night that my wife and I adopted two little girls. The weird thing was that they were 3 year old versions of the girl from Mean Creek and Zooey Deschanel.












This also makes the fourth or fifth dream where I dreamt I was married yet never see actually see her in my dreams. One thing I learned in this dream is that if I ever have little girls my wife is going to have to be the disciplinarian. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be the pushover parent if I have little girls.

It really pained me to congratulate my father on his Cardinals being handed them the World Series. Man, I can't stand the Cardinals. It's nice to see that baseball's replacement for its resident "I'm so good I can treat people like crap" jackass currently held by Barry Bonds is coming along nicely in the form of Albert Pujols. What was up with him just appearing at the trophy presentation? He wasn't even the MVP of the series, and suddenly he just appears. Dude, a scrawny white kid beat you out for MVP. Go hang with the rest of your players.

Dear Cubs,
When you promise to spend big bucks this season to make a push in the talent starved NL, your first job should be keeping your All-Star 3B and not letting other teams have the opportunity to outbid you. Hendry's a moron. The Cubs can afford it so stop penny pinching and get the deal done.

One of my current D (maybe F) list celebrity crush is this young lady from CNET. She's cute and she works with gadgets. This is how short my list has been reduced.

I just want to take this time to reiterate how fantastic my new apartment is. Location, location, location.

I admit I am somewhat intrigued by Nintendo's Wii. I'm still not sold on the wiimote, but I might be beginning to come around to it. I just can't see it being something I would play alone. It feels like a party game. Not that that is a bad thing. I just don't know enough people that would feel comfortable in looking like an idiot while playing a video game.

This weekend (Nov. 4th-5th) I watched one of the best soccer matches I've seen in my short time as a fan. Spurs beat top flight club Chelsea for the first time in 16 years. No matter who won it was one those matches that makes someone a fan of soccer. It quickly received the green button of "Till I delete" status on my Tivo.

I can always watch Ghostbusters no matter at what point I catch it on cable. It easily fits into that top five along with The Natural, Road House, Hoosiers, and The Rookie.

Happy Birthday Ben!

Has it really been 28 years? It seems not too long ago you were the pudgy cheeked kid who always got stuck playing the baby in our home movies or the baby horse to Jennie's momma horse. How you actually survived being our little brother I don't know, but somehow you survived it all only slightly scathed. Now you have little girl, an Irish wife, and a great house. I would like to remind you that none of this would've been possible if I hadn't saved you from accidentally hanging yourself in the old farm house. I'm still expecting your first born son.

Good For What Ails You

Twilight Singers show was last night. I was tempted to skip it because I still have moving things to do, and I didn't feel that great. We had quick cold front come through a couple days ago and every time any kind of front comes through I get headaches. I took some Advil and then felt sick to my stomach for the rest of the day, but my head felt better. Anyway, I had already will called the ticket and figured I would have to eventually feel better by the time the concert started. It worked kind of...about five songs in I was fairly painless. I attribute it to Dulli and company.

I'm not going to go through a whole review, because I've already done it too many times. I will say that last night's crowd wasn't as good as the crowd at the Avalon. The crowd at the Avalon is probably the best I've seen with the Twilight Singers. One of these days I'd like to see them some place else than LA, because on a whole LA crowds blow. Why go to a concert if you are just going to stand there like you're a five year old waiting to see the dentist? On the other hand I had a trio of near fifty year old guys playing air guitar (which is fine) and bumping fists after every other song (not fine). It was clearly a case of the Twilight Singer fan that invited his two drinking/working buddies. One buddy was there because he didn't have anything better to do except sit at home drinking Zima and working out. Besides his friend said they were better than Creed and Creed is pretty good. The other buddy was there for one reason: college age girls. So we had one guy bumping fists because he wanted to show how much the Twilight Singers rock. The other guy bumping fists because that's what men do and he can't express himself any other way except for high fives and flexing. Finally, the other guy was fist pumping because he finally found some girls who aren't completely disgusted by his leering. He knew buying that black shirt would do the trick.

Anyway, the highlights of the concert was Dulli singing the first verse of "Amazing Grace" before launching into "King Only." Clearly Dulli feels blessed to still be alive after his battle with addiction. Mark Lanegan was featured more in this show than previous ones. He was brought out mid-show and then for the encore where they blazed through the song "Boogie Boogie." I don't think I've ever seen them rock that hard.

Great show overall, and again I suggest you give them a shot when they come to a town near you.

Now back to packing.

October 25th, 2006
Twilight Singers: Los Angeles, CA - House of Blues

Teenage Wristband
Im Ready
Bonnie Brae
Too Tough To Die
Live With Me
Ill Take Care Of You
Sideways in Reverse
Amazing Grace
King Only
Esta Noche
Theres Been an Accident
Shine On You Crazy Diamond/Candy Cane Crawl
Papillon
Sublime
Thats Just How That Bird Sings
Martin Eden
Fat City

Encore:
Lovestoned/I Think She Knows/The Killer/Wolf Like Me
Boogie Boogie
Flashback
Underneath the Waves

Ramblings

5 Days and counting till I move in to the new abode. The one thing I always realize when I move: I have too much crap. I have tried to eliminate some of it, but I have the irrational fear of throwing things away. It's a battle I've fought all my life. Take the other night when I attempted to clean out a box of stuff. It resulted in two things thrown away and the rest reorganized so I can put more junk into it. I still have gift wrap that Jiff put on a DVD he gave me. But it was handmade and you can't throw stuff like that away right? Why do I still have those computer disks when I don't even have computer with a disk reader? That I can't answer.

Anyway, everything is set up. I've ordered my bed, phone, cable, internet, and movers. For the first time in my life I'm hiring movers. Why? I hate moving so much that I feel guilty asking friends to help. I realize it might be a little overkill to ask movers to move a closet size studio of stuff, but I won't have to lift a finger. Except for my 360 and other gadgets. I moving that stuff myself. I like movers but I don't trust them. The odds on what will be broken first are drinking glass: 2-1, plate: 4-1, TV 15-1.

I went to Ikea for the second time last weekend. It went a little better than last time. The wierd thing was that the lady behind me was one of those weight lifting ladies with arms literally thicker than my legs. Like many weight lifting women these days she had the breast implants as well. I realize they do this because they want to still have some feminine aspect to their body, but it just makes things creepier. Did I mention she started flirting with me? Why should she be attracted to someone who can't even spot her when she's weight lifting? She could use me as a weight when she's doing arm curls. Not that asking her on a date just so she could help move my TV didn't cross my mind.

Speaking of women, I realized what I'm going to contribute when I find that significant other. I'm pretty sure I'm going to have the spouse that my family feels they have to tolerate. You see my sibling's spouse's are all wonderful, kind, and generous people. Even the guys my younger sisters date have been great guys. So where is the significant other that annoys the family? The one that the family talks about behind their back. The one that causes family members to second guess their holiday plans. Isn't every family required to have that one person? I think that's where I come in. I figure she will be one of those never shuts up and always says the wrong thing at the wrong time kind of person. She will always chew bubble gum loudly, and be kind of a ditz. She will often have the dear in headlights look when my family discusses politics and theology. I apologize to my family now.

I'm disheartend that I am excited about gas being $2.30 a gallon. When did it get to the point that you start thinking about buying gas in bulk?

I lost my fantasy football match up this week by .15. .15! A few weeks ago I scored the second most points in the league but lost because I was matched up against the guy with the most points. This fantasy football is kicking my ass. I feel like the Arizona Cardinals.

Twilight Singers concert tomorrow at the HOB: Sunset. Mark Lanegan is touring with them for the whole tour this time. The concert is worth it just to seem them cover Primal Scream's Deep Hit of Morning Sun. Dulli actually called in to my friend Bob's radio show in Norfolk. Turns out he also gets to have Dulli come in when they play Norfolk, and he gets to introduce them for the concert. If I had the money I would absolutely fly out to see that concert. Stupid TV job.

I would like to also take this time to thank Heroes for turning the corner and becoming a highly enjoyable TV show. I can now overlook the spots of bad dialoge and writing because the show has a prefect sense of fun. It feels like a bunch of geeks having fun coming up with this comic book TV show.

Just Because...

I don't think it's till right now that I realize how much Bill Cosby has shaped my childhood.

In a Lame Attempt to Inspire Bob's Mets to Pull it Together and Beat the Cardinals I Offer This Video. I Hope It Helps.

You Tube: The Cure For Blogging Block

Once a Week I Get This Stuck in My Head.

I Give You The Next Cubs Manager: Lou Pinella

I have no idea exactly what to think of this except that he'll be much more entertaining than Dusty Baker.

International Improver

If this writing thing doesn't work out, I think my next job will be International Improver. There is no such actual job, but that doesn't mean I can't create it. I will be the person that companies bring in to make things perfect. Let's say your company have a new car in the works that will the next hot thing. The problem is you know there is something missing, and you just can't figure out what it is. That's where I come in. Bring me in and I'll figure out that there needs to be a cover over the GPS display in your new BMW. Can't find the one thing that will make your movie a masterpiece? I can for a nominal fee. I can improve on everything any one can make from albums (The answer is usually always: cowbell), to pharmaceuticals, to your company's infrastructure. It's what I'm good at. Screw making things and coming up with original ideas. I'll be the guy that makes them better. I will be honest and say there is a chance I will completely discard your whole product. Even then you will have to trust me, because I'm right and in the long run I will be saving you a shit load of money. Pepsi should have come to me back during the "clear" days. I would've saved them millions in production costs by throwing that out immediately. There are somethings you just don't mess with. The other 99% of things out there need help though, and I'm that person that can help.

Why Do I Have So Much Joy When The Yankees Lose?

Isn't it time to stop hating them because they buy all the best players? Since they started stocking their roster with potential Hall of Famers they haven't won a single thing. Am I saying we should stop hating the Yankees? Hell no! I still fume with Jeter's smirk. Giambi's constant sweating (or does he just oil up like a professional wrestler?) annoys me. The arrogant fans drive me up the wall. I think Yankee Stadium is a pit. So please keep detesting the Yankees, just remember you can't really use their payroll as an excuse. You can just use it as another dagger to jab the Yankee fans with. Congratulations Detroit on a big first step. Also, how many fans are out there hoping your team isn't the one that takes A-Rod off the Yankees hands?

Long Live the Power Chords and the Licks!

One of my big fears is that one of my favorite bands will eventually put out a crappy album. It's happened numerous times where I've come to really like a group or singer, and then they pull the rug out from under me by sucking big time. It often happens after their breakthrough album. I'm happy to report that it hasn't happened concerning a band rising up my own personal favorite band charts.

Through two albums I've come to love The Hold Steady. With their debut album Almost Killed Me I saw promise. Then they stole my heart last year with Separation Sunday their breakthrough album. It will be the album that all other Hold Steady albums will be compared to. It's one of the best albums of this decade. Anyway, The Hold Steady released their follow up album this week called Boys and Girls in America. Yes, the title is taken from Kerouac's On the Road. Upon first listen I realized that the boys hadn't let me down.

The best way to describe the music is if Springsteen and the E Street Band grew up in the suburbs of the Twin Cities during the 80's and 90's. Lead singer and writer Finn speaks more than sings, but he has the story telling skills of Springsteen. With the Twin Cities as the backdrop he's tells the story of the lost and confused and their search for anything to keep them going, to make them feel alive. Whereas Separation Sunday was a concept album, B&GA is thematic. A few of the characters from Separation Sunday show up including my personal favorite Hallelujah "the kids all called her Holly."

Side note: If I had met someone like Holly during my teenage years I would have fallen in love with her. There's nothing like a lost and damaged lapsed Catholic girl to bring the need to rescue someone being confused with love. I would certainly think I could save Holly from herself. In fact there were a few girls I met like Holly, and I wanted to save and love them all.

In comparison, B&GA has the band playing more like a band. They sound more cohesive than on Separation Sunday. The power chords and the licks (Yes, this band actually has guitar licks) are all still there, they just sound tighter. Just as important Finn's stories are still there. There's the story of a girl who's gift for picking horses leads to getting high in "Chips Ahoy." The remembrance of some "Massive Nights" where " we kissed in your car and we drank from your purse/i had my mouth on her nose when the chaperon said we were dancing too close." The two overdosed lovers who meet in the "Chill Out Tent" make out and never see each other again. In "First Night" Holly is "inconsolable/Unhinged and uncontrollable/'Cause we can't get as high as we got on that first night" "First Night" comes the closest to the pure emotional build of "How a Resurrection Really Feels" on Separation Sunday. In "You Can Make Him Like You," Finns sings about a girl who always gets involved with the boys who get her high. "You don't have to go to the right kind of schools / Let your boyfriend come from the right kind of schools / You can wear his old sweatshirt / You can cover yourself like a bruise."

There is a sadness to the stories, but that's because the details of Finn's writing paints characters you've probably met in your own life. Hell I identify with the bar regular in "Citrus" who keeps coming to the same bar and says he's "lost in fog and love and faith was fear/ and I've had kisses that make Judas seem sincere." I was that guy years ago. Will this album break them into the mainstream? Who knows and who cares? It is more accessible I think simply because Finn sings a few more times than in the previous albums. Separation Sunday is still better in my opinion. What I do know is that I'm three great albums into The Hold Steady, and they have risen to the top five of bands that are still putting out music. I will still be worried about their next album, but probably not as much as before.

The band has put the album up for streaming Listen Here

iTunes for some reason has two extra songs ("Girls Like Status" and "Arms and Hearts") for download. Both are solid songs but why encourage downloading an album over buying the actual album?

New TV Season Round-up

As of today most shows are back up and running. Last night was probably the most anticipated with the season premiere of Lost and the series premiere of the highly touted show, The Nine. I'm not going to go much into those too because with the arrival of Tivo nobody actually watches the shows the night it airs anymore. Isn't this making the Nielsen ratings more and more obsolete? Once Tivo becomes an institution won't we just be able to see what shows are recorded the most? Anyway lets look at what this new season is offering.

Jericho-In support of former writer and friend Mike O. I started watching this post-apocalyptic show. In case you have noticed the hot trend this season is once again serial dramas. Thank you Lost! Jericho is about a small town caught in the middle of what seems to be a nuclear war. Which is nice to see these days. It's been awhile since a nuclear holocaust has been given it's airtime. Used be this was the number one fear, now it's all terrorist activities. This show has turned out much better than I thought. The acting is pretty solid. There are also some nice reveals. We still don't know what our prodigal son and hero has been up to before he returned home. We don't know which girl he's going to try to hook up with either. I'm guessing it's the cute nurse and not the hot blond ex. There have been enough nice moments like the reveal of what cities have been hit that keep the viewer intrigued. My main concern is that they are going to hold back reveals too long. They've teased us for three straight episodes with the new guy in town who knows way too much about what's going on. He won't let his family hang out with the other townspeople. He has a gun cache. He got a morse code signal giving him all the cities that have been hit. The audience is going to need a little more information soon, or that character is going to become a gag more than a point of interest.

Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip-This show proves one thing: If Sorkin actually was in charge of Saturday Night Live it would be worse than the 1980 SNL. Has a single one of the sketches been funny at all? I know I should be focusing more on the stuff happening behind the scenes, but how can I buy them as writers and actors of great comedy when all the skits are awful. It would be better if they never showed the skits. I find the show to be enjoyable but frustrating. The dialog keeps you around but the actual substance of the show will make you feel like you should've left hours ago.

Smith-Cancelled, so whatever I was going to write doesn't matter.

Heroes-I want to like this X-men in street clothes, but it needs some help. The idea is great, but the dialog and acting often brings the whole show to a halt. The only characters I really care about are the telepathic cop and the Japanese cubicle slave who can teleport. Actually, Oka is the only one I really care about. He brings a great joy you expect from someone who's always wanted to be super and discovers he actually is. Everyone else becomes grating in a morose way. The show also misses on some great drama. Take the younger brother of a politician who believes he can fly. He jumps from a building to prove it only to be rescued by his older brother who can actually fly. They could've left it at this. You have the dreamer who treats everyone well and does good things that thinks he's destined for great things. What happens we he finds out it's his crueler politician of a brother that actually has the super powers? How does he react? Does he rebel from his good ways? There's a lot of potential in that. What does the show actually do? They reveal that both brothers can actually fly. Way to shoot yourselves in the foot. I'm giving this show three more episodes to either turn things around or give the Japanese kid his own show.

Friday Night Lights-This is probably my favorite new show so far. It's either this or The Nine. It's too early to tell. There are cliches like every sports movie or television show, but the acting is solid. The little moments are really what makes this show. For example the day before the game the high school team hangs out with some pee wee football kids. You see how much these little kids idolize these football players, and how much their success reflects back on how the town feels. There are nice moments like this that make the show. The football scenes aren't too bad either.

I Apologize Crazy Science People

Apparently, you are in fact working on teleportation. I thank you for your efforts, and wish you much success. I only ask that you get it done before I have to leave this planet.

The CSI: Miami Curse Strikes Again

In case you didn't know there is a CSI: Miami curse. When we write something it usually happens in real life.

In season one we wrote a sniper episode and days later the Beltway Sniper attacks began. We went ahead and shot it and everything, realizing that if the attacks kept happening we would have to pull the show. Days before we were to air the episode they caught the men. I'm sure people thought we were capitalizing on a tragedy but we actually had that episode half shot when the events happened.

Also, in season one we did a story in which a family is found murdered when someone finds the only survivor a toddler walking the street. Sure enough, an eerily similar murder took place in real life.

Season three we did an hour and a half episode about a tsunami hitting Miami. Less than two months later the deadliest tsunami in recorded history occurred in the Indian Ocean.

There are other instances through out the show's history that could lead people to say that CSI: Miami is cursed in some way. Well, it's happened again. Last week our writer's broke a story involving the Amish. Yes, I know Caruso and the Amish in Miami. Anyway, what happens but the Amish tragedy in Lancaster, PA. How wierd is that? We do an AMISH episode and this happens. This time we aren't going through with this episode. All Wed. the writers holed up in the writer's room and broke a new story. They then all worked together to write the episode. In fact at this moment bobby is probably staring at the computer putting the script together. This is television. This is chaos.

Happy Birthday Jennie!

Happy birthday to my only older sibling (by three months). I don't know how you do all you do and still have a that smile and joy. Can you bottle it or something because I'm sure you could make a fortune.
Jennie's the blonde in the middle

That Lever I Pulled Apparently Operates the Guillotine Above My Head

I just screwed up big time. It's so big that I might not have a job by the end of week. Stay tuned!

[Update: It seems I was able to remove my head in the nick of time. All I lost was half an ear. My only concern is that they won't forget.]

CSI: Miami, 100 Episodes

Tonight. CSI: Miami celebrates its 100th episode. 100 episodes is quite a lot in the TV world, particularly for an hour drama that is a spinoff. Since I've been here for all 100 episodes I thought I'd take you down the inner workings and offer up some memories.

First, I thought you might find this interesting. Making a quick scan of the show bible, I counted that Horatio Caine has shot and killed 15 people in 4 seasons. Fifteen! He's never been reprimanded or gone into counseling...nothing. I just find it suspect that a character who plays the head of a CSI lab has killed 15 people in four years.

1. Looks Like I Made It! - During the chaos of season 1, I had the opportunity to contribute to the show by suggesting a "button" for the teaser of episode 10. A button is a line of dialogue that neatly ends a scene. If you've seen the show, you know how corny these lines can be. Well, my suggestion made the cut, and the big wigs even liked it. So the line became the first thing I've written that was aired on national television. The real highlight wouldn't come till a couple days later when Television Without Pity had a sidebar about my line in their review of the episode: '"So where does this leave us now?' Bernstein asks. Skirting the edges of necrophiliac bondage porn, if you ask me. He's not asking me, though, so he'll have to settle for Horatio's retort: 'Up a tree.' Shut up, Horatio!" I thought I could die a happy man now. "Up a tree!" How did I come up with that brilliant line. Pure genius.

The funny thing is that through the years, there are little instances that the assistants have shown up. Bobby's hands are used for an insert shot of typing at a keyboard. Krystal's photo was used in a counterfeit driver's license. All out names have been used for characters. I wrote notes for props that contained friends and family members names. My blog is used in a shot.

2. Her Kiss, Her Kiss Is On My Lips. Does Anyone Have Some Disinfectant? - You try to be a gentleman, and this is what happens. Like all wrap parties, there end up being a lot of people getting hammered. Sometimes, celebrities like Vince Vaughn show up hammered. The wrap party for season one was no exception. One of the people that partook of a bit too much was one of our story editors. Late into the night, the party people were relocating to The House of Blues. The story editor was completely wasted out of her gourd, and was in no shape to drive. Being the gentleman that I am, I offered to drive her home, with gentleman bobby following in his car. She, though, wanted to go to the House of Blues. So, I drove her there with the hopes that someone else could take her home. There's nothing like driving a drunk co-worker who wants to get into a deep discussion about religion. Arriving there, I dropped her off and told her to make sure someone there can give her a ride home. I went to hug her goodbye and do the LA kiss on the cheek thing, but she didn't go for my cheek she went for my lips. I quickly backed away. Her eyes were kind of glazed, and she kind of looked like a new born kitten looking for its mother's teet. She then moved in again. I pushed her back, and said "This is Brad." I think that helped her regain some sense.

Realizing there was no way she was going to find someone by herself to take her home, I went in to make sure she got home. This led to a very awkward dancing moment in which she kept imitating moves from MTV's The Grind. Eventually, she got home safely, but not without the rest of the writer's office thinking I scored. It's still brought up at least twice a year.

3. Vince Vaughn Crashes the Party (literally): At the same party that the above took place, our party was joined by Vince Vaughn. To say he was hammered would be an understatement. He didn't talk to anyone except for Speedle, who brought him. He accidentally knocked over a stack of glasses. Later I saw him standing, alone smoking a cigarette, and just staring off at the people partying. I kept thinking, "Not so money, baby. Not so money."

4. Making the Cut: Year one was chaotic. In the writer's department alone we went through 2 show runners, 7 writers, and one David Savage. Yet, all the assistants survived. The show on a whole you can count how many have been here all 100 episodes on two hands.

This post is clearly going no where. I've been trying to write it since the 17th of August. Let's just end this early with some pictures. Because the job's great, but it's the people below that keep me here.

Please Leave Mr. Hendry.

As of today, Dusty Baker and team president Andy McPhail are no longer Chicago Cubs. That's two of the top three orchestrators of this Cubs debacle. The only one left is GM Jim Hendry. Apparently, he's staying.

Even though he left Baker hanging for over a month in the infamous Chicago wind, while trying to decide to fire Baker or not. Hendry eventually decided to let Baker stay through the rest of the year. I'm sure Baker is so thankful right now. I'm sure these last few months have been blissful for Baker. Baker has taken the brunt of the fan and media criticism. He does deserve some of it. He can handle players egos, but he can't count pitches. He thinks walks are overrated. Walks overrated? In this day and age? He loves giving washed up veterans like Nefi Perez everyday jobs. There are numerous other things he does wrong. Still, it's not all his fault.

Hendry's the one that has given multi-year contracts to these mediocre veterans with the hope of catching lightning in a bottle. He's the one that kept assuming Wood and Prior would be back. 10 year old Cub fans knew better than that. He's the one involved with stocking our farm season. So, who should get the blame that there was not a single first basemen to call up when Derek Lee went down with an injury? Hendry. The Cubs were left with putting a 2nd basemen at first, then a pinch hitter, and finally our second string catcher. Hendry is the one that keeps rolling the dice to try to when one year, rather than plan out an extensive plan in which the Cubs could contend for years. Hendry is the one that has given Baker the players. Andy McPhail fell on his sword after twelve years with the organization. Baker is going to go somewhere and probably win. Mr. Hendry please follow suit, and stop screwing up this organization while you try to save your job. Please leave.

I'd also like to point out that the new team president is the former head of marketing. Marketing! Here's one of the quotes from his introduction:

"Realistically, you want to go into every season thinking you're going to win the World Series," McDonough said. "Our goal is to win the World Series next year and the year after that."

Sigh. How about a five year plan to build from the ground up? How about we build a team rather than the bunch of forced together puzzle pieces? Here's to another 98 years.

Can I say how awful I feel as a Cubs fan right now? I would say I feel even worse now than after Gamer 6. Sure, the 2003 NL Championship series tore my heart out, but it still gave you hope for next year. Now? We just lost 96 games to have the worst record in the National League. Our only reliable pitcher is Zambrano, who's been worked so hard it's only a matter of time till he breaks down. When Pierre leaves, we will once again have no lead-off man. We have no closer. We have a third basemen who only plays well once the games don't matter anymore. Now it seems the Cubs are looking at Lou Pinella for our new manager. Lou Pinella?! Finally, Wrigley Field showcased the wave this year. Ugh. I think I'm going to call in sick.