American Idol Recap (This Almost Makes Up For That Fifty Year Old Guy Winning A Few Years Ago Edition)

I will keep this as brief as possible, because you don't want a full recap of two hours of fluff.

America got it right. David Cook won. This came as a pleasant surprise to Ben H., Anne, and me.

I guess Teen Beat will be sent back into his father's cellar.

Here are some other things you should probably know about tonight's show.

Donna Summer can still sing.

Cruella is clearly still hating herself for trying out for this show. She is going to kill someone on that tour.

I think Bryan Adams is bit forgotten for the string of hits he wrote. I actually saw him perform in concert back in the undergrad years, and it was a pretty damn good show.

I finally now know who the Jonas Brothers are and hate myself for knowing.

I'm embarrassed how happy I was to see Chikezie.

Syesha got to sing with Seal and Donna Summer. Talk Box sang with ZZ Top. Goody Two Shoes sang with Graham Nash. The Ringer sang with Tiny Dancer. Teen Beat sang some song from a band I'd never heard of. Clearly Teen Beat lost in the duet portion as well.

Paula Abdul cried when George Michael sang with a cold.

Mike Meyers' unfunny bit to promote his unfunny movie has instilled a lot of ill will in me. What has happened to you Mr. Meyers.

Talk Box reenacting the dancing in underwear scene from Risky Business for the Guitar Hero game was kinda clever. Teen Beat reenacting the same scene for the Guitar Hero commercial was very creepy.

Simon apologized to Talk Box for his judgment of him the previous night. He said he felt his verging on disrespectful.

97.5 million votes were cast. David Cook won by 12 million votes.

Simon seemed particularly happy that David Cook won.

I will admit when David Cook's Mom went on stage, and his brother said "That's my brother!" I got a bit dusty. Also, David Cook saying "This is all your fault" to his brother was a nice moment.

I've always been a bit bitter on these shows, but I think David Cook was the right choice. He clearly has musical talent rather than just a singing talent. He also seems like a genuinely nice guy. So, for once, I'm actually happy with an American Idol finale.

We can now return to our regularly scheduled blog.

American Idol Recap (Only Two More Shows)

Part one of the season finale kids! We are almost finished with these American Idol posts. I am back in Silver Lake with Anne and Ben H. How about we get this over with?

Oh good grief. We have that ringside announcer do his "Let's get ready to rumble" schtick. That was dated fifteen years ago. Ugh. Can you hear my eyes rolling from here? Teen Beat weighs only 100 lbs.

Introductions are made. They will sing three songs each. Here we go back to the boxing comparisons. I wish this was a boxing match. How entertaining would that be? Talk Box would destroy Teen Beat. Creepy Andrew Loyd Weber is back. Does the public really need to see him.

Teen Beat won the coin toss after last weeks show and will go second. Word was his father screamed from his seat in the audience for him to go last. That was completely unnecessary on the father's part. Everyone knows you go last. Teen Beat comes across so scared to say anything. Anne mentions that it appears none of the contestants have a relationship with Teen Beat. Which is true. I've never seen any of the contestants this year relate to Teen Beat. He always has come across secluded from the group. I'm certain it's not all his fault. I bet his father has had some hand in his isolation. There was a little talk between the two Davids where Talk Box came across as if he is already giving the title to Teen Beat. Can you blame him? Do you really want to win Idol, and gain all the baggage that comes with it? How Hollywood would it be if Teen Beat tanked the show out of spite for his father? Sorry, I'm rambling.

Clive Davis is going to pick the first song the contestants sing. We are going to have this boxing theme the whole night? Clive picked U2's "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" for Talk Box. The judges all liked it. Simon thought it was phenomenal. It was good, but nothing new.

"Don't Let The Sun Go Down on Me" is the song Clive picked for Teen Beat. Anne mentions it was churchy. Which is what it is exactly. Randy called it flawless, and I have no idea what they are hearing. Paula rambles and rambles. Simon called it the best he's done...ever. Am I deaf? He gives round one to Teen Beat. Nobody here agrees with the judges. We all thought Cook was better. It's almost like they don't want Cook to win. OR maybe they are trying to reverse psychologize the voters.

Song entries is the second song choice. I refuse to call it a round, and give in to this boxing theme. Dream Big is the song Talk Box chose. Randy thought the song was OK, but liked the performance. Paula liked it. Simon thought it was OK. He didn't think it was a winning performance. I think he did well with what someone threw into the mail to some contest. It was something different than his first performance. Something I'm certain Teen Beat's song won't be.

Teen Beat picked the song entry of "In This Moment." See, another ballad. He is like a little Josh Groban. These song entries are awful. Teen Beat picked a slow song that sounds like it belongs in a contemporary worship service. He can't do anything else. Randy thinks Teen Beat is in the zone, and drops his phone book line again. Simon thinks he picked the better song. He gives this round to Teen Beat again. OK, he might be the technically better singer but he has no variety.

Contestants choice is the final song choice. "The World I Know" by Collective Soul is Talk Box's choice. Anne thinks it is his best performance of the three. Anne thought it was really good. Aw, he's getting a little emotional. I don't know if I believe it. Paula says he's just standing in his truth. I think I left some truth in the toilet. Simon thinks he's one of the most sincere and nicest guys. Simon thinks it's the wrong song choice for the competition. Simon thinks he should've done something he already did in the previous shows. Talk Box says he didn't think it was right to do something he did before. Take that Teen Beat.

Hey, Teen Beat is doing "Imagine"...again. So, will this hurt him or help him. I would give Talk Box credit for not repeating himself. Anne thought it sucked. Boring! Randy loved it. He thinks Teen Beat won. Paula says she was left speechless, but she never is. Simon called it a knockout in Teen Beat's favor. I now hate him more than ever. I hope there's an upset, and this kid and his father are taught a lesson. He's going to turn the second he wins.

We close with Studdard singing the closing theme that each contestant has been sent home to. We get a little montage of the season. So tomorrow we will be back for part two of the finale. Ben and Anne will be in El Segundo then.

All three in the house put our vote behind David Cook, but think Teen Beat will win. See you tomorrow.

American Idol Recap (The Word For Tonight is Three)

There are three contestants left, and they will be singing three songs each. The three judges will then give their critique after each song. Also tonight three different people will be picking the songs the contestants will sing. That will be one of the judges, the producers, and then the contestant themselves will pick a song. Got all that?

Tonight kind of makes null the whole hullabaloo about Teen Beat's father basically being banished from any backstage access. Apparently, despite the producers saying "no," Teen Beat's pop from hell had little David add a line from a different song to his performance of "Stand By Me." This extra line from a different song cost American Idol a crap load money in order to get the rights. It has been often reported that nobody likes Teen Beat's father who was known to pick David's song, and basically be the Ike to David's Tina. So, he only has to pick one of the songs himself tonight. How many shots do we get tonight of Teen Beat's stage father tonight in the audience? On with the show.

Mary Lou Henner is in the audience tonight. And Ari's assistant from that HBO show that I can't remember the title.

Oh the contestants all went to their home towns this week too. We begin with the judges pick that is told to Teen Beat by a mayor with a bad ass handlebar mustache. His first song will be "And So It Goes" by Billy Joel. Simon humorously asked Paula what she was thinking when picking this song. I keep telling myself "Just one more week" and I never have to deal with hearing Teen Beat and his schmaltzy tendencies. Ugh. Shot of father count: 1. Randy loved it. Paula of course loved it. Simon thought it was good, but predictable. Um. Isn't everyone's performance at this point predictable?

At this point I'd like to mention I started guitar lessons today. I can kind of play the first riff of AC/DC's "Back in Black." Yeah! One more step toward the rock!

Back from the break and we have Syesha in a limo getting her song by text. Mayor of Tampa too busy? Maybe this is to show Syesha's acting talent? I thought she did that last week with her waterworks? Randy picked her song of "If I Ain't Got You" by Alicia Keys. Maybe she's not even in Tampa. Kind of like CSI: Miami isn't really shot in Miami. At this point I would like to apologize for originally giving Syesha the nickname, Bitch. I'm sorry Syesha. Randy thinks she is peaking at the right time, and I agree. Simon thought she sang it well, and she did. It still won't save her. I think she even knows it. She does look fantastic once again. I never noticed she had chin dimples.

With two down that leaves Talk Box ,who during a TV interview on the what must be the local morning show, gets his song from Simon which is "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face" by Roberta Flack. And if you don't believe any of that was completely planned out you must be a five year old. Simon said he picked it in order to do something different. I really hope that is his mother standing there all by herself. If not, creeepy. Ew. Apparently it isn't because they just showed his family. Randy liked it, but didn't like Simon's choice. I think he's just picking on Simon. Simon really liked it, and thought round one went to Talk Box. Oh, that is his mother. Whew. Really, all three did pretty well. The judges clearly know what they are doing. Next round is the contestants' choice.

Teen Beat's choice is "With You" by Chris Brown. Wha? He should have inro'd this by saying, "This is for the ladies." Eh. At least it was something current. He can't dance, and that "My Boo" line did come across as ridiculous. Randy didn't think it was great. Paula liked it. It really wasn't him, as Simon said. The ladies though loved it. This thought proves once again he can't do anything but ballads.

Syesha chose "Fever" by Peggy Lee which seems obvious doesn't it? It's theatrical. She won't do anything original with it though. Yowza. I admit this is one of the sexier songs ever written. Randy thought she performed it well. Paula was surprised she sang this song. She didn't think it showed who she was as an artist. Simon agrees. He thought it was a lame cabaret performance. She's clearly just doing what she wants. She knows she is going home tomorrow night. Right?

We are back and Talk Box decided on "Dare You To Move" Switchfoot. Can't he just rock? Why does he have to do these slow burns to big choruses? He mumbles these songs he likes. Just like the Our Lady Peace song. Randy didn't think it was his best. It did just seem like half a chorus and an intro. Simon agrees. He says there was no clear winner in this round. I agree. Next round is producer's choice.

No commercial break we just go right into Teen Beat singing "Longer" by the late Dan Fogelberg. I feel like I should thank him once again for helping me win the Celebrity Death Pool last year. Randy thought it was an interesting song choice, but liked it. Can we stop with the singing the phonebook line. Paula blah loved blah it blahed. Simon thought it was gooey. Every performance he's had this season has been gooey. That's why I feel so dirty. Simon does think he did enough to make it through to the final two. Way to go out on a limb, Simon. We've known he was final two bound since the first week.

The producers selected "Hit Me Up" by I don't know who sings it, and he didn't say. It's by someone named Gia Farrell. Randy thought it was just OK. Paula did the song well, but doesn't think it defines her. Paula doesn't think it is enough. Simon thought it was better than the second one. No defining moment for Syesha. We all know she is gone next week, Paula.

Finally! Talk Box was given "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" by Aerosmith. How is it the judges have no trouble pciking songs for the contestants, but the producers suck at it? And during Seacrest's intro there is this dorky kid trying too hard to be funny. I would have no problem with Seacrest clocking that kid. It would be completely justified. Hey, I think that is Diane Warren in the audience. She wrote this song. Coincidence? Randy thought it was ok. I know it was predictable, but the producers picked it not him. Paula sees him advancing. Simon claims that Talk Box won the night.

There we go. By this time next week we will be down to our final two of the two Davids. Syesha will be given the boot tomorrow night. This is one of the most anti-climactic seasons in idol. I didn't didn't get to go to Anne Marie's place tonight, so I will leave Anne and Ben H. to give their worst and fav int he comments.

American Idol Recap (Wanna See a Train Wreck? Edition)

We are down to the final four! Doesn't CBS and the NCAA have a trademark on Final Four? Anne's a little down because Goody Two Shoes got the boot last week. Surprisingly, everyone on the show is still alive. There was no mass murder. The theme for tonight is Rock and Roll Hall of Fame which leaves it open to about everything.

Talk Box kicks off the night with "Hungry Like a Wolf." Anne has stated that she really wants him to win. If it comes down to Talk Box and Teen Beat, she will vote. Randy says it was just ok. Paula says it made her hungry. Simon liked it, but didn't think he changed it up enough. He did rock in your typical radio one hit wonder cover song kind of way.

Syesha is in the coke hot seat. Blah, blah, blah. She will be performing "Proud Mary." Hmm. Probably not the best song choice. A little too strong. Anne calls it interesting in that it is high energy but unoriginal. Randy says she showed up. Paula's right. She does look good. Simon thought it was a bad shrieky version. It was a good performance, but I don't think it was the best vocal.

Back from the break we have Stoner. Good grief he's a moron. Wow? Bob Marley's "I Shot the Sheriff?" Ugh. This is awful. Laughably awful. Why did he even have the guitar? Anne thinks Randy should say that performance offended him as a black man. I think it offended everyone with ears. Simon calls it utterly atrocious. Which is actually Simon being kind. Um he wasn't thinking Simon. He's a moron.

Teen Beat follows up with "Stand By Me." He apparently sings this song to himself in his room. I assume his father has kept him locked up in that room for the past 16 years. He must be thrilled he gets to follow up the musical mess of Stoner. Anything can sound good after that. I'm biased because I hate him. Of course the judges slurp him. It's all fake when he performs. Simon just stole my joke. He was well placed. Simon calls it the best of the night. Can't you just see him getting a little fame and turning into the next Michael Jackson.

With round one finished we have Talk Box back in the Coke Hot Seat. He agrees with the judges that he didn't change up "Hungry Like A Wolf" enough. His second song is "Baba O'Reilly." It's never smart to do a song by The Who. There are just too many changes in there songs to cram it into two minutes. It was like just taste of the song. Randy liked it. Paula is humbled to see his soul. Simon liked it too, and welcomed him back. Whatever.

Here comes Syesha with her second song. Ryan introduces Rascal Flatts as his boys. I think I saw them all throw up in their mouth a little bit when Ryan said that. "A Change is gonna Come" is her second song. She can't do lows notes. We have dress changes tonight too. Let's just say that her second dress puts Miss Lee Cook to shame. Randy didn't feel it. Paula gives her a standing ovation. The girls get a little weepy. Simon liked it. Wow Syesha is taking Goody Two Shoes crying crown in one night. She blabs about how this competition has changed her, and how she learned so much about the Civil Rights movement. Really? You just learned about it this week?

Stoner's second song is "Mr. Tamborine Man." We were just about to give him credit, and he totally blah blah blah'ed a line. He completely forgot two lines. Anne says I cursed him. Randy says he's not in the zone. When is he ever in the zone. I mean on stage. If Randy meant stoned when he said zone, then when is he ever out of the zone. Simon says he should pack his suitcase. He shouldn't have unpacked his suitcase three weeks ago.

Teen Beat finishes the night with "Love Me Tender." How do you not know "Love Me Tender?" Teen girls are swooning everywhere. I like that he turned this into a Christian Contemporary bastardization. Randy loved it. Paula thought it was one of his best performances. Simon thought he crushed everyone tonight.

So Stoner should go home for the worst final four performance in Idol history, but I think Syesha will be saying goodbye tomorrow night. I still hate Teen Beat.

Favorite:
Anne: Syesha
Ben H: Syesha
Me: Syesha

Worst: Come on. How could it not be Stoner?

American Idol Recap (It's Neil F'n Diamond Night Edition)

First of all, I'm blogging through the pain tonight. I've been battling a nasty cold these past few days. It's Neil Diamond night, so I will fight through it. For you Neil! I'm pretty sure all the other nights will pale in comparison. I haven't been this exited since Emily Proctor danced dirty with me on the dance floor. Wait that was just this Saturday. Let's just say I'm excited.

So The Ringer got da boot and we are left with the top 5. This means they will each be singing two songs. How many of the top 5 knew Neil Diamond before this week?

Stoner will be singing Forever in Blue Jeans for his first song. I think this night will be a good one for Stoner. As in Stoner tradition it was rather boring. The judges will not be tearing them apart till after their second song. They've changed up the format, so the judges will give their opinion at the end of the show.

Talk Box is up next, and starts off in the Coke hot seat. This should be a good night for him too. His two song choices are I'm Alive and All I Need Is You. Two not so familiar songs, which could work in his favor. It was little blah. This two songs for each contestant seems a little ridiculous. They are left performing what seems like a minute of the song. Why not just give them an extra minute on one song rather than breaking it up. This show feels like it's gone wheels off, and is barreling toward Simon's chest hair.

Brooke will be doing I'm a Believer. Oh dear lord, her I'm a Believer is awful. I regret everything I said positive about her. This is so frightening. What are those pants she is wearing? She is clearly becoming more and more crazy each week. She's acting like Alex P. Keaton in that very special episode of Family Ties. For those too young to remember, it was about the dangers of taking speed.

Teen Beat will be doing Sweet Caroline. Can he make me dislike him anymore? Yes, he can. He's completely turned this into some crappy 80's cover song. Of course all the girls named Caroline just passed out. And we are speeding through this show. Nobody is allowed to take a breath.

Syesha picked Hello Again and Thank the Lord for the Nighttime. Two good choices for her. She did well with Hello, Again even if it was a little Whitney.

Wow. So they gave the judges a little time to give a quick judgment and Paula just went on and on about Stoner's second song. Um nobody has performed their second song. Everyone was just as lost as she was. Simon was right they were all mediocre except for Brooke which was a train wreck.

Jason sings his second song, September Morn, and is just as boring as his first song. Anne thinks it's a bad arrangement. I agree. A lot of the arrangements have been off. They shouldn't polish up these songs. Randy wasn't a fan of either performances. Paula thought he was too safe. Simon called them forgettable. He speaks the truth.

Talk Box is doing his normal modern rock shlock. He's made All I Need Is You sound like a Journey song. It was ok. Anne says "At least he thought about the arrangement." Randy liked the second performance. Paula agrees. She thinks she is already looking at this years American Idol. I hope she's right. Simon thought the first song was ok, but thought the second song was brilliant. I wouldn't exactly call it brilliant.

Goody Two Shoes is clearly slowly losing her mind. Her second song is I Am...I Said. Neil's songs work so well stripped down. Why are they fluffing them up? Randy liked the second song, but not so much the first. Paula thought she showed her vulnerability on the second song. Simon hated the first song, which we all did. Who could've liked the first song. Simon liked the second song. Brooke's talking to everyone like they are deaf. I'm hoping for a PSA at the end of this show from Brooke.

I'm so sick of Teen Beat. It's this 80's grime that he covers everything with. Adding to the awful is the American flag on the screen behind him. How do the judges keep going for this shit? Randy and Paula both loved it. How? Simon credits him for pulling a Kristy Lee Cook. Simon liked it too. Are they under some mind control when he performs? Is the FBI involved?

Syesha closes us out tonight. Nice. She turned this into a doo wopish number. I liked that. Randy liked it. Paula liked both songs. Simon call this the strangest show they have ever done. Simon thinks she might be in trouble tonight. She is in trouble, but it's not because of her performance. It's because the fans don't like her.

Well, that was quick. We all know Syesha is going home tomorrow. This show left me with a bad taste in my mouth. The two song choice was a moronic choice. It all seemed rushed. Way to ruin the one night I was looking forward to the most. I wish they could have brought back Chikezie to sing "Brother Love's Traveling Salvation Show." That would've been awesome.

Top Two:
Anne: Syesha and David
Ben H: Syesha and David
Me: Syesha and Talk Box

Worst:
Anne: Brooke
Ben H. Brooke
Me: Teen Beat.

I know what will clear my head of this American Idol mess:

American Idol Recap

Andrew Loyd Webber night! chirp chirp chirp. Talk about a clunker night.

David Duchovny in the audience. Happy Earth Day apparently. We are down to six, after the world crisis was finally averted with Kristy Lee Cook finally booted. I'm sure I'm not the only one that finds Mr. Weber scary as hell. The judges say this will be the toughest night of the season. Paula threw out a slightly negative comment.

Syesha starts us off with "One Rock n Roll Too Many" from Starlight Express. Weber thinks she could well bring the house down. I don't know these songs. Anne says it was the wrong song choice. Ben H. predicts that the judges will like it. As Ben predicted Randy loved it. Ditto Paula. Simon liked it too. They all thought it was one of her better performances. I have new clue.

Stoner follows the break in the Coke Hot Seat. Oh good grief. We all knew it was coming but who saw that it was coming from Stoner. Yes, he's singing "Memories." Ben H. thinks it's sooo bad. Anne doesn't think it's so bad. I don't care. Do we ever have to hear this song again? Randy thought it was a train wreck. Paula makes it known to us that Stoner is not a woman. Simon didn't like it either. It did come across like his mother forced him to sing it. I would vote him off just for picking that song.

Courtney Cox is there too. Kind of a big celeb night on Idol.

Goody Two Shoes with "You Must Love Me" from Evita. Mr. Webber keeps touching her. Wow! She blew it! She had them to start over. Wow! She's awful. This is going to be a train wreck of a night. Nobody can do these songs. We all agree her performance is horrendous. There's no way they can like this. Randy thought she emoted well. Paula says she shouldn't have stopped and started. This is her second time on this season screwing up. Simon didn't tear her a new one. Simon says he would have done the same thing. Paula's feeling guilty about criticizing her. Bottom line, she was awful.

Next we have Teen Beat. Anne predicts he will sing "Music of the Night." He too is on the Coke Hot Seat. Seacrest is encouraging little girls to molest him. Sorry Anne, he's singing "Think of Me" from Phantom of the Opera. Weber's advice is to keep your eyes open. Thanks Andy. As Anne said, this is exactly what the judges are looking for. Ben H. likes it with conditions. Surprise, they all loved it. Paula calls it perfect. Anne says it's not that difficult to add a pop beat to these songs. Simon thought it was forgettable. Thank you Simon.

Here comes The Ringer. This has to be in her wheelhouse. Not liking her first choice, Weber is convincing her to do "Jesus Christ Superstar." I will admit I like this song. Anne liked it. Ben H. is kinda indifferent. Randy liked it. The outfit does work. Simon thinks it was one of his favorites this week. She was one of the better ones.

Talk Box is doing "Music of the Night," from Phantom. Andy convinces David to sing to him passionately. *cough* Why didn't he find something to rock out to? This is boring yet still good. Anne and Ben both think he is a good singer. He is hitting the notes. I still find this all boring. Anne says its very good. He always has control over his voice and is deliberate. Randy thought it was amazing. Paula says this proved he was well rounded. Anne thought it was fantastic. Simon thought he made the most of it.

Top Two-
Ben H: David Cook, Syesha
Anne: David Cook, Syesha
Me: David Cook, Syesha.

Worst:
Ben H: Brooke
Anne: Brooke
Me: Goody Two Shoes

It looks like we all agree. When the hell is Neil Diamond night? I've hit my wall during this season which is a little earlier than last season. Must keep going. Must keep going. At least till Neil Diamond night.

American Idol Recap (The Shocking Edition)

Why is this edition so shocking? Well, Tiny Dancer was shockingly eliminated last week. The American Idol world was bewildered by his elimination. I imagine he's probably clicking his heels knowing he's probably set. There are only 7 left. What does that mean? that means the show will now fly by.

Tonight we have another mentor. It's Mariah Carey Night! Let the craziness begin.

Kicking off the show is Teen Beat with "When You Believe" from Prince of Egypt. Anne Marie has indicated she loves this song. All sorts of sap including Teen Beat wearing ridiculous pleather pants. We are up to three eye rolls already from Anne Marie. Anne Marie, Ben H. and I are bored. The judges all loved it and are bowing down at the robotic domination that is Teen Beat. Why do we see how average he is, but nobody else does. Even his emoting comes across like a Disneyland animatronic.

After the break we have The Ringer in the Coke hot seat. She talks about how shocked she was that Tiny Dancer got the boot and how funny he was. She will sing "Without You." She was smart to pick a song that Mariah Carey covered. Anne Marie the song was originally done by Badfinger. The Ringer did well, and this was the best she has looked in the whole conversation. OK Simon is just tearing her apart for no reason when she hit more notes than Teen Beat.

Syesha is up next. I've begun to feel guilty with the Bitch nickname, so I'm ditching it. She takes enough unneeded criticism from the judges. I don't need to add to it. I've actually begun to feel sorry for her. Her song choice will be "Vanishing." It seems Mariah actually helped her. Like the last two weeks she did well. Of course the judges will be harsh. Paula's going off on one of her pointless tangents. Simon liked it. But he thinks she picked an unfamiliar song which will hurt her.

Here's where crazy meets crazy in Goody Two Shoes meeting Mariah. She will be singing "Hero." She's going back to the piano thing. Man I miss Chikezie. Anne thinks Simon will love it. The bridge threw Randy but thought it was pretty good. Paula blah blah blah. Ooh she made a good point of her speeding it up. Which Goody did. She did rush after the bridge, and you could see her shaking. Simon thought the middle part was missed. Then there was a debate about meat and buns. Don't ask.

Headlights follows with "Forever." Wow this is going to be awful. Mariah you can't be serious about loving her version better. Wow this is awful. It should be pointed out that all the ladies brought out the cleavage tonight. Thankfully David Cook did not. How could Tiny Dancer be gone and not her? Really America? Randy thought she started steppin' up. Paula is blown away. Simon thought she managed well. But we all know there is no reason she should be on that stage.

Aw look it's Short Round. Talk Box will be doing "Always Be My Baby." Will he pull off another "Hello?" Mariah said it sounded haunting. I don't know if haunting does well on American Idol. So he changed it up because he had to and he did well. Randy stands up for it being the most brilliant performance this season. Simon loved it and thought it stood out. He's getting a little emotional. This has to put him close on the heels of Teen Beat. Is he my favorite? No, but he has been creatively consistent nearly each week. And he has been different enough to really stand out.

Stoner is up with "I Don't Wanna Cry." Ok, I give Mariah credit for actually mentoring the contestants. She's actually giving them worthwhile tips. Stoner's was the same performance he's given every week. It was boring. Randy didn't love it. Paula loved it of course. Simon, surprise, actually liked it. He thinks the guys have completely won tonight.

And just like that we are finished. It goes by so quickly now. Mariah was surprisingly good as a mentor. Please send Headlights home America.

Silverlake Top Three or Two
Anne Marie: David Cook, Syesha, Carly
Ben H: David Cook, Syesha
Me: Syesha, Talk Box

American Idol Recap (Silverlake Edition)

You might be wondering what Silverlake has to do with American Idol. Well, that's because I'm in Silverlake with Anne Marie and Ben H. for American Idol night. So, I will be including their impressions as well. Tonight is "Inspirational Night" which means tonight will most likely blow. This night doesn't even matter because tomorrow night is Idol Gives Back Night, which means that nobody is going to be sent home. So let's try to get his pointless night over with quickly.

Kicking of the night Tiny Dancer will be singing "Dream On." That's right somebody is associating Aerosmith with inspirational. He does pretty well.

Anne Marie correctly indicates that Paula looks like she's judging tonight in the nude. Which I'm really surprised hasn't happened. Randy wasn't completely impressed. Paula wants her Chiuauas to join him onstage. I think that means she liked it. Simon liked it, but thinks it was an impersonation. Ben and Anne Marie agree. Seacrest asks Tiny Dancer what the message he wanted the audience to get with that song? Um. Dream On? That might just be a guess on my part. Tiny Dancer confirms what I thought only with a lot more words.

The Bitch is in the Coke hot seat, and mentions that she and Short Round were good riends, and that she misses her. She also says she spoke with Short Round and apparently somebody is working Short Round really hard. Who is this somebody, and shouldn't this be investigated? "I Believe" is her song choice. Anne Marie liked it. Randy thought it was ok. I don't know what they are looking for. Paula liked it a lot. Simon thought she sang it well, but thought it lacked a "big wave of emotion." I think we can all agree that they have been irrationally critical of Syesha. It's like they refuse to compliment her fully.

Stoner is singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." He's doing this with a ukelele! Anne Marie says get him off the stage. Ben H likes it. Randy loved it. Paula did too. Simon thought it was fantastic. I thought for sure Simon was going to hate the ukelele. Oh well.

Headlights sings McBride's "Do It Anyway." Randy liked it but it was of course pitchy. That's because she can't sing. Of course this doesn't matter because Simon liked it too. Anne Marie thought it was really bad. I thought it was the best she has sounded, but that's still not good. Why doesn't Headlights get off scott free on criticism, but Syesha can't catch a break. Oh, I forgot Syesha is black.

The favorite of everyone who doesn't love Teen Beat, Talk Box, is singing "Innocent" from Our Lady Peace. Wow, he mumbled through the performance, and that "Give Back" written on his hand was eye rolling. Randy didn't love it. Paula loves it because she loves everything. Simon didn't think it was as good as the previous weeks. In case we didn't see Talk Box's giant hand in front of the camera, Paula points out what Talk Box wrote on his hand. The highlight of the night is his shrug and smirk when Paula points it out. It even got the Tivo rewind treatment just to see it again.

Anne is so over The Ringer who just compared American Idol to Live Aid. Um, that's really not even close. Isn't that the one big musical event of the 80's? Oh she's doing "The Show Must Go On" by Queen. Yeeouch! She's murdering this. Anne says it's very Celine Dioney. We all agree. Simon agrees. We all agree. Let's move on. Oh Simon says she is in trouble.

Teen Beat plus Inspirational Night equals pain in my ass. He said he had a difficult time picking this song. We all know he mean his Dad had a difficult time. His Dad chose "Angels" by Robbie Williams. It took Anne Marie and I the whole performance to come up with Robbie Williams. I wish sang Aerosmith's "Angel." What if one night Teen Beat completely changes it around and does some raunchy song. I'd completely vote for him then. If he ended it with giving the finger to his father, It would be the all time Idol performance. Anyway, none of this happened. Randy loved of it. Paula agreed. Simon thought it was best song choice of the night, but not his best vocal. The girls scream. I gag.

Coming up next it's my favorite and Anne Marie's least favorite...Goody Two Shoes! I suggest you see how Anne Marie reacts when she hears Goody sing. She really doesn't like her. She will be singing "You've Got a Friend." That was boring. Randy gave his middling I don't hate you review. Simon thought it was nice and pleasant. Just so you know that means it was boring.

And just like that it's over. Quick and semi-painless.

Here is our Top 3 for the night:

Anne: Syesha, Jason, Michael Johns
Ben H: Jason, Syesha, Archuleta.
Brad: The Bitch, Stoner, Tiny Dancer

Now I have to get watch what really matters tonight...Geek Makeover on Beauty and the Geek.

American Idol Recap

Are you like me kids? Are you still dealing with the loss of Chikezie? I certainly am. There is nothing I'm looking forward to now. Sigh. Is there nothing that could reinvigorate my interest in this show? The only thing I could think of is if some blond bombshell legend of country music would show up to mentor these young hopefuls. Wait? You say it's Dolly Parton night? I'm in. I would like to predict now that The Bitch's song choice will be "I Will Always Love You," and it will be the Whitney Houston version, and the judges will not like it because no contestant should ever do a Whitney Houston song. I'm surprised they haven't learned this yet. Whitney is always a bad choice. Also, I would like to think that Chikezie would sing "9 to 5" and bring down the house. You know he would. Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if Talk Box did some emo version of it. Anyway, on with the show.

Oh Seacrest you almost got me with your April Fools joke. Can we be done with April Fools? Does anyone fall for it anymore. Vanna White in the audience. Introductions are made, and the standard "You Kids Don't Know This But Music Has Been Made For Years Before You Were Even Born" video montage introducing us to Dolly Parton. What's the over under on how many contestants will mention that they aren't familiar with Dolly Parton's music? I think the Vegas odds are at 5. I'd go under with 4. Dolly is so sweet.

Brooke White kicks off Dolly night. Can a room contain the sweetness of these two women? She will be doing Jolene. Quote of the night from Brooke: Dolly Parton you know...she is a tiny person but she's huge!" Yes, Brooke we can all see that clearly. Oh you mean "huge" as in a legend. My bad. Jolene is so strongly in Brooke's wheelhouse that I wonder if the judges will knock her for it. I liked her performance nothing spectacular. Randy thought it was alright. Ugh. Brooke just complemented Paula on her hair. Really Brooke? You don't need to do that. I feel dirty now. Simon didn't like it much, but his criticism is about how the band looked? Again, we need new judges. I think she should have worn the outfit you wore to perform for Dolly. I haven't been a fan of Brooke's last few performance outfits.

So is Talk Box the new favorite? I know Teen Beat has his large creepy teen girl/grandmother fan base, but I have to think those outside that cult have be leaning toward Talk Box. He will be performing his own arrangement of "Little Sparrow." To repeat he will not be doing a cover of a cover song. Dolly likes him, but I think she will be liking everyone tonight. Randy gives it a "hot." Paula likes his haircut. Simon doesn't think it's as good as last week, but good. Simon has something against songs about birds.

Short Round is up. Dolly thinks she's adorable. Who is dressing Short Round? This is another mediocre performance and another awful outfit. Oh she's singing "Do I Ever Cross Your Mind." Randy thought it was aiight. Paula really liked it. Simon calls it forgettable. Which it is.

In the coke hot seat, is Stoner. Seacrest is showing fan mail that is all from the same girl. Yeah, this bit is going to go well. Seacrest reads one of them which comes across as slightly innocent slightly crazy. It goes along the lines of Stoner's voice being relaxing, and she listens to him to relax. Which is good because it's tough work building a life size model of Stoner out of road kill. He will be doing "Travellin' Through," which Dolly thinks is little outside of his box. If it involves him just sitting there strumming a guitar it's not out of his box. Ok, so he's standing and not sitting. It has a nice vibe to it. Randy thinks it's pretty good. I didn't think his voice sounded as good. I don't think it was as bad as Simon is claiming it to be. I really wonder what he was listening to.

The Ringer will be singing "Here You Come Again." Dolly thinks she killed it. It seems right down Ringer's alley. I guess I should point out it's been basically an acoustic night. The Ringer's performance is right on par with what is expected. Randy think it will be one of the better performances tonight. Again Simon goes along the good but not great line. Simon throws out that he thinks she needs someone to dress better. Which is true, but ouch. Why doesn't he say it to Short Round too? Does he think The Ringer can handle the criticism?

I'm not completely familiar with the lyrics of "Smoky Mountain Memories," but I'm sure they must have to deal with the awful state the world is in and how we need to help each other. Why do I think that? Because that's the song Teen Beat chosen for tonight. I'm tired of this kid/robot. Dolly quivered a little listening to Teen Beat sing. Again another slow song. I want range in my performers, and this kid doesn't have it. I wonder if Simon simply has a problem with all the Jesus being sung in the songs? Randy calls it performance of the night. Paula loved it. Simon did too. Get over him people.

This might be Headlights night. She is country. Her song selection is "The Coat of Many Colors." This is her night right? She has to knock it out! Simon's going to hate this song. Eh. Randy liked it. Paula thinks it's her best performance. Simon thinks it's pleasant but forgettable. I'm with Simon.

After the break The Bitch will be singing...Yes!..."I Will Always Love You." So predictable. Heaven's forbid you actually sing a country song. Oooh she's sitting on the piano. Dolly claims that The Bitch's version is more a combination of the Whitney version and Dolly's versions. The arrangement is a little off to me. She can sing well. Randy thinks she did aiight. He still can't hear anyone else sing that song but Whitney. I'm sure Dolly will love to hear that Randy. Paula loved it. Simon liked the first half but wasn't as much a fan of the last half. Again I agree. The two halves didn't mesh well. Who's left to sing? Oh Tiny Dancer. I have no clue what he will be singing. Can't someone do "9 to 5?"

The last song of the night will be "It's All Wrong, But It's All Right." Dolly was his first concert. You can tell he's clearly a true fan. This is I think makes a difference. Ok, he nailed the hell out of that. My favorite performance of the night. Randy loved it. Paula babbles on for ever even though she said it would be quick, and my Tivo cuts out. So I assume Simon must have liked.

So, it was an OK night. No 9 to 5. Tiny Dancer had the performance of the night. I think The Bitch will go home tomorrow night, but she doesn't deserve to. Short Round should probably go home.

Like I Said Before...

American Idol hates black people. Chikezie was wrongly kicked off even though he had a good and was one of the most charismatic contestants. Chikezie made you smile, and he had range in his voice. Way to screw up again America. You booted off the Bobble Head last year and now Chikezie. I will miss you Chikezie. Also I'd like to apologize to Teen Beat (maybe). I would like to give Archuleta the benefit of the doubt and think his song choice was intentional comedy. Perhaps he was simply indicating his love for the movie Hot Rod.

American Idol Recap

Cruella is gone! That means people still seem to like Headlights or her at least her personalities even though The Bitch tried to steal some of those votes last week with her plunging neckline. So, we are down to our top ten as Seacrest tries to tell us with an serious tone in his voice. Of course this is all nullified by him not even hiding the fact that he is reading a teleprompter. Really? We are at season seven and you still need a teleprompter to tell you what to say? On that note. On with the show...

No mention of a theme or anything? Must be potluck night.

Short Round kicks off the night with "Hearts Alone." The theme for the intro video segment must be what you were like growing up. Apparently, Short Round bit a lot of kids as a child. Couldn't come up with something else to divulge to a national TV audience? Short Round needs to step it up tonight. She has near zero stage presence. Randy says wrong song choice. She was a little pitchy, and just not memorable. Simon doesn't think it is as bad as Randy does. Apparently, she is sick. I still think she sticks around, but not for long.

Stoner follows after the break. Ah, apparently you have to sing a song from your birth year which is scraping the barrel on theme nights. Also, this might have been something the audience should know a little earlier. It's Stoner's birthday tonight so I guess...ah I don't care. Stoner will be singing Sting's "Fragile." So, how many songs are titled Fragile? He's back to doing the coffee shop guitar thing. I guess he learned from last week. Anyway, it's just like every other one of his performances. Randy is waiting for that jump out vocal performance that makes him go wow. Do any of us expect a wow vocal performance from him. Simon wasn't impressed either. Simon lays into him.

The Bitch is next. She admits that she was pretty much a baby growing up. Really? You don't say? Never would've imagined that. Mother hubbard, she does that creepy baby crying again. How can you vote for someone that does that? She will be performing "If I Was Your Woman." Randy thinks this is the best she's sound. Paula says this will be her moment where she upped her game. Simon didn't like the end as much. She did do well, but it was predictable.

I should point out that Paula is wearing some ridiculous Catwoman like leather gloves that go all the way up to her elbows. It is distracting in a creepy way. It's like she just came back from pulling a Dexter on someone. Shudder.

I will also admit this. I think the Jack in the Box commercials are consistently funny. They just showed the monkey spaceship commercial. Monkey Spaceship!

Back to the show with Chikezie! Clearly, Chikezie didn't get his vocal talent from his mother. Ouch. "If Only For One Night" is his song of choice. Snore. Randy didn't love it. He thinks it was too old school, which is the most ridiculous complaint they come up with. Simon agrees. Paula disagrees with both of them. I agree he sort of just covered the song, but I thought he did well. It still felt like Chikezie. He did sing it well. He can't bounce around the stage each week.

It's Goody Two shoes turn on stage. I finally realized that this is the kind of girl I'm going to marry. Wouldn't you be thrilled with that Anne Marie? Wait. Even I just got a chill at that thought. She will be singing "Every Breath You Take." Ugh. Boring again. She does it on the piano. It doesn't add anything. She's out of breath. Eh. She did screw up at that the start but nothing catastrophic. Randy thinks she should've staid with just the piano, as does Simon. I kind of agree. Once the band came in it did become worse.

After a little sales pitch from Seacrest, we have Tiny Dancer telling us about his childhood. He will be doing the double feature of "We Will Rock You/ We Are The Champions." The crowd certainly digs it. Randy says it's the best performance he's had on the show. I guess he can only sing Queen? Simon agrees. I would like to point out that he basically just covered the song like Chikezie. Nothing new.

Holy cow! Carly's kid hair was awesomely curly. What happened? The Ringer will be singing "Total Eclipse of the Heart." Good grief. Can we get someone to sing something different? Please! I do like her hair tonight. Once again it's exactly what you would expect. Randy didn't love it. The note was awful at the end. Paula is clearly tone deaf. Simon thought she came across too uptight. She was a little stiff, but I think that's just her.

Here we go with Teen Beat. Seacrest just completely embarrassed some young girl. Way to go Seacrest. The girls squeal at home video of him dancing as a little kid. It's like he was built in some underground lab or something. He's singing"Your the Voice?" At least it's not a ballad. Randy liked it. Wait. Simon is the one who knew who sang that? Simon didn't like it. It was a theme park performance! Simon was right. Of course he chose that song. It talks about society's ills. That's what he is all about. He wants to save the world! He's going to rule us all! Can't you people see that?

It's time for Headlights. She will be singing...wait for it...wait..."God Bless the USA." I can't take it! She's going to sink this low to try to win votes? Please put us all out of our misery! This song blows! Aahhhh. Shit! I'm sorry. This is appalling. Who let her do this? Nobody can bad mouth the song. Please Simon tears this-ugh. He thinks it's her best performance. He thinks it's a brilliant performance. He also says it is also the most clever song choice he's heard in years. I agree with that. It's a sneaky song choice. Simon knows who wrote this song too. What is happening? Well Headlights is safe next week.

Hopefully David Cook can cleanse that last performance from my mind. Who am I kidding. He's not doing the talk box again. What he is doing is Chris Cornell's version of Billie Jean. SO his thing is to cover other people's covers. He does have stage presence. Is really that original? He just knows how to find the odd covers. It's not his own take. He just knows how to find the song. All the judges thought it was amazing. It was good enough, but I think he's getting a little too much credit for originality.

Well that was more entertaining than last weeks mess of songs. I think Chikezie or maybe Short Round will be going home. The rest of the contestants need to learn how to use Wikipedia, and beat David Cook to the unusual covers.

Oh, my song choice for my birth year would've been "Yo. Yo" by the Osmonds. Thank you, and good night.

American Idol Recap (Feels Like The First Time Edition)

Welcome back kids. In case this blog is the only way you keep up with Idol, let me get you up to speed from last week. David Hernandez, the former stripper, got the boot. This means more people liked Headlights butchering of a Beatles' classic than ever thought possible. More than likely more people liked her headlights. Anyway that leaves us with eleven contestants battling for the opportunity to flail away in a pool of mediocrity for an additional fifteen minutes in front of millions of people.

We are back at Idol's new set, which someone defined as "Thunderdomish," which I completely agree with. Only there's a hint of Tronity to it as well. Anyway, Seacrest tells us all that back by popular demand it's Beatles night all over again. I really would like to ask who's popular demand has wrought this upon us? You sure you don't want to save the songs for another season? Two nights in a row of Beatles songs sung by amateurs? Help us all. Oh wait. Last week was Lennon/McCartney night. Tonight is Beatles night. Completely different...

I would like to point out one good thing about the Beatles catalogue being made available. Rock Band! Word is they are most likely going to be in Guitar Hero. That's ridiculous. There aren't exactly a lot of shredding guitar solos in their music. Back to the show.

Cruella is the first one up tonight to sing a song that will sound like every other song he has sung. Her song choice of the night is "Back in the U.S.S.R." That seems about right. How did she get this far in the competition? She can't really sing. She is though comfortable on stage. It is just the same thing week after week, Simon. Thank you for just catching up. I do like her attitude toward this competition. She is honest. Still she's bottom rung on the talent scale.

Headlights is the interview hot seat. Aw, she brought along something for show and tell. That's always a good indicator of where you think you are in this competition. If cleavage isn't helping enough, use props. That sounds dirtier than I planned. Oh, it's a photo album. Yeah, I think we are past cute animal pictures saving you in this competition. The song she will butcher tonight is "You've Got to Hide Your Love Away." I'm already bored with tonight. Not a good sign. Well, at least she was better than last week, but really what could be worst. Simon calls her musical wallpaper. I think he spent all week trying to come up with that. Tell me she didn't plan that "blow you out of your socks" line. Dirty.

The now slightly tarnished Chosen One follows that mess up with "The Long and Winding Road." See, your Chosen One can only do slow songs too. Do the producers tell the crowd to wave their hands. This is boring too. He's been groomed and manufactured for this type of competition, but I think the desire for something different is going to hurt him. The girls still love him though. I mean they are crazy for him. Amazing? Simon? Really? I won't remember that performance. See, last her Bobble Head could do any style at any time. The Chosen One can only do ballads. That will hurt him.

Oooh blatant product placement of an iPhone. The poor girl looks like a deer in headlights. Tiny Dancer is up with his rendition of "A Day in the Life." Talk about a difficult song to piece together. It's so disjointed. Kind of a mess. Simon agrees with me on this. Ok, do we need these dedications? I'm certain his heart is the right place in choosing it in honor of his friend who passed away but it comes across as shady and using it for votes. I thought he was a shoo in to the top four, but he has stunk it up the past few weeks.

Ah, Goody Two Shoes is up in her Big Bird inspired ensemble. Still awfully cute. She will be singing "Here Comes the Sun." Which seems perfect for both her and stoner. Almost predictable. Not as good as last week. She has trouble commanding a stage and just having a microphone up there. It was really flower childish. She's sooo nice she even comes to the defend of the judges. Really? I think she even out nices Bobble Head from last year. Can it all be real?

David Cook is up after the break. He apparently got into a little trouble for using another band's composition of "Elanor Rigby." Seems a little ridiculous. Didn't The Chosen One do Stevie Wonder's version of "We Can Work it Out?" Is it because he said it was Wonder's version? Either way, it wasn't as good as everyone said it was. "Day Tripper" is his song of choice. He somehow found a version Whitesnake did. So I guess you do need to say who's version it is. Oh, did I just gloss over the fact that Whitesnake did a version of "Day Tripper?" Sorry. Whitesnake did a cover of "Day Tripper?" Shouldn't that have been destroyed years ago? Wait Whitesnake was around in the late 70's? That has to be a Spinal Tap like thing right? Hello wikipedia. They were apparently a bluesy rock band before they went all Led Zeppelin glam. Sweet Mother Hubbard he has talk box (ala Peter Frampton's "Do You Feel Like We Do"). This is going to suuuuuck. Ok, so it's not awful, but I'm really just waiting for the talk box! I can't believe he pulled out the talk box. Get to the talk box! Talk Box! Um, he didn't really talk. Maybe he just sucks at it. Still...Talk Box! Simon didn't like it that much. He does think he's becoming a bit of the bees knees. This is the longest paragraph written tonight.
He just got his nickname too. Talk Box!

Here's The Ringer. She will be singing "Blackbird" which is the song Simon and Paula were just bickering about at Seacrest's goading. Seems like forced coincidence to me. Sounds like a show tune version to me. I think Simon is just on a rampage tonight. Are the performances as good as Paula and Randy say? No. Were they as bad as Simon thinks? No. I've said it before. I'll say it again. They need new judges.

Stoner takes the stage to do "Michelle." Another awkward performance because he's on stage without his guitar. Just stand at the microphone if you suck at moving around. It's ok. You can't all be Chikezie. Also, don't pick songs where you have to sing French. Yes Simon! We shouldn't have had Beatles night. Why didn't you do something about it?

The Bitch will follow the commercials with "Yesterday." Which is very Idolish, and very predictable. I'm surprised nobody did it last week. Should be very standard and boring. Looks like she is taking a cue from Headlights and turning hers on. Good grief. She's acting the sadness so hard it's comical. Again, holy cleavage! Paula bought her fake vulnerability. Simon says it's her best performance. Maybe, but I don't believe her.

We finish the night off with Chikezie! Simon drags an old man from the crowd. I think he was just there to play bingo and got lost. That's a bingo card in his pocket right? Chikezie will be singing "I've Just Seen a Face," and he will be playing an instrument he just learned to play this week. Why? Unless you are lying to cover your mediocre playing ability which is probably true. That instrument...harmonica. Oh Chikezie. Ok. What just happened? Unlike Randy, I thought the slower part was going fine until he went country again. And the harmonica? I really don't know what happened. If he had kept it slow it would have been good bordering on quite good. The harmonica was like an e-brake only the car flipped instead of stopped. The problem is he is so charismatic on stage that you almost buy into it.

Apparently I jumped the gun. Short Round will be out last performer. I actually believe that Goody Two Shoes mothers Short Round. She's so cute and adorable. How can you not want to protect her. Tonight she will be singing "I Should Have Known Better." Nice it's an upbeat song. Much more personality this time. Not great, but she showed she can have fun. I will agree with Simon that the contestants have picked odd and not that great of songs. Beatles night was clearly a bad idea. Tonight was basically a mess. Way to go producers for taking too much of a bad thing. At least we had a talk box. Bring on the guest advisers.

I think this is the week Headlights goes home. She still didn't do well enough to get out of the votes basement.

American Idol Recap (Beat-I Mean Lennon and McCartney Night)

Here we go again kids. We are livish. We are finally at our top twelve, so let's begin.

Two big things tonight. First an all new American Idol set and intro. The intro has always needed updating. The set weirdly has the house band up above the stage. It's almost like they are angels. Musical angels trapped playing their harps for whiny wannabes. How much do you think they get per show? They apparently didn't make enough room to for the whole band so they stuck the band leader over in limbo. Oh, the other big thing is that it is Beatles night, or technically Lennon and McCartney night. Why is this big? This means that you will most likely be able to download Beatles songs on iTunes. So all you people who have refused to purchase any Beatles albums so you can eventually download them, your time is now. You are also most likely an idiot or five years old. For those idiots and five year olds we get to see a video introducing the Beatles. So they list a bunch of things that they drew their inspiration from. Drugs is not left off the list.

Randy just said in reference to the Beatles, "These boys put it down." Sigh.

First up is Syesha "The Bitch" Mercado. I'm still not sold on this nickname. It feels so harsh. Anyway, she will be singing "Got to Get You Into My Life." She wisely did the R&B version of the song. She got off on the wrong foot, but brought it around near the middle. Still nothing to write home about. Simon apparently liked it more than the others. She goes a little nuts. Doesn't this eventually start to get on the other two's nerves. It's become the goal now to win Simon's opinion. If you do that you've succeeded. This seems to be a possible problem with the show.

After the break, we begin with my man Chikezie and a little Q&A. How can you not love this guy? His song of choice will be "She's a Woman." I wonder how many of these arrangements are going to be R&Bish? Ooh he took it back further. He started off bluesy and then unfortunately went rock. Still it stands out, and he did rock it. He has charisma by the bucketfuls.

Next it's my other fantasy contestant Ramiele "Short Round" Malubay. I just hope someone helps her dress this time. She will be singing "In My Life." Hmm. Way to take the wind out of the audience after Chikezie's performance. You can't keep doing ballads every show! You're boring us to- Holy crap! Is the whole audience waving their hands like they just don't care? Who in the audience started this? Are you kidding me? Back to the song. Boooring. She needs to step it up. You can't do this after Chikezie's performance. I'm a little furious with Short Round. She has this great big voice, and does nothing with it. Stop being boring.

Jason "Stoner" Castro is up...to sing next. "If I Fell" is what he chose to sing tonight. Maybe his nickname should be Coffee Shop. He needs to spice it up too. Do something other than this acoustic coffee shop shtick. Oh, and the judges might know their music well enough, but me and bunch of other people know you covered Buckley's version of "Hallelujah." Not saying it was wrong, but fess up and don't rely on the judges ignorance.

Carly "The Ringer" Smithson is doing a little Q&A with Seacrest. Her tattoo is a bit distracting. I love girls with tattoo that aren't in the middle of the lower back, but it's just a bit distracting. She will be performing "Come Together" which is what I thought Cruella would pick to sing. I would be thrilled if The Ringer picked this song knowing it's probably the only song Cruella can sing. We need some controversy. Well controversy that actually has to deal with the show. She said she was going to change it up, but I'm not so sure she changed it up enough. The crowd ate it up. Randy says "Stellar!" All three judges loved it. She's good, but did you see that tattoo?

David "TBD but I'm leaning toward something involving emo" Cook is our next performer. Will he be playing guitar once again? How badly is hoping for Weezer night? Does his mother even like his hair? In case you haven't noticed, that collar on his coat is huge! His song is "Elanor Rigby." Apparently no guitar tonight he thinks it would be too much for the song. If guitar would be overkill, why is there crunching guitar in the chorus? Why is he singing like he needs a guitar? Simon calls it brilliant. Brilliant? He emoed the song up. Decent but not brilliant. Brooke "Goody Two Shoes" White is next after the break.

Goody Two Shoes will be singing "Let it Be" which is exactly what I thought she would sing. I know she doesn't have the strongest voice but I love the crack in it. You're right Paula. I have fallen in love with her. You're right Simon. She is believable. I'm no longer scared. I love Brooke White and her scratchy voice.

David Hernandez will be singing "I Saw Her Standing There." I do wonder how him being a former nude stripper at a gay club has gotten him kicked off the show in this post-Timberlake/Janet Super Bowl fiasco. Haven't people been disqualified for less on this show? He says he's going to "work the stage." [Insert Stripper Joke Here] Yeah this isn't so good. We've had numerous out of the American Idol box performances, and this falls into your typical Idol performance. Overdid it? He just stunk. Rabbit in the headlights is actually a correct term. I believe it is the British version of deer in the headlights.

Amanda "Cruella" Overmeyer is in the Q&A seat, and they actually did something with her hair. Did they have to tranquilizer her, so they could do it? She will be howling "You Can't Do That." This is the first time she's ever heard it, which must mean The Ringer took her song, right? It's smart to Elvis the song up. Ok, they just cut to what is labeled as "Amanda's Family and Friend." I'm assuming the friend must be the frightening Blue Brother/Homicidal Maniac wearing the sunglasses. Excuse me sir could you leave? You are scaring the crap out of the audience. She did better than I thought she would do. Nice Paula and Simon have a nasty little spat. She actually seems to be enjoying herself. Apparently there are three more contestants to perform. Really? That many? Ugh.

Michael "Tiny Dancer" Johns is putting his Australian accent to good use. If he wins, who will be more excited? Will it be Georgia where he lived most of his years in the US, or will it be Australia? My guess is Australia. If he wins, he's going back to Australia to celebrate. The same can be said for The Ringer. Are they not allowed to say The Beatles? Do they have to say Lennon and McCartney? They haven't said Beatles all night have they? In fact they have gone out of their way to not say it. Anyway, he will be singing "Across the Universe." Stop waving your damn hands audience or you will lose them. Not fantastic but better than he's been the last couple weeks. Simon can't even remember these contestants names, and doesn't even try to hide it.

Kristy Lee "Headlights" Cook is here to display her assets. She's the "Legs" of last season, only she's accentuating the um...top half? Sorry trying to be somewhat delicate here. She will be changing "Eight Days a Week" into a country song. Can't wait to hear this. Oh...Dear...Lord. None of them can like this crap. I'm not torn Randy. It sucked. Simon calls it "Dolly Parton on Helium." That fits Simon. To clean that out of our ears, we at least have David "Teen Beat" Archuleta to conclude the night. Of course he could make us all want slit our wrists with another depressing song.

"Teen Beat" will be singing "We Can Work it Out." Of course he will be doing the Stevie Wonderish version. Oops. Oops. Oops. That's how many times he forgot the lyrics, at least. He died up there. It was a train wreck. In fact it was one of the worst performances tonight. Is he still The Chosen One?

To wrap up this night, Chikezie and Goody Two Shoes were the top performers in my opinion. Headlights and Teen Beat had the worst performance. Headlights will be going home.

American Idol Season 7 Primer

Here we are kids down to are Final 12. That means it's a return of the American Idol recaps. Before next weeks show I thought I'd catch everyone up who doesn't watch regularly. I'd hate for you to feel left out. That's what my baseball posts are for.

How about I go through who is left in this "singing" competition?

David "Teen Beat" Archuleta - As I stated before, it is pretty much already a lock that this kid is going to win. The teen girls adore him beyond comprehension. All the chinks in his heartthrob armor ( disturbing humility, loves singing depressing songs, may have already peaked in the competition, Mormon) will go unnoticed by these hormone raging teen girls. And we all know they are the ones that vote like it's life and death.

Ramiele "Short Round" Malubay - Typical small girl with a big voice. Nobody seems to know how to dress her. Each night she looks like she's going out to do laundry not sing on a nationally televised show. I don't think she has a great chance because I don't think she can sing anything but power ballads.

Kristy Lee "Headlights" Cook - She barely beat out my girl Asia'h because of two things: her willingness to flaunt cleavage, and she added enough twang to get the country vote. I can't see her lasting more than two weeks. She's awful.

Michael "Tiny Dancer" Johns - My nickname for him makes no sense, but let me explain. I thought he was a front runner early on based on looks, Aussie accent, and decent rocker voice. The problem is every time he performs he goes into his imitation Jim Morrison dance. It's become beyond annoying for me simply because "Tiny Dancer" always starts going through my mind when he performs. Like I said it makes no sense. Also, he lacks personality.

David Hernandez - Maybe his nickname should be "Tiny Dancer" considering the recent controversy surrounding the recent news that he stripped at a gay bar. I still haven't come up with a nickname yet that is blog appropriate. I don't think I will have to worry too long though. He hit his peak with "Papa Was a Rolling Stone."

Amanda "Cruella" Overmeyer - She's simply scary. Yet, you think if she allowed someone to, they could cute her up. Still, she can't sing at all. She acts like she' already done with this whole competition. I'm expecting she won't make it two weeks.

Jason "Stoner" Castro - Everybody likes that one stoner guy they know. He's always friendly and never really has a bad thing to say about anybody. His haze reduced filter leads to enjoyable honesty. Thing is he was never featured ever till the final 24. He doesn't have a strong voice, but knows how to accentuate his strengths. My main dark horse in this competition.

Carly "The Ringer" Smithson - Actually, there are about four or five ringers this year, but she had a music video made for her single from an actual album. That makes her the head ringer in this group. I'm surprised her previously having all that has lead to more fan backlash getting her voted off. She does though have a good voice. She always picks a bad song to sing though.

Syesha "The Bitch" Mercado - She has actually not shown any inclination that she is in fact a bitch. I am simply drawing this conclusion from two things. First, she lists her occupation as actress, and has already referenced it in one of her interviews. If there is one thing I've learned working in Hollywood is that 90% of all actors and actresses are or soon become bitchy. You will be charmed by their charisma and seeming openness. One day though something will snap and all hell will break loose followed by cats and dogs living together and then mass hysteria. This is why I kinda hope she lasts for awhile. I want to see cats and dogs living together on American Idol. Oh, I forgot about the second reason...her blank stares when the judges critique her. It looks like she immediately goes into self affirmation mode. "It doesn't matter what they say. You are beautiful and talented. You are a star no matter what anyone says."

Chickezie "Jacuzzi" Eze - My man doesn't really need a nickname, but Simon's flub works. Completely likable fellow. He can talk back to the judges and have it not sound like he's a whiny bitch. He is clearly having fun out there. Unfortunately, American Idol hates black men.

Brooke "Goody Two Shoes" White - I will admit I'm kinda in love with her. She also kinda creeps me out. Maybe it's just me. She claims to have never seen an "R" rated movie. Just hearing that gives me flashbacks to my childhood. She's selling herself as this overly good person. Still, I pretty sure I can see a "bad" side to her. I guess I have issues. Anyway, she doesn't have the strongest voice, but she's the smartest contestant this year. Nearly, every decision of hers has been spot on. Her acoustic "Love is a Battlefield" was really good.

David Cook - Three David's? Good grief. This one is the rocker of the bunch. He's so much the rocker that he even incorporates playing an electric guitar in his performances. He's also bland. Very very bland. His remake of Lionel Richie's "Hello" was cheesy fun. If he keeps taking chances like that he might survive for awhile. Still working on his nickname too.


Other Thoughts - After this season they need to find new judges. Their own personal banter is becoming a henderence to the show by excluding both the viewer and the contestant. Shouldn't Simon know that the lead singer of Queen is Freddie Mercury and not "that guy?" He's already screwed up twice on naming the artist who originally sang the song. And once again has not heard a couple songs that are fairly popular. Paula is just worthless. Randy's critiques have become nothing but catch phrases. Even when he disagrees with Simon he just spouts catch phrases. If Idol don't make more decisive adjustments this might be the beginning of the end for Idol.