American Idol Recap

Cruella is gone! That means people still seem to like Headlights or her at least her personalities even though The Bitch tried to steal some of those votes last week with her plunging neckline. So, we are down to our top ten as Seacrest tries to tell us with an serious tone in his voice. Of course this is all nullified by him not even hiding the fact that he is reading a teleprompter. Really? We are at season seven and you still need a teleprompter to tell you what to say? On that note. On with the show...

No mention of a theme or anything? Must be potluck night.

Short Round kicks off the night with "Hearts Alone." The theme for the intro video segment must be what you were like growing up. Apparently, Short Round bit a lot of kids as a child. Couldn't come up with something else to divulge to a national TV audience? Short Round needs to step it up tonight. She has near zero stage presence. Randy says wrong song choice. She was a little pitchy, and just not memorable. Simon doesn't think it is as bad as Randy does. Apparently, she is sick. I still think she sticks around, but not for long.

Stoner follows after the break. Ah, apparently you have to sing a song from your birth year which is scraping the barrel on theme nights. Also, this might have been something the audience should know a little earlier. It's Stoner's birthday tonight so I guess...ah I don't care. Stoner will be singing Sting's "Fragile." So, how many songs are titled Fragile? He's back to doing the coffee shop guitar thing. I guess he learned from last week. Anyway, it's just like every other one of his performances. Randy is waiting for that jump out vocal performance that makes him go wow. Do any of us expect a wow vocal performance from him. Simon wasn't impressed either. Simon lays into him.

The Bitch is next. She admits that she was pretty much a baby growing up. Really? You don't say? Never would've imagined that. Mother hubbard, she does that creepy baby crying again. How can you vote for someone that does that? She will be performing "If I Was Your Woman." Randy thinks this is the best she's sound. Paula says this will be her moment where she upped her game. Simon didn't like the end as much. She did do well, but it was predictable.

I should point out that Paula is wearing some ridiculous Catwoman like leather gloves that go all the way up to her elbows. It is distracting in a creepy way. It's like she just came back from pulling a Dexter on someone. Shudder.

I will also admit this. I think the Jack in the Box commercials are consistently funny. They just showed the monkey spaceship commercial. Monkey Spaceship!

Back to the show with Chikezie! Clearly, Chikezie didn't get his vocal talent from his mother. Ouch. "If Only For One Night" is his song of choice. Snore. Randy didn't love it. He thinks it was too old school, which is the most ridiculous complaint they come up with. Simon agrees. Paula disagrees with both of them. I agree he sort of just covered the song, but I thought he did well. It still felt like Chikezie. He did sing it well. He can't bounce around the stage each week.

It's Goody Two shoes turn on stage. I finally realized that this is the kind of girl I'm going to marry. Wouldn't you be thrilled with that Anne Marie? Wait. Even I just got a chill at that thought. She will be singing "Every Breath You Take." Ugh. Boring again. She does it on the piano. It doesn't add anything. She's out of breath. Eh. She did screw up at that the start but nothing catastrophic. Randy thinks she should've staid with just the piano, as does Simon. I kind of agree. Once the band came in it did become worse.

After a little sales pitch from Seacrest, we have Tiny Dancer telling us about his childhood. He will be doing the double feature of "We Will Rock You/ We Are The Champions." The crowd certainly digs it. Randy says it's the best performance he's had on the show. I guess he can only sing Queen? Simon agrees. I would like to point out that he basically just covered the song like Chikezie. Nothing new.

Holy cow! Carly's kid hair was awesomely curly. What happened? The Ringer will be singing "Total Eclipse of the Heart." Good grief. Can we get someone to sing something different? Please! I do like her hair tonight. Once again it's exactly what you would expect. Randy didn't love it. The note was awful at the end. Paula is clearly tone deaf. Simon thought she came across too uptight. She was a little stiff, but I think that's just her.

Here we go with Teen Beat. Seacrest just completely embarrassed some young girl. Way to go Seacrest. The girls squeal at home video of him dancing as a little kid. It's like he was built in some underground lab or something. He's singing"Your the Voice?" At least it's not a ballad. Randy liked it. Wait. Simon is the one who knew who sang that? Simon didn't like it. It was a theme park performance! Simon was right. Of course he chose that song. It talks about society's ills. That's what he is all about. He wants to save the world! He's going to rule us all! Can't you people see that?

It's time for Headlights. She will be singing...wait for it...wait..."God Bless the USA." I can't take it! She's going to sink this low to try to win votes? Please put us all out of our misery! This song blows! Aahhhh. Shit! I'm sorry. This is appalling. Who let her do this? Nobody can bad mouth the song. Please Simon tears this-ugh. He thinks it's her best performance. He thinks it's a brilliant performance. He also says it is also the most clever song choice he's heard in years. I agree with that. It's a sneaky song choice. Simon knows who wrote this song too. What is happening? Well Headlights is safe next week.

Hopefully David Cook can cleanse that last performance from my mind. Who am I kidding. He's not doing the talk box again. What he is doing is Chris Cornell's version of Billie Jean. SO his thing is to cover other people's covers. He does have stage presence. Is really that original? He just knows how to find the odd covers. It's not his own take. He just knows how to find the song. All the judges thought it was amazing. It was good enough, but I think he's getting a little too much credit for originality.

Well that was more entertaining than last weeks mess of songs. I think Chikezie or maybe Short Round will be going home. The rest of the contestants need to learn how to use Wikipedia, and beat David Cook to the unusual covers.

Oh, my song choice for my birth year would've been "Yo. Yo" by the Osmonds. Thank you, and good night.