American Idol Recap (Beat-I Mean Lennon and McCartney Night)

Here we go again kids. We are livish. We are finally at our top twelve, so let's begin.

Two big things tonight. First an all new American Idol set and intro. The intro has always needed updating. The set weirdly has the house band up above the stage. It's almost like they are angels. Musical angels trapped playing their harps for whiny wannabes. How much do you think they get per show? They apparently didn't make enough room to for the whole band so they stuck the band leader over in limbo. Oh, the other big thing is that it is Beatles night, or technically Lennon and McCartney night. Why is this big? This means that you will most likely be able to download Beatles songs on iTunes. So all you people who have refused to purchase any Beatles albums so you can eventually download them, your time is now. You are also most likely an idiot or five years old. For those idiots and five year olds we get to see a video introducing the Beatles. So they list a bunch of things that they drew their inspiration from. Drugs is not left off the list.

Randy just said in reference to the Beatles, "These boys put it down." Sigh.

First up is Syesha "The Bitch" Mercado. I'm still not sold on this nickname. It feels so harsh. Anyway, she will be singing "Got to Get You Into My Life." She wisely did the R&B version of the song. She got off on the wrong foot, but brought it around near the middle. Still nothing to write home about. Simon apparently liked it more than the others. She goes a little nuts. Doesn't this eventually start to get on the other two's nerves. It's become the goal now to win Simon's opinion. If you do that you've succeeded. This seems to be a possible problem with the show.

After the break, we begin with my man Chikezie and a little Q&A. How can you not love this guy? His song of choice will be "She's a Woman." I wonder how many of these arrangements are going to be R&Bish? Ooh he took it back further. He started off bluesy and then unfortunately went rock. Still it stands out, and he did rock it. He has charisma by the bucketfuls.

Next it's my other fantasy contestant Ramiele "Short Round" Malubay. I just hope someone helps her dress this time. She will be singing "In My Life." Hmm. Way to take the wind out of the audience after Chikezie's performance. You can't keep doing ballads every show! You're boring us to- Holy crap! Is the whole audience waving their hands like they just don't care? Who in the audience started this? Are you kidding me? Back to the song. Boooring. She needs to step it up. You can't do this after Chikezie's performance. I'm a little furious with Short Round. She has this great big voice, and does nothing with it. Stop being boring.

Jason "Stoner" Castro is up...to sing next. "If I Fell" is what he chose to sing tonight. Maybe his nickname should be Coffee Shop. He needs to spice it up too. Do something other than this acoustic coffee shop shtick. Oh, and the judges might know their music well enough, but me and bunch of other people know you covered Buckley's version of "Hallelujah." Not saying it was wrong, but fess up and don't rely on the judges ignorance.

Carly "The Ringer" Smithson is doing a little Q&A with Seacrest. Her tattoo is a bit distracting. I love girls with tattoo that aren't in the middle of the lower back, but it's just a bit distracting. She will be performing "Come Together" which is what I thought Cruella would pick to sing. I would be thrilled if The Ringer picked this song knowing it's probably the only song Cruella can sing. We need some controversy. Well controversy that actually has to deal with the show. She said she was going to change it up, but I'm not so sure she changed it up enough. The crowd ate it up. Randy says "Stellar!" All three judges loved it. She's good, but did you see that tattoo?

David "TBD but I'm leaning toward something involving emo" Cook is our next performer. Will he be playing guitar once again? How badly is hoping for Weezer night? Does his mother even like his hair? In case you haven't noticed, that collar on his coat is huge! His song is "Elanor Rigby." Apparently no guitar tonight he thinks it would be too much for the song. If guitar would be overkill, why is there crunching guitar in the chorus? Why is he singing like he needs a guitar? Simon calls it brilliant. Brilliant? He emoed the song up. Decent but not brilliant. Brooke "Goody Two Shoes" White is next after the break.

Goody Two Shoes will be singing "Let it Be" which is exactly what I thought she would sing. I know she doesn't have the strongest voice but I love the crack in it. You're right Paula. I have fallen in love with her. You're right Simon. She is believable. I'm no longer scared. I love Brooke White and her scratchy voice.

David Hernandez will be singing "I Saw Her Standing There." I do wonder how him being a former nude stripper at a gay club has gotten him kicked off the show in this post-Timberlake/Janet Super Bowl fiasco. Haven't people been disqualified for less on this show? He says he's going to "work the stage." [Insert Stripper Joke Here] Yeah this isn't so good. We've had numerous out of the American Idol box performances, and this falls into your typical Idol performance. Overdid it? He just stunk. Rabbit in the headlights is actually a correct term. I believe it is the British version of deer in the headlights.

Amanda "Cruella" Overmeyer is in the Q&A seat, and they actually did something with her hair. Did they have to tranquilizer her, so they could do it? She will be howling "You Can't Do That." This is the first time she's ever heard it, which must mean The Ringer took her song, right? It's smart to Elvis the song up. Ok, they just cut to what is labeled as "Amanda's Family and Friend." I'm assuming the friend must be the frightening Blue Brother/Homicidal Maniac wearing the sunglasses. Excuse me sir could you leave? You are scaring the crap out of the audience. She did better than I thought she would do. Nice Paula and Simon have a nasty little spat. She actually seems to be enjoying herself. Apparently there are three more contestants to perform. Really? That many? Ugh.

Michael "Tiny Dancer" Johns is putting his Australian accent to good use. If he wins, who will be more excited? Will it be Georgia where he lived most of his years in the US, or will it be Australia? My guess is Australia. If he wins, he's going back to Australia to celebrate. The same can be said for The Ringer. Are they not allowed to say The Beatles? Do they have to say Lennon and McCartney? They haven't said Beatles all night have they? In fact they have gone out of their way to not say it. Anyway, he will be singing "Across the Universe." Stop waving your damn hands audience or you will lose them. Not fantastic but better than he's been the last couple weeks. Simon can't even remember these contestants names, and doesn't even try to hide it.

Kristy Lee "Headlights" Cook is here to display her assets. She's the "Legs" of last season, only she's accentuating the um...top half? Sorry trying to be somewhat delicate here. She will be changing "Eight Days a Week" into a country song. Can't wait to hear this. Oh...Dear...Lord. None of them can like this crap. I'm not torn Randy. It sucked. Simon calls it "Dolly Parton on Helium." That fits Simon. To clean that out of our ears, we at least have David "Teen Beat" Archuleta to conclude the night. Of course he could make us all want slit our wrists with another depressing song.

"Teen Beat" will be singing "We Can Work it Out." Of course he will be doing the Stevie Wonderish version. Oops. Oops. Oops. That's how many times he forgot the lyrics, at least. He died up there. It was a train wreck. In fact it was one of the worst performances tonight. Is he still The Chosen One?

To wrap up this night, Chikezie and Goody Two Shoes were the top performers in my opinion. Headlights and Teen Beat had the worst performance. Headlights will be going home.