American Idol Recap

Are you like me kids? Are you still dealing with the loss of Chikezie? I certainly am. There is nothing I'm looking forward to now. Sigh. Is there nothing that could reinvigorate my interest in this show? The only thing I could think of is if some blond bombshell legend of country music would show up to mentor these young hopefuls. Wait? You say it's Dolly Parton night? I'm in. I would like to predict now that The Bitch's song choice will be "I Will Always Love You," and it will be the Whitney Houston version, and the judges will not like it because no contestant should ever do a Whitney Houston song. I'm surprised they haven't learned this yet. Whitney is always a bad choice. Also, I would like to think that Chikezie would sing "9 to 5" and bring down the house. You know he would. Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if Talk Box did some emo version of it. Anyway, on with the show.

Oh Seacrest you almost got me with your April Fools joke. Can we be done with April Fools? Does anyone fall for it anymore. Vanna White in the audience. Introductions are made, and the standard "You Kids Don't Know This But Music Has Been Made For Years Before You Were Even Born" video montage introducing us to Dolly Parton. What's the over under on how many contestants will mention that they aren't familiar with Dolly Parton's music? I think the Vegas odds are at 5. I'd go under with 4. Dolly is so sweet.

Brooke White kicks off Dolly night. Can a room contain the sweetness of these two women? She will be doing Jolene. Quote of the night from Brooke: Dolly Parton you know...she is a tiny person but she's huge!" Yes, Brooke we can all see that clearly. Oh you mean "huge" as in a legend. My bad. Jolene is so strongly in Brooke's wheelhouse that I wonder if the judges will knock her for it. I liked her performance nothing spectacular. Randy thought it was alright. Ugh. Brooke just complemented Paula on her hair. Really Brooke? You don't need to do that. I feel dirty now. Simon didn't like it much, but his criticism is about how the band looked? Again, we need new judges. I think she should have worn the outfit you wore to perform for Dolly. I haven't been a fan of Brooke's last few performance outfits.

So is Talk Box the new favorite? I know Teen Beat has his large creepy teen girl/grandmother fan base, but I have to think those outside that cult have be leaning toward Talk Box. He will be performing his own arrangement of "Little Sparrow." To repeat he will not be doing a cover of a cover song. Dolly likes him, but I think she will be liking everyone tonight. Randy gives it a "hot." Paula likes his haircut. Simon doesn't think it's as good as last week, but good. Simon has something against songs about birds.

Short Round is up. Dolly thinks she's adorable. Who is dressing Short Round? This is another mediocre performance and another awful outfit. Oh she's singing "Do I Ever Cross Your Mind." Randy thought it was aiight. Paula really liked it. Simon calls it forgettable. Which it is.

In the coke hot seat, is Stoner. Seacrest is showing fan mail that is all from the same girl. Yeah, this bit is going to go well. Seacrest reads one of them which comes across as slightly innocent slightly crazy. It goes along the lines of Stoner's voice being relaxing, and she listens to him to relax. Which is good because it's tough work building a life size model of Stoner out of road kill. He will be doing "Travellin' Through," which Dolly thinks is little outside of his box. If it involves him just sitting there strumming a guitar it's not out of his box. Ok, so he's standing and not sitting. It has a nice vibe to it. Randy thinks it's pretty good. I didn't think his voice sounded as good. I don't think it was as bad as Simon is claiming it to be. I really wonder what he was listening to.

The Ringer will be singing "Here You Come Again." Dolly thinks she killed it. It seems right down Ringer's alley. I guess I should point out it's been basically an acoustic night. The Ringer's performance is right on par with what is expected. Randy think it will be one of the better performances tonight. Again Simon goes along the good but not great line. Simon throws out that he thinks she needs someone to dress better. Which is true, but ouch. Why doesn't he say it to Short Round too? Does he think The Ringer can handle the criticism?

I'm not completely familiar with the lyrics of "Smoky Mountain Memories," but I'm sure they must have to deal with the awful state the world is in and how we need to help each other. Why do I think that? Because that's the song Teen Beat chosen for tonight. I'm tired of this kid/robot. Dolly quivered a little listening to Teen Beat sing. Again another slow song. I want range in my performers, and this kid doesn't have it. I wonder if Simon simply has a problem with all the Jesus being sung in the songs? Randy calls it performance of the night. Paula loved it. Simon did too. Get over him people.

This might be Headlights night. She is country. Her song selection is "The Coat of Many Colors." This is her night right? She has to knock it out! Simon's going to hate this song. Eh. Randy liked it. Paula thinks it's her best performance. Simon thinks it's pleasant but forgettable. I'm with Simon.

After the break The Bitch will be singing...Yes!..."I Will Always Love You." So predictable. Heaven's forbid you actually sing a country song. Oooh she's sitting on the piano. Dolly claims that The Bitch's version is more a combination of the Whitney version and Dolly's versions. The arrangement is a little off to me. She can sing well. Randy thinks she did aiight. He still can't hear anyone else sing that song but Whitney. I'm sure Dolly will love to hear that Randy. Paula loved it. Simon liked the first half but wasn't as much a fan of the last half. Again I agree. The two halves didn't mesh well. Who's left to sing? Oh Tiny Dancer. I have no clue what he will be singing. Can't someone do "9 to 5?"

The last song of the night will be "It's All Wrong, But It's All Right." Dolly was his first concert. You can tell he's clearly a true fan. This is I think makes a difference. Ok, he nailed the hell out of that. My favorite performance of the night. Randy loved it. Paula babbles on for ever even though she said it would be quick, and my Tivo cuts out. So I assume Simon must have liked.

So, it was an OK night. No 9 to 5. Tiny Dancer had the performance of the night. I think The Bitch will go home tomorrow night, but she doesn't deserve to. Short Round should probably go home.