American Idol Recap

This American Idol recap is not actually live this time. It's been delayed because Back to the Future was being shown in glorious HD. Thank goodness for DVR's. Anyway, tonight we are down to single digits with 9 contestants left after Sideshow Chunk correctly got booted from the show. The special guest this evening is the legendary Tony Bennett. Mr. Bennett's first comment about our "singers" is "They are all very competent." Which is short hand for "These kids think they can sing, but I pass gas that sounds better than them." Actually, Mr. Bennett is clearly too nice of a guy to say such a crass thing. It does lead me to wonder what Sinatra would be like if he was the coach for American Idol. It'd make a good Phil Hartman as Sinatra sketch on SNL. I miss Phil.

Our first performer for the night is CCM. He will be performing "Jack the Knife." Mr. Bennett tells the punk to remember what the song is about. It is a song about a killer. CCM of course doesn't show any clue to what the song is about as he bounces around and sings blankly. You can do something different with a dark song like that and just turns it into a bland vanilla performance. He's all vanilla. And he didn't listen to Mr. Bennett.

Do we know what charity it is that American Idol is giving back to? Every time Seacrest mentions it he just says "the charity." I can't wait to see some 60 Minutes piece on "the charity" actually going to something like Paula's collection of Jack Daniels bottles.

Next up is Midnight Oil who will be singing "Night and Day." Mr. Bennett wants him to put some beat behind his performance. Of course, Midnight Oil doesn't listen. Are they all that stubborn or arrogant to not take Mr. Bennett's advice. He does ok. Again, no real emotion invested in the lyrics. This is why someone like Bobblehead-What? Paula just said Midnight Oil is like a young Sinatra. Can't she be shot for something like that? I like Simon's funeral line. Which makes Midnight Oil's line that he was thinking of his wife even more awkward.

Bobblehead is up with "I've Got Rhythm." I'm certain she's really this nice, but I'm so sick to death of her surprise look at every compliment. It is always eye go wide, she say "oh," hand is raised to her chest and she takes half a step back. It happens every time, and it's driving me nuts. I'm surprised there isn't a compilation of that look on YouTube. Yeah, she nailed it. There's no doubt she's the best singer, and can actually convey the lyrics in her performance. I still think her lack of a neck will hurt her, (the short straight hair helps I think) and perhaps she's too good. Big Momma isn't even in her league.

The Other Chris is really riding the Timberlake wannabe angle. "Don't Get Around Much Anymore" is what he will butcher tonight. So thin and so flat. He bores me. Somehow Randy and Paula really liked it. Paula even used the phrase "artistic integrity." Simon even liked it. Maybe, his voice just grates on me, but I can't stand any of his performances.

Jordin will try to hold onto her spot as the dark horse with a little "On a Clear Day." She does well. I think Simon is just aching to be negative, and incorrectly nitpicks her performance. I think she's the solid number three. I'm glad she stopped doing that heart signal with her hands. That drove me nuts.

This is going to be a tough night I think for Gina Jett. She will be singing "Smile." I always think sitting is a bad idea when performing. I'm bored. Randy and Paula are deaf. It seems she realizes she's being, like Simon said, out sung by these other ladies, but to keep her going she keeps telling herself there are different vocal styles for each person. The problem is she doesn't believe herself. At this point I don't care if she gets voted off, because Sideshow Chunk's dismissal last week means that Dominic is the loser once again this year at Fantasy Idol. This is two years in a row Dom has come in last. His punishment is he has to now bake cookies for everyone. With Dom out I don't care if Gina is booted. I just didn't want to be last and have to bake cookies.

Mr. Bennett loves The Indian Barry Gibb. Nobody is immune to his charm. I'm not immune to his sister's charm. Who they don't show during his performance. Oh he's singing "Cheek to Cheek." If I have to listen to him sing, I should get to baffle at how he could have sister that cute. Of course, everybody has now given up on actually criticizing him, and just accepting him now. It's like they are at the end of the five stages of grief.

Legs is up next, and she is still going with her legs as a selling point. She added the cleavage to the mix tonight. "Ain't Misbehavin'" is clearly the song she should be singing. Legs does as well as legs can do. The judges seem to treat her like they do Indian Barry Gibb. They know she's barely getting by on her looks. I think she's gone next week. There can't be a bunch of teenage boys watching this and voting for her.

Wait. Ryan O'Neal is playing a killer father on Bones? Tacky.

We wrap up this show with Big Momma and "Stormy Weather." I don't know how many more of these I can do. I've become bored on the whole process. It's the same thing every time. They need to shake this up somehow. Bobblehead kicks everyone's behind, and Jordin and Big Momma pick up the scraps. I know CCM is going to sneak into the final. I'm just in the depression stage about it. Also, if somehow the Indian Barry Gibb really wins this, that's the end of American Idol right? It will officially become a joke then won't it?

Now time to wash away this aftertaste with the season premiere of The Shield, the best show on television.