American Idol Recap (How The Hell Am I Supposed To Make Jokes Edition?)

Tonight is part one of the Idol Gives Back week which makes me feel like I need to temper my sarcasm and jokes. I'm so going to be struggling with this tonight. Apparently 10 cents of each vote goes to a charity for the first 50 million votes. For those that struggle with math, Seacrest is kind enough to tell us that is 5 million dollars. Also, Bono will be the mentor. I know this is for charity, but would you ever picture Bono doing something like this 15 - 20 years ago? This isn't like Live Aid. This is a mediocre talent competition.

Anyway, we now get a video of Simon and Seacrest's trip to Africa. See, I would immediately make a joke here about the fact that they only sent the two white guys to Africa, but I can't because it's for charity. I feel handcuffed. See Simon and Seacrest are walking around seeing the inhumane conditions these people are living in. Simon and Seacrest are sitting in a shack talking to a 12 year old boy that takes care of his family because his parents are dead. What this reminds me of is the Ricky Gervais bit he did for the ONE charity.



Now I feel guilty. The video ends and now it's back to American Idol! How jarring is that? I'm all befuddled. Let's try to get through this.

The Other Chris kicks things off with Clapton's "Change the World." He does fine for having a voice that grates on my nerves. All the judges really liked it. I thought Bono was the mentor? Where's Bono. Simon states that the competition really begins now.

Before Bobblehead performs, we now get to see where in the US Idol will also be giving back to? Ah Randy went back to his home state of Louisiana. Paula went to mobile health unit? Simon and Seacrest go to Africa. Randy goes to New Orleans. Paula goes to a mobile health unit. Come one Paula! You can do better than that.

Here's Bobblehead with "There Will Come a Day" by Faith Hill. Oh, the songs choices tonight are songs of inspiration. Maybe Midnight Oil will do the theme song from Hair? I'm allowed to make bad bald jokes I'm bald..ing. Again, no Bono. They've finally figured out how to dress her. She's looked good that last few weeks. Oh yeah. She nailed the song. It seems a shame she probably won't win. Nobody can touch her vocally.

Back from the break, and CCM will be singing Lennon's "Imagine." Not exactly a singer's song. I guess I should point out that each contestant has said something sentimental about their song choice and how its message connects with Idol Gives Back. CCM whispers his way through, and I'm bored. He bores me. Hmm. Because he sang with sincerity he gets a pass. The judges can't even be critical because it's Idol Gives Back.

We now get to see Seacrest at a feed center in Africa. This is one of the things the money donated will help build.

Big Momma will be singing "I Believe" by Fantasia. Isn't Fantasia an Idol winner? Big Momma needs help in picking songs. There are better songs than this. You shouldn't be allowed to sing a song by a previous Idol winner. She gets bland marks from the judges.

Midnight Oil is solid for the second week in a row. He sings "The Change" by Garth Brooks.

Simon at a pantry, Second Harvest, that gives out food to those that need it in the US. Again, no Paula.

Jordin closes out the night with "You'll Never Walk Alone." Jordin keeps pace with Bobblehead with a solid performance. It's between Jordin and Bobblehead now with Jordin winning because she's cuter. Midnight Oil or The Other Chris are going home. Maybe Big Momma because I think people are tired of her and her divaness.

Tomorrow I guess Bono will be mentoring even though it's the show where they find out the votes? That makes no sense. What else makes no sense is that tomorrow's show will have a bunch of famous people singing for charity and then we crush the dreams of one of the contestants. Is that how they are formatting tomorrow? This Idol Gives Back should have been scheduled at the end of the competition. This night has totally thrown me off my game.