American Idol Recap (What Happens When Someone Who Can't Sing Coaches People Who Can't Sing Edition)

Here we are again kids. I'm out of the Idol fantasy but I'm still back here with another recap. Why? Jennifer Lopez is the coach tonight, and I'm pretty certain she will not give any advice on one of the contestants' vocals. I'm betting that attitude will be the theme word for tonight. Of course this probably is a big boost to the contestants. How can it not be when they can all sing better than the person coaching them? Anyway on with the show.

Apparently, Ms. Lopez is a huge fan of the show, but won't say who her favorites are. I guess US Magazine has their cover story now. How would they investigate this? Would they go as far as to bug her phone? Maybe they would call her up pretending to be a pollster or something. Who am I kidding she doesn't answer her own phone.

We kick things off with Bobblehead singing Sway. Lopez seems genuinely excited when she says she sang this song too. I'm sure running through Bobblehead's mind is, "Yeah, but I'm not using three computers and five engineers to make me sound good." Well this is the best Bobblehead has looked on the show I think. Not quite as saucy as this song should be. Randy and the drunkette love her, but Simon didn't like it so much. I don't buy his continuous complaints this season that contestants aren't acting their age while performing certain songs. I think he's stretching to find something wrong. Was it her best? No. Still can guarantee it's better then two thirds of the people that will sing tonight. Nice that Bobblehead even called him out on wanting to say something bad. She's growing on me. This look tonight helps. She need to keep away from those odd patterns.

ok that Sony cam commercial with the parents bathing their twenty year old son in the sink is easily one of the creepiest commercials ever. I hope I never have to see that thing again.

Apparently they are going back to back with the big voices. Big Momma is in the viewer question chair. Big Momma throws out the "I've got a baby" card. So I'm two for two. Ms. Lopez just showed Big Momma how to move to the song. I'm betting Big Momma's going to have a little problem at the end of this song if she moves too much. Oh she's singing "Conga." Wouldn't Gloria Estefan be a better choice for Latin night? She could use the boost in CD sales. Simon and Paula agree for the one time this season. It was a safe song vocally, but it probably had to be with her moving around and stuff.

Way to screw me over Ms. Lopez. You just had to tell The Other Chris to go a up a key. Why do they keep giving him good marks. His voice drives me up the wall. Am I alone in this? His voice is awful isn't it?

In case you didn't know Drive premieres next Sunday on FOX! Can they promo this show enough times that we actually hate it before actually seeing it?

So Legs is up now to sing "Turn the Beat Around." Wow, her skirt/shorts keep getting shorter and shorter. Her vocals still are thin. Simon calls her on her tactic to wear the least amount of clothing as possible and hope her enthusiasm gets her through. I'm not complaining, but she's gone tomorrow night. Her outfit wasn't the best either. It showed her legs but it still wasn't that flattering and she needs to stick with the long curly hair. Hmm. Can a TV show make you gay? I bet there's a Bob Jones study somewhere that says yes.

Midnight Oil is on the clock. Tonight he will be singing "Maria, Maria." The pickings can't be this thin for Latin night can they? Two Santana songs? Goose pimples? Who the hell calls them goose pimples? Two cracks in his performance. Don't kiss Simon's ass Midnight Oil. He played the I have a daughter card too with his my daughter named a stuffed animal after Simon. I'd bet that whole story is all bullshit. Except for the daughter part.

Who watches this Are you Smarter than a Fifth Grader show?

Jordin with no nickname is now going to sing "The Rhythm is Going to Get You." Is Ms. Lopez pissed it's another Gloria Estefan song? It seems like a good time as any to admit that when I got out from under the Bob Jones umbrella and listened to the radio at my Mom's house, I listened to this song a lot. Actually, I listened to a lot of Gloria Estefan and the Miami Sound Machine, except for that Bad Boys song it was shit. Anyway, Jordin sings fine it just seem all the upbeat songs tonight don't have that extra something. They come across flat and little slow. I almost want to blame it on the band, but I know better than that.

Making me dislike him even more, CCM has chosen to sing a song by Marc Anthony who is also know as Jennifer Lopez's husband. The song is called "I Need to Know." CCM's tattoos are really just magic marker right? Dammit. Simon called it the best performance of the night, and sadly he's right. Could he actually win? I bet he makes the final two.

Closing out the night is The Indian Barry Gibb. Nice to see his sister made it back this week for the show. It also looks like she found some surfer wannabe for a boyfriend. I bet she never got that many dates and had a classic case of girl doesn't realize how pretty she is till she gets on TV. Now look at her with her cute 10 IQ boyfriend. I bet he says "dude" every other sentence. Indian Barry Gibb is singing some song with Mucho in the title. Ms. Lopez says it's beautiful. It won't be once he's done with it. Holy crap check out the facial hair. I'm beginning to think he might be nothing but a real life Wooly Willy. He's nothing but a completely bald kid and they just cut and paste hair like they want to each week. For Indian Barry Gibb he didn't do half bad.

So another show, another hour gone from my life. Do they still go with the final three once they are down to eight? Clearly, Midnight Oil and Legs will be in the bottom, but who will be the third? I'm at a lost. I'm guessing it's The Other Chris.