Snobfest 2007: Year in Review

Have you wondered where I've been? Did you think I went on a mission to rid the world of the SEC? Perhaps I became a professional fantasy football player after winning my championship even though I had Willie Parker as running back in the championship game? Some of you probably thought I started my own Celebrity Death handicapping business since I won my Celebrity Death Pool. (Special thanks to Brooke Astor, Lady Bird Johnson, and Dan Fogelberg for their help in making it happen.) Maybe I started touring with a rock band or a Rock Band band? Could I have given up all my worldly possessions and wandered the planet like the Hulk? Sadly, the answer to all of those is: No.

What I have been doing is working on the always loved and partially skimmed through Snobfest. Before we begin though let us look back, briefly, to what happened in 2007.

January:

My Xbox 360 caught the Red Ring of Death.

Ohio State got crushed by an SEC team.

I pulled off the movie trifecta with: Children of Men, Dreamgirls and Pan's Labyrinth.

I gave birth to this:

For a moment I would like to point out how disappointed I am with all these "strike" beards that talk show hosts and others are sporting like a badge of courage. There is no courage in growing a beard. Beards are easy. You can grow one just out of laziness. They cover half your face with no real embarrassment. A mustache takes real courage. You have to make a mustache happen.



And in a moment of complete boredom I made this:



February:

I had my wisdom teeth removed and was fine the next day.

That's all that happened.

March:

Larry "Bud" Melman and Brad Delp pass away. This made March a very sad month.

My readership triples with American Idol recaps.

I wrote the following on March 30, 2007:

"The Indians will beat the Yankees in the ALDS and then lose to the Red Sox in the ALCS. This will reinforce the Red Sox as the second most hated team in baseball."

April:

Lou Piniella loses it and a Cubs pitcher and catcher beat the crap out of each other. Surprisingly, the team improves.

Jennie and Inga visited!

I become addicted to playing a toy guitar.

May:

We learn that the American Idol producers have gotten lazy in trying to hide how rigged their show is.

Anne Marie graduates from college. I get to see how dirty hippies live.

Mandy and I learn that there are squirrels in Arizona that have the bubonic plague! People are apparently fine with this.

Mandy attends her first MLB game.

I began going to have my ass massaged legally through physical therapy.

June:

After months of taking Enbrel, 90% of the psoriasis is gone. I have no complications other than the expected baby arm. I stop wearing a hat. Cats and dogs start living together which is soon followed by mass hysteria.

Tony Soprano dies or doesn't. We will never know. Do you realize that? We will never know! Half of America rationalized themselves into believing this is OK.

The inaugural Movies That Suck Sunday is held.

July:

I become addicted to physical therapy.

The love between bobby and I is tested when we disagree about the movie, The Lookout.

The love is healed by the power of rock and roll and crappy movies when Movies that Suck Sunday II is held.

August:

Anne Marie moves to LA. There is much rejoicing.

My Xbox 360 contracts the Red Ring of Death, again, in the same year. There is much damning.

The Cubs are actually in a pennant race. I lose a year of my life for every game played from here on out.

September:

I join the Reading to Kids program.

The Cubs make the playoffs.

October:

The Cubs are swept out of the playoffs.

I quit smoking

Writers threaten to strike over new media residuals.

I tire of talking about the strike.

The Indians beat the Yankees in the ALDS and then lose to the Red Sox in the ALCS. The Red Sox become the second most hated team in baseball.

November:

Writers strike. Nobody outside of LA and NY really notices.

I rocked them all!

People outside of LA and NY think the writer's strike is over. It's not.

December:

I sit on my ass... a lot.

Christmas in Ohio.

Most of my family wakes up at 6:30 in the morning to go to an Irish Pub to see my Tottenham Hotspurs play Assenal on TV. Perhaps the greatest day of 2007 even though they lost.

January 2008:

Half of LA is still jobless.

Ohio State got crushed by an SEC team. Buckeyes are only halfway to becoming the collegiate Buffalo Bills.